RP LOG with gr8muppetyodin | More revelations
It was a strangely quiet night in general, and after his satisfying encounter with Ros a little earlier, Blaise was actually feeling relaxed for the first time in a long time. He was in his games room with one of his close colleagues and they were having a game of Snooker together at Blaise's large and ornate table. There was an expensive bottle of French red wine from one of Blaise's own wineries in the country sitting open on a table nearby and Blaise sipped from a glass as he leant on his cue, watching as his friend took an extremely abysmal shot and basically won the game for Blaise. With a mocking laugh, and a pointed few teasing comments in French to his friend, Blaise easily sunk the remaining balls and then flipped his friend off with a wink. Business rarely came into the conversation at times like this. Blaise had the ability to be relaxed and social when he felt like it. He just chose to stick close to home and play gracious host to Ros and her entourage rather than going into the infamously Kindred nightclub in the backstreets of Paris. In fact, the last time he had been there was the night he had gotten poisoned.
A few moments later, he realised that they were no longer alone, though and he looked over his shoulder, his eyes locking with Buffy's for a few moments. He picked up the bottle of wine and handed it over to his friend with an affectionate pat on the back. "Please, excuse us, mon ami. Take the bottle. Enjoy. I believe Juliette is up in the consevatory. I am sure she would adore your company," he said with a smile and the guy just shrugged, happy to go and leave Blaise alone with Buffy.
Buffy hovered near the doorway before she was sure that Blaise didn't mind her presence, and once the stranger was gone, she moved into the room properly, but kept the Snooker table between them. She offered Blaise a smile before she pointed at the felt covering. "You know, once upon a time, I used to be able to kinda play. There was a table in The Bronze, Sunnydale's nightclub. Although I'm sure it wasn't exactly the same. And probably more like Pool and not Snooker. That always confused me. I could never work out if they were the same or not. I think it's to do with the balls. I just remember you're never supposed to sink the eight ball on the first shot."
Blaise listened to her quietly, his eyes only moving from her to the table once she had finished speaking. "It is not dissimilar to Pool. Where Pool has the number values written on them, in Snooker the balls are merely worth certain points with the colours they are. The aim is to get the most points, so you try to sink the higher valued balls first. At the same time, setting it up so your opponent only has the ability to sink lower scoring balls. Most games have a very simple underlying strategy. It is but a mix of skill and luck at the end of the day. Otherwise it would not be a game. All games balance on chance... even mind games," he told her and placed the cue across the table. "Have you just come from Rory?"
"That Kindred sense kicking in?" Buffy asked with a slightly amused smile. "And yeah, I did. He was the one that stopped me interrupting you're, ah... other meeting before. We just talked for a little while. I also got a call from Willow. She's completed the spells. There's officially no Slayer Army. Just a castle full of girls thinking they've just come to the world's strangest spa retreat. So, um... threat's been neutralised and I am no longer a general. I'd celebrate with some champagne, but I kinda can't indulge. I'd settle for a hug though. If something like that was maybe on the table," she added hopefully. "So what colour ball's worth the most?"
Blaise looked at her in confusion, quirking an eyebrow at her "I have not had any other meetings," he told her, wondering where she had gotten that from. He reached over and picked up the black ball from the pocket he had sunk it in. "Noir. A colour that holds a lot of power in many senses of this world, however the idiots of the world will try to argue it is not a colour at all. Alas, it is a colour that will conceal all others." He paused and looked over at Buffy, a calculating frown on his face. Of course, there was no way he was going to just take her word on that. He would have Ros put her people on investigating that immediately. It could just as much be truth as it could be a trap. He made no move to hug her, though. He kept his distance for the moment and placed the ball back down onto the table. "And how do you feel about that?"
Buffy's expression shifted to one of disappointment when Blaise stayed where he was and she picked up one of the other balls to start tossing it back and forth between her hands. She never had been good at keeping still unless it was required for a hunt. "Your 'fangy porn queen'. His words, not mine. I didn't actually hear any of it, but Rory heard enough. At first I think he actually thought it was me in there with you until I bumped right into him when he tried to retreat. So that meeting. I was just trying to be a bit polite. Alright, so noir is the most powerful. Do you still have to avoid potting it to start with, or is it okay to get it on the first shot?" She bit down on her lip as she studied the rest of the balls on the table. "I feel... relieved. I feel like I finally got something right even if it was actually all Willow's doing. She's the witch, not me."
Blaise had to take a moment to amuse himself with how Ros would feel being called that, and it took all his effort not to laugh out loud. He merely wet his lips with a hint of a smirk and cleared his throat. "The Scottish Prince is here," he revealed, and it really didn't need much more explanation than that. If the two Princes wanted to hang from the rafters dressed as chickens, no one would bother questioning it. "The Buchanans are of her realm, she has an interest in this event, whatever way it turns. If Logan is turned, she may well wish to spend time with him herself. It is not uncommon for Princes to occasionally invest in certain members of their City, ex-Patriot or otherwise. The balls are sunk in a certain way. The lowest first, working up to the highest. So, oui, black is to remain the longest. Do you feel an unrest that the beings you were slaying will now roam free?"
"Ah." Yeah, she really didn't need more explanation than that. She got it. And all the guessing games between her and Rory turned out to be pretty much founded in truth. The Scottish Prince was here, and Blaise had welcomed her with open... teeth. "So, ah... where is she now? What do you really think is gonna happen, Blaise? I mean, with Logan. Do you have any gut feelings? Any guesses? Rory's still pretty much of the opinion he'd rather not have his brother Embraced. It's gonna hurt their folks no matter what. And it's gonna mean Rory and Austin have to keep lying to them. Feel like playing with me? I think I can figure out the rest. I know how to use a cue." Buffy shifted her weight and stopped her hand before it went to her stomach, not exactly wanting to draw anymore attention to the baby elephant in the room. "No, not really. Priorities shift and change. I've shifted and changed. There's still Hunters in the world. There's still Kindred. It's not exactly just my responsibility, is it? Before I was told that it was. That it was all on me. Now I know the truth."
"She is spending time with Airlie. Airlie was taken against her will, she needs certain attentions only a Kindred can give her. Rory did an admirable job with her, however. Despite her lack of control in some instances, she is actually very connected as a Kindred already. It is perhaps a sign of a very placid girl prior to being Embrace. A tragedy that she was, to say the least," Blaise murmured. He bit down on his lip as he analysed Buffy closely for a few moments, a frown of confusion as to what he was feeling settling on his face. "Well, without being told that you would perhaps have been blase as to the responsibility. I would not know. I could not begin to understand the job of a Watcher. Kindred are my speciality. As to Logan, I believe he will ask Aidan to Embrace him at some point, and I believe Aidan is likely to make a turn of doing it in private. Once Logan makes the choice, it is out of our hands. Once Aidan Sires him, he is Aidan's responsiblity. Logan knows too much of us to choose death now. In my honest opinion, even Rory would choose Embrace if he was close enough to death. Have you been with another man, Buffy? I am not asking to fight. I am genuinely getting a very masculine sensation from you. It is not Rory... not quite..." But then his eyes dropped from her face to where she kept touching her stomach and he took a slight step away from her reflexively.
Buffy was frowning in confusion, about to start fighting despite Blaise's disclaimer about the comment, only when she saw his gaze drop to her stomach she just hugged herself tighter. She hated seeing the way he always just wanted to step away and retreat when it came to the baby. She didn't want him to run around and be happy and be the child's second father. She just wanted him to be able to stand to be in the same room as her and touch her without looking like she was kicking him in the balls. "No, I haven't. I haven't been with anyone since... before. I've given up my slutty ways. It was a moment of insanity. But thanks for the leap of faith." She watched him again as she tried not to feel guilty for just standing there, and suddenly realisation dawned and her eyes went wide. "I'm having a boy?!"
"I do not know! Do I look like a doctor?" Blaise huffed with a hint of annoyance. His arms came to be folded protectively across his chest as he just watched her uncertainly, with a vulnerability he really wasn't used to feeling at all. It wasn't like he had any need to be around pregnant women, and if he was, it was usually just in passing or amongst a group of people. He tried not to get frustrated all over again that she wanted to continuously throw sarcasm at him every time he was trying to be honest with her about what he was feeling. Was it any wonder he didn't want to share that with her? He didn't know what he was supposed to be feeling right now, so he just continued to look at her uncertainly.
"I'm sorry," Buffy murmured as she relaxed her stance and pushed her hands over her hair. After hesitating, she rounded the table slowly so that Blaise could keep track of where she was. She kept her hands in plain sight and stopped when there was a small gap between them. "This really couldn't be any more different to how we imagined this going, could it? After that first night I was dreaming about rough, mysterious, sexy encounters. Instead we had a date that ended with you puking up my blood, and just mistake after mistake on my side. And yet... you're still here. Rory's right. You've given me so much, Blaise. And I just... I understand why you don't want to touch me, but I'm still only yours. I might be a mom, but that doesn't mean I can't love someone other than my kid. Doesn't mean I can't comfort someone other than my kid."
As soon as she was close enough to him, Blaise could feel it. She was having a boy. There was no gentle feminine innocence. It wasn't saying Buffy didn't have it, but he deduced that the whole Slayer thing had taken that from her. She was too used to being in a dominant male-oriented world, and Blaise very much analysed in old school ways. He just felt like he wanted to run and hide under his bed or something. A something as simple and untouched by the world as an unborn baby was terrifying him. "I do not know how this is going to work," he admitted to her quietly. He wasn't trying to piss her off or push her away, it was just plain honesty, exactly what he had said to Ros.
Buffy's eyebrows went up slightly. "And you think I do? We both know I'm not the answer girl. I'm the take it head on and just do it girl. I'm not good at just sitting around and thinking about something. I drive myself crazy... and I know I drive you crazy," she offered with an amused smile. "It's okay, you can be honest. I do think that the main point here is that we still want to try and get something between us to work. I'm not ready to give up yet. Are you?" Buffy held his gaze, her green eyes searching for some kind of sign. "Because if you really want me to leave, then I'll leave."
Blaise had come to be looking at her stomach again as she spoke and he had to blink to draw himself out of it when he realised she had stopped talking. "You seem to think I am looking for something a lot more complicated in a relationship than I actually am. I do not know exactly what I have done to indicate that to you, but I apologise for that. I have a complicated life, Buffy. An extremely complicated one. What I look for in love is quite the opposite. I believe that is where we have kept clashing. Maybe you felt you needed to be complicated for me to understand you... I do not know. Not really. I have never quite been misunderstood by someone as much as you before, it is unfamiliar territory," he told her with a faint smirk.
"Yay me for scoring a first, huh?" Buffy offered as she smirked back. She gave a shake of her head. "I don't know, maybe I did? Rory keeps telling me it's not all that complicated and I guess that's what I never really got. I've never really had that. I think I've always created complications because I think that's how it's supposed to be. I don't think it's real if it's simple. And that's totally my fault, I know that. But now I'm actually starting to get it. What I did wanna be though was good enough for you. I wanted to be someone that made you smile when you saw me, or didn't have to flinch when you looked at my stomach. I know the baby thing is so not ideal. Trust me, I do. But we're kinda stuck with it now. I don't need you to raise my kid, okay? I just need you to believe that I'm yours. I can't apologise enough for being such a giant dick about this, and about you. I really can't. I got scared, and it more than backfired. I don't want to be a complication in your complicated life. I want to be the simple part of it."
Blaise rested his tongue between his lips momentarily. "I am a Prince, Buffy. Complications come to me for rectifying. In actuality, I work to keep my personal life as least complicated as I can. Indeed, I feel the opposite. I think the most finest things in life are the simplest. A beautiful rose, a hug from a friend, a good book. When you live as long as I do, you cannot live complicated all the time. It turns you bitter, and angry. Two emotions I try to avoid as much as I can, unless vital." He paused, eyes narrowing a little in thought. "To 'be good enough' for me. That is a very human reaction, Buffy. Something Kindred are less interested it. It is not about being good, or the right stock, although mortals see that as important. For us, it is more connection, natural instinct as to whether someone is right or not. Humans let too many other factors get in the way of that these days. Money, and past, and influences. Buffy, your child is a petite soul in there. I am not flinching at the sight of your stomach, I am getting sensations to back off because I am not part of you. Your bebe is connected to you, even now. It is staking claim on you."
Buffy reached out for Blaise's hand and touched it against her stomach before he could pull away. "Then the baby needs to get used to the fact that you are a part of me. That I want you here, and I want you to touch me and be with me, and let me touch you. That I want to be able to curl up in bed with you and just cuddle. I don't even care about sex right now! I know it won't happen, and I'm okay with that. You can go to your fangy porn queen, or Juliette, or whoever. Because I also know that you're not gonna feed from me, or in front of me. So you may as well just get it all elsewhere until we're both ready. That first night, my instincts were screaming for you. They had it right. It was my head that got in the way and fucked it up. It's exhausting being a human. I'm ready to stop thinking now, okay? Back to the instincts."
Blaise's eyes were intent as he kept them locked on Buffy's face. He wanted to pull his hand away. He couldn't help it being the natural reaction, but he managed to fight the urge this time. The link with Rory was barely there now, so that helped. "We could try," he suggested quietly. He was scared it was all going to go down the toilet, but he was willing to give it another go. "I just need to know what you envisage as this becoming... especially once the child is born."
"If I answer with me walking around in a tiara will you assume I'm not taking this seriously?" Buffy asked him as she kept back the grin for at least a few minutes before it revealed itself and she started to laugh softly. "Look, I'm not gonna ask for us to share a room with the baby in a crib driving you crazy with the crying. I meant it when I said I didn't want you to be the dad. It has a dad, and it's Rory. I'd like for him to stay in Paris, but I know that's not really on the cards if anything happens with Logan. If he goes back to Edinburgh... well, I'm not following. Not if we're really giving us a try. I'm staying here. I guess I see this becoming a lovers thing? I'm not gonna sit around and ride your coat tails. Once the baby's born and I got the childcare covered, then I'm gonna want a job. I'll still want to be as independent as I can without you assuming that means I don't need you at all. Of course I need you. But I need you for me, not for the baby. Just like you need me, not the baby. All I ask is that you accept the fact that the kid's a part of my package. Just like I have to accept that the City is part of yours."
Blaise raised an eyebrow at her. "I would wonder why the hell you wanted a tiara in the first place, to be entirely honest," he admitted. He tilted his head slightly. "You know Rory is going to fight you for custody if you try that. He'll fight you to the end for a child of his. I will not be getting close to the child, Buffy. I must tell you that right now. I will not put what I am in the presence of an innocent enfant. That would go against my whole grain, everything I believe in and what I work to protect with the Masquerade. We are not just about protecting ourselves, we are about protecting humans. That seems ridiculous, I know, but we could be killing our prey. We could be taking babies as mere snacks. But we do not. That is something I really need you to understand for me, without getting your knickers in a twist that I think you are an idiot or hate you."
Buffy released her grip on Blaise's hand so that he could take it away if he wanted to. Only before he could get too far away she stepped in closer to him and slipped her arms around his waist as she rest her head on his chest. "He's struggling with the idea of his kid growing up around Kindred, but I don't think he'll start a war over it. Not if there's nothing to fear. I know you don't want to taint the boy, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't protect him, right? That you wouldn't protect us. Right? I still don't know if Rory will stay here, or not. I really don't. And maybe... maybe the kid should go back with him to Scotland, but I can't not be here. We've had enough trouble making this work even being in the same place. What happens when we go back to separate countries?"
"Those are decisions you should perhaps visit once the child is here. You will feel very differently then." It was a fact Blaise didn't doubt at all. He might not have had any direct contact with babies, but he did know the power of maternal instinct. "Rory is struggling with the idea of Kindred in its entirety. It is is understandable. He had been a target. Unfortunately, not even our Kind are completely immune to defectors and evil minds, just like mortals. Like any race. And protection does not require being near someone. I would have thought that perhaps you would wish to return to your friends in Scotland. But Paris is where I need to be. I can leave, but I must always come back. It is a blood contract you make as Prince."
Buffy bit down on her lip as she nodded the best she could with her cheek squished against him. It still amazed her that she could hear a heartbeat in Blaise's chest when for years she had just heard nothing but silence with Angel, or even Spike. Not to mention the warmth. There was no urge to shiver, or seek solace under blankets. "Did you wind up finding out for sure what had happened there? Maybe he'd feel better once he had some answers. He knows you're one of the good ones, so that's something. No, but there's still something in nice in having big strong arms wrapped around me," Buffy admitted a little sheepishly. "Yeah, about that... I was wondering how you'd feel about Willow and Giles maybe coming here. It's not like there's anything else back for me in Scotland. Just them. Faith can find her own Prince. No way is she getting near mine."
Blaise shook his head. "Not specifically, but then if his wife was Embraced against her will, she could be eluding a lot of attention. Although, according to Rory, she had have had him in her presence for a good few days before she must have gotten cold feet and wiped his memory, drained him, put him in a coma. His acquaintance saw them together in Edinburgh some time after she had disappeared, though Rory has no recollection of that. He only has hints of information, and maybe an inner sensation he had been affected. The thing is, I am wondering if she claimed him. If she did, she may be ailing at this point in time. Unless she has followed him here. In which case, his only release would be claim by another Kindred. We may get him answers, but they may be the last thing he wants to hear." He halted and looked down at her for a few moments. "The Watcher and the witch? Here in my home?"
"I'm kinda guessing Juliette would be jumping at the chance to be that Kindred... Even if he thinks that she's been making eyes at Aidan's Sire. What's his deal anyway? And are Kindred really always this... friendly? I mean, I know being sexy and sex and feeding is part of it all, but now it just feels a little like you guys fuck instead of saying hello. Okay, so if she maybe claimed him, then does that mean the bite thing you did to rid him of the Brujah didn't also shake the claim?" Buffy kept her gaze averted for a long moment as she felt his boring into the top of her head until finally she looked up to meet it. "Currently unemployed Watcher and witch... yes. Father figure and best friend. Librarian and nerd."
"Perhaps, but she hurt him. It is probably something he would not agree to. It would forge the problem of Juliette's vicinity to him them. Perhaps Airlie would be a good option. I do not know, I cannot be sure on the claiming part. It is just a theory. What is the deal with Thomas? Thomas is Ventrue, his taste is people who, shall we say, are of the more promiscuous sort. He must feed from people like him, who see sex as a need rather than a luxury. Sex is literally what he survives on. Anything probably goes, too. I hear orgies are his hobby. It would take someone very unique to hold him to them. Non, all it means is that is all you focus on. Beyond Juliette and Ros, who are you referring to that I greet like that? Ros, in essence, is my female counterpart. I love her, more than I love many things and people of this world. We are forever destined to be separated, however." Blaise shook his head. "I did not claim, Rory. I just drained him and overpowered the Brujah. Nothing more. If I had claimed him, you and I would never be able to be together. Do they know about us?"
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side as she shrugged. "Well, no one. I guess. But look at Ros and Juliette. Okay, I haven't actually seen Ros, but I can imagine and I'd totally do them both. Juliette's beautiful and amazing and Kindred. Hell, I'd even do Airlie but Xander's definitely not gonna let anyone else near her. She seems to be okay with the monogamous sex thing. But before you get your hackles up, I know I'm being irrational. I also still haven't had much of a chance to stake a claim on you, so forgive me, okay? All that matters is that I'd be faithful to you. And I would. I'm not interested in smelling like any other men. Can I also just say... wow. That's Thomas' taste? Seriously... just wow. That's a whole lotta hedonistic living right there, isn't it?" She scrunched up her nose as she even tried to imagine such a lifestyle and then her eyes became unfocused and she hummed when there was a scene that did actually appeal to her. "Good job you didn't claim him then. And they know about you... sort of. They know I'm here because of a guy, and that he's a businessman. I didn't tell them you were Kindred, or the Prince of Paris."
"What has Ros and Juliette's appearances got to do with anything? Or even Airlie's? They are Toreador. Beauty is their strength. It is what evolves and grows during an Embrace when they turn. It is what they use to isolate their prey. I am not exactly following what your point is here, Buffy," Blaise admitted to her uncertainly. He was trying, but all he could pick out was that she was pointing out he liked sex with beautiful women. He was a Ventrue. Of course he did. They liked nothing but the finest. "Indeed. Logan amusingly likened him to a human vibrator. It is a convenient taste. Many people live their lives for sex, and he would not have any issues dominating them." He cleared his throat softly. "Then perhaps you need to spend some time with them. I cannot have them here with no knowledge, Buffy. I will not hide in my own City."
"I just mean... look at them, then look at me. I spend more time in sweatpants these days than anything else. Granted, there's a chance I might be wearing diamonds under the t-shirt, but it's not like I can get dolled up. My boobs hurt, my feet hurt, my back aches, and I eat nothing but ice cream. I'm not Toreador. That's all I'm saying." Her eyebrows went up before she laughed at the apt description. "Those Buchanans really do have a way with words. No, no. It's not that I want to bring them here without them knowing. I want to know if I can tell them everything. If they can come here knowing what and who you are. If you'll let me let them in."
Blaise pressed his lips together and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for her to finish. They had been here before, and he was bored with it. In fact, he wasn't even going to deign it with a response. "Say what you will," was all he was going to offer. "Logan will be a Kindred force to be reckoned with if he gets Embraced. He is like Rory, though more reckless and maybe slightly ruthless under it all. You can tell them, but be sure there will be consequences if the knowledge they gain is used in any way against my Kind. The Masquerade is about dealing with the information correctly. That does not mean we do not remain completely secretive. You know I have many mortals in my trust."
Buffy wanted to kick herself for landing back onto that broken record, and in a way she was relieved when Blaise didn't really respond. She pulled away out of the hug and leaned back against the Snooker table as she stretched her back. "Truth is, I think that's why he scares me a little. With Rory I think I'd know kinda what to expect with a Kindred him. And he really is obsessed with your underwear now. Apparently there's no going back, even after the Ventrue's wearing off. But Logan's MI6. He's gotta be made of some pretty tough stuff. I know you do, but you're still the one who invited them in. I don't want to go telling people without your permission."
"Logan is nothing to be scared off unless he is your enemy. As your ally, I believe he would protect with his life. He is just the sort of blood we would love having in our realms. But again, that is no need to push him to make an incorrect decision. He is a very sharp mind. It is a tragedy that is the part of him that has been attacked," Blaise murmured with a small, regretful shake of his head. "You will perhaps find that Rory's adoration for said undergarments is more to do with how they feel as opposed to how much they cost. He is very much Toreador in the making. I trust your judgment, Buffy."
"It's horrible. For anyone, not just for Logan. It's just... to see his mind deteriorate like that? I've only seen it once before, and it broke my heart. Mom was showing signs of it when she was sick and it just makes you feel so helpless because there's nothing you can do. Nothing that will help them. You just have to keep trying to be patient and just keep talking to them until the next time they're lucid." Buffy pulled her mouth to the side when she felt the tears start to prick the backs of her eyes and she took a deep breath. "Toreador, huh? You still haven't told me what you think I would be. Thank you, Blaise."
"Logan is my priority, not anyone else on that matter for the moment. I understand how it is for Aidan to sit by and watch his love, weaken literally before his very eyes. He has a way out, a way to fix it and solve it. Perhaps not a perfect solution, but one where he does not face the prospect of losing Logan. But then he has Austin and Rory to consider, both who only want Logan to have what Logan chooses. That is not to say Aidan does not want it either, but he is Kindred. He will be frustrated that he can't just step in and heroically save Logan's life. Meanwhile, Logan is slipping further and further away from him. His mind was in a time the other day where Aidan did not even exist to him. But I am told Logan is actually quite lucid today. Rory wants to take him out to the shooting range if he feels up to it." Blaise shrugged a little, a tiny hint of an amused smile appearing on his lips. "I do not know, admittedly. I do not feel you have had enough worldly experience to slot you in anywhere. You would adapt to any Clan you were taken into, but right now, I do not know. Perhaps Gangrel. They are our Hunters."
Buffy bared her teeth as she gave him the best growl she had before she started to laugh. "Gangrel... I'm trying really hard not to picture bulky guys with wooden clubs. But okay, Gangrel. I can see how that works. Maybe now I'm not so much a Slayer I'll have a chance to find some other side of me. What would happen if Logan didn't ask until after chemo, or until he really was on his last breath? Would he really be Embraced all withered up? I know Embrace can't fix everything. It'll fix his mind, but it won't fix his body?"
Blaise nodded slowly. "Most likely. The body stays as it is when it is Embraced. That is why my hair keeps growing quickly. I need to get it cut at least once every few days. It was long when I was Embraced, I had facial hair. Toreador function slightly differently. Their inate beauty comes out when they are Embraced, but that is one of the benefits of their bloodline. I mean, that is quite an extensive deduction, Buffy. You have to remember Logan is only going to, probably at the very most, see one or two rounds of chemo. He may lose weight, lose his hair, but withered up is a little forceful. Losing ones hair is a very traumatic thing, though. He would be without it forever if he was Embraced without it. His mind... he will come back even sharper than he is now, but his body. Ideally, now would be the best time to take him. The cosmetic ailments you see now, the pallor, the sunken eyes, the surgical incision. That will all go."
Buffy pressed her lips together as she felt another urge to cry, but it was more because she was thinking about Rory losing his brother than anything else. She sucked in another breath and bit the inside of her cheek as she pulled herself together. "They won't let him. Not if there's a chance the chemo could make the slightest of differences. Not if Logan doesn't ask Aidan to do it now. Not if Logan wants to try the chemo. I suppose we're not supposed to base Embrace on the superficial details, but explaining why Logan has to sport the Lex Luthor look all his life would take some explaining."
"Won't let him?" Blaise laughed a little. "It is not about letting him do anything. Logan makes the call. He may want it. Someone needs to sit down and talk to him about all of this. About the chemo, about what it will do to him, what it will do to him if he chooses Embrace. And if Aidan is still the one wishing to Sire him, it must be him. It is very much like giving birth. The Childer is your responsibility. You must guide them and teach them, and in a situation like this, it starts now. Aidan is Logan's lover. He owes it to him to lay it all on the line to him so Logan makes an informed decision. I have spoken to Aidan, and I have urged him to speak to Austin. I believe his Sire has probably done the same thing. Austin is going to be the one having the most influence over Logan, and Rory a very close second. But Logan is aware of Rory's feelings about Kindred. When he is lucid, of course."
She nodded slowly as she listened, and reached up to brush her fingertips against her cheeks just to check no tears had escaped. Apparently she'd reached the over-emotional part of the pregnancy. Buffy was just relieved there hadn't really been a morning sickness part. Apparently her boy was looking after her. "What happens if Aidan decides he can't do it, can't go through with the Embrace even after Logan asks him?"
Blaise picked up the glass he had been drinking from and took a small sip and then swirled the liquid in the glass. "Then we cross that bridge when we come to it. It would probably lie on whether Logan wants anyone else to do it. He may not. He may take it as quite a blow that Aidan would not do it. In fact, it could be the ruin of their relationship. It can often take something very small to sever a line of trust, unfortunately. Especially with lovers."
"Or to stop it from even starting?" Buffy asked softly. But at least they were getting somewhere. They'd managed to agree to try something, and they were still having a conversation without it ending in a fight. That was something. It was a big something despite the current topic. "Do you think they'll make it as lovers if Aidan does Sire him?"
"Indeed," Blaise confirmed without hesitation, glancing at her over the top of the glass as he put it to his lips again. "One would like to think so. But I have heard from all of Logan's family members that he is reckless. That translates in my mind to ambitious, determined. Very much Ventrue qualities, but once he, well, literally sinks his teeth into this new life, it could open up a whole new world for him. It would be the case for anyone entering a new world. So much to know and understand. To experience. Logan might not want to be held down in a relationship. But then, it might even strengthen the bond."
Buffy met his gaze briefly before she started to chew her lip in thought as she processed all the information Blaise was feeding her. She pulled her mouth to the side as she rubbed her hand against her stomach, the craving for ice cream once again hitting her. Only this time she wanted something a little more fruity. "Do you think it's the uncertainty that might be what's making Aidan a little wary? What if he wants to stay in France? Do you guys have to figure out some kinda Kindred exchange program? Can Kindred move around freely without needing to check in with the Princes?"
"Life is uncertain. Or as people say these days, 'shit happens'. We cannot just sit by and let things happen around us. Sometimes, we have to make decisions we do not want to, no matter how wary we feel about it." Blaise smirked, nursing the glass against his chest. "Do all you mortals check in with the Queen or the President when you go elsewhere? Non, of course not. It is the same thing. If he wants to stay in France, he is free to stay in France. We are only concerned with people doing wrong in our City, not those doing right, as most Kindred do."
"Just checking... I just wanna be sure. I didn't think there was a whole checking in policy, but who knows? The best we get is the people in England get a telegram from the Queen if they reach their 100th birthday. I don't even know what the President does besides start wars we can't finish." Buffy moved away from the table to take one of the stools nearby, the games room very much having a feel of some quaint British pub. She wondered if Blaise had done it deliberately. All those involvements with Scotland must have rubbed off. "I feel like everyone's on edge waiting for something to happen. It's all about waiting."
Blaise just pressed his lips together briefly. "Non, we do not make a habit of tagging and tracking our Kind. I know they do it with dogs, but... I am going to stop right there before I say something I regret. And I believe that is everyone in the Commonwealth who is contacted by Her Majesty upon their century. It is quite a feat for a mortal to reach, especially these days." He set the glass down again now he had finished with it. "Well, one does not want to wish Logan's last days away. We are all waiting, he is probably doing quite the opposite."
Buffy held her hands up in instant surrender before she held them out to Blaise. "No fighting tonight. Promise. And just ignore half the things I say. But I do gotta ask if you're any good at foot rubs, and then follow that right up with asking if maybe you wanted to share a bed tonight... Or is the boy still giving you the back off vibes? Seriously, just let me know, because I'll have words with him. Everyone in the Commonwealth? I'll file that away. Do you need something more than just..." Buffy pointed at the glass before she raised her eyebrows a little. "I think everyone just needs to let him live a little. I know Aidan needs to talk to him, but maybe he can do it while they're away from a bed."
"Perhaps you should speak to Rory about foot rubs. He is the reason you are in this condition, afterall," Blaise murmured. It wasn't going to be as simple as one conversation and the world was rosy. Not when it came to the baby. It was still a part of this whole thing that Blaise was hurting the most over. He couldn't just relent. "I am fine. I am just relaxing this evening. I have had very little chance for that lately. He simply must do it before Logan gets more ill. The brain is something well out of our understanding. We cannot know what is going to go for him next. Or he may just simply go to sleep and not wake up without being much more affected than he already is."
"Okay, okay... fair point. Can I at least just hang with you for a little longer, or did you wanna get back to the business associate?" Buffy asked as she reached up to take her hair down, letting the blonde locks go free now that she was feeling more relaxed too. "It's kinda nice seeing you all relaxed by the way. I like it. Even if you're hot all suited up and in Prince mode. You're just a very attractive onion. I just want Logan to be okay. Only I know it's expecting too much when he's got a terminal tumour."
"I am sure Juliette is keeping him satisfied. He likes artistes." Blaise looked at her in amusement and cleared his throat. "Did you not think I was capable of it? I have been telling you from the start that I am. Logan is very ill. He is not going to be okay. I think it is extremely difficult for Aidan and his brothers to see him ailing so much and knowing they cannot help him or take away the pain. They must just merely sit by and watch. Poor Austin even offered to pay for that rug, because he just did not know what else he could do."
Buffy smirked lightly before she gave a shake of her head. "Just so long as Rory doesn't get an earful of that either. He's really not interested in knowing about her entertaining abilities. He's still hurting over what happened between them. I guess it could be another reason why he wants away from France. And no, it's not that I thought you were incapable. It's just that I haven't seen this side of you. Just like I haven't seen you really smile yet. That's my goal. To see you really smile."
Blaise gave a wry shrug. "She underestimated his loyalty. That was her biggest fault. I would assume Rory is protecting his heart. She was the first he put it back on the line for. He is very homesick. There are a lot reasons for him to get away. He will not as long as Logan is here, though there has probably been some consideration to take him home to Scotland. That I would not blame them for. A smile is a gift, Buffy. A reason is needed to present it."
"Then what I'm gonna work on is finding a reason for you to smile. That is the one gift I truly want, and I'm set on earning it," Buffy told him with a firm nod of her head. "I don't want to be the reason you always look sad. I don't think Rory's certain about whether or not Logan would survive the flight very well. They might take him home, but he might leave the building a little more permanently."
Blaise was still looking at her in amusement. It wasn't actually much of a challenge. If she knew him, she would see that he actually smiled all the time and had quite the wicked sense of humour. He just didn't smile when he was pissed off or frustrated. "Perhaps do not work on it and it will come naturally," he suggested pointedly. "An aeroplane can throw even the most stablie person off. It messes with the inner ear. But again, it would not be my call to make. It would be theirs. Maybe he would prefer to die in his home land. He is a Scot, afterall."
Buffy dipped her head when she got that feeling like he was watching her and waiting for her to realise something. She hated it when she didn't feel like she got something about Blaise. Still, at least he did look amused and not pissed off or angry. That was something. "Yeah, well, apparently this is the time where I'm supposed to embrace my inner hippie. Not like I don't have the name for it anyway. Now all I need is flowers in my hair and a herb garden. I gotta admit I've barely done any flying. I actually feel lucky about that. LA to Scotland was the second only flight I've ever done. Way too much time stuck in one place. Whatever Rory says about my being a passenger, I'd still prefer driving somewhere. At least there's a chance to pull over and stop and walk around a bit. Maybe it is where he belongs. Even if he's Embraced. He might wanna be reborn there."
Blaise just shrugged at this. "Anything to do with that is lost on me. I know nothing of pregnancy, or anything involved in it. In my time, men had little to no involvement with that. It was a woman's business after the initial conception. Difficult to fathom, but very truthful. Transport debate is unfortunately something I am indifferent to, also. It is not like one can get into a car and drive to Australia, is it?" He gave a small nod. "And perhaps that is understandable. In my humble opinion, he should be a naturally Scottish Kindred. Ros is an amazing Prince. She has that love for her country that most Scots harbour. She is fiercely protective of her Kindred. She has the luxury of an intimate City to be able to keep close tabs on most, and why many Kindred see Edinburgh as a sanctuary. You can understand why we were extremely disturbed to hear you had set up shop there."
Buffy nodded. "Sure, of course I do. I never argued that. I just couldn't have known that I was encroaching on someone's city. I never got the memo, remember? You guys didn't want the Slayer to know. Not until I accidentally stumbled onto you. Blaise, all I ever wanted you to know was that I wasn't after Kindred. Not consciously. I know I might've made some errors in the past, not completely understood what I was facing, but I'm not gonna make those errors now. I've given up the Slayerhood. I'm moving on. I just wanna help keep Kindred protected. Only I'd rather do it here, even if Ros is a really wonderful Prince. She's just not the Prince I'm interested in."
Blaise looked at her with a hint of bemusement this time. He wasn't sure when The Masquerade turned into just hiding from the Slayer, that was a memo he hadn't gotten. "An army of Slayers was always going to encroach on someone. Scottish Hunters, for example. You infiltrated someone else's home and set up a whole realm of combat." He held his hands up. "But it is done now. Hopefully permanently. You will understand that we will not take your mere word on that. Ros will not rest until she has physical proof herself. Her Kindred, especially her Childers, deserve her word that they are safe in their world again. Did you not stop to wonder in the early stages why Airlie did not want to be near you? Oui, Rory told me about that. Airlie was terrified of you. Not of Kindred experience long enough to understand her true safety yet. She will get there. It takes times. When you wake up a completely different being to that you left behind, it is a scary notion. Like it would feel to wake up blind, I believe."
"She was terrified? I thought maybe she just didn't like me. That I wasn't good enough," Buffy said in a small voice. She frowned as she looked back on all her experiences in Scotland and then just sighed. "Look, maybe setting up shop in Edinburgh wasn't the greatest move, but we needed somewhere big enough to house the girls, and we needed somewhere rooted in history. Let's face it, America is big with the fuck you to cultural traditions and history. We just like pretending we came up with the idea for everything first. Giles came up with the idea for Scotland. It's a place built on magic, and the supernatural. Now I know why."
"Buffy, you were a vampire Slayer. She is a vampire, in a loose description of the word which I have no love for whatsoever. She did not know to trust you. We're instinctual. You wave a stick at a dog, what are they going to do? They are going to run, or turn around and bite you. They are not going to stop and ask you why you are there or what the stick is for, are they? It is the same for us. Emphasised tenfold for a Childer. It is probably a large reason why she wiped Xander's mind. She panicked that you would find out. I know she still feels guilt about that. She never wishes to hurt him," Blaise told her, relaying a little of what he had deduced from being near Airlie. "History and magic that has been there for a very, very long time before you all decided to come along and disrupt it. All I can say is in your plight, you were extremely disrespectful to the Scottish culture. You thought you could go in there and make a difference after they have survived perfectly well without you for centuries. They will probably throw a party in that castle when you leave."
"Culture that we weren't even interfering with!" Buffy cried out as she threw her hands up helplessly. "At what point did I ever say that we went hunting in Scotland? That I sent them out to kill the monsters, and stalk the scaries? I didn't. They stayed in the castle walls. The only time they ever left was to get supplies from the shops. The only person who did disrupt anything was me and I did it in a graveyard only. And I only got as far as having Rory slam into me before I got pulled away from that anyway. I did all of two hunts. Both times just to see Rory. I wanted to know who the mysterious and sexy Braveheart was and hey, look what happened. But I know, I know. I trampled where I wasn't supposed to be trampled and I just really hope it's fixed now. I can't apologise enough. I just wanna make it right. I really do."
Blaise was trying to understand, but his practicality just always took over. "And when they were a fully trained army? You would skip over Scotland for, what, Europe? The rest of the world? I am merely musing, Buffy. I am not sure is it something I will ever truly understand. I was merely but the opposition in the war you were preparing for. Why did you not pursue things with Rory? He is a perfectly nice man, very smart, pretty. He has money, a house, he had a job which I believe has since gone by the wayside, and I know he misses. Was he too normal for you? It just makes me wonder. Now I have been connected to him, I have been able to see just how big his heart it."
Buffy had to start laughing, the topic of Rory a welcome change from their continued disagreements on the army. "Are you kidding? You do know both Rory and me, right? We'd kill each other. Maybe I'm not so much a Toreador as he is, but we're similar in a lot of ways that would just make us clash to extremely bloody ends. He's an amazing guy, no doubt about it. I really would be lucky with him, but he's just not the guy I'm supposed to be with. He's my best friend, and he's the father of my kid. That's where it should be. That's where we're happy." She pointed at Blaise. "And for the record, we'll never know what happens, so let's drop it before we ruin tonight."
Blaise merely pointed with a smug smirk. "Ah. Then stop assuming every beautiful woman I am close to is someone I should prospectively be in love with. It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex. Even friends you sleep with to give each other what you need," he pointed out to her, hoping she would be able to see his view point a little now.
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side before she raised her hands in surrender. "Funny how you never asked about Xander, but he's also a friend of the opposite sex. Just no sex has ever gotten in the middle of our friendship, thank god. But I get it," she said as she met his gaze. "I do. And this is me dropping the jealous act, I swear."
"That is because I was not asking out of jealousy, I was merely wondering if you had one set of rules for you and one for me. Have I ever shown jealousy towards you and Rory? Non, I have not. I never judged you for that. I just assumed that when you came to France you wished to pursue something with me, and then to turn around and sleep with two different men after indicating that, I was extremely confused. Concerned that perhaps you had used me to gain information for your Slayer purposes. I am sure you cannot blame me for that," Blaise said quietly. "But I have never denied you the friendships you had or tried to come between them, nor will I ever."
Buffy slid off the stool and moved back over to Blaise and reached out to take his hand in hers as she gave it a squeeze. "I'm really sorry I'm such a basket case. It's not that I want to deny you the friendships that you have, of course I don't. It's just... um, and this really is coming from the pot or the kettle, or whichever way it goes, but it's just a little weird walking in on you with Aidan, and then hearing about you being heard with the Scottish Prince. Knowing that you could have Juliette whenever you wanted. I'm still getting used to it. I just wouldn't change it. I know I wouldn't, because this is part of you. And to have you, I take all of this."
"I was feeding from Ros. I have not fed so intensely from someone in a long time. She matches my power and her blood gives me a lot of strength. She also draws from me. We do not see each other near as much as we wish. We are bound to our Cities. That is just a fact of life. It is rather an intense experience for us to be in each other's presence again after so long. It is not something we share with anyone. It is soley for us. It is not something I can ever apologise for, Buffy. Juliette is my mate. She is part of me. I need her to survive. She and I have not slept together in some time, but we do still feed from each other." Blaise paused and shifted his weight a little. "And Aidan needed me to survive."
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side as she looked down at their hands before she met his gaze. "Do you... Do you think you could ever need me to survive? Or... I don't know. I know you won't do anything with me until the baby is born, but when do you think... What would make you want to... with me." Buffy rubbed her free hand against her forehead and then held her hand up to stop him before he even tried to speak. "Don't answer. I know it's stupid. So don't answer. Let's just play Snooker, or something, okay?"
Blaise shook his head regretfully. "Nothing, Buffy. It is not the same for a lover. I do not ever need them. It is a luxury. Something I just wish for myself when the rest of the world is carrying on outwith these walls. Love is never forever for me. It is sad, but it is the truth. Everyone I have ever fallen in love with has died. Now I am contradicting myself, I realise this. Oui, I need love to survive. But it is not the lover in essence. It is the emotional sensation of it. I am never going to need you to survive, Buffy. Nor would I let that happen, either. Love is something special, not something that should just be taken for sustaining."
"Then would you ever just want me?" Buffy asked him as she shifted weight to her other foot and bit down on her lip as she felt it start to quiver. "Could you ever want me again? Because that's what I wanna be for you, Blaise. I do. And I know I can be. Whenever you need a break, I'm your girl. Or just... always. For as long as I'm on this Earth at least, I'm all yours."
"But it is never just going to be you anymore, is it, Buffy?" Blaise reminded her. He wanted to give her answers, but he couldn't right now. Everything was still so uncertain. He didn't know how he was going to feel around a baby. Very little but a sense to keep away, he assumed, but time would tell. "It never really ever was just you, and maybe this is why this has not been working."
The tears started to roll down her cheeks and she just nodded slowly as she tried to keep herself from crying completely. "I didn't mean for it to be like this, Blaise. I didn't mean for you to have to take two of me. I really didn't."
Blaise gave her a small smile. "It is your life, Buffy. You should have it all. A baby is a gift, and you should cherish it. Cherish your family. It is nothing to feel guilty about. Many people will never know the true miracle it is to create a life, and bring it into this world. It is a love that matches no other I am told. I just cannot tell you at this point what that means for us. I know you want me to, but I will not disrespect you with lies and stretched truths when I really do not have the answers. If I was to base my answers on how I am feeling right now, there would be no point in us continuing anything. But if what I am giving you now, however little it seems to you, is not enough, then perhaps walking away is the right thing to do. Because I do not know what else I can give without it being to my detriment. Life with a Kindred is restricted, Buffy. It is a whole lot of sacrifices. I wish I could say it was not, but it is. For that, I am sorry that I cannot be something else."
"If you were something else, I wouldn't be here, would I? You wouldn't be you. Maybe it wouldn't be as worth it if it was easy. Who wants easy, huh?" Buffy asked as she sniffed. "And it's enough. The little you're giving me is enough. I'm here, aren't I? I just wanted to be clear that I'm not in your way if you didn't want me to be here. It's about finding out if we're on the same page." Buffy shrugged as she let go of his hand. "I think we are. Now we just have to find the same paragraph. I'll understand if you never get past the kid factor, but thank you for just being you, Blaise. And thank you for freeing me of more than just Angel. Hopefully one day you'll realise what you have done for me, that it didn't just go over my head."
"I know it did not go over your head, Buffy," Blaise told her and this time did offer her a smile. "I know more than you think I do. You would not still be here if I did not want you to be. You would not remember any of this. Neither would Rory. I am not going to push anything, though. I am aware of your presence. Very aware. I know when you are here and when you are not. I just need a little more of this, where you can see that I function very differently to you. I need time to feel my way in a situation foreign to me. I need to know I can survive in it. Until I know that, I remain very guarded. This is not just you, it is for everything, and has been for everything ever since I was Embraced. Even when you buy a new television, you have to take the time to tune the channels in. It is the same thing. Think of my feelings right now a lot like that fuzzy haze on the screen."
Buffy's stomach gave a small flip at the sight of the smile. She couldn't help it if it got the butterflies racing, or that it made her smile in response. She used her thumb to indicate herself as she laughed softly. "And you thought the cookie dough analogy was weird. At least I'm not white noise, but having said that... The tuning I can understand. Trust me, I get it." She stretched up to brush her lips against his cheek lightly. "So I'm gonna leave you to your tuning, okay? I'll go take my cookie self elsewhere."
Word Count | 10,963
A few moments later, he realised that they were no longer alone, though and he looked over his shoulder, his eyes locking with Buffy's for a few moments. He picked up the bottle of wine and handed it over to his friend with an affectionate pat on the back. "Please, excuse us, mon ami. Take the bottle. Enjoy. I believe Juliette is up in the consevatory. I am sure she would adore your company," he said with a smile and the guy just shrugged, happy to go and leave Blaise alone with Buffy.
Buffy hovered near the doorway before she was sure that Blaise didn't mind her presence, and once the stranger was gone, she moved into the room properly, but kept the Snooker table between them. She offered Blaise a smile before she pointed at the felt covering. "You know, once upon a time, I used to be able to kinda play. There was a table in The Bronze, Sunnydale's nightclub. Although I'm sure it wasn't exactly the same. And probably more like Pool and not Snooker. That always confused me. I could never work out if they were the same or not. I think it's to do with the balls. I just remember you're never supposed to sink the eight ball on the first shot."
Blaise listened to her quietly, his eyes only moving from her to the table once she had finished speaking. "It is not dissimilar to Pool. Where Pool has the number values written on them, in Snooker the balls are merely worth certain points with the colours they are. The aim is to get the most points, so you try to sink the higher valued balls first. At the same time, setting it up so your opponent only has the ability to sink lower scoring balls. Most games have a very simple underlying strategy. It is but a mix of skill and luck at the end of the day. Otherwise it would not be a game. All games balance on chance... even mind games," he told her and placed the cue across the table. "Have you just come from Rory?"
"That Kindred sense kicking in?" Buffy asked with a slightly amused smile. "And yeah, I did. He was the one that stopped me interrupting you're, ah... other meeting before. We just talked for a little while. I also got a call from Willow. She's completed the spells. There's officially no Slayer Army. Just a castle full of girls thinking they've just come to the world's strangest spa retreat. So, um... threat's been neutralised and I am no longer a general. I'd celebrate with some champagne, but I kinda can't indulge. I'd settle for a hug though. If something like that was maybe on the table," she added hopefully. "So what colour ball's worth the most?"
Blaise looked at her in confusion, quirking an eyebrow at her "I have not had any other meetings," he told her, wondering where she had gotten that from. He reached over and picked up the black ball from the pocket he had sunk it in. "Noir. A colour that holds a lot of power in many senses of this world, however the idiots of the world will try to argue it is not a colour at all. Alas, it is a colour that will conceal all others." He paused and looked over at Buffy, a calculating frown on his face. Of course, there was no way he was going to just take her word on that. He would have Ros put her people on investigating that immediately. It could just as much be truth as it could be a trap. He made no move to hug her, though. He kept his distance for the moment and placed the ball back down onto the table. "And how do you feel about that?"
Buffy's expression shifted to one of disappointment when Blaise stayed where he was and she picked up one of the other balls to start tossing it back and forth between her hands. She never had been good at keeping still unless it was required for a hunt. "Your 'fangy porn queen'. His words, not mine. I didn't actually hear any of it, but Rory heard enough. At first I think he actually thought it was me in there with you until I bumped right into him when he tried to retreat. So that meeting. I was just trying to be a bit polite. Alright, so noir is the most powerful. Do you still have to avoid potting it to start with, or is it okay to get it on the first shot?" She bit down on her lip as she studied the rest of the balls on the table. "I feel... relieved. I feel like I finally got something right even if it was actually all Willow's doing. She's the witch, not me."
Blaise had to take a moment to amuse himself with how Ros would feel being called that, and it took all his effort not to laugh out loud. He merely wet his lips with a hint of a smirk and cleared his throat. "The Scottish Prince is here," he revealed, and it really didn't need much more explanation than that. If the two Princes wanted to hang from the rafters dressed as chickens, no one would bother questioning it. "The Buchanans are of her realm, she has an interest in this event, whatever way it turns. If Logan is turned, she may well wish to spend time with him herself. It is not uncommon for Princes to occasionally invest in certain members of their City, ex-Patriot or otherwise. The balls are sunk in a certain way. The lowest first, working up to the highest. So, oui, black is to remain the longest. Do you feel an unrest that the beings you were slaying will now roam free?"
"Ah." Yeah, she really didn't need more explanation than that. She got it. And all the guessing games between her and Rory turned out to be pretty much founded in truth. The Scottish Prince was here, and Blaise had welcomed her with open... teeth. "So, ah... where is she now? What do you really think is gonna happen, Blaise? I mean, with Logan. Do you have any gut feelings? Any guesses? Rory's still pretty much of the opinion he'd rather not have his brother Embraced. It's gonna hurt their folks no matter what. And it's gonna mean Rory and Austin have to keep lying to them. Feel like playing with me? I think I can figure out the rest. I know how to use a cue." Buffy shifted her weight and stopped her hand before it went to her stomach, not exactly wanting to draw anymore attention to the baby elephant in the room. "No, not really. Priorities shift and change. I've shifted and changed. There's still Hunters in the world. There's still Kindred. It's not exactly just my responsibility, is it? Before I was told that it was. That it was all on me. Now I know the truth."
"She is spending time with Airlie. Airlie was taken against her will, she needs certain attentions only a Kindred can give her. Rory did an admirable job with her, however. Despite her lack of control in some instances, she is actually very connected as a Kindred already. It is perhaps a sign of a very placid girl prior to being Embrace. A tragedy that she was, to say the least," Blaise murmured. He bit down on his lip as he analysed Buffy closely for a few moments, a frown of confusion as to what he was feeling settling on his face. "Well, without being told that you would perhaps have been blase as to the responsibility. I would not know. I could not begin to understand the job of a Watcher. Kindred are my speciality. As to Logan, I believe he will ask Aidan to Embrace him at some point, and I believe Aidan is likely to make a turn of doing it in private. Once Logan makes the choice, it is out of our hands. Once Aidan Sires him, he is Aidan's responsiblity. Logan knows too much of us to choose death now. In my honest opinion, even Rory would choose Embrace if he was close enough to death. Have you been with another man, Buffy? I am not asking to fight. I am genuinely getting a very masculine sensation from you. It is not Rory... not quite..." But then his eyes dropped from her face to where she kept touching her stomach and he took a slight step away from her reflexively.
Buffy was frowning in confusion, about to start fighting despite Blaise's disclaimer about the comment, only when she saw his gaze drop to her stomach she just hugged herself tighter. She hated seeing the way he always just wanted to step away and retreat when it came to the baby. She didn't want him to run around and be happy and be the child's second father. She just wanted him to be able to stand to be in the same room as her and touch her without looking like she was kicking him in the balls. "No, I haven't. I haven't been with anyone since... before. I've given up my slutty ways. It was a moment of insanity. But thanks for the leap of faith." She watched him again as she tried not to feel guilty for just standing there, and suddenly realisation dawned and her eyes went wide. "I'm having a boy?!"
"I do not know! Do I look like a doctor?" Blaise huffed with a hint of annoyance. His arms came to be folded protectively across his chest as he just watched her uncertainly, with a vulnerability he really wasn't used to feeling at all. It wasn't like he had any need to be around pregnant women, and if he was, it was usually just in passing or amongst a group of people. He tried not to get frustrated all over again that she wanted to continuously throw sarcasm at him every time he was trying to be honest with her about what he was feeling. Was it any wonder he didn't want to share that with her? He didn't know what he was supposed to be feeling right now, so he just continued to look at her uncertainly.
"I'm sorry," Buffy murmured as she relaxed her stance and pushed her hands over her hair. After hesitating, she rounded the table slowly so that Blaise could keep track of where she was. She kept her hands in plain sight and stopped when there was a small gap between them. "This really couldn't be any more different to how we imagined this going, could it? After that first night I was dreaming about rough, mysterious, sexy encounters. Instead we had a date that ended with you puking up my blood, and just mistake after mistake on my side. And yet... you're still here. Rory's right. You've given me so much, Blaise. And I just... I understand why you don't want to touch me, but I'm still only yours. I might be a mom, but that doesn't mean I can't love someone other than my kid. Doesn't mean I can't comfort someone other than my kid."
As soon as she was close enough to him, Blaise could feel it. She was having a boy. There was no gentle feminine innocence. It wasn't saying Buffy didn't have it, but he deduced that the whole Slayer thing had taken that from her. She was too used to being in a dominant male-oriented world, and Blaise very much analysed in old school ways. He just felt like he wanted to run and hide under his bed or something. A something as simple and untouched by the world as an unborn baby was terrifying him. "I do not know how this is going to work," he admitted to her quietly. He wasn't trying to piss her off or push her away, it was just plain honesty, exactly what he had said to Ros.
Buffy's eyebrows went up slightly. "And you think I do? We both know I'm not the answer girl. I'm the take it head on and just do it girl. I'm not good at just sitting around and thinking about something. I drive myself crazy... and I know I drive you crazy," she offered with an amused smile. "It's okay, you can be honest. I do think that the main point here is that we still want to try and get something between us to work. I'm not ready to give up yet. Are you?" Buffy held his gaze, her green eyes searching for some kind of sign. "Because if you really want me to leave, then I'll leave."
Blaise had come to be looking at her stomach again as she spoke and he had to blink to draw himself out of it when he realised she had stopped talking. "You seem to think I am looking for something a lot more complicated in a relationship than I actually am. I do not know exactly what I have done to indicate that to you, but I apologise for that. I have a complicated life, Buffy. An extremely complicated one. What I look for in love is quite the opposite. I believe that is where we have kept clashing. Maybe you felt you needed to be complicated for me to understand you... I do not know. Not really. I have never quite been misunderstood by someone as much as you before, it is unfamiliar territory," he told her with a faint smirk.
"Yay me for scoring a first, huh?" Buffy offered as she smirked back. She gave a shake of her head. "I don't know, maybe I did? Rory keeps telling me it's not all that complicated and I guess that's what I never really got. I've never really had that. I think I've always created complications because I think that's how it's supposed to be. I don't think it's real if it's simple. And that's totally my fault, I know that. But now I'm actually starting to get it. What I did wanna be though was good enough for you. I wanted to be someone that made you smile when you saw me, or didn't have to flinch when you looked at my stomach. I know the baby thing is so not ideal. Trust me, I do. But we're kinda stuck with it now. I don't need you to raise my kid, okay? I just need you to believe that I'm yours. I can't apologise enough for being such a giant dick about this, and about you. I really can't. I got scared, and it more than backfired. I don't want to be a complication in your complicated life. I want to be the simple part of it."
Blaise rested his tongue between his lips momentarily. "I am a Prince, Buffy. Complications come to me for rectifying. In actuality, I work to keep my personal life as least complicated as I can. Indeed, I feel the opposite. I think the most finest things in life are the simplest. A beautiful rose, a hug from a friend, a good book. When you live as long as I do, you cannot live complicated all the time. It turns you bitter, and angry. Two emotions I try to avoid as much as I can, unless vital." He paused, eyes narrowing a little in thought. "To 'be good enough' for me. That is a very human reaction, Buffy. Something Kindred are less interested it. It is not about being good, or the right stock, although mortals see that as important. For us, it is more connection, natural instinct as to whether someone is right or not. Humans let too many other factors get in the way of that these days. Money, and past, and influences. Buffy, your child is a petite soul in there. I am not flinching at the sight of your stomach, I am getting sensations to back off because I am not part of you. Your bebe is connected to you, even now. It is staking claim on you."
Buffy reached out for Blaise's hand and touched it against her stomach before he could pull away. "Then the baby needs to get used to the fact that you are a part of me. That I want you here, and I want you to touch me and be with me, and let me touch you. That I want to be able to curl up in bed with you and just cuddle. I don't even care about sex right now! I know it won't happen, and I'm okay with that. You can go to your fangy porn queen, or Juliette, or whoever. Because I also know that you're not gonna feed from me, or in front of me. So you may as well just get it all elsewhere until we're both ready. That first night, my instincts were screaming for you. They had it right. It was my head that got in the way and fucked it up. It's exhausting being a human. I'm ready to stop thinking now, okay? Back to the instincts."
Blaise's eyes were intent as he kept them locked on Buffy's face. He wanted to pull his hand away. He couldn't help it being the natural reaction, but he managed to fight the urge this time. The link with Rory was barely there now, so that helped. "We could try," he suggested quietly. He was scared it was all going to go down the toilet, but he was willing to give it another go. "I just need to know what you envisage as this becoming... especially once the child is born."
"If I answer with me walking around in a tiara will you assume I'm not taking this seriously?" Buffy asked him as she kept back the grin for at least a few minutes before it revealed itself and she started to laugh softly. "Look, I'm not gonna ask for us to share a room with the baby in a crib driving you crazy with the crying. I meant it when I said I didn't want you to be the dad. It has a dad, and it's Rory. I'd like for him to stay in Paris, but I know that's not really on the cards if anything happens with Logan. If he goes back to Edinburgh... well, I'm not following. Not if we're really giving us a try. I'm staying here. I guess I see this becoming a lovers thing? I'm not gonna sit around and ride your coat tails. Once the baby's born and I got the childcare covered, then I'm gonna want a job. I'll still want to be as independent as I can without you assuming that means I don't need you at all. Of course I need you. But I need you for me, not for the baby. Just like you need me, not the baby. All I ask is that you accept the fact that the kid's a part of my package. Just like I have to accept that the City is part of yours."
Blaise raised an eyebrow at her. "I would wonder why the hell you wanted a tiara in the first place, to be entirely honest," he admitted. He tilted his head slightly. "You know Rory is going to fight you for custody if you try that. He'll fight you to the end for a child of his. I will not be getting close to the child, Buffy. I must tell you that right now. I will not put what I am in the presence of an innocent enfant. That would go against my whole grain, everything I believe in and what I work to protect with the Masquerade. We are not just about protecting ourselves, we are about protecting humans. That seems ridiculous, I know, but we could be killing our prey. We could be taking babies as mere snacks. But we do not. That is something I really need you to understand for me, without getting your knickers in a twist that I think you are an idiot or hate you."
Buffy released her grip on Blaise's hand so that he could take it away if he wanted to. Only before he could get too far away she stepped in closer to him and slipped her arms around his waist as she rest her head on his chest. "He's struggling with the idea of his kid growing up around Kindred, but I don't think he'll start a war over it. Not if there's nothing to fear. I know you don't want to taint the boy, but that doesn't mean you wouldn't protect him, right? That you wouldn't protect us. Right? I still don't know if Rory will stay here, or not. I really don't. And maybe... maybe the kid should go back with him to Scotland, but I can't not be here. We've had enough trouble making this work even being in the same place. What happens when we go back to separate countries?"
"Those are decisions you should perhaps visit once the child is here. You will feel very differently then." It was a fact Blaise didn't doubt at all. He might not have had any direct contact with babies, but he did know the power of maternal instinct. "Rory is struggling with the idea of Kindred in its entirety. It is is understandable. He had been a target. Unfortunately, not even our Kind are completely immune to defectors and evil minds, just like mortals. Like any race. And protection does not require being near someone. I would have thought that perhaps you would wish to return to your friends in Scotland. But Paris is where I need to be. I can leave, but I must always come back. It is a blood contract you make as Prince."
Buffy bit down on her lip as she nodded the best she could with her cheek squished against him. It still amazed her that she could hear a heartbeat in Blaise's chest when for years she had just heard nothing but silence with Angel, or even Spike. Not to mention the warmth. There was no urge to shiver, or seek solace under blankets. "Did you wind up finding out for sure what had happened there? Maybe he'd feel better once he had some answers. He knows you're one of the good ones, so that's something. No, but there's still something in nice in having big strong arms wrapped around me," Buffy admitted a little sheepishly. "Yeah, about that... I was wondering how you'd feel about Willow and Giles maybe coming here. It's not like there's anything else back for me in Scotland. Just them. Faith can find her own Prince. No way is she getting near mine."
Blaise shook his head. "Not specifically, but then if his wife was Embraced against her will, she could be eluding a lot of attention. Although, according to Rory, she had have had him in her presence for a good few days before she must have gotten cold feet and wiped his memory, drained him, put him in a coma. His acquaintance saw them together in Edinburgh some time after she had disappeared, though Rory has no recollection of that. He only has hints of information, and maybe an inner sensation he had been affected. The thing is, I am wondering if she claimed him. If she did, she may be ailing at this point in time. Unless she has followed him here. In which case, his only release would be claim by another Kindred. We may get him answers, but they may be the last thing he wants to hear." He halted and looked down at her for a few moments. "The Watcher and the witch? Here in my home?"
"I'm kinda guessing Juliette would be jumping at the chance to be that Kindred... Even if he thinks that she's been making eyes at Aidan's Sire. What's his deal anyway? And are Kindred really always this... friendly? I mean, I know being sexy and sex and feeding is part of it all, but now it just feels a little like you guys fuck instead of saying hello. Okay, so if she maybe claimed him, then does that mean the bite thing you did to rid him of the Brujah didn't also shake the claim?" Buffy kept her gaze averted for a long moment as she felt his boring into the top of her head until finally she looked up to meet it. "Currently unemployed Watcher and witch... yes. Father figure and best friend. Librarian and nerd."
"Perhaps, but she hurt him. It is probably something he would not agree to. It would forge the problem of Juliette's vicinity to him them. Perhaps Airlie would be a good option. I do not know, I cannot be sure on the claiming part. It is just a theory. What is the deal with Thomas? Thomas is Ventrue, his taste is people who, shall we say, are of the more promiscuous sort. He must feed from people like him, who see sex as a need rather than a luxury. Sex is literally what he survives on. Anything probably goes, too. I hear orgies are his hobby. It would take someone very unique to hold him to them. Non, all it means is that is all you focus on. Beyond Juliette and Ros, who are you referring to that I greet like that? Ros, in essence, is my female counterpart. I love her, more than I love many things and people of this world. We are forever destined to be separated, however." Blaise shook his head. "I did not claim, Rory. I just drained him and overpowered the Brujah. Nothing more. If I had claimed him, you and I would never be able to be together. Do they know about us?"
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side as she shrugged. "Well, no one. I guess. But look at Ros and Juliette. Okay, I haven't actually seen Ros, but I can imagine and I'd totally do them both. Juliette's beautiful and amazing and Kindred. Hell, I'd even do Airlie but Xander's definitely not gonna let anyone else near her. She seems to be okay with the monogamous sex thing. But before you get your hackles up, I know I'm being irrational. I also still haven't had much of a chance to stake a claim on you, so forgive me, okay? All that matters is that I'd be faithful to you. And I would. I'm not interested in smelling like any other men. Can I also just say... wow. That's Thomas' taste? Seriously... just wow. That's a whole lotta hedonistic living right there, isn't it?" She scrunched up her nose as she even tried to imagine such a lifestyle and then her eyes became unfocused and she hummed when there was a scene that did actually appeal to her. "Good job you didn't claim him then. And they know about you... sort of. They know I'm here because of a guy, and that he's a businessman. I didn't tell them you were Kindred, or the Prince of Paris."
"What has Ros and Juliette's appearances got to do with anything? Or even Airlie's? They are Toreador. Beauty is their strength. It is what evolves and grows during an Embrace when they turn. It is what they use to isolate their prey. I am not exactly following what your point is here, Buffy," Blaise admitted to her uncertainly. He was trying, but all he could pick out was that she was pointing out he liked sex with beautiful women. He was a Ventrue. Of course he did. They liked nothing but the finest. "Indeed. Logan amusingly likened him to a human vibrator. It is a convenient taste. Many people live their lives for sex, and he would not have any issues dominating them." He cleared his throat softly. "Then perhaps you need to spend some time with them. I cannot have them here with no knowledge, Buffy. I will not hide in my own City."
"I just mean... look at them, then look at me. I spend more time in sweatpants these days than anything else. Granted, there's a chance I might be wearing diamonds under the t-shirt, but it's not like I can get dolled up. My boobs hurt, my feet hurt, my back aches, and I eat nothing but ice cream. I'm not Toreador. That's all I'm saying." Her eyebrows went up before she laughed at the apt description. "Those Buchanans really do have a way with words. No, no. It's not that I want to bring them here without them knowing. I want to know if I can tell them everything. If they can come here knowing what and who you are. If you'll let me let them in."
Blaise pressed his lips together and looked up at the ceiling, waiting for her to finish. They had been here before, and he was bored with it. In fact, he wasn't even going to deign it with a response. "Say what you will," was all he was going to offer. "Logan will be a Kindred force to be reckoned with if he gets Embraced. He is like Rory, though more reckless and maybe slightly ruthless under it all. You can tell them, but be sure there will be consequences if the knowledge they gain is used in any way against my Kind. The Masquerade is about dealing with the information correctly. That does not mean we do not remain completely secretive. You know I have many mortals in my trust."
Buffy wanted to kick herself for landing back onto that broken record, and in a way she was relieved when Blaise didn't really respond. She pulled away out of the hug and leaned back against the Snooker table as she stretched her back. "Truth is, I think that's why he scares me a little. With Rory I think I'd know kinda what to expect with a Kindred him. And he really is obsessed with your underwear now. Apparently there's no going back, even after the Ventrue's wearing off. But Logan's MI6. He's gotta be made of some pretty tough stuff. I know you do, but you're still the one who invited them in. I don't want to go telling people without your permission."
"Logan is nothing to be scared off unless he is your enemy. As your ally, I believe he would protect with his life. He is just the sort of blood we would love having in our realms. But again, that is no need to push him to make an incorrect decision. He is a very sharp mind. It is a tragedy that is the part of him that has been attacked," Blaise murmured with a small, regretful shake of his head. "You will perhaps find that Rory's adoration for said undergarments is more to do with how they feel as opposed to how much they cost. He is very much Toreador in the making. I trust your judgment, Buffy."
"It's horrible. For anyone, not just for Logan. It's just... to see his mind deteriorate like that? I've only seen it once before, and it broke my heart. Mom was showing signs of it when she was sick and it just makes you feel so helpless because there's nothing you can do. Nothing that will help them. You just have to keep trying to be patient and just keep talking to them until the next time they're lucid." Buffy pulled her mouth to the side when she felt the tears start to prick the backs of her eyes and she took a deep breath. "Toreador, huh? You still haven't told me what you think I would be. Thank you, Blaise."
"Logan is my priority, not anyone else on that matter for the moment. I understand how it is for Aidan to sit by and watch his love, weaken literally before his very eyes. He has a way out, a way to fix it and solve it. Perhaps not a perfect solution, but one where he does not face the prospect of losing Logan. But then he has Austin and Rory to consider, both who only want Logan to have what Logan chooses. That is not to say Aidan does not want it either, but he is Kindred. He will be frustrated that he can't just step in and heroically save Logan's life. Meanwhile, Logan is slipping further and further away from him. His mind was in a time the other day where Aidan did not even exist to him. But I am told Logan is actually quite lucid today. Rory wants to take him out to the shooting range if he feels up to it." Blaise shrugged a little, a tiny hint of an amused smile appearing on his lips. "I do not know, admittedly. I do not feel you have had enough worldly experience to slot you in anywhere. You would adapt to any Clan you were taken into, but right now, I do not know. Perhaps Gangrel. They are our Hunters."
Buffy bared her teeth as she gave him the best growl she had before she started to laugh. "Gangrel... I'm trying really hard not to picture bulky guys with wooden clubs. But okay, Gangrel. I can see how that works. Maybe now I'm not so much a Slayer I'll have a chance to find some other side of me. What would happen if Logan didn't ask until after chemo, or until he really was on his last breath? Would he really be Embraced all withered up? I know Embrace can't fix everything. It'll fix his mind, but it won't fix his body?"
Blaise nodded slowly. "Most likely. The body stays as it is when it is Embraced. That is why my hair keeps growing quickly. I need to get it cut at least once every few days. It was long when I was Embraced, I had facial hair. Toreador function slightly differently. Their inate beauty comes out when they are Embraced, but that is one of the benefits of their bloodline. I mean, that is quite an extensive deduction, Buffy. You have to remember Logan is only going to, probably at the very most, see one or two rounds of chemo. He may lose weight, lose his hair, but withered up is a little forceful. Losing ones hair is a very traumatic thing, though. He would be without it forever if he was Embraced without it. His mind... he will come back even sharper than he is now, but his body. Ideally, now would be the best time to take him. The cosmetic ailments you see now, the pallor, the sunken eyes, the surgical incision. That will all go."
Buffy pressed her lips together as she felt another urge to cry, but it was more because she was thinking about Rory losing his brother than anything else. She sucked in another breath and bit the inside of her cheek as she pulled herself together. "They won't let him. Not if there's a chance the chemo could make the slightest of differences. Not if Logan doesn't ask Aidan to do it now. Not if Logan wants to try the chemo. I suppose we're not supposed to base Embrace on the superficial details, but explaining why Logan has to sport the Lex Luthor look all his life would take some explaining."
"Won't let him?" Blaise laughed a little. "It is not about letting him do anything. Logan makes the call. He may want it. Someone needs to sit down and talk to him about all of this. About the chemo, about what it will do to him, what it will do to him if he chooses Embrace. And if Aidan is still the one wishing to Sire him, it must be him. It is very much like giving birth. The Childer is your responsibility. You must guide them and teach them, and in a situation like this, it starts now. Aidan is Logan's lover. He owes it to him to lay it all on the line to him so Logan makes an informed decision. I have spoken to Aidan, and I have urged him to speak to Austin. I believe his Sire has probably done the same thing. Austin is going to be the one having the most influence over Logan, and Rory a very close second. But Logan is aware of Rory's feelings about Kindred. When he is lucid, of course."
She nodded slowly as she listened, and reached up to brush her fingertips against her cheeks just to check no tears had escaped. Apparently she'd reached the over-emotional part of the pregnancy. Buffy was just relieved there hadn't really been a morning sickness part. Apparently her boy was looking after her. "What happens if Aidan decides he can't do it, can't go through with the Embrace even after Logan asks him?"
Blaise picked up the glass he had been drinking from and took a small sip and then swirled the liquid in the glass. "Then we cross that bridge when we come to it. It would probably lie on whether Logan wants anyone else to do it. He may not. He may take it as quite a blow that Aidan would not do it. In fact, it could be the ruin of their relationship. It can often take something very small to sever a line of trust, unfortunately. Especially with lovers."
"Or to stop it from even starting?" Buffy asked softly. But at least they were getting somewhere. They'd managed to agree to try something, and they were still having a conversation without it ending in a fight. That was something. It was a big something despite the current topic. "Do you think they'll make it as lovers if Aidan does Sire him?"
"Indeed," Blaise confirmed without hesitation, glancing at her over the top of the glass as he put it to his lips again. "One would like to think so. But I have heard from all of Logan's family members that he is reckless. That translates in my mind to ambitious, determined. Very much Ventrue qualities, but once he, well, literally sinks his teeth into this new life, it could open up a whole new world for him. It would be the case for anyone entering a new world. So much to know and understand. To experience. Logan might not want to be held down in a relationship. But then, it might even strengthen the bond."
Buffy met his gaze briefly before she started to chew her lip in thought as she processed all the information Blaise was feeding her. She pulled her mouth to the side as she rubbed her hand against her stomach, the craving for ice cream once again hitting her. Only this time she wanted something a little more fruity. "Do you think it's the uncertainty that might be what's making Aidan a little wary? What if he wants to stay in France? Do you guys have to figure out some kinda Kindred exchange program? Can Kindred move around freely without needing to check in with the Princes?"
"Life is uncertain. Or as people say these days, 'shit happens'. We cannot just sit by and let things happen around us. Sometimes, we have to make decisions we do not want to, no matter how wary we feel about it." Blaise smirked, nursing the glass against his chest. "Do all you mortals check in with the Queen or the President when you go elsewhere? Non, of course not. It is the same thing. If he wants to stay in France, he is free to stay in France. We are only concerned with people doing wrong in our City, not those doing right, as most Kindred do."
"Just checking... I just wanna be sure. I didn't think there was a whole checking in policy, but who knows? The best we get is the people in England get a telegram from the Queen if they reach their 100th birthday. I don't even know what the President does besides start wars we can't finish." Buffy moved away from the table to take one of the stools nearby, the games room very much having a feel of some quaint British pub. She wondered if Blaise had done it deliberately. All those involvements with Scotland must have rubbed off. "I feel like everyone's on edge waiting for something to happen. It's all about waiting."
Blaise just pressed his lips together briefly. "Non, we do not make a habit of tagging and tracking our Kind. I know they do it with dogs, but... I am going to stop right there before I say something I regret. And I believe that is everyone in the Commonwealth who is contacted by Her Majesty upon their century. It is quite a feat for a mortal to reach, especially these days." He set the glass down again now he had finished with it. "Well, one does not want to wish Logan's last days away. We are all waiting, he is probably doing quite the opposite."
Buffy held her hands up in instant surrender before she held them out to Blaise. "No fighting tonight. Promise. And just ignore half the things I say. But I do gotta ask if you're any good at foot rubs, and then follow that right up with asking if maybe you wanted to share a bed tonight... Or is the boy still giving you the back off vibes? Seriously, just let me know, because I'll have words with him. Everyone in the Commonwealth? I'll file that away. Do you need something more than just..." Buffy pointed at the glass before she raised her eyebrows a little. "I think everyone just needs to let him live a little. I know Aidan needs to talk to him, but maybe he can do it while they're away from a bed."
"Perhaps you should speak to Rory about foot rubs. He is the reason you are in this condition, afterall," Blaise murmured. It wasn't going to be as simple as one conversation and the world was rosy. Not when it came to the baby. It was still a part of this whole thing that Blaise was hurting the most over. He couldn't just relent. "I am fine. I am just relaxing this evening. I have had very little chance for that lately. He simply must do it before Logan gets more ill. The brain is something well out of our understanding. We cannot know what is going to go for him next. Or he may just simply go to sleep and not wake up without being much more affected than he already is."
"Okay, okay... fair point. Can I at least just hang with you for a little longer, or did you wanna get back to the business associate?" Buffy asked as she reached up to take her hair down, letting the blonde locks go free now that she was feeling more relaxed too. "It's kinda nice seeing you all relaxed by the way. I like it. Even if you're hot all suited up and in Prince mode. You're just a very attractive onion. I just want Logan to be okay. Only I know it's expecting too much when he's got a terminal tumour."
"I am sure Juliette is keeping him satisfied. He likes artistes." Blaise looked at her in amusement and cleared his throat. "Did you not think I was capable of it? I have been telling you from the start that I am. Logan is very ill. He is not going to be okay. I think it is extremely difficult for Aidan and his brothers to see him ailing so much and knowing they cannot help him or take away the pain. They must just merely sit by and watch. Poor Austin even offered to pay for that rug, because he just did not know what else he could do."
Buffy smirked lightly before she gave a shake of her head. "Just so long as Rory doesn't get an earful of that either. He's really not interested in knowing about her entertaining abilities. He's still hurting over what happened between them. I guess it could be another reason why he wants away from France. And no, it's not that I thought you were incapable. It's just that I haven't seen this side of you. Just like I haven't seen you really smile yet. That's my goal. To see you really smile."
Blaise gave a wry shrug. "She underestimated his loyalty. That was her biggest fault. I would assume Rory is protecting his heart. She was the first he put it back on the line for. He is very homesick. There are a lot reasons for him to get away. He will not as long as Logan is here, though there has probably been some consideration to take him home to Scotland. That I would not blame them for. A smile is a gift, Buffy. A reason is needed to present it."
"Then what I'm gonna work on is finding a reason for you to smile. That is the one gift I truly want, and I'm set on earning it," Buffy told him with a firm nod of her head. "I don't want to be the reason you always look sad. I don't think Rory's certain about whether or not Logan would survive the flight very well. They might take him home, but he might leave the building a little more permanently."
Blaise was still looking at her in amusement. It wasn't actually much of a challenge. If she knew him, she would see that he actually smiled all the time and had quite the wicked sense of humour. He just didn't smile when he was pissed off or frustrated. "Perhaps do not work on it and it will come naturally," he suggested pointedly. "An aeroplane can throw even the most stablie person off. It messes with the inner ear. But again, it would not be my call to make. It would be theirs. Maybe he would prefer to die in his home land. He is a Scot, afterall."
Buffy dipped her head when she got that feeling like he was watching her and waiting for her to realise something. She hated it when she didn't feel like she got something about Blaise. Still, at least he did look amused and not pissed off or angry. That was something. "Yeah, well, apparently this is the time where I'm supposed to embrace my inner hippie. Not like I don't have the name for it anyway. Now all I need is flowers in my hair and a herb garden. I gotta admit I've barely done any flying. I actually feel lucky about that. LA to Scotland was the second only flight I've ever done. Way too much time stuck in one place. Whatever Rory says about my being a passenger, I'd still prefer driving somewhere. At least there's a chance to pull over and stop and walk around a bit. Maybe it is where he belongs. Even if he's Embraced. He might wanna be reborn there."
Blaise just shrugged at this. "Anything to do with that is lost on me. I know nothing of pregnancy, or anything involved in it. In my time, men had little to no involvement with that. It was a woman's business after the initial conception. Difficult to fathom, but very truthful. Transport debate is unfortunately something I am indifferent to, also. It is not like one can get into a car and drive to Australia, is it?" He gave a small nod. "And perhaps that is understandable. In my humble opinion, he should be a naturally Scottish Kindred. Ros is an amazing Prince. She has that love for her country that most Scots harbour. She is fiercely protective of her Kindred. She has the luxury of an intimate City to be able to keep close tabs on most, and why many Kindred see Edinburgh as a sanctuary. You can understand why we were extremely disturbed to hear you had set up shop there."
Buffy nodded. "Sure, of course I do. I never argued that. I just couldn't have known that I was encroaching on someone's city. I never got the memo, remember? You guys didn't want the Slayer to know. Not until I accidentally stumbled onto you. Blaise, all I ever wanted you to know was that I wasn't after Kindred. Not consciously. I know I might've made some errors in the past, not completely understood what I was facing, but I'm not gonna make those errors now. I've given up the Slayerhood. I'm moving on. I just wanna help keep Kindred protected. Only I'd rather do it here, even if Ros is a really wonderful Prince. She's just not the Prince I'm interested in."
Blaise looked at her with a hint of bemusement this time. He wasn't sure when The Masquerade turned into just hiding from the Slayer, that was a memo he hadn't gotten. "An army of Slayers was always going to encroach on someone. Scottish Hunters, for example. You infiltrated someone else's home and set up a whole realm of combat." He held his hands up. "But it is done now. Hopefully permanently. You will understand that we will not take your mere word on that. Ros will not rest until she has physical proof herself. Her Kindred, especially her Childers, deserve her word that they are safe in their world again. Did you not stop to wonder in the early stages why Airlie did not want to be near you? Oui, Rory told me about that. Airlie was terrified of you. Not of Kindred experience long enough to understand her true safety yet. She will get there. It takes times. When you wake up a completely different being to that you left behind, it is a scary notion. Like it would feel to wake up blind, I believe."
"She was terrified? I thought maybe she just didn't like me. That I wasn't good enough," Buffy said in a small voice. She frowned as she looked back on all her experiences in Scotland and then just sighed. "Look, maybe setting up shop in Edinburgh wasn't the greatest move, but we needed somewhere big enough to house the girls, and we needed somewhere rooted in history. Let's face it, America is big with the fuck you to cultural traditions and history. We just like pretending we came up with the idea for everything first. Giles came up with the idea for Scotland. It's a place built on magic, and the supernatural. Now I know why."
"Buffy, you were a vampire Slayer. She is a vampire, in a loose description of the word which I have no love for whatsoever. She did not know to trust you. We're instinctual. You wave a stick at a dog, what are they going to do? They are going to run, or turn around and bite you. They are not going to stop and ask you why you are there or what the stick is for, are they? It is the same for us. Emphasised tenfold for a Childer. It is probably a large reason why she wiped Xander's mind. She panicked that you would find out. I know she still feels guilt about that. She never wishes to hurt him," Blaise told her, relaying a little of what he had deduced from being near Airlie. "History and magic that has been there for a very, very long time before you all decided to come along and disrupt it. All I can say is in your plight, you were extremely disrespectful to the Scottish culture. You thought you could go in there and make a difference after they have survived perfectly well without you for centuries. They will probably throw a party in that castle when you leave."
"Culture that we weren't even interfering with!" Buffy cried out as she threw her hands up helplessly. "At what point did I ever say that we went hunting in Scotland? That I sent them out to kill the monsters, and stalk the scaries? I didn't. They stayed in the castle walls. The only time they ever left was to get supplies from the shops. The only person who did disrupt anything was me and I did it in a graveyard only. And I only got as far as having Rory slam into me before I got pulled away from that anyway. I did all of two hunts. Both times just to see Rory. I wanted to know who the mysterious and sexy Braveheart was and hey, look what happened. But I know, I know. I trampled where I wasn't supposed to be trampled and I just really hope it's fixed now. I can't apologise enough. I just wanna make it right. I really do."
Blaise was trying to understand, but his practicality just always took over. "And when they were a fully trained army? You would skip over Scotland for, what, Europe? The rest of the world? I am merely musing, Buffy. I am not sure is it something I will ever truly understand. I was merely but the opposition in the war you were preparing for. Why did you not pursue things with Rory? He is a perfectly nice man, very smart, pretty. He has money, a house, he had a job which I believe has since gone by the wayside, and I know he misses. Was he too normal for you? It just makes me wonder. Now I have been connected to him, I have been able to see just how big his heart it."
Buffy had to start laughing, the topic of Rory a welcome change from their continued disagreements on the army. "Are you kidding? You do know both Rory and me, right? We'd kill each other. Maybe I'm not so much a Toreador as he is, but we're similar in a lot of ways that would just make us clash to extremely bloody ends. He's an amazing guy, no doubt about it. I really would be lucky with him, but he's just not the guy I'm supposed to be with. He's my best friend, and he's the father of my kid. That's where it should be. That's where we're happy." She pointed at Blaise. "And for the record, we'll never know what happens, so let's drop it before we ruin tonight."
Blaise merely pointed with a smug smirk. "Ah. Then stop assuming every beautiful woman I am close to is someone I should prospectively be in love with. It is possible to have friends of the opposite sex. Even friends you sleep with to give each other what you need," he pointed out to her, hoping she would be able to see his view point a little now.
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side before she raised her hands in surrender. "Funny how you never asked about Xander, but he's also a friend of the opposite sex. Just no sex has ever gotten in the middle of our friendship, thank god. But I get it," she said as she met his gaze. "I do. And this is me dropping the jealous act, I swear."
"That is because I was not asking out of jealousy, I was merely wondering if you had one set of rules for you and one for me. Have I ever shown jealousy towards you and Rory? Non, I have not. I never judged you for that. I just assumed that when you came to France you wished to pursue something with me, and then to turn around and sleep with two different men after indicating that, I was extremely confused. Concerned that perhaps you had used me to gain information for your Slayer purposes. I am sure you cannot blame me for that," Blaise said quietly. "But I have never denied you the friendships you had or tried to come between them, nor will I ever."
Buffy slid off the stool and moved back over to Blaise and reached out to take his hand in hers as she gave it a squeeze. "I'm really sorry I'm such a basket case. It's not that I want to deny you the friendships that you have, of course I don't. It's just... um, and this really is coming from the pot or the kettle, or whichever way it goes, but it's just a little weird walking in on you with Aidan, and then hearing about you being heard with the Scottish Prince. Knowing that you could have Juliette whenever you wanted. I'm still getting used to it. I just wouldn't change it. I know I wouldn't, because this is part of you. And to have you, I take all of this."
"I was feeding from Ros. I have not fed so intensely from someone in a long time. She matches my power and her blood gives me a lot of strength. She also draws from me. We do not see each other near as much as we wish. We are bound to our Cities. That is just a fact of life. It is rather an intense experience for us to be in each other's presence again after so long. It is not something we share with anyone. It is soley for us. It is not something I can ever apologise for, Buffy. Juliette is my mate. She is part of me. I need her to survive. She and I have not slept together in some time, but we do still feed from each other." Blaise paused and shifted his weight a little. "And Aidan needed me to survive."
Buffy pulled her mouth to the side as she looked down at their hands before she met his gaze. "Do you... Do you think you could ever need me to survive? Or... I don't know. I know you won't do anything with me until the baby is born, but when do you think... What would make you want to... with me." Buffy rubbed her free hand against her forehead and then held her hand up to stop him before he even tried to speak. "Don't answer. I know it's stupid. So don't answer. Let's just play Snooker, or something, okay?"
Blaise shook his head regretfully. "Nothing, Buffy. It is not the same for a lover. I do not ever need them. It is a luxury. Something I just wish for myself when the rest of the world is carrying on outwith these walls. Love is never forever for me. It is sad, but it is the truth. Everyone I have ever fallen in love with has died. Now I am contradicting myself, I realise this. Oui, I need love to survive. But it is not the lover in essence. It is the emotional sensation of it. I am never going to need you to survive, Buffy. Nor would I let that happen, either. Love is something special, not something that should just be taken for sustaining."
"Then would you ever just want me?" Buffy asked him as she shifted weight to her other foot and bit down on her lip as she felt it start to quiver. "Could you ever want me again? Because that's what I wanna be for you, Blaise. I do. And I know I can be. Whenever you need a break, I'm your girl. Or just... always. For as long as I'm on this Earth at least, I'm all yours."
"But it is never just going to be you anymore, is it, Buffy?" Blaise reminded her. He wanted to give her answers, but he couldn't right now. Everything was still so uncertain. He didn't know how he was going to feel around a baby. Very little but a sense to keep away, he assumed, but time would tell. "It never really ever was just you, and maybe this is why this has not been working."
The tears started to roll down her cheeks and she just nodded slowly as she tried to keep herself from crying completely. "I didn't mean for it to be like this, Blaise. I didn't mean for you to have to take two of me. I really didn't."
Blaise gave her a small smile. "It is your life, Buffy. You should have it all. A baby is a gift, and you should cherish it. Cherish your family. It is nothing to feel guilty about. Many people will never know the true miracle it is to create a life, and bring it into this world. It is a love that matches no other I am told. I just cannot tell you at this point what that means for us. I know you want me to, but I will not disrespect you with lies and stretched truths when I really do not have the answers. If I was to base my answers on how I am feeling right now, there would be no point in us continuing anything. But if what I am giving you now, however little it seems to you, is not enough, then perhaps walking away is the right thing to do. Because I do not know what else I can give without it being to my detriment. Life with a Kindred is restricted, Buffy. It is a whole lot of sacrifices. I wish I could say it was not, but it is. For that, I am sorry that I cannot be something else."
"If you were something else, I wouldn't be here, would I? You wouldn't be you. Maybe it wouldn't be as worth it if it was easy. Who wants easy, huh?" Buffy asked as she sniffed. "And it's enough. The little you're giving me is enough. I'm here, aren't I? I just wanted to be clear that I'm not in your way if you didn't want me to be here. It's about finding out if we're on the same page." Buffy shrugged as she let go of his hand. "I think we are. Now we just have to find the same paragraph. I'll understand if you never get past the kid factor, but thank you for just being you, Blaise. And thank you for freeing me of more than just Angel. Hopefully one day you'll realise what you have done for me, that it didn't just go over my head."
"I know it did not go over your head, Buffy," Blaise told her and this time did offer her a smile. "I know more than you think I do. You would not still be here if I did not want you to be. You would not remember any of this. Neither would Rory. I am not going to push anything, though. I am aware of your presence. Very aware. I know when you are here and when you are not. I just need a little more of this, where you can see that I function very differently to you. I need time to feel my way in a situation foreign to me. I need to know I can survive in it. Until I know that, I remain very guarded. This is not just you, it is for everything, and has been for everything ever since I was Embraced. Even when you buy a new television, you have to take the time to tune the channels in. It is the same thing. Think of my feelings right now a lot like that fuzzy haze on the screen."
Buffy's stomach gave a small flip at the sight of the smile. She couldn't help it if it got the butterflies racing, or that it made her smile in response. She used her thumb to indicate herself as she laughed softly. "And you thought the cookie dough analogy was weird. At least I'm not white noise, but having said that... The tuning I can understand. Trust me, I get it." She stretched up to brush her lips against his cheek lightly. "So I'm gonna leave you to your tuning, okay? I'll go take my cookie self elsewhere."
Word Count | 10,963