Dumb, Hyper, and Really, Really Horny
Story Or Series Title: Eye Candy
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: xXGoody No-So-Great MeXx
Full Name (plus titles if any): Amethystte (and also Olivia)
Full Species(es): Human?
Hair Color (include adjectives): "my shoulder-length chocolate and purple streaked hair falling around me" and "I had curled my hair in sexy big curves"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "my slightly darker, deep coffee eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Clothing includes "my neon yellow shirt that was signed by all my friends at Wammy's for my first year anniversary" and "my purple high-top converse sneakers" and "my Lolita dress up maid outfit" amongst others.
Special Possessions (if any): Has an annoying-sounding sidekick or secondary Sue named Sapphira who has blue hair. Has "neko graphic bag" and "my Kawaii duffle" and a bunch of completely irrelevant possessions that are pointlessly brought up and described.
Annoying Origin: Spent her teenaged years up until age sixteen living at Wammy's House.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is Watari's niece.
Annoying Special Abilities: Is a self-described bi-polar, and extremely hyper.
Other Annoying Traits: Hates her dead parents. Is way, way too gleeful and pleased with herself. Very odd creepy attitude about alcoholism. Boastful that she wasted her education by spending all her time emailing with friends instead. Thinks about Light's father's sexual prowess when Light is feeling her up.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)
The awful stuff does not wait for the actual story, it starts in the author's note at the beginning with the following confusing mess:
LxAmethysttexLight! It's my first fanfic with really nice pairings! Of course I don't own Amethystte duh, she belongs to her own…dun, dun, DUN, Amethystte! They have the same name yet they are diff people! Well one's real and the other's an oc but, oh well!
Anyone else confused? So the Sue is real, except not, but she's an OC, but not really. The author is having trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy? Is this a fanfic of a fanfic? An author's note in the middle of the first chapter eventually clears it up: yes, this is a fanfic of a fanfic.
The story starts when Amethystte/Olivia is eighteen.
Being the niece of a butler who just-so happens to be the butler of the world's greatest detective is quite a title, seriously. I mean, Uncle Watari is pretty awesome considering he gets to travel around the world beside L. That, and he plays some hellishly pwnsome games at paintball and laser tag.
That aside though, I'm sooo happy that I'm going to be living in the same place as L Lawliet! I wonder what he looks like…haha, I really know how to celebrate my family's death, huh?
Yeah, they were coming home from dinner at a rich restaurant and a city bus kinda, uh, jackknifed them at a four-way intersection and the car then caught fire after the gas tank leaked and all.
I don't have all the details but, if they were anything like the way they usually are after an expensive night at an Italian restaurant, they were drunk.
So, she knows L's real name, is already fangirling over him like crazy, thinks of her uncle as "Uncle Watari" instead of "Uncle Wammy" and basically knows secrets she shouldn't have ever been trusted with.
And she hates her dead, alcoholic parents and is glad they got killed so she'll get to hang out with L. This is a recurring theme.
After she thinks more about how awful her parents are, she has a full run-down of her luggage and possessions and she randomly hates on the airline for having a recording that says "have a nice day" we eventually get her meeting L, Light and Soichiro:
"Hey, L…" I said kindly and gratefully. Considering the fact that regular people aren't supposed to be involved in the case let alone living in the task force hotel.
Then, to further my horrid observation skills, I saw that the old man had been holding my suitcase and even more so…why were L and that cute guy handcuffed together?
I must have been staring at the silver chains for some time because the brown headed kid snapped his fingers and looked at me, puzzled.
"Yeah, these are handcuffs…haha you look like you've never seen two guys handcuffed together." He said lightly chuckling at his own small joke.
Oh hell…I had watched enough yaoi in my life and seen pretty good uncensored amounts of guys with handcuffs together alright…
"Hehe, never in person and in public have I seen two men handcuffed is to be precise." I replied, hopefully the ogling dazed look on my face didn't show too much.
Amethystte calls him L in a public airport. Yes, in a public airport. Even though all those close to L only use an alias in public. Even though the author just wrote about how tight security is supposed to be.
Yes, the character is a self-described yaoi fangirl. And she immediately starts lusting after both L and Light. It creeps both of them out, by the way.
In the next segment L announces that Amethystte will have no choice but to be his maid. This makes her mad.
Then Light hugs her. Why? I don't know. Maybe after the initial creepiness her Sue powers won out.
The following conversation takes place in a limo driven by Watari:
"Hey Light." I stated, waving at the guy right beside me like I hadn't seen him dragging me through the rain ten minutes ago.
Eh, never one to be the bantering type to start talking out of the blue. Haha, how awkward is it that now I've seemed to attract everyone's stare…just fackin' great.
"Uh, hey to you too, Amethystte." The brunette said, playing along with me and my own weirdness like I was some child he had to babysit.
"Sooo…how does it feel being L's main suspect in the Kira case?" I asked, totally not meaning to make his dad pissed off and glaring at me.
L had also focused his contemplating stare onto Light, I guess anticipating some sort of reaction.
"Hey, old man! Quit death glaring me, the damn fuzzy hamster on your top lip is freaking me the hell out!" I yelled at Mr. Yagami who was in fact, giving me one damn bat-shit crazy death glare at the moment.
I can't imagine either L or Light putting up with a girl who behaved like this for more than ten minutes. Unless that girl was Misa. Even then, L would only endure it for the clues and Light would tune out by ignoring her.
And, I guess for the added pleasure, Light yanked on the chains linking the two men together and POW! L was lying in Light's lap basically!
Amazing how I even lasted the plane ride without getting insane from the lack of yaoi filtering through my 'Amethystte loves hot gay couples'-O Meter!
Yes, you guessed it. This fic is about a Sue who gets off on watching L and Light get off together. I suppose it's a change from the usual. Why aren't there more threesome Sues?
I admit, I fangirl screamed at that moment as Light's dad pushed himself as far back as he could against the window to horridly look at his son, making out with the head of the task force.
We stopped suddenly then and all I heard as I began to fall forward was muttered curses a grasp and before I knew it, it was a threesome! Yay!
Haha, I had managed to get in-between L and Light where I was on top on L and Light was leaning against me so our chests were touching. Oh hell, was I blushing like mad! I mean, seriously, I was wrapped around their unnecessarily long chain and I pitied L for having a one hundred something-pound girl above him!
Maybe the best part was feeling Light's warm breath on my lips as his sugary brown eyes looked back into my slightly darker, deep coffee eyes.
I take notice of L mumbling beneath me and a cough echoing from Soichiro but other than that, as I felt Light's lips connect with mine…my mind honestly went blanker than it usually is when I'm around hot guys.
Ummm... okay.
I could feel L desperately trying to get out from under me so I tried to squirm over a bit to let him and his small skeleton-body squeeze out but two things I didn't expect happened:
One, the chain tightened around me, pulling my down further onto Lawli-kun.
And Two, we became a sandwich, literally!
As a bonus, Soichiro's damn foot got stuck between me and Light and every time he attempted to pull himself away from the dog-pile, it rubbed my belly with its leather and, uh, grinded on Light's man zone sooo…
Okay... and now it's not just an accidental threesome, but an accidental foursome, with Light's dad giving his son an accidental incestuous footjob. All we need is for Watari to get involved too and it'll be an accidental doubly-incestuous fivesome with two gross older guys involved. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
There is more awkward climbing around and kissing, Light gets turned on by his dad's foot, and the author makes it clear that everyone except Soichiro is sexually excited by this dry-humping orgy. Watari eventually disentangles them.
Anyways, Light was able to pull the rest of the remaining chain from around my body by smoothly gliding his hands over my skin before gently pulling the chain from me.
I think I saw a glimpse of a smirk as I shivered when he groped my ass slightly, catching me off guard. Ugh, these guys were trying to kill me, just absolutely going to slay my being of morality so I would rape them.
I'm really not sure what that last sentence means, but I am afraid for L and Light. Very, very afraid. I do not think this Sue is at all safe to be around.
Right after this, L places his hand under her shirt to grope her while she's hugging Watari. Her uncle. Yes, indeed, the fic did go there and create Watari smut.
Damn you, threesome Sue! I don't like you any more! I thought you might bring a little bit of interesting variety from the usual romantic pairing Sue, but then you brought two instances of incest, and not the hot kind of incest either.
The Sue arrives at headquarters and pees (a bunch of her thoughts in the parts I omitted were about peeing... I wonder if this will turn into a watersports fetish fic too?). Then she dresses in front of a mirror and has a bunch of thoughts, including the following:
And hell to fuck no! It was not Mr. Fuzztastic Japanese Cowboy! Ugh, I wanted to hack up a hair ball and hurl it at his face just at the thought of pedophilic possibilities!
Once again, I have no idea what the author means, but the sentences scare me. They deeply, deeply scare me. Hopefully, pedophilia will not appear in this fic.
After this, there is an almost-rape in an elevator ending with Amethystte in tears and possibly being threatened with death by Light (it is a little unclear what exactly happened).
Oh, and I forgot to mention the scene where Misa hugged the Sue upon meeting her for the first time and there was a small spark of attraction.
Perhaps later chapters, if they ever get written, will have L/Light/Watari/Soichiro/Misa all sexing it up together with the Sue sandwiched in the middle, and maybe there will be pedophiliac rape to top it off!
Let's hope not.
If we are lucky, no more chapters will appear.
Edited to add:
I did track down the fanfic that this fanfic-of-a-fanfic is based on, and it looks rather Suetastic too, just from a reading of the first chapter in which everyone develops crushes on Amethystte:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5374668/1/First_Day
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: xXGoody No-So-Great MeXx
Full Name (plus titles if any): Amethystte (and also Olivia)
Full Species(es): Human?
Hair Color (include adjectives): "my shoulder-length chocolate and purple streaked hair falling around me" and "I had curled my hair in sexy big curves"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "my slightly darker, deep coffee eyes"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Clothing includes "my neon yellow shirt that was signed by all my friends at Wammy's for my first year anniversary" and "my purple high-top converse sneakers" and "my Lolita dress up maid outfit" amongst others.
Special Possessions (if any): Has an annoying-sounding sidekick or secondary Sue named Sapphira who has blue hair. Has "neko graphic bag" and "my Kawaii duffle" and a bunch of completely irrelevant possessions that are pointlessly brought up and described.
Annoying Origin: Spent her teenaged years up until age sixteen living at Wammy's House.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is Watari's niece.
Annoying Special Abilities: Is a self-described bi-polar, and extremely hyper.
Other Annoying Traits: Hates her dead parents. Is way, way too gleeful and pleased with herself. Very odd creepy attitude about alcoholism. Boastful that she wasted her education by spending all her time emailing with friends instead. Thinks about Light's father's sexual prowess when Light is feeling her up.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: (Do NOT post more than half of a chapter, whole chapters, or whole stories, regardless of how short they are)
The awful stuff does not wait for the actual story, it starts in the author's note at the beginning with the following confusing mess:
LxAmethysttexLight! It's my first fanfic with really nice pairings! Of course I don't own Amethystte duh, she belongs to her own…dun, dun, DUN, Amethystte! They have the same name yet they are diff people! Well one's real and the other's an oc but, oh well!
Anyone else confused? So the Sue is real, except not, but she's an OC, but not really. The author is having trouble distinguishing between reality and fantasy? Is this a fanfic of a fanfic? An author's note in the middle of the first chapter eventually clears it up: yes, this is a fanfic of a fanfic.
The story starts when Amethystte/Olivia is eighteen.
Being the niece of a butler who just-so happens to be the butler of the world's greatest detective is quite a title, seriously. I mean, Uncle Watari is pretty awesome considering he gets to travel around the world beside L. That, and he plays some hellishly pwnsome games at paintball and laser tag.
That aside though, I'm sooo happy that I'm going to be living in the same place as L Lawliet! I wonder what he looks like…haha, I really know how to celebrate my family's death, huh?
Yeah, they were coming home from dinner at a rich restaurant and a city bus kinda, uh, jackknifed them at a four-way intersection and the car then caught fire after the gas tank leaked and all.
I don't have all the details but, if they were anything like the way they usually are after an expensive night at an Italian restaurant, they were drunk.
So, she knows L's real name, is already fangirling over him like crazy, thinks of her uncle as "Uncle Watari" instead of "Uncle Wammy" and basically knows secrets she shouldn't have ever been trusted with.
And she hates her dead, alcoholic parents and is glad they got killed so she'll get to hang out with L. This is a recurring theme.
After she thinks more about how awful her parents are, she has a full run-down of her luggage and possessions and she randomly hates on the airline for having a recording that says "have a nice day" we eventually get her meeting L, Light and Soichiro:
"Hey, L…" I said kindly and gratefully. Considering the fact that regular people aren't supposed to be involved in the case let alone living in the task force hotel.
Then, to further my horrid observation skills, I saw that the old man had been holding my suitcase and even more so…why were L and that cute guy handcuffed together?
I must have been staring at the silver chains for some time because the brown headed kid snapped his fingers and looked at me, puzzled.
"Yeah, these are handcuffs…haha you look like you've never seen two guys handcuffed together." He said lightly chuckling at his own small joke.
Oh hell…I had watched enough yaoi in my life and seen pretty good uncensored amounts of guys with handcuffs together alright…
"Hehe, never in person and in public have I seen two men handcuffed is to be precise." I replied, hopefully the ogling dazed look on my face didn't show too much.
Amethystte calls him L in a public airport. Yes, in a public airport. Even though all those close to L only use an alias in public. Even though the author just wrote about how tight security is supposed to be.
Yes, the character is a self-described yaoi fangirl. And she immediately starts lusting after both L and Light. It creeps both of them out, by the way.
In the next segment L announces that Amethystte will have no choice but to be his maid. This makes her mad.
Then Light hugs her. Why? I don't know. Maybe after the initial creepiness her Sue powers won out.
The following conversation takes place in a limo driven by Watari:
"Hey Light." I stated, waving at the guy right beside me like I hadn't seen him dragging me through the rain ten minutes ago.
Eh, never one to be the bantering type to start talking out of the blue. Haha, how awkward is it that now I've seemed to attract everyone's stare…just fackin' great.
"Uh, hey to you too, Amethystte." The brunette said, playing along with me and my own weirdness like I was some child he had to babysit.
"Sooo…how does it feel being L's main suspect in the Kira case?" I asked, totally not meaning to make his dad pissed off and glaring at me.
L had also focused his contemplating stare onto Light, I guess anticipating some sort of reaction.
"Hey, old man! Quit death glaring me, the damn fuzzy hamster on your top lip is freaking me the hell out!" I yelled at Mr. Yagami who was in fact, giving me one damn bat-shit crazy death glare at the moment.
I can't imagine either L or Light putting up with a girl who behaved like this for more than ten minutes. Unless that girl was Misa. Even then, L would only endure it for the clues and Light would tune out by ignoring her.
And, I guess for the added pleasure, Light yanked on the chains linking the two men together and POW! L was lying in Light's lap basically!
Amazing how I even lasted the plane ride without getting insane from the lack of yaoi filtering through my 'Amethystte loves hot gay couples'-O Meter!
Yes, you guessed it. This fic is about a Sue who gets off on watching L and Light get off together. I suppose it's a change from the usual. Why aren't there more threesome Sues?
I admit, I fangirl screamed at that moment as Light's dad pushed himself as far back as he could against the window to horridly look at his son, making out with the head of the task force.
We stopped suddenly then and all I heard as I began to fall forward was muttered curses a grasp and before I knew it, it was a threesome! Yay!
Haha, I had managed to get in-between L and Light where I was on top on L and Light was leaning against me so our chests were touching. Oh hell, was I blushing like mad! I mean, seriously, I was wrapped around their unnecessarily long chain and I pitied L for having a one hundred something-pound girl above him!
Maybe the best part was feeling Light's warm breath on my lips as his sugary brown eyes looked back into my slightly darker, deep coffee eyes.
I take notice of L mumbling beneath me and a cough echoing from Soichiro but other than that, as I felt Light's lips connect with mine…my mind honestly went blanker than it usually is when I'm around hot guys.
Ummm... okay.
I could feel L desperately trying to get out from under me so I tried to squirm over a bit to let him and his small skeleton-body squeeze out but two things I didn't expect happened:
One, the chain tightened around me, pulling my down further onto Lawli-kun.
And Two, we became a sandwich, literally!
As a bonus, Soichiro's damn foot got stuck between me and Light and every time he attempted to pull himself away from the dog-pile, it rubbed my belly with its leather and, uh, grinded on Light's man zone sooo…
Okay... and now it's not just an accidental threesome, but an accidental foursome, with Light's dad giving his son an accidental incestuous footjob. All we need is for Watari to get involved too and it'll be an accidental doubly-incestuous fivesome with two gross older guys involved. Let's hope that doesn't happen.
There is more awkward climbing around and kissing, Light gets turned on by his dad's foot, and the author makes it clear that everyone except Soichiro is sexually excited by this dry-humping orgy. Watari eventually disentangles them.
Anyways, Light was able to pull the rest of the remaining chain from around my body by smoothly gliding his hands over my skin before gently pulling the chain from me.
I think I saw a glimpse of a smirk as I shivered when he groped my ass slightly, catching me off guard. Ugh, these guys were trying to kill me, just absolutely going to slay my being of morality so I would rape them.
I'm really not sure what that last sentence means, but I am afraid for L and Light. Very, very afraid. I do not think this Sue is at all safe to be around.
Right after this, L places his hand under her shirt to grope her while she's hugging Watari. Her uncle. Yes, indeed, the fic did go there and create Watari smut.
Damn you, threesome Sue! I don't like you any more! I thought you might bring a little bit of interesting variety from the usual romantic pairing Sue, but then you brought two instances of incest, and not the hot kind of incest either.
The Sue arrives at headquarters and pees (a bunch of her thoughts in the parts I omitted were about peeing... I wonder if this will turn into a watersports fetish fic too?). Then she dresses in front of a mirror and has a bunch of thoughts, including the following:
And hell to fuck no! It was not Mr. Fuzztastic Japanese Cowboy! Ugh, I wanted to hack up a hair ball and hurl it at his face just at the thought of pedophilic possibilities!
Once again, I have no idea what the author means, but the sentences scare me. They deeply, deeply scare me. Hopefully, pedophilia will not appear in this fic.
After this, there is an almost-rape in an elevator ending with Amethystte in tears and possibly being threatened with death by Light (it is a little unclear what exactly happened).
Oh, and I forgot to mention the scene where Misa hugged the Sue upon meeting her for the first time and there was a small spark of attraction.
Perhaps later chapters, if they ever get written, will have L/Light/Watari/Soichiro/Misa all sexing it up together with the Sue sandwiched in the middle, and maybe there will be pedophiliac rape to top it off!
Let's hope not.
If we are lucky, no more chapters will appear.
Edited to add:
I did track down the fanfic that this fanfic-of-a-fanfic is based on, and it looks rather Suetastic too, just from a reading of the first chapter in which everyone develops crushes on Amethystte:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5374668/1/First_Day