Mmmm
Busy...
So I have plenty to do, almost all of the time. I still find myself lazing a little. I kind of think I earn it ;)
Anyway,
This is more of a journal... diary... ish post.
There were some hard days this week.
But whats most important is that I keep up the good fight.
I spend a lot of time every day praying. Every morning before class, and every night in bed before I go to sleep. I've read a lot too. In some respects I've come a long way, in other respects I'm always tempted to abandon any growth to fear or suffering.
I am assaulted with tempting thoughts - about relationships, about how I hurt. And they are simply that - temptations. I could attribute them to myself, and I could call them true. But they aren't. Something that would call me to be less than myself, something that would ask me to let go of good spiritual growth, it has no basis in good followingness.
That is, I am tempted to hurt because I am lonely. Even typing that draws up the desire to hurt. Do you know, you can put down that desire without hiding it? There's a big difference. Hiding it builds it up for the future, and stings constantly in the present. Putting it down is just... letting go of the need to suffer. I am not alone. Not just because I have wonderful friends (I Do!). I am never alone, and cannot ever be. I am always in the presence of absolute love that not only includes me but actively invites me to take comfort in it! What can I ever lack in human affection, with such a source of absolute, pure, true love?
And I know that while human affection is lovely, and sweet and a great expression of love, that it may be easier to spread greater love to all by forgoing certain forms of human affection. The bible talks about how blessed are those who do not marry, for they think on the Lord. (obviously not an exact quote) and how, for those who are tempted it is good for them to marry, but then they think on how to please their spouse. I can resist temptation. I don't think I have a 'gift of singleness' or however it is put. But I do know my absolute complete desire is to god, and to express true love to every being on His earth.
I think I posted about the tattoos-
My Father has my treasure
and He will walk with me.
My heart belongs to only God, and with my Lord, I can never be alone.
I can't wait to continue in my growth of love. Already I see great examples of how following God with my complete heart and full trust will bring about not only a stronger personal identity, but boundless blessings.
My friend from Saudi that I hadn't heard from in years? I got an email from her.
A friend from highschool that I hadn't heard from in a year contacted me.
At school, people come up to me and talk to me... even though we've never met. And I care about them, really - not to be 'me caring about them' but because I really do.
I see everyone as so absolutely beautiful I cry a lot because I'm too happy.
Thank you, Father.
I'm probably going to go happy cry again :)
I hope you all have loverly days!
So I have plenty to do, almost all of the time. I still find myself lazing a little. I kind of think I earn it ;)
Anyway,
This is more of a journal... diary... ish post.
There were some hard days this week.
But whats most important is that I keep up the good fight.
I spend a lot of time every day praying. Every morning before class, and every night in bed before I go to sleep. I've read a lot too. In some respects I've come a long way, in other respects I'm always tempted to abandon any growth to fear or suffering.
I am assaulted with tempting thoughts - about relationships, about how I hurt. And they are simply that - temptations. I could attribute them to myself, and I could call them true. But they aren't. Something that would call me to be less than myself, something that would ask me to let go of good spiritual growth, it has no basis in good followingness.
That is, I am tempted to hurt because I am lonely. Even typing that draws up the desire to hurt. Do you know, you can put down that desire without hiding it? There's a big difference. Hiding it builds it up for the future, and stings constantly in the present. Putting it down is just... letting go of the need to suffer. I am not alone. Not just because I have wonderful friends (I Do!). I am never alone, and cannot ever be. I am always in the presence of absolute love that not only includes me but actively invites me to take comfort in it! What can I ever lack in human affection, with such a source of absolute, pure, true love?
And I know that while human affection is lovely, and sweet and a great expression of love, that it may be easier to spread greater love to all by forgoing certain forms of human affection. The bible talks about how blessed are those who do not marry, for they think on the Lord. (obviously not an exact quote) and how, for those who are tempted it is good for them to marry, but then they think on how to please their spouse. I can resist temptation. I don't think I have a 'gift of singleness' or however it is put. But I do know my absolute complete desire is to god, and to express true love to every being on His earth.
I think I posted about the tattoos-
My Father has my treasure
and He will walk with me.
My heart belongs to only God, and with my Lord, I can never be alone.
I can't wait to continue in my growth of love. Already I see great examples of how following God with my complete heart and full trust will bring about not only a stronger personal identity, but boundless blessings.
My friend from Saudi that I hadn't heard from in years? I got an email from her.
A friend from highschool that I hadn't heard from in a year contacted me.
At school, people come up to me and talk to me... even though we've never met. And I care about them, really - not to be 'me caring about them' but because I really do.
I see everyone as so absolutely beautiful I cry a lot because I'm too happy.
Thank you, Father.
I'm probably going to go happy cry again :)
I hope you all have loverly days!