Right face, wrong time
I have had a headache for the last three days or so. It only goes away for about an hour or so after I drink some caffine. Speaking of which...oh man, that shit works fast. The problem with this is of course that the more soda I drink, the longer I stay up, and the longer I stay awake, the more caffine I need to keep the headache away. It kind of sucks.
I don't really know why I started this post, it doesn't seem like I had anything I really wanted to say. I just sort of feel like writing something, I suppose. I sometimes feel bad for people when I start writing posts like these because they often go on for a really long time and lead nowhere.
I keep daydreaming about what I'm going to do after college. of course, as they are daydreams, I'm always increadably sucessful right out of college doing whatever I feel like doing. It's nice to think of myself as a sucess, but I don't really feel all that confident right now. Not because I don't think I could be, but rather because I don't really know what the hell I am going to try to do. I've been thinking lately that I may go and try to get into some sort of movie making business. Because I love movies, and hate most everything else. So it makes sense that I should start making them myself. But I don't really know if I can act, I mean, maybe I can a little, I don't know, I havn't really acted since Jr. High. So then I think something behind the scenes, but if I am bad at writing stories, I am horrible at writing screen plays. I can't do it for the life of me. I'm good at coming up with ideas for movies, so I got to thinking some job where I get to just sit around in a room full of writers and tell them my ideas and make them work out all the little details like "dialog" and "plot." But since I don't know if such a job exists, I thought maybe I would want to be a director. And then when I make some money be a producer or something. That'd be pretty cool. I always have a lot of great ideas about how movies should be directed, but I don't know if I would actually be able to do it all that well, but I suppose I could learn. When I watch movies lately I've noticed I pay a lot more attention to the direction and the lights and what not. So maybe if I just "studied" (watched) a lot more movies I would get a pretty good idea of how to do it. I'd also kind of like to work on a TV show. I know these are all just pipe dreams now, but maybe after college if I still want to do it I can go and try to get a job interning at some studio or something. I don't know. I don't really have much direction in my life right now (ha).
I passed a guy at school today that was probably 55-65 (he had grey hair, but he didn't look super old, so I don't really know) and I was just a little freaked out. Not by him, really, but because his hair was about as long as mine, he had a large grey goatee, he was holding a cigarette in the same hand as me at the same angle. We passed with barely a glance, but I thought, "my god, it's like looking into the future." and, I thought, he must have been thinking "its like looking into the past."
Philosophy as a subject kind of pisses me off. At least the part I am studying now. Its just nonsense. I mean, I get what they are saying, and I get why they are saying it, to an extent, but it almost seems like a waste of time. Maybe I don't understand it well enough yet, but my initial reaction hasn't been increadably positive. That being said, I think I'll take a lot more philosophy classes before I'm out of college. I know I just said they piss me off, but I'm still interested. I think I'm still adjusting to it, and thus my distaste for it. We'll see if I still feel the same way at the end of the semester, but right now it feels like it is pissing me off because its so far gone from what i am used to when I think of philosophy. if i do acquire more of a taste for it, then i will go back for more. but if it stays the same as it is now, i probably wont.
I also want to take more english classes, because in my class today I realized that there were 14 females to 6 males. And most of the girls are pretty damn good looking. I have a suspicion that maybe they are in the education program, there seem to be a lot of people that study english that are in the education department, and although I know more males in the education program than females, i still think of the education classes as having a higher female to male ratio. But i could be wrong, I really dont know. But if that is inncorrect, then english must appeal more to girls than guys, which I thought may be because guys seem to be more interested in hard sciences and girls are maybe more interested in art and what not. it seems likely. i dont know what the point of this paragraph was.
You know, i've been contemplating why I don't have a girlfriend and I came to the conclusion that I'm not really sure that I want one right now. I mean, I always say I do, and think I do, but I wonder if I really wanted one, wouldn't I be more, I don't know, gung ho about it? I mean, I never really go after girls, only the occasional one that I find particularly attractive. or if I am particularly lonely at the moment I meet her. But I think somewhere deep down behind layers of emotional damage is a layer of me that feels some particular need to kind of make a solo journey right now. Not completely solo, I mean, i still need friends, but friends are able to have much more lucid relationships than the whole boyfriend/girlfriend one, there just not as complicated. I think really I don't want a girlfriend because that would force me into a situation I am ill suited to be in right now. It sounds nice, but I don't think its really for me right now. I don't know, its hard to explain. I mean, I could explain it, but that would take time and get into too many layers of aforementioned damage. And we don't want that.
I was thinking about going out tommorow and buying a new coat. I like this blue one I wear all the freaking time, but its a little small, especially in the sleves, and a little in the shoulders. I know its sort of late in the season for new coat buying, but I havn't boat a new coat for like two years. And I used to buy new coats constantly, really, I did, I have a whole pile of them in my closet in fallon. Which makes me think maybe I should just go get one of those ones, but I havn't had a coat that really fit me perfectly for a long time, so thats what makes me think I want to get one that really fits right. That'd be nice.
I think this is the end. I'll check.... yep, it is.
I don't really know why I started this post, it doesn't seem like I had anything I really wanted to say. I just sort of feel like writing something, I suppose. I sometimes feel bad for people when I start writing posts like these because they often go on for a really long time and lead nowhere.
I keep daydreaming about what I'm going to do after college. of course, as they are daydreams, I'm always increadably sucessful right out of college doing whatever I feel like doing. It's nice to think of myself as a sucess, but I don't really feel all that confident right now. Not because I don't think I could be, but rather because I don't really know what the hell I am going to try to do. I've been thinking lately that I may go and try to get into some sort of movie making business. Because I love movies, and hate most everything else. So it makes sense that I should start making them myself. But I don't really know if I can act, I mean, maybe I can a little, I don't know, I havn't really acted since Jr. High. So then I think something behind the scenes, but if I am bad at writing stories, I am horrible at writing screen plays. I can't do it for the life of me. I'm good at coming up with ideas for movies, so I got to thinking some job where I get to just sit around in a room full of writers and tell them my ideas and make them work out all the little details like "dialog" and "plot." But since I don't know if such a job exists, I thought maybe I would want to be a director. And then when I make some money be a producer or something. That'd be pretty cool. I always have a lot of great ideas about how movies should be directed, but I don't know if I would actually be able to do it all that well, but I suppose I could learn. When I watch movies lately I've noticed I pay a lot more attention to the direction and the lights and what not. So maybe if I just "studied" (watched) a lot more movies I would get a pretty good idea of how to do it. I'd also kind of like to work on a TV show. I know these are all just pipe dreams now, but maybe after college if I still want to do it I can go and try to get a job interning at some studio or something. I don't know. I don't really have much direction in my life right now (ha).
I passed a guy at school today that was probably 55-65 (he had grey hair, but he didn't look super old, so I don't really know) and I was just a little freaked out. Not by him, really, but because his hair was about as long as mine, he had a large grey goatee, he was holding a cigarette in the same hand as me at the same angle. We passed with barely a glance, but I thought, "my god, it's like looking into the future." and, I thought, he must have been thinking "its like looking into the past."
Philosophy as a subject kind of pisses me off. At least the part I am studying now. Its just nonsense. I mean, I get what they are saying, and I get why they are saying it, to an extent, but it almost seems like a waste of time. Maybe I don't understand it well enough yet, but my initial reaction hasn't been increadably positive. That being said, I think I'll take a lot more philosophy classes before I'm out of college. I know I just said they piss me off, but I'm still interested. I think I'm still adjusting to it, and thus my distaste for it. We'll see if I still feel the same way at the end of the semester, but right now it feels like it is pissing me off because its so far gone from what i am used to when I think of philosophy. if i do acquire more of a taste for it, then i will go back for more. but if it stays the same as it is now, i probably wont.
I also want to take more english classes, because in my class today I realized that there were 14 females to 6 males. And most of the girls are pretty damn good looking. I have a suspicion that maybe they are in the education program, there seem to be a lot of people that study english that are in the education department, and although I know more males in the education program than females, i still think of the education classes as having a higher female to male ratio. But i could be wrong, I really dont know. But if that is inncorrect, then english must appeal more to girls than guys, which I thought may be because guys seem to be more interested in hard sciences and girls are maybe more interested in art and what not. it seems likely. i dont know what the point of this paragraph was.
You know, i've been contemplating why I don't have a girlfriend and I came to the conclusion that I'm not really sure that I want one right now. I mean, I always say I do, and think I do, but I wonder if I really wanted one, wouldn't I be more, I don't know, gung ho about it? I mean, I never really go after girls, only the occasional one that I find particularly attractive. or if I am particularly lonely at the moment I meet her. But I think somewhere deep down behind layers of emotional damage is a layer of me that feels some particular need to kind of make a solo journey right now. Not completely solo, I mean, i still need friends, but friends are able to have much more lucid relationships than the whole boyfriend/girlfriend one, there just not as complicated. I think really I don't want a girlfriend because that would force me into a situation I am ill suited to be in right now. It sounds nice, but I don't think its really for me right now. I don't know, its hard to explain. I mean, I could explain it, but that would take time and get into too many layers of aforementioned damage. And we don't want that.
I was thinking about going out tommorow and buying a new coat. I like this blue one I wear all the freaking time, but its a little small, especially in the sleves, and a little in the shoulders. I know its sort of late in the season for new coat buying, but I havn't boat a new coat for like two years. And I used to buy new coats constantly, really, I did, I have a whole pile of them in my closet in fallon. Which makes me think maybe I should just go get one of those ones, but I havn't had a coat that really fit me perfectly for a long time, so thats what makes me think I want to get one that really fits right. That'd be nice.
I think this is the end. I'll check.... yep, it is.