I never thought I'd see the day...
No, it's not a Flowers for Algernon Sue...thank God.
It's worse than that. Someone went and Sued the movie Muppet Treasure Island.
I'll leave a pause here for everyone to finish laughing/pick their jaws up off the ground.
We done? Okay, onto the report...
Story Or Series Title: Muppet Treasure Island (someone must have strained their creativity thinking up the Sue)
Fandom: The Muppets. More specifically, the movie Muppet Treasure Island.
Culprit Author's Name: SandraSmit19
Full Name (plus titles if any): Harmony Flint
Full Species(es): Mary Sue masquerading as a human (ya can't fool me, dearie)
Hair Color (include adjectives): I looked through the whole story, and surprisingly enough we are given no clue as to what she looks like. I suppose I should count my blessings...
Eye Color (include adjectives): See notes for hair color.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None
Special Possessions (if any): A "harmony pendant." All we really know about it is that it plays music. (can we say ripoff of Sailor Moon's Star Locket? I knew you could)
Annoying Origin: And I quote, "Harmony was born on the 6th of June 1836.She is the daughter of Pirate Captain Bernie Flint.Harmony’s mother was a prostitute and Flint got her pregnant while being on land very briefly.After finding out that the prostitute had gotten pregnant and had since given birth,Flint traveled back to find her.He found the woman with a two year old daughter called Harmony.He took both his daughter and her mother onto his ship and sailed to an island.Once on the island he killed the mother and buried her on the exact same location his treasure would later be buried.He took Harmony back to London and abandoned her there.She was found by the frog captain Abraham Smollett who took her in and raised her as his own.He called her Harmony since she had a musical harmony pendant on her."
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Long story short from the note above, she was the daughter of Captain Flint and was adopted by Captain Abraham Smollet. In short, fathered by a human but raised by a frog. Other than that, I suspect she exists only to be a girlfriend for Jim and a lust object for Long John Silver.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to be aboard the Hispanola, hell inserted into the whole dang movie without any explanation whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Does nausea inducing count? And if you are a Muppet fan who didn't especially like MTI, you could say this made a bad movie even worse.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
No MS yet, but plenty of OOC Long John, angst!Jim and the abuse of commas by not providing spaces.
“You know Jim,Long John’s been doing some thinking.Why did you volunteer to work in the kitchen so quickly?” Long John asked.
Jim didn’t say anything so Long John looked at him and continued :
“Now I know it’s not because you got tired of your other chores cause you still have to do those and I know that no matter how much you like me you wouldn’t take on extra chores for me,so all that leaves is…Harmony”
Jim cringed a little bit when hearing her name.Long John tilted his head and looked Jim in the eyes,he saw a deep,boyish and painful love fore Harmony.
“Do you perhaps have a little crush on Harmony?” Long John asked.
Jim blushed and looked away.Long John laughed and said:
“I think I hit the jackpot on that one”
“I guess it wasn’t that hard to tell” Jim said quietly.
Long John didn’t say anything and allowed Jim to think about it for a moment.
“She’s so beautiful” Jim said.
“That she is,lad,that she is” Long John agreed.
“She’s funny,strong,caring,kind,understanding…”
Jim cringed again as he thought about her.
“What’s the matter lad?” Long John asked.
“I love her so much and I know that she’ll never love me as anything other than a friend and it’s just not fair” Jim said.
Long John placed his hand on his shoulder.
“Sometimes when I see her working in the kitchen I look at her eyes and her smile and than I love her so much that it hurts” Jim said softly.
There was a short pause.
“Why do you think she’ll never love you as anything other than a friend?” Long John asked.
“Because we’re two worlds apart.I worked at a taverne as a servant and from what I can gather she’s spent her entire life on ships sailing for adventure” Jim said sadly.
“Opposites do attract you know?!” Long John said softly.
“They do?” Jim asked,his eyes glowing.
“Oh yes.As long as you never give up hope” Long John said with a smile.
Enter Harmony, and more comma abuse.
“Harmony,you scared us.Climb in,share an apple with us” Gonzo offered.
“I can’t,I’m really busy in the kitchen.I actually came to get some of those apples.Me and Long John are gonna make a massive applepie” Harmony said with a smile.
“Are you kidding me?.Here take them all” Rizzo said eagerly.
Gonzo and Rizzo handed Harmony the apples and she put them all in her basket.Harmony smiled as her Harmony pendant softly made music.
“So what were you guys talking about?” Harmony asked.
“Oh eh…Gonzo here was just telling me a joke” Rizzo lied.
“Eh…yeah a very funny one” Gonzo added.
“Really?.Well what with there not being a whole lot to laugh about on this ship I could certainly do with a joke” Harmony said.
“Oh,it’s rather a long one” Gonzo quickly said.
“That’s okay,I have a minute” Harmony said.
“It’s dirty too” Gonzo whispered,blushing a little.
“I’m a big girl,I think I can handle it” Harmony said,smiling.
And so Gonzo told the joke and he did a good job.Harmony and Rizzo laughed.
The abuse of commas continues as Harmony interacts with the ship's crew
Harmony walked up the ladder,right by the very annoying pirats on the ship.Always staring and sometime even groping.She couldn’t stand it,she knew she was relatively safe around Long John but still…She also passed Squire Trelawny,dr Livesley and Beaker.She liked Squire and dr Livesley and Beaker was just plain cute.
“Hey fellows” she said with a bright smile.
“Ah,Harmony,so good to see you.Isn’t that right mr Bimbo?” Squire Trelawny asked.
He put his finger near his ear and said:
“Mr Bimbo says you look pretty today”
Harmony laughed and said:
“Well thank mr Bimbo for that compliment.Hi dr Livesley,hi Beaker”
Harmony scratched Beaker under his chin.Beaker giggled and dr Livesley bowed.
“And good day to you Harmony”
Harmony smiled as she talked to them for a little while longer.Long John was watching her from inside the kitchen.
“Soon my pretty Harmony,soon” he whispered.
Harmony went back to the kitchen and after apologizing to Long John for being late,they made a huge applepie.
And all of that is just in the first two chapters; there are four more after it and things just get worse.
Waldorf: Well, it could be worse!
Statler: Yeah! She could be stuck on-stage with the rest of the Muppets!
Both: DOHHHH, HO HO HO...
Don't you guys ever shut up? Anyway, I'm just glad that Jim Henson and Richard Hunt aren't alive to see this. As it is, this would probably make both of them turn over in their graves.
It's worse than that. Someone went and Sued the movie Muppet Treasure Island.
I'll leave a pause here for everyone to finish laughing/pick their jaws up off the ground.
We done? Okay, onto the report...
Story Or Series Title: Muppet Treasure Island (someone must have strained their creativity thinking up the Sue)
Fandom: The Muppets. More specifically, the movie Muppet Treasure Island.
Culprit Author's Name: SandraSmit19
Full Name (plus titles if any): Harmony Flint
Full Species(es): Mary Sue masquerading as a human (ya can't fool me, dearie)
Hair Color (include adjectives): I looked through the whole story, and surprisingly enough we are given no clue as to what she looks like. I suppose I should count my blessings...
Eye Color (include adjectives): See notes for hair color.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None
Special Possessions (if any): A "harmony pendant." All we really know about it is that it plays music. (can we say ripoff of Sailor Moon's Star Locket? I knew you could)
Annoying Origin: And I quote, "Harmony was born on the 6th of June 1836.She is the daughter of Pirate Captain Bernie Flint.Harmony’s mother was a prostitute and Flint got her pregnant while being on land very briefly.After finding out that the prostitute had gotten pregnant and had since given birth,Flint traveled back to find her.He found the woman with a two year old daughter called Harmony.He took both his daughter and her mother onto his ship and sailed to an island.Once on the island he killed the mother and buried her on the exact same location his treasure would later be buried.He took Harmony back to London and abandoned her there.She was found by the frog captain Abraham Smollett who took her in and raised her as his own.He called her Harmony since she had a musical harmony pendant on her."
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Long story short from the note above, she was the daughter of Captain Flint and was adopted by Captain Abraham Smollet. In short, fathered by a human but raised by a frog. Other than that, I suspect she exists only to be a girlfriend for Jim and a lust object for Long John Silver.
Annoying Special Abilities: The ability to be aboard the Hispanola, hell inserted into the whole dang movie without any explanation whatsoever.
Other Annoying Traits: Does nausea inducing count? And if you are a Muppet fan who didn't especially like MTI, you could say this made a bad movie even worse.
Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
No MS yet, but plenty of OOC Long John, angst!Jim and the abuse of commas by not providing spaces.
“You know Jim,Long John’s been doing some thinking.Why did you volunteer to work in the kitchen so quickly?” Long John asked.
Jim didn’t say anything so Long John looked at him and continued :
“Now I know it’s not because you got tired of your other chores cause you still have to do those and I know that no matter how much you like me you wouldn’t take on extra chores for me,so all that leaves is…Harmony”
Jim cringed a little bit when hearing her name.Long John tilted his head and looked Jim in the eyes,he saw a deep,boyish and painful love fore Harmony.
“Do you perhaps have a little crush on Harmony?” Long John asked.
Jim blushed and looked away.Long John laughed and said:
“I think I hit the jackpot on that one”
“I guess it wasn’t that hard to tell” Jim said quietly.
Long John didn’t say anything and allowed Jim to think about it for a moment.
“She’s so beautiful” Jim said.
“That she is,lad,that she is” Long John agreed.
“She’s funny,strong,caring,kind,understanding…”
Jim cringed again as he thought about her.
“What’s the matter lad?” Long John asked.
“I love her so much and I know that she’ll never love me as anything other than a friend and it’s just not fair” Jim said.
Long John placed his hand on his shoulder.
“Sometimes when I see her working in the kitchen I look at her eyes and her smile and than I love her so much that it hurts” Jim said softly.
There was a short pause.
“Why do you think she’ll never love you as anything other than a friend?” Long John asked.
“Because we’re two worlds apart.I worked at a taverne as a servant and from what I can gather she’s spent her entire life on ships sailing for adventure” Jim said sadly.
“Opposites do attract you know?!” Long John said softly.
“They do?” Jim asked,his eyes glowing.
“Oh yes.As long as you never give up hope” Long John said with a smile.
Enter Harmony, and more comma abuse.
“Harmony,you scared us.Climb in,share an apple with us” Gonzo offered.
“I can’t,I’m really busy in the kitchen.I actually came to get some of those apples.Me and Long John are gonna make a massive applepie” Harmony said with a smile.
“Are you kidding me?.Here take them all” Rizzo said eagerly.
Gonzo and Rizzo handed Harmony the apples and she put them all in her basket.Harmony smiled as her Harmony pendant softly made music.
“So what were you guys talking about?” Harmony asked.
“Oh eh…Gonzo here was just telling me a joke” Rizzo lied.
“Eh…yeah a very funny one” Gonzo added.
“Really?.Well what with there not being a whole lot to laugh about on this ship I could certainly do with a joke” Harmony said.
“Oh,it’s rather a long one” Gonzo quickly said.
“That’s okay,I have a minute” Harmony said.
“It’s dirty too” Gonzo whispered,blushing a little.
“I’m a big girl,I think I can handle it” Harmony said,smiling.
And so Gonzo told the joke and he did a good job.Harmony and Rizzo laughed.
The abuse of commas continues as Harmony interacts with the ship's crew
Harmony walked up the ladder,right by the very annoying pirats on the ship.Always staring and sometime even groping.She couldn’t stand it,she knew she was relatively safe around Long John but still…She also passed Squire Trelawny,dr Livesley and Beaker.She liked Squire and dr Livesley and Beaker was just plain cute.
“Hey fellows” she said with a bright smile.
“Ah,Harmony,so good to see you.Isn’t that right mr Bimbo?” Squire Trelawny asked.
He put his finger near his ear and said:
“Mr Bimbo says you look pretty today”
Harmony laughed and said:
“Well thank mr Bimbo for that compliment.Hi dr Livesley,hi Beaker”
Harmony scratched Beaker under his chin.Beaker giggled and dr Livesley bowed.
“And good day to you Harmony”
Harmony smiled as she talked to them for a little while longer.Long John was watching her from inside the kitchen.
“Soon my pretty Harmony,soon” he whispered.
Harmony went back to the kitchen and after apologizing to Long John for being late,they made a huge applepie.
And all of that is just in the first two chapters; there are four more after it and things just get worse.
Waldorf: Well, it could be worse!
Statler: Yeah! She could be stuck on-stage with the rest of the Muppets!
Both: DOHHHH, HO HO HO...
Don't you guys ever shut up? Anyway, I'm just glad that Jim Henson and Richard Hunt aren't alive to see this. As it is, this would probably make both of them turn over in their graves.