A Marty Stu uke for Beyond Birthday
Story Or Series Title: Alex's epic Death Note Adventure
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: savannahamminga
Full Name (plus titles if any): Alex Yami and "the fake name of Tenshii Yami" and, in a later chapter, "Alexander Tenshii Yami-Hikari"
Full Species(es): Gary Stu or Marty Stu and is "a hard core Death Note fan"
Hair Color (include adjectives): "with black Lelouch Lamprouge style hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): Has "black contact lenses" and "the most girlish of all were his very gentle eyes which were a strawberry jam colored" and in a later chapter "he put in blue contact lenses so that his eyes would be a deep violet".
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Various, including: "snow white skin, meaning as pale as Near's skin and hair color. He wore all black clothing with a choker that covered a scar from a suicide attempt" (this scar is shaped exactly like A's scar), "a very feminine figure, curvy and wide hips, curvy legs, and very feminine facial features" and "used to wearing girls' clothes, because he had to disguise himself to escape his fan girls/boys", "a very fragile person physically". He also weighs "less than 50 pounds, 70 at the most".
Special Possessions (if any): In addition to a credit card that mysteriously appears in his pocket, two theme songs (one given to him by a shinigami), a pen that can "morph into a giant mallet" and is named "Mallet-San", "the Staff of the Sun", "the Katana of the Lost Souls", "a laptop, change of cloths, a web camera, cups of instant ramen, pens/pencils, a sketch book, and the death note that had been beside him when he woke up in that alley. He had put a book cover on it. He had also purchased a pair of large sunglasses, for obvious reasons." and "all of his many CD's and his CD player with him" and "his laptop, which somehow had all of the files from his old computer from his old world" and "his three medications" that are for "depression psychosis and so that I will not cough up a lot of blood" and a "belt/chain combo that he wrapped around himself six times, and it still hung loosely around his hips" in addition to other "Gothic clothing". A shinigami named "Marren" or "Alpha". Has in his closet "a simple Lolita gothic dress. It was long, black, and silk. There was a cobalt blue lace around the neck and bottom of it. He picked out a blood red velvet chocker, simple black velvet slipper shoes, and a crescent moon earring with an emerald in it. "
Annoying Origin: From the real world, mysteriously appearing in the Death Note world. One of the last members of a slaughtered clan: "Out of the 599 members of the clan (excluding the pregnant woman) I am one of nine survivors." He fights against "the Order Of The Bloody Crow" and has "killed over 1,000 men and woman in order to survive".
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Because of seeing the series he can find any Death Note characters with ease. These characters love him, trust him and fall in love with him (particularly Beyond does). His shinigami is a reincarnation of A (A is a canon character from the prequel novel). He "cares for B with a passion only heard of but never before seen except from Romeo and Juliet".
Annoying Special Abilities: Various, including: "Alex was born with the shinigami eyes" and "he always for some reason smelled like warm brown sugar and vanilla". Able to hack into government websites. Able to hack into L's computer system and disable L's cameras, and to encrypt files so that neither Matt nor L can read them. Can see both Rem and Ryuk without needing to touch their respective death notes. His death note has the special property that people who touch it cannot see his shinigami unless Alex wants them to. Cannot be killed by death notes. Able to sing "with such pain that it would make even L cry". He can "manipulate his voice to where it could sound like a natural girl voice". Also he "made a black rose appear out of thin air, but it really was sleight of hand." He can speak Latin fluently.
Other Annoying Traits: Various, including: "is an unorthodox Jashinist" (this is a Naruto-based religion that has actual real-life adherents but is generally considered annoying/fake like otakukin are considered), "he only had a year left to live", "he just radiated an aura that said, don't mess with me or suffer the consequences." and "had an IQ of 250 he was an absolute genius" and "a 24yr old virgin, who never even 'relieved' himself so to speak". Despite being a virgin, he has somehow been "the uke" in "the few relationships he had had".
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)
Note: I am breaking up the excerpts into paragraphs for readability, instead of the giant blocks of text they actually are. I haven't made any other changes. I'm not really sporking these bits with my own comments, because I think it's generally so obviously ridiculous that it sporks itself better than I could.
The canon timeline is screwed up, the canon characters have screwed up personalities, and nearly every feature of how things work in Death Note is presented wrongly.
From "chapter two: meeting Beyond and L" (which is actually the 3rd chapter):
Alex thought for a moment when he was out and dressed, and decided too cook breakfast for everyone. Half way through cooking Watari came into the kitchen and smiled that grandfatherly smile of his, and started helping. When they were done he went and got a cart to wheel all of the food out on. (Alex had made L chocolate chip pancakes) before they left the kitchen Alex remembered the strawberry jam for Beyond. It was now 12:30. When they got to the 'command center' as Alex called it Beyond was already looking at files, and nobody noticed the two figures in the doorway with food, So Alex though of something to get the attention of everyone.
He set his CD player to radio speaker mode and played a part of " The Greatest Show Unearthed", and sung along with it in a really creepy voice "Welcome to the lower birth, The greatest show unearthed: We appear without a sound, The darkest show around, We will leave you in a daze -Madness, murder, dismay! We will disappear at night, with blood on the concrete" to say that the others were startled was the understatement of all time.
Alex laughed at the scared s****less look Matsuda had on his face. He turned his music off after he got everyone's attention. "Breakfast is served gentlemen. I hope you like it Watari-San helped me make half of it."
The task force had awed expressions on their faces at the veritable feast in front of them. Alex handed L his chocolate chip pancakes. After taking out his contact lenses he stepped back far enough so he could see everyone's life spans, his eyes glowing red in the light of the computers.
Aiazawa (sp?) looked up and gasped "What the hell?" That startled tone made everyone look up from their food including Beyond, who was eating the crud out of the poor jam. The others soon started staring, Beyond was staring in wonder.
L was the first to speak "Tenshii-San why are your eyes red when they were black a moment before?"
"L-San I was born with the eyes of a god of death, I can see what the second Kira sees. I wear contacts so people can not be startled by my eye color. I can see a person's whole name and their remaining life spans. It appears just by being here my presence has put a chink in Kira's plans and lengthened L's and B's life spans by two years already."
L had a thoughtful look on his face; the others had distrustful looks, except Beyond who had a star struck look in his eyes, which were full of love as well. Yes he admitted to himself that he loved Alex.
From "chapter 4: rainy love confessions":
He was on page 758 when there was a knock on his door.
"Tenshii-san can Misa come in?"
Alex sighed resignedly. (Spelling?)
"Of course Misa-chan, you can come in."
Misa entered the room with a bounce in her step. "Misa wonders that is you don't like Light, then who do you like?"
Alex blushed as he went over to his laptop and pulled up the newest picture of Beyond. It was a picture of Beyond with blood stained white wings, a sadistic smile, and a blood stained knife; which he was licking the blood off of.
"I am in love with Beyond Birthday Misa-chan." He turned the laptop so that it was facing Misa.
"I also know that you are the second KIra, I can see Rem standing behind you, but do not worry I will not say anything to L. Lawliet aka L. as long as Beyond or L are not harmed."
Misa stiffened, but relaxed as Alex finished his speech. I will not harm him then, and Tenshii-san that picture is amazing!" Alex had to cover his ears Misa yelled so loud.
From "Chapter seven: theme songs and pasts":
"The reason you don't have a theme B is because you were killed in prison in the anime; thus were never even mentioned, although you were referenced to i.e. the 'Epic L Freak Out'*. Sorry". Everyone thought about that for a moment, and then realized there was nothing anyone could say about that.
Beyond sat beside Alex and pulled the fragile frame into his stronger one. "Hey L I want you to contact the Whammy trio and get them here; that way it will be easier for me to save the ones who die. Out of all of your successors, L, Near ends up being the soul survivor by the end of the Kira case. My friend Cream would kill me if I let anything happen to Matt or Mello. She calls Mello 'MarshMello'. It is quite funny."
L nodded his head and stood up, Beyond helped Alex up and held his hand. They walked to the control room. L got a video link to the orphanage set up and contacted Rodger. The whammy trio came in the room five minutes later.
"Mello, Matt and Near I want you in Japan with me during the Kira Case, well technically Alex, my 'advisor' wants you here for your protection. You shall pack your bags tonight and leave in the morning. And Beyond Birthday or B is working with me as well. That is all." And with that done L shut off the video link.
From "Chapter 8: the three demons a hospital":
"I asked L to bring you here for your own protection. I hope we can be great friends, and do not mind L's social retardation." Alex told the tree gob smacked boys in front of him. He snuggled closer to Beyond as he was talking. Beyond started laughing his a** off at the social retardation comment that his lover made. "you are a little devil aren't you my beloved Dark Angel?" B asked Alex when the laughs stopped. "who-ever said I was nice? I try to live up to my first middle name and reputation. I am called an angelic demon, because I can be a sometimes sinner sometimes saint. I have a song that describes how I can be at times." Alex hopped down off of B's lap and found the song "Sometimes" by Skillet.
From "chapter 9: elevator chaos?":
"Earth to Alex, come in Alex" Alex jumped when he heard Matt say those words. Over the past few days Near, Matt, and Mello had become Alex's 'brothers' in a sense. Light had come out of the closet and so did L, Near, and Mello. Matt was revealed to be bisexual, and Alpha had become very protective of Alex. They were all in Alex's room at the moment. Alex was in Beyond's lap on the bed. L was in a plush chair, Light in the one next to his. Matt was leaning on the wall, standing up. Mello and Near were sitting on either side of BB and Alex on the bed. Alex was on his laptop looking at a picture of four out of the five most important people in his life.
"Hey Alex, do you miss the four goobers known as Adrian, Akira, Cream, and Snow?"
"Yes I do."
"do you want them here? Because I can bring them here if you want."
"Would you?"
"Yes I will"
"THANK YOU!"
"DON'T YELL!"
"HYPOCRITE!"
"I KNOW!"
Alpha was tense for a few seconds before a portal opened on the ceiling and three figures dropped out of it with three resounding noises.
"OOOF" *Adrian*
"OW" *Cream a.k.a. Kristen*
"Hm" *Akira, almost an Uchiha moment*
"…" *silent Snow*
"Hi guys!" *Alex*
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: savannahamminga
Full Name (plus titles if any): Alex Yami and "the fake name of Tenshii Yami" and, in a later chapter, "Alexander Tenshii Yami-Hikari"
Full Species(es): Gary Stu or Marty Stu and is "a hard core Death Note fan"
Hair Color (include adjectives): "with black Lelouch Lamprouge style hair"
Eye Color (include adjectives): Has "black contact lenses" and "the most girlish of all were his very gentle eyes which were a strawberry jam colored" and in a later chapter "he put in blue contact lenses so that his eyes would be a deep violet".
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Various, including: "snow white skin, meaning as pale as Near's skin and hair color. He wore all black clothing with a choker that covered a scar from a suicide attempt" (this scar is shaped exactly like A's scar), "a very feminine figure, curvy and wide hips, curvy legs, and very feminine facial features" and "used to wearing girls' clothes, because he had to disguise himself to escape his fan girls/boys", "a very fragile person physically". He also weighs "less than 50 pounds, 70 at the most".
Special Possessions (if any): In addition to a credit card that mysteriously appears in his pocket, two theme songs (one given to him by a shinigami), a pen that can "morph into a giant mallet" and is named "Mallet-San", "the Staff of the Sun", "the Katana of the Lost Souls", "a laptop, change of cloths, a web camera, cups of instant ramen, pens/pencils, a sketch book, and the death note that had been beside him when he woke up in that alley. He had put a book cover on it. He had also purchased a pair of large sunglasses, for obvious reasons." and "all of his many CD's and his CD player with him" and "his laptop, which somehow had all of the files from his old computer from his old world" and "his three medications" that are for "depression psychosis and so that I will not cough up a lot of blood" and a "belt/chain combo that he wrapped around himself six times, and it still hung loosely around his hips" in addition to other "Gothic clothing". A shinigami named "Marren" or "Alpha". Has in his closet "a simple Lolita gothic dress. It was long, black, and silk. There was a cobalt blue lace around the neck and bottom of it. He picked out a blood red velvet chocker, simple black velvet slipper shoes, and a crescent moon earring with an emerald in it. "
Annoying Origin: From the real world, mysteriously appearing in the Death Note world. One of the last members of a slaughtered clan: "Out of the 599 members of the clan (excluding the pregnant woman) I am one of nine survivors." He fights against "the Order Of The Bloody Crow" and has "killed over 1,000 men and woman in order to survive".
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Because of seeing the series he can find any Death Note characters with ease. These characters love him, trust him and fall in love with him (particularly Beyond does). His shinigami is a reincarnation of A (A is a canon character from the prequel novel). He "cares for B with a passion only heard of but never before seen except from Romeo and Juliet".
Annoying Special Abilities: Various, including: "Alex was born with the shinigami eyes" and "he always for some reason smelled like warm brown sugar and vanilla". Able to hack into government websites. Able to hack into L's computer system and disable L's cameras, and to encrypt files so that neither Matt nor L can read them. Can see both Rem and Ryuk without needing to touch their respective death notes. His death note has the special property that people who touch it cannot see his shinigami unless Alex wants them to. Cannot be killed by death notes. Able to sing "with such pain that it would make even L cry". He can "manipulate his voice to where it could sound like a natural girl voice". Also he "made a black rose appear out of thin air, but it really was sleight of hand." He can speak Latin fluently.
Other Annoying Traits: Various, including: "is an unorthodox Jashinist" (this is a Naruto-based religion that has actual real-life adherents but is generally considered annoying/fake like otakukin are considered), "he only had a year left to live", "he just radiated an aura that said, don't mess with me or suffer the consequences." and "had an IQ of 250 he was an absolute genius" and "a 24yr old virgin, who never even 'relieved' himself so to speak". Despite being a virgin, he has somehow been "the uke" in "the few relationships he had had".
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)
Note: I am breaking up the excerpts into paragraphs for readability, instead of the giant blocks of text they actually are. I haven't made any other changes. I'm not really sporking these bits with my own comments, because I think it's generally so obviously ridiculous that it sporks itself better than I could.
The canon timeline is screwed up, the canon characters have screwed up personalities, and nearly every feature of how things work in Death Note is presented wrongly.
From "chapter two: meeting Beyond and L" (which is actually the 3rd chapter):
Alex thought for a moment when he was out and dressed, and decided too cook breakfast for everyone. Half way through cooking Watari came into the kitchen and smiled that grandfatherly smile of his, and started helping. When they were done he went and got a cart to wheel all of the food out on. (Alex had made L chocolate chip pancakes) before they left the kitchen Alex remembered the strawberry jam for Beyond. It was now 12:30. When they got to the 'command center' as Alex called it Beyond was already looking at files, and nobody noticed the two figures in the doorway with food, So Alex though of something to get the attention of everyone.
He set his CD player to radio speaker mode and played a part of " The Greatest Show Unearthed", and sung along with it in a really creepy voice "Welcome to the lower birth, The greatest show unearthed: We appear without a sound, The darkest show around, We will leave you in a daze -Madness, murder, dismay! We will disappear at night, with blood on the concrete" to say that the others were startled was the understatement of all time.
Alex laughed at the scared s****less look Matsuda had on his face. He turned his music off after he got everyone's attention. "Breakfast is served gentlemen. I hope you like it Watari-San helped me make half of it."
The task force had awed expressions on their faces at the veritable feast in front of them. Alex handed L his chocolate chip pancakes. After taking out his contact lenses he stepped back far enough so he could see everyone's life spans, his eyes glowing red in the light of the computers.
Aiazawa (sp?) looked up and gasped "What the hell?" That startled tone made everyone look up from their food including Beyond, who was eating the crud out of the poor jam. The others soon started staring, Beyond was staring in wonder.
L was the first to speak "Tenshii-San why are your eyes red when they were black a moment before?"
"L-San I was born with the eyes of a god of death, I can see what the second Kira sees. I wear contacts so people can not be startled by my eye color. I can see a person's whole name and their remaining life spans. It appears just by being here my presence has put a chink in Kira's plans and lengthened L's and B's life spans by two years already."
L had a thoughtful look on his face; the others had distrustful looks, except Beyond who had a star struck look in his eyes, which were full of love as well. Yes he admitted to himself that he loved Alex.
From "chapter 4: rainy love confessions":
He was on page 758 when there was a knock on his door.
"Tenshii-san can Misa come in?"
Alex sighed resignedly. (Spelling?)
"Of course Misa-chan, you can come in."
Misa entered the room with a bounce in her step. "Misa wonders that is you don't like Light, then who do you like?"
Alex blushed as he went over to his laptop and pulled up the newest picture of Beyond. It was a picture of Beyond with blood stained white wings, a sadistic smile, and a blood stained knife; which he was licking the blood off of.
"I am in love with Beyond Birthday Misa-chan." He turned the laptop so that it was facing Misa.
"I also know that you are the second KIra, I can see Rem standing behind you, but do not worry I will not say anything to L. Lawliet aka L. as long as Beyond or L are not harmed."
Misa stiffened, but relaxed as Alex finished his speech. I will not harm him then, and Tenshii-san that picture is amazing!" Alex had to cover his ears Misa yelled so loud.
From "Chapter seven: theme songs and pasts":
"The reason you don't have a theme B is because you were killed in prison in the anime; thus were never even mentioned, although you were referenced to i.e. the 'Epic L Freak Out'*. Sorry". Everyone thought about that for a moment, and then realized there was nothing anyone could say about that.
Beyond sat beside Alex and pulled the fragile frame into his stronger one. "Hey L I want you to contact the Whammy trio and get them here; that way it will be easier for me to save the ones who die. Out of all of your successors, L, Near ends up being the soul survivor by the end of the Kira case. My friend Cream would kill me if I let anything happen to Matt or Mello. She calls Mello 'MarshMello'. It is quite funny."
L nodded his head and stood up, Beyond helped Alex up and held his hand. They walked to the control room. L got a video link to the orphanage set up and contacted Rodger. The whammy trio came in the room five minutes later.
"Mello, Matt and Near I want you in Japan with me during the Kira Case, well technically Alex, my 'advisor' wants you here for your protection. You shall pack your bags tonight and leave in the morning. And Beyond Birthday or B is working with me as well. That is all." And with that done L shut off the video link.
From "Chapter 8: the three demons a hospital":
"I asked L to bring you here for your own protection. I hope we can be great friends, and do not mind L's social retardation." Alex told the tree gob smacked boys in front of him. He snuggled closer to Beyond as he was talking. Beyond started laughing his a** off at the social retardation comment that his lover made. "you are a little devil aren't you my beloved Dark Angel?" B asked Alex when the laughs stopped. "who-ever said I was nice? I try to live up to my first middle name and reputation. I am called an angelic demon, because I can be a sometimes sinner sometimes saint. I have a song that describes how I can be at times." Alex hopped down off of B's lap and found the song "Sometimes" by Skillet.
From "chapter 9: elevator chaos?":
"Earth to Alex, come in Alex" Alex jumped when he heard Matt say those words. Over the past few days Near, Matt, and Mello had become Alex's 'brothers' in a sense. Light had come out of the closet and so did L, Near, and Mello. Matt was revealed to be bisexual, and Alpha had become very protective of Alex. They were all in Alex's room at the moment. Alex was in Beyond's lap on the bed. L was in a plush chair, Light in the one next to his. Matt was leaning on the wall, standing up. Mello and Near were sitting on either side of BB and Alex on the bed. Alex was on his laptop looking at a picture of four out of the five most important people in his life.
"Hey Alex, do you miss the four goobers known as Adrian, Akira, Cream, and Snow?"
"Yes I do."
"do you want them here? Because I can bring them here if you want."
"Would you?"
"Yes I will"
"THANK YOU!"
"DON'T YELL!"
"HYPOCRITE!"
"I KNOW!"
Alpha was tense for a few seconds before a portal opened on the ceiling and three figures dropped out of it with three resounding noises.
"OOOF" *Adrian*
"OW" *Cream a.k.a. Kristen*
"Hm" *Akira, almost an Uchiha moment*
"…" *silent Snow*
"Hi guys!" *Alex*