George Lucas would be turning in his grave if he wasn't still alive.
Oh, fuckssake. This is going to turn into a massive rant, but hey, what is LJ for?
(Please note that I couldn't get through all 80-odd chapters of this. Case in point.)
Story Or Series Title: Everything Comes Full Circle. Yes, excuse me while I puke.
Fandom: Star Wars.
Culprit Author's Name: Marebear007 (ff.net)
Full Name (plus titles if any): Ghanima Alia Qualsiri, also known as Chani Skywalker, Chosen One, sister of Anakin, Jedi Knight, Jedi Master, Royal Pain in the Arse. Okay, I'm serious. So, what the hell happened to Anakin's midichlorian count? Oh, and, what happened to Obi-Wan's sanity, as well? Yes, well. You'll see.
Full Species(es): Human, more's the pity.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Blonde, couldn't seem to find any, more's the pity.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Oh god, I couldn't trawl through 80 chapters of crap to find a reference. Some nauseating shade, no doubt.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "All that was known of the child was that it was a girl, and she bore a strange birthmark on her left breast. The mark was a symbol unknown to the Jedi, but they soon learned its origins as the Celtic “Wheel of Being,” and was said to represent the four elements of a long destroyed planet, Earth, and their interconnection to form a balanced Universe." I have nothing to say. I can't. I just ... can't. Go. On.
Special Possessions (if any): Father's lightsabre (what father?)
Annoying Origin: "The miracle in question was a child abandoned on the steps of the Jedi Temple. Discovered by Qui-Gon Jinn, the child was brought to Yoda and the Council of Jedi Masters."
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: "Sister" of Anakin Skywalker, "Daughter" of Shmi Skywalker, some weird father/friend relationship with Qui-Gon Jinn, SMEXEH LUV INTREST!!!11 of Obi-Wan Kenobi, slave of Watto, tormentor of Sebulba, oh, it goes on ...
Annoying Special Abilities: "As soon as she came of age, he learned of her large Midi-chlorian count and she was put into training immediately. She surpassed the other children, this was obvious to all who saw her, but it only made them wonder who her real parents were.". Also includes prophetic dreams, foresight, devastating skills with a lightsabre, the ability to be everyone's best friend -- oh, and did I mention that she's the Chosen One?
Other Annoying Traits: The ability ot make me want to gouge my eyes out every thirty seconds. Um, just read the fic. You'll see.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: You really do have a death wish, don't you?
Prologue
Jedi Master Zankou Qualsiri and his accepted wife, Jedi Knight Alia Fehr, had grown up and trained together under the tutelage of Master Yoda on Coruscant. The union between them was, at first, forbidden until Yoda received a vision of the child they would raise. This child was believed to be the one who would bring balance to the Force - the Chosen One. In this foolish belief, the two lovers were allowed to marry but never bore a child.
When they asked the Healers why this was after two years of marriage, they learned that Alia was unable to bear children - she was barren. Heartbroken, Alia retreated into herself and soon died of despair and sorrow. She left Zankou to face the coming miracle alone.
The miracle in question was a child abandoned on the steps of the Jedi Temple. Discovered by Qui-Gon Jinn, the child was brought to Yoda and the Council of Jedi Masters. It was revealed that this was the child Yoda foresaw, and was to be trained as a Jedi. All that was known of the child was that it was a girl, and she bore a strange birthmark on her left breast. The mark was a symbol unknown to the Jedi, but they soon learned its origins as the Celtic “Wheel of Being,” and was said to represent the four elements of a long destroyed planet, Earth, and their interconnection to form a balanced Universe.
This only furthered the belief that she was the Chosen One.
To raise his spirits, the child was given to Zankou who named her Ghanima Alia Qualsiri. He would sing to her the song Alia was sung to as a child, a sweet lullaby she always hummed, as another remembrance of his lost love. As soon as she came of age, he learned of her large Midi-chlorian count and she was put into training immediately. She surpassed the other children, this was obvious to all who saw her, but it only made them wonder who her real parents were.
On his first mission since Alia’s death, Zankou was to perform a simple diplomatic negotiation between two feuding planets bent on destroying one another. On her endless begging, Ghanima traveled with her father as his Padawan - even though he was warned against it. Qui-Gon had been the one to warn his old friend of a terrible dream he had, that something awful would befall his friend and child, though he himself knew not what.
The negotiations were a trap of the rising Sith, set for Zankou. The Sith that had tried to kill him told the Jedi that he was to be the first to join him or die. Fearful for his daughter, seeing then what Qui-Gon spoke of, Zankou tried to escape. He failed and fell…but not before sending Ghanima into an escape pod. He didn’t know where it would land but as long as she escaped the Sith, which she amazingly had, he would rest in peace.
Ghanima was twelve-years-old when her escape pod crashed on the planet Tatooine. Slave Shmi Skywalker and her three-year-old son, Anakin - Ghanima’s soon to be brother - found her. Ghanima told Shmi who she was and where she was from. Knowing that Ghanima would be killed for being the child of a Jedi, she changed her name to Chani and told her that she must never speak of it again. Ghanima hesitantly agreed after Shmi explained the laws of the planet to her, which was that Jedi were distrusted and had been killed before, and was taken into Shmi’s home.
But, due to Gardulla the Hutt’s poor gambling skills, lost all three in a podracing bet with a foul curmudgeonly Toydarian, Watto.
MY EYES! MY EYES!
(Please note that I couldn't get through all 80-odd chapters of this. Case in point.)
Story Or Series Title: Everything Comes Full Circle. Yes, excuse me while I puke.
Fandom: Star Wars.
Culprit Author's Name: Marebear007 (ff.net)
Full Name (plus titles if any): Ghanima Alia Qualsiri, also known as Chani Skywalker, Chosen One, sister of Anakin, Jedi Knight, Jedi Master, Royal Pain in the Arse. Okay, I'm serious. So, what the hell happened to Anakin's midichlorian count? Oh, and, what happened to Obi-Wan's sanity, as well? Yes, well. You'll see.
Full Species(es): Human, more's the pity.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Blonde, couldn't seem to find any, more's the pity.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Oh god, I couldn't trawl through 80 chapters of crap to find a reference. Some nauseating shade, no doubt.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "All that was known of the child was that it was a girl, and she bore a strange birthmark on her left breast. The mark was a symbol unknown to the Jedi, but they soon learned its origins as the Celtic “Wheel of Being,” and was said to represent the four elements of a long destroyed planet, Earth, and their interconnection to form a balanced Universe." I have nothing to say. I can't. I just ... can't. Go. On.
Special Possessions (if any): Father's lightsabre (what father?)
Annoying Origin: "The miracle in question was a child abandoned on the steps of the Jedi Temple. Discovered by Qui-Gon Jinn, the child was brought to Yoda and the Council of Jedi Masters."
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: "Sister" of Anakin Skywalker, "Daughter" of Shmi Skywalker, some weird father/friend relationship with Qui-Gon Jinn, SMEXEH LUV INTREST!!!11 of Obi-Wan Kenobi, slave of Watto, tormentor of Sebulba, oh, it goes on ...
Annoying Special Abilities: "As soon as she came of age, he learned of her large Midi-chlorian count and she was put into training immediately. She surpassed the other children, this was obvious to all who saw her, but it only made them wonder who her real parents were.". Also includes prophetic dreams, foresight, devastating skills with a lightsabre, the ability to be everyone's best friend -- oh, and did I mention that she's the Chosen One?
Other Annoying Traits: The ability ot make me want to gouge my eyes out every thirty seconds. Um, just read the fic. You'll see.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: You really do have a death wish, don't you?
Prologue
Jedi Master Zankou Qualsiri and his accepted wife, Jedi Knight Alia Fehr, had grown up and trained together under the tutelage of Master Yoda on Coruscant. The union between them was, at first, forbidden until Yoda received a vision of the child they would raise. This child was believed to be the one who would bring balance to the Force - the Chosen One. In this foolish belief, the two lovers were allowed to marry but never bore a child.
When they asked the Healers why this was after two years of marriage, they learned that Alia was unable to bear children - she was barren. Heartbroken, Alia retreated into herself and soon died of despair and sorrow. She left Zankou to face the coming miracle alone.
The miracle in question was a child abandoned on the steps of the Jedi Temple. Discovered by Qui-Gon Jinn, the child was brought to Yoda and the Council of Jedi Masters. It was revealed that this was the child Yoda foresaw, and was to be trained as a Jedi. All that was known of the child was that it was a girl, and she bore a strange birthmark on her left breast. The mark was a symbol unknown to the Jedi, but they soon learned its origins as the Celtic “Wheel of Being,” and was said to represent the four elements of a long destroyed planet, Earth, and their interconnection to form a balanced Universe.
This only furthered the belief that she was the Chosen One.
To raise his spirits, the child was given to Zankou who named her Ghanima Alia Qualsiri. He would sing to her the song Alia was sung to as a child, a sweet lullaby she always hummed, as another remembrance of his lost love. As soon as she came of age, he learned of her large Midi-chlorian count and she was put into training immediately. She surpassed the other children, this was obvious to all who saw her, but it only made them wonder who her real parents were.
On his first mission since Alia’s death, Zankou was to perform a simple diplomatic negotiation between two feuding planets bent on destroying one another. On her endless begging, Ghanima traveled with her father as his Padawan - even though he was warned against it. Qui-Gon had been the one to warn his old friend of a terrible dream he had, that something awful would befall his friend and child, though he himself knew not what.
The negotiations were a trap of the rising Sith, set for Zankou. The Sith that had tried to kill him told the Jedi that he was to be the first to join him or die. Fearful for his daughter, seeing then what Qui-Gon spoke of, Zankou tried to escape. He failed and fell…but not before sending Ghanima into an escape pod. He didn’t know where it would land but as long as she escaped the Sith, which she amazingly had, he would rest in peace.
Ghanima was twelve-years-old when her escape pod crashed on the planet Tatooine. Slave Shmi Skywalker and her three-year-old son, Anakin - Ghanima’s soon to be brother - found her. Ghanima told Shmi who she was and where she was from. Knowing that Ghanima would be killed for being the child of a Jedi, she changed her name to Chani and told her that she must never speak of it again. Ghanima hesitantly agreed after Shmi explained the laws of the planet to her, which was that Jedi were distrusted and had been killed before, and was taken into Shmi’s home.
But, due to Gardulla the Hutt’s poor gambling skills, lost all three in a podracing bet with a foul curmudgeonly Toydarian, Watto.
MY EYES! MY EYES!