RP LOG with kindredmi6 | A matter of trust

[notpowers]

As big as that manor house... palace... whatever... seemed to be, it felt claustrophobic to Austin. It was a stunning home, and there was rooms all over the place, but the enormity of what it meant to be there was suffocating. He had agreed to Logan being brought here because it seemed comfortable and it wasn't a hospital, Austin had just never felt more out of place in his life. Having Logan brought here had been relatively easy. There was only one scary moment there where Logan literally lost his balance mid-step when more of that pain overcame his head and he nearly fell flat on his face. Then, because his inner ear was fucked up by then, he started to feel sick and threw up all over an extremely expensive looking rug in the foyer of the place. It wasn't like that sort of thing was common to Kindred, was it? The transfer did take its toll and Logan was exhausted by the time he got there. The room he was given was gorgeous and comfortable, though, decorated in mutual colours with a balcony and view of the gardens. The toilet was easily accessible, too, which was good. Austin was worried his brother wouldn't be able to find his bearings and get upset about it.

But now Logan was sleeping and had been for a few hours. Austin had just stood back and took in everything that was going on around him. There had even been a good portion of time there where Logan seemed just like his old self, and he kept giving Aidan these looks like he wanted to say something, but couldn't quite get it out. He was also adament about not wanting help, too. At least, he was until he lost his balance and then he seemed nervous to move without touching someone. Needless to say, he wasn't going down without a fight. It was late evening, and dark outside in the cold winter night and Austin was sitting outside on the front steps of the mansion keying in a string of text messages and getting a string of buzzing of his phone as they were replied to. He just needed to get out of there for awhile, and it seemed Rory felt the same because Austin had watched just a few minutes before as Rory sped off on that bike he had felt the need to buy. Just like old times.

Austin's forehead creased up as he read the last message and then with a sigh, he set the phone down on the step beside him. It was times like this, he wished he was more than a social smoker, but he wouldn't even know where to get a cigarette in this place if he tried.

Aidan was beginning to learn a few things about the Buchanans. One of which was that besides Rory, he took Austin as a smoker. It was just something about the expressions on the younger man's face. He'd picked them up over his long years, and for the most part he could successfully read a mortal. While he had no need for cigarettes himself, he knew Thomas indulged and it wasn't hard for Aidan to convince his Sire to part with a couple of cigarettes. He had them tucked in his pocket until he found Austin sitting out on the steps and he pulled one out as well as offering a lighter as he sat down beside his lover's brother. "Are you alright, mate?"

Austin did a slight double-take when he looked at the cigarettes in Aidan's hand. Of course, it was followed by a sharp look that clearly said 'You better not be digging around in my mind, Kindred', but it didn't last. Just enough for Aidan to know that Austin wouldn't take any shit. It was probably a fact that was common knowledge by now anyway. He accepted the cigarettes gratefully. "Cheers," he murmured, putting one between his lips and lighting it up. He inhaled deeply, letting the nicotine do its job before he blew the smoke out in a stream before him. "Alright in comparison to what? A nuclear bombing, then aye. All peachy," he finally replied with a hint of a trademark Buchanan smirk.

Aidan held his hands up slightly after Austin took the offered gift. "Not one of my powers," he answered with a slight rise of his eyebrows. "I'm just a pretty run of the mill Kindred compared to say... the Prince of Paris. I just know the nicotine craving look when I see it." He clenched his jaw when he also realised that Austin was igniting his hunger. He was a soldier, of course near death experiences would be in his history. Aidan quickly looked away and tried to think of something that would diminish his appetite, but it wasn't going to be quite that easy. All the Buchanan brothers seemed capable of making his mouth water. "Okay, so bad question. Breaking the ice was never really my strong suit."

Austin's eyebrows rose just slightly as he looked at the burning end of the cigarette glowing in the dim light and then met Aidan's gaze. "Oh aye? So, that means you've come to find me for another reason then," he guessed. "And I have to figure out what level of pissed off I'm going to let myself get without losing it completely. He is going to ask you to Embrace him, you realise that, aye? I am just not entirely convinced that it's what he really wants. He is a Buchanan. I think there is a very large portion of him in there that wants to just die with dignity."

Aidan pushed his hand over his hair, pushing back the loose strands that had fallen from his ponytail. "If he doesn't want it, then he won't be Embraced. If there's any doubt, then any kind of attempt to Embrace him will be dealt with by the Prince. And not in a good way, mate. I can't do it, okay? I can't Embrace him. I'm his lover, I don't want that ruined by being his Sire, or by an attempt to Embrace him that is against his will on any level."

"He asks, and it is out of the Prince's hands," Austin reminded him. "Nay matter what Logan's intentions. So, what's with the cold feet? I know you were thinking it when I first got here. Doesnae take a genius. You might never meet anyone worthy of mating with in your whole long life. Sometimes, Kindred get one bite at the apple. Others need love to exist. He dies, and his body dies, there is nay digging him up for a second chance when you think you have made the wrong decision. He isnae going to ask anyone else to Sire him. He doesnae trust anyone else. That is your predicament right there."

Aidan scratched at his chin and gave a slight shake of his head. "Because I can't stand the idea of him hating me if this goes wrong. All I've done is think about it, and ask Blaise... Ask Thomas. They've both Sired. And they have both avoided Siring lovers. It doesn't always work. Being a Sire to a Childer is a different relationship. It very rarely works when you're lovers. I do this, and I risk losing him in more ways than one. I do this, and... he would continue having a life of some kind. I guess it's worth the sacrifice, but I can't help but feel like I should grieve."

Austin was quiet for a long time, simply putting the cigarette back to his lips as he indulged in the vice to try and calm him down a little. He never indulged when he was deployed. He needed to maintain absolute health as much as he could, especially his lungs. But he did when he was away, more socially at parties or hanging out at the pub. Or apparently when his brother was dying. He shifted his feet, his heavy Army-issue boots scuffing on the steps below and breaking the silence. "Everyone is going to grieve. He's dying no matter what we do. If he gets Embraced, whatever he turns into, he's still gonna be our brother. But you're just a lover, with all due respect. You're not obligated to him in anyway. He's nay your blood. You can walk away any time you like if he doesnae turn oot to be what you want. So, I dinnae see what your problem is? Three options here. He dies. We bury him. End of story. Two, he is Embraced and he stays pretty much who he is now. Or Three, he's Embraced, and he changes. Maybe a wee bit, maybe completely. All three options, you can walk away whenever you like. You arenae linked to him beyond a claim. You Sire him, and you're beholding to him. Are you too chicken shit for that?"

"Did you really just ask if I was chicken shit?" Aidan asked as he bared his fangs and his eyes shifted to silver. "Mate, it's not about being chicken shit. It's about loving the man Logan is. I love him completely and wholly. It's not just about the claim, it's about how I feel about him. There is no walking away. I can't walk away. Maybe I'm not blood, but I'm not abandoning him. I'm also not chicken shit, I'm just... Option three scares me and I'm sorry for that. But if he asks me, then I'll Embrace him. I can't exactly trust anyone else with this just like Logan can't. Question is, would you trust me with it?"

Austin gave a dismissive wave of his hand and rolled his eyes. "Please. Spare me. You dinnae scare me. You arenae anymore gonna fang into me without my consent on a Prince's property than I am going to open fire on everyone here with an AK47. I do think you're chicken shit, aye. I think you're trying to feather your own nest and in the mix up, you're losing sight of what Logan really needs. You're scared to be alone, you're scared to lose him, you're scared to Sire him in case it effects your relationship. What about Logan's feelings, huh? Are you really going to let a stranger Embrace him that he has to spend all this time with as a Sire learning to be Kindred and you're just going to sit aside filing your nails and waiting for him to come and fuck you again? Screw you, dude. Everyone has to make sacrifices here. You know what scares me? Every single fucking option. Because nay matter what happens, I'm losing my brother. It's nay my decision to make, it's his."

"That's where you're wrong," Aidan murmured as his fangs retracted and he rubbed his hand over his face. "It's not just his decision. He won't do anything that he thinks will hurt his brothers. He cares about both of you. He's a loyal Buchanan through and through. If he thinks there's any chance Embrace will drive you away, then he won't do it. Do you understand that? There's downsides to every option, and not just because I want to feather my nest. And really? Filing my nails? Fuck you for that, Sergeant."

Austin merely flipped him off, unphased. He was a solider. He had seen and heard about all the tough talk and action one could take their fill off. "It is still his decision. Whatever bears that decision is not for us to judge on. Are you seriously asking me if I understand my own brother? Fuck yes, I understand that! I understand him better than you do, so dinnae fuck with me on that point, Wright. Do not even. If he doesnae want to be Embraced because it is protecting us, it is still his choice. Just because you dinnae agree with it, doesnae mean it isnae."

Aidan held his hands up once again in a show of surrender. "I'm sorry, Austin. I never said I didn't agree with it. I never said anything of the sort. I don't wish Logan to be Embraced if he doesn't want it. I wouldn't think ill of him for not wanting to be Embraced, for just wanting to meet his end with dignity. I'll respect whatever decision he does make. Just as I'll respect your family. I'm not interested in fighting. I just want to know that Logan's in the right place. That he'll... That he'll have his family around him."

"It was Logan's choice to cut us off, you have to have to remember. I only kept in touch because I'm an arsehole and didnae leave him alone. I demanded to know what the fuck he was playing at. But our folks respected that he apparently wanted his space, and Rory... Rory was too hurt and sad to have enough in him to fight. He knew he pushed us all away when he lost his family, but he still kept in touch when he could. Logan just... didnae. Alright? So dinnae question if we will be there for him. We always have, just from afar," Austin told him quietly and stubbed out the cigarette. He reflexively checked his phone on the off chance he had missed a message, but the display was empty. "I know it's hard. If he chooses to die, it's going to be hell. But I am also nay going to let him have his final days filled with negativity and people giving him will-he, won't-he looks left and right. Pretty soon, I am going to step in and cut all that off, just so you know. From then on, everyone is just going to have to sit back and deal on their own, and wait for him to make the call."

"Am I giving him those looks? I don't want to be giving him those looks," Aidan murmured. "I don't want his last days to be depressing. I don't want him thinking that I don't want to be around him, that I think it's a burden. I just want to have what time with I can. Without taking it away from you and Rory. Or your parents. They're good people, and I hate that they'll get hurt no matter what happens." Aidan didn't miss the covert check of Austin's phone, but he waited to mention it. "Are you expecting to hear from someone special?"

"Everyone is giving him those looks. I'm nay pointing fingers. I just dinnae want his last thoughts to be whether he should die or be Embraced. We need to let him chill and live what time he has left. If he turns around and asks for Embrace, then we'll cross that bridge then, but dinnae let it be all encompassing. Hopefully now he's back here and it's all... rich and expensive, and nay a hospital, it'll be different. Even if he's still feeling sick. I hate when that shit happens to him out of the blue. Cannae help him. It fucks with my head," Austin admitted in a mumble and looked at his phone, shaking his head. "No, nay right now. Wishful thinking, maybe."

Aidan nodded in agreement at the feeling helpless, knowing that there was little he could do to help Logan right now either. It wasn't like he could lick his brain better. It was part of his frustration. Aidan had all this strength as a Kindred, and none of it could get passed on to Logan when he really needed it. Not unless he was Embraced, and that would mean killing him anyway. It didn't exactly sit well with him. "All we can do is trying and make his last days... comfortable. Wishful thinking because you're not yet together, or wishful thinking in regards to getting a message?"

"Aye, except Logan isnae going doon withoot a fight. You realise this, aye? He willnae want to sit around and convalesce. He'll want to be doing all he can. Hell, ten bucks says he tries to throw the Bucket List issue at you, and he'll be wanting oot there skydiving and swimming with sharks and shit. Mark my words. He's my brother, I know him better than myself sometimes," Austin stated and lit up the second cigarette. He smirked faintly and cleared his throat. "Wishful thinking 'cause it's my wife?" he offered.

Aidan's eyebrows shot up. "You're married? I'm sorry, I had no idea. I shouldn't be surprised... but I am. Congratulations. As for the Bucket List, is that even possible? If he forgets he wants to jump out of a plane while he's jumping out of a plane, what's that going to do to his head?"

Austin gave a slight nod. "Aye, but dinnae be all blurting it oot 'round Rory or Logan. Or my folks. No one knows. It was just... freak military decision. Blame soldiers being fecked in the head sometimes. Nay that I think it's fecked. Far from it, mind." He flicked some of the ash over the side of the steps. "Probably willnae matter. What's he got to lose, aye? I'm just saying. Logan isnae backwards in coming forwards. He's always been the sort to go head-first into something. I was the thrillseeker. Rory was the home laddie, the calming influence. We just pulled the piss outta him for it."

Aidan rubbed his lip with his thumb thoughtfully before he started to smile. "Your secret's safe with me, mate. I'm not about to go blabbing. It's also, ah... well, it's something I've been thinking about. Wondering about. Given that Logan shouldn't really remember anything from being sick, I'm not sure if I should maybe marry him or not. It's not that I don't want to marry him before you think I'm being a prick. I do. I love him, and I'd want to show him how much before it's too late... Well, if he really wants to carry out a Bucket List, I'm sure you'll help him."

Austin gave a shrug. "Only reason I got hitched was because I might nay have come oot of a dangerous situation alive. It was sort of an agreeable bet. We had a couple of beers one night, and on rations for food, booze goes straight to your fecking head, like. We got depressed, we were heading into some dangerous territory, and they dared me to do it. So we just did. In saying that, you marry him and then he gets Embraced, unlikely he'll mind the actual act. It's aboot something way deep doon inside. Sometimes you just know. I dinnae mind. My family always thought I wouldnae get married. That was Rory's deal."

"I'm sure he'd be happy for you. They both would be. Sometimes it's not about what is your deal or not, but just what you want. And if he doesn't get Embraced, then at least he will have this to remember. He'll know I'm not going to desert him." Aidan's nose crinkled slightly before he cast his gaze up at the night sky. "Just as well Kindred don't piss our pants at the sight of a priest."

"Just go civil. Our family isnae really religious. I mean, we're Christened and all that, but we dinnae practice. Rory's marriage was a civil ceremony, so was mine. A priest isnae going to make the situation anymore real. I do have to ask, though. Would you have done this he hadnae gotten sick? Maybe nay right now, but at some point? Because he'll probably ask you the same thing." Austin put his hand up and toyed with the ring hanging on a chain around his neck through his shirt. "As for me, like. The Army dinnae mind I'm married. I married someone lower in rank to me withoot permission. Then news of Logan came, so I just sat on it."

Aidan shook his head. "I'm hardly about to run off and tell them either. It doesn't matter to me. If you're happy, you're happy. If you're in love, then even better. And yes, yes I would have done this eventually. Either way I'd only have had limited time with Logan. I would have done this, I would have made sure he had everything in life. Truth was I was thinking about it before any of this happened, just Rory got attacked and the idea had to take a back seat. I didn't even get to pick up the ring I ordered. Now I have to see if they'll send it to France."

Austin was quiet for a few moments before he spoke. "I'm in love, but happy... nay really something I can tap into now. She's over there, I'm here. Logan's dying, Rory's been hurt." He nodded slowly, watching the cigarette between his fingers again. "Aye, and I'm sure if they dinnae, you just name drop the Prince and they will. He seems to have his fingers in all sorts of pies. You'll make my folks happy, to say the least. A wee bit of happiness before he... he..." He waved his fingers, clearing his throat.

Aidan gave Austin a small smile. "Can't deny it's a little convenient at least having you all here. I know it's for the wrong reasons, but it makes things a lot either. And better for Logan. He doesn't have to become guilty over knowing that you weren't here, or that Rory wasn't here. There'll be no regrets I hope. I just need to find the right moment to ask him."

"I spoke to his doctors. They think he has only been confused because of the initial trauma of the biopsy. The tumour isnae located in a place that would give him this level of problems yet. It might spread there, sure, but for now, they think over a few more days, he might get back on his feet a wee bit. Still gotta take it easy, though. I'm supposed to try and talk to him aboot chemo, too. Again, I dinnae mind how he is going to feel aboot that. He apparently wanted it initially," Austin explained.

"He did," Aidan murmured as he leant back and rested his weight on his hands. He took a moment to stretch out his legs and once again tried to fight the urge to just lean over and sink his fangs into Austin. Not only was he to Aidan's taste, but if he was truly in love then he'd definitely be to the Prince's taste. The Buchanans really did fill every Ventrue's wildest dreams it seemed. "He wanted to try everything, erm, 'natural' before he tried Embracing. I just don't know that it's worth it if he's going to die regardless."

Austin shrugged once again. "Some of the doctors think it might halt the progression of the tumour, give him longer. One even thinks it could put him into remission, but then another thinks it might kill him quicker. That's the medical profession for you. I'd personally like to get some more opinions before deciding anything, but it's all a time thing again. Either way, it's going to tear him a new one. If scaling some stairs throws him off enough to make him spew from here to the North Pole and back, what is something like chemo going to do to him?"

Aidan scrunched his face up. "It's going to make him feel like shit. It's not like I've had to go through anything like this, but I can imagine. Especially from what I've read and heard. We don't know that Logan's going to have the energy to fight the tumour and the chemo. If the doctors can't agree on a bloody thing, then I don't see why he should risk it."

Austin looked over at Aidan, quiet as he analysed him closely. "Worried what Kindred body he will be left with, huh?" he guessed quietly.

Aidan wanted to disagree but instead all he could do was nod slowly. "Yeah, I am... I'm sorry for that."

Austin was watching Aidan closely though and he finished off the second cigarette before stubbing it out with his boot as the last vestiges of the smoke was blown out slowly. "What if he wants it? Has it, and then decides barely hours before he dies that he wants to be Embraced?" he asked. "Are you gonna say nay because he looks too dodgy?"

Aidan shook his head. "No, no... Of course not. Give me a little credit here, Sergeant. If he decides at the last moment... I'd still Embrace him."

"I am giving you credit. Forever is a long time to look like a sick person. He's already lost weight. Did you not even realise he was sick before? Was it literally just waking up one day, and hello tumour?" Austin asked, getting a bit frustrated at the whole situation. Logan hadn't mentioned a single thing to him about feeling sick or bad in anyway. Most of the latest emails had been regarding Rory. Logan didn't talk about himself at all.

"He'd had his head knocked by your brother. As far as I knew it was just all side effects of that. Not to mention the stress of knowing that a brother he hadn't seen in a long time was suddenly in France, and suddenly at the wrong end of a Kindred attack." Aidan threw his hands up in surrender before he gave a shake of his head. "I wish I'd noticed before, but I hadn't. I wish I could have stopped it before, but I couldn't. I tried to feed from him, and it was very much hello tumour."

Austin rubbed his face tiredly, wishing he was actually sitting there preferring to be in the midst of a warzone as opposed to facing his brother's death. Out of the frying pan, and all that. He didn't even begin to know how to tell his family he was married, and he missed his wife. They had been close friends for ages. She joined the Army the same time he had, but she was a medic, with their unit to be directly on hand for any casualties. Perving on her just became second nature. And she was out there without him, and he couldn't protect her. "He's a fuck. He was probably hiding shit from you, you realise that, aye? He's good at that... I guess we all are."

Aidan frowned and turned to look at Austin. "Part of being with a Buchanan, isn't it? Part of being with a trained secret service operative. It's not as if I can judge him for keeping secrets. I just wished he'd bloody said something to me earlier. I still can't shake the look on his face... He didn't need a doctor to know he was dying. I gave him the fucking death sentence."

Austin gave a slight nod. "I had to... do something similar out on the frontline once. My friend got mortally wounded. He wasnae gonna make it oot alive. He'd lost too much blood. He asked me to..." He gave a shrug in lieu of completing the comment, pulling his lips to the side and shifting akwardly where he was sitting. "I know how you feel, on some level."

Aidan reached out to rest his hand lightly on Austin as an act of comfort. "I'm glad someone does because I can't always seem to verbalise it without sounding like a prick. I'm not going to abandon your brother, Austin. Whatever happens... I'll stay by him."

"I will kill you if you screw him over." Austin words were succinct, albeit quietly issued. They had a hardness to them and he looked over, meeting Aidan's gaze seriously before he broke it again a few moments later. It wasn't a threat, it was a promise. Austin knew exactly how to kill Kindred and he wouldn't hesistate if Aidan ever hurt his brother to the point of no return. Sure there was emotional hurt that came with relationships. That wasn't what he was talking about. It was to do with the Embrace and everything following it.

"If I screw him over, I will welcome it," Aidan admitted quietly. He accepted the promise from the younger Buchanan. How could he not? If he ever did hurt Logan that badly, Aidan would have taken extreme measures upon himself. He wouldn't have deserved to keep existing. Logan was the love of his life. He didn't want to be the cause of any pain to Logan if he could help it.

Word Count | 4,771