just fuck.
I've spent these past couple months , mostly the whole school year, looking at my pencil in class and thinking of how to kill myself.
because i just want to lock myself up in my room and never come out sometimes most of the time.
and everyone around me is so happy and im just so angry inside and i'm sure i've mastered how to smile by now.
there is pain in my head rather just around all my body and my heart if ever feels anything besides a heaviness that weighs me down.
and the only time i feel okay is when i pretend i don't exist.
then my mind becomes scrabbled and everything goes to black and i wake up in my room at four in the morning with a arm covered with my blood and i laugh because its the only thing i can do to keep me sane anymore
because hearing everyone just say take the pills take the pills racks at my brain and suffocates me with their expectations.
while life is just becoming a blur i don't know the line between my dreams and my reality.
because i just want to lock myself up in my room and never come out sometimes most of the time.
and everyone around me is so happy and im just so angry inside and i'm sure i've mastered how to smile by now.
there is pain in my head rather just around all my body and my heart if ever feels anything besides a heaviness that weighs me down.
and the only time i feel okay is when i pretend i don't exist.
then my mind becomes scrabbled and everything goes to black and i wake up in my room at four in the morning with a arm covered with my blood and i laugh because its the only thing i can do to keep me sane anymore
because hearing everyone just say take the pills take the pills racks at my brain and suffocates me with their expectations.
while life is just becoming a blur i don't know the line between my dreams and my reality.