Be afraid. Be very afraid... it's the Defier of All Things Canon.
Amala the Sue Hunter here, bringing you another Sue report... this time one of my own old Sues from back when I had no clue. Sorry if I double-posted... I just had to share this abomination from my Suethor days with you guys. Since my first report got a bunch of hilarious responses, I can't wait to see everybody's reactions to this one.
Story Or Series Title: Aishiteru Love Story (Totally not ripped off from a J-pop song title. If I can remember correctly, it was a Leah Dizon song to be more specific.)
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Haruka Yagami Which was my handle at the time. Original, no?
Full Name (plus titles if any): Ayane Sakura Lawliet, alias Tsukuyomi (I didn't want to give her a letter as a codename)
Full Species(es): Sister-Of-A-Canon!Sue, Relationship!Sue, Wishful Thinking Self-Insert!Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black
Eye Color (include adjectives): Black again
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Get this, guys. She's only part Japanese, yet has the appearance of a full-blood Japanese person.
Special Possessions (if any): The balls of Light, Mikami and Matsuda.
Annoying Origin: Japan, France, Italy, Russia and England. Apparently that's L's ethnicity. Much of the cast of Axis Powers Hetalia is weeping now.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Don't get me started on this. The younger sister of an OOC L. Sworn enemy of Misa. Wins the affection of Mikami, Matsuda and Light. (Apparently none of them are meant to be too handsome either... gee, I had strange tastes.) Best friend of Sayu. Sworn enemy of her rival Sue from the same story, whose name was apparently Rui a.k.a. Lulu. *gasp* The name of a cast member from my own fandom FFX! Can't think of anything else, and Death Note isn't my cup of tea anyway, so I have nothing else to say.
Annoying Special Abilities: Comes top in every subject at her school except English, because she was raised by a Japanese family. Has uber detective skills, in fact so much she's a prodigy and the top detective in Japan.
Other Annoying Traits: Has the mind of a five-year-old when she's OLDER THAN ME. Captures the hearts of three canon men. Abuses the Japanese language.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: This was typed directly from an ancient notebook of mine. I'm going the extra mile to make you guys laugh/puke, so enjoy! By the way, Aishiteru Love Story was a series of dumb scripted one-shots rather than a full fic, and there was no real plot to 'em. Anyway, enjoy!
Ayane: Sayu-chan!
Sayu: Huh? Oh hi, Ayane-chan. Sayu's fxcking THIRTEEN! She wouldn't be in the same school as a sixteen-year-old, assuming the Japanese system is the same as the American system as opposed to here in Australia.
Ayane: I did something really stupid on the weekend. Wanna hear it?
Sayu: Sure, I love crazy stuff!
*fast forward past Ayane telling Sayu how Mikami was buck-naked and she abducted him and dragged him into her pink rosy closet*
After school...
Ayane: Raito-kuuuun! <3 I ain't kiddin ya, the heart was there.
Campy-lover!LightRaito: Ayayan-chan! *Intermission* Readers, raise your hands if you think Light would call his girlfriend by some lame mushy nickname. OK? No-one? Good. We're all agreed. Now get an idea, year 6!Amala. Wanna come to my house? I'll kick your sorry little pink frilly ass.
Ayane: Sure! You're so screwed...
Raito: OK! Don't go crazy talking to Sayu about boy-band idols WTF!? and don't underwear-raid me, OK? If there's anything to raid, because mass-murderers go commando. Everybody knows that.
Ayane: OK!
At Raito's I believe that's Light, weeaboo. house...
Ayane: I'm heeeeere!
Sayu: Let's go to my room first!
Ayane: Uhhh... Can I spend time with my boyfriend? *sings* Say goodbye to your boyfriend... SHOCK! /end singing
You can't spend time with him, he's busy writing names down in the Death Note. Let him be or he'll write yours down, Ayane Sakura Lawliet. What type of Japanese person are you? Everyone knows they don't use middle names.
Sayu: *bitches and complains* OK! Onii-chan, can I talk to Ayane? Call him 'Onii-chan' one more time and...
What happens next is they discuss Bleach.FFVII is mentioned too... AAAAARGH! Not my already unfortunately Sue-infested fandom! And I wrote this BEFORE I even had any clue about the Final Fantasy games!
Story Or Series Title: Aishiteru Love Story (Totally not ripped off from a J-pop song title. If I can remember correctly, it was a Leah Dizon song to be more specific.)
Fandom: Death Note
Culprit Author's Name: Haruka Yagami Which was my handle at the time. Original, no?
Full Name (plus titles if any): Ayane Sakura Lawliet, alias Tsukuyomi (I didn't want to give her a letter as a codename)
Full Species(es): Sister-Of-A-Canon!Sue, Relationship!Sue, Wishful Thinking Self-Insert!Sue
Hair Color (include adjectives): Black
Eye Color (include adjectives): Black again
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Get this, guys. She's only part Japanese, yet has the appearance of a full-blood Japanese person.
Special Possessions (if any): The balls of Light, Mikami and Matsuda.
Annoying Origin: Japan, France, Italy, Russia and England. Apparently that's L's ethnicity. Much of the cast of Axis Powers Hetalia is weeping now.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Don't get me started on this. The younger sister of an OOC L. Sworn enemy of Misa. Wins the affection of Mikami, Matsuda and Light. (Apparently none of them are meant to be too handsome either... gee, I had strange tastes.) Best friend of Sayu. Sworn enemy of her rival Sue from the same story, whose name was apparently Rui a.k.a. Lulu. *gasp* The name of a cast member from my own fandom FFX! Can't think of anything else, and Death Note isn't my cup of tea anyway, so I have nothing else to say.
Annoying Special Abilities: Comes top in every subject at her school except English, because she was raised by a Japanese family. Has uber detective skills, in fact so much she's a prodigy and the top detective in Japan.
Other Annoying Traits: Has the mind of a five-year-old when she's OLDER THAN ME. Captures the hearts of three canon men. Abuses the Japanese language.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: This was typed directly from an ancient notebook of mine. I'm going the extra mile to make you guys laugh/puke, so enjoy! By the way, Aishiteru Love Story was a series of dumb scripted one-shots rather than a full fic, and there was no real plot to 'em. Anyway, enjoy!
Ayane: Sayu-chan!
Sayu: Huh? Oh hi, Ayane-chan. Sayu's fxcking THIRTEEN! She wouldn't be in the same school as a sixteen-year-old, assuming the Japanese system is the same as the American system as opposed to here in Australia.
Ayane: I did something really stupid on the weekend. Wanna hear it?
Sayu: Sure, I love crazy stuff!
*fast forward past Ayane telling Sayu how Mikami was buck-naked and she abducted him and dragged him into her pink rosy closet*
After school...
Ayane: Raito-kuuuun! <3 I ain't kiddin ya, the heart was there.
Campy-lover!LightRaito: Ayayan-chan! *Intermission* Readers, raise your hands if you think Light would call his girlfriend by some lame mushy nickname. OK? No-one? Good. We're all agreed. Now get an idea, year 6!Amala. Wanna come to my house? I'll kick your sorry little pink frilly ass.
Ayane: Sure! You're so screwed...
Raito: OK! Don't go crazy talking to Sayu about boy-band idols WTF!? and don't underwear-raid me, OK? If there's anything to raid, because mass-murderers go commando. Everybody knows that.
Ayane: OK!
At Raito's I believe that's Light, weeaboo. house...
Ayane: I'm heeeeere!
Sayu: Let's go to my room first!
Ayane: Uhhh... Can I spend time with my boyfriend? *sings* Say goodbye to your boyfriend... SHOCK! /end singing
You can't spend time with him, he's busy writing names down in the Death Note. Let him be or he'll write yours down, Ayane Sakura Lawliet. What type of Japanese person are you? Everyone knows they don't use middle names.
Sayu: *bitches and complains* OK! Onii-chan, can I talk to Ayane? Call him 'Onii-chan' one more time and...
What happens next is they discuss Bleach.FFVII is mentioned too... AAAAARGH! Not my already unfortunately Sue-infested fandom! And I wrote this BEFORE I even had any clue about the Final Fantasy games!