The only cure ...
... for fear is love.
I have been contemplating this truth lately.
I am running right smack into some of my deepest fears.
Oh, it is the usual stuff ... inadequacy and vulnerability ... but lately it has taken on a larger specter of terror ... Alzheimer's disease ...
My mother had it and recently I have been terrorized by my failing short term memory ... which has lots of rational explanations .... such as menopause and some effects from my spiritual practices ... but still the terror surfaces again and again ...
And now it mixes with the regular, ever present fear and it is all magnified into a paralyzing mix ...
...So that I often feel it hovering right above me, soiling the air, seeping into my skin and clogging my air passages ... it is the darkest kind of throat clenching fear that lives in my sweat and in my tears .... and I find it hard to just breathe ... and to just be...
But the only cure for fear is love ... so I stare into my own tear stained eyes repeating my mantra, "I love you, I love you, I love you, ..." over and over again...
I go to the mat, saluting the sun, metta prayer after metta prayer ... I light the incense and the candles... and I walk within the tree filled cathedrals we call parks ... and I pray ... oh god do I pray... day in and day out ...
Goddess please bless me,
... nourish and protect me,
Goddess please love me,
... and Goddess thank you ...
And the darkness usually stays just below my consciousness... till this week ... when the dam broke .... and it flooded up over the edges ... and clogged my throat .... and crushed my heart ...
...and so I take to the mat, I say the prayers and I cry cry cry ... and this morning I awakened to glimpses of the terror swimming like translucent dolphins in the air, in my food, in the water, in my flesh .... love, love, love I chanted through my sobs ... till I realized that love alone is not enough ... I have to love not just speak of love ...
...so I loved my calico by rubbing her belly ... I loved my breakfast by sprinkling it with blueberries ... I loved my yoga by slowing it down ... and I loved my body by listening and responding to its needs ... and I love each and every one of you by telling you the truth ...
I am afraid. I live in terror. I walk in darkness and I breathe in tears ... and yet ... I still love.
I love you. I love life. I love myself. And I breath, eat, walk, sing and dance with the terror every day ... and I still love ... it is all I have ..it is all I got ... and it will continue ..
... day in day out ... terror .. love ... fear ... love ... darkness .. love ... tears ... love .... love.... love.... love.... love.... it is the only way ....
live breathe walk cry .... and love .... love.... love ...
... and this is my gift to you ... yeah, you ... love is the only cure for fear ...
Love, love, love, love
... People we are made from love
Love each other as your self
... For we are one ..
[breathe]
... all my love,
Katrina
I have been contemplating this truth lately.
I am running right smack into some of my deepest fears.
Oh, it is the usual stuff ... inadequacy and vulnerability ... but lately it has taken on a larger specter of terror ... Alzheimer's disease ...
My mother had it and recently I have been terrorized by my failing short term memory ... which has lots of rational explanations .... such as menopause and some effects from my spiritual practices ... but still the terror surfaces again and again ...
And now it mixes with the regular, ever present fear and it is all magnified into a paralyzing mix ...
...So that I often feel it hovering right above me, soiling the air, seeping into my skin and clogging my air passages ... it is the darkest kind of throat clenching fear that lives in my sweat and in my tears .... and I find it hard to just breathe ... and to just be...
But the only cure for fear is love ... so I stare into my own tear stained eyes repeating my mantra, "I love you, I love you, I love you, ..." over and over again...
I go to the mat, saluting the sun, metta prayer after metta prayer ... I light the incense and the candles... and I walk within the tree filled cathedrals we call parks ... and I pray ... oh god do I pray... day in and day out ...
Goddess please bless me,
... nourish and protect me,
Goddess please love me,
... and Goddess thank you ...
And the darkness usually stays just below my consciousness... till this week ... when the dam broke .... and it flooded up over the edges ... and clogged my throat .... and crushed my heart ...
...and so I take to the mat, I say the prayers and I cry cry cry ... and this morning I awakened to glimpses of the terror swimming like translucent dolphins in the air, in my food, in the water, in my flesh .... love, love, love I chanted through my sobs ... till I realized that love alone is not enough ... I have to love not just speak of love ...
...so I loved my calico by rubbing her belly ... I loved my breakfast by sprinkling it with blueberries ... I loved my yoga by slowing it down ... and I loved my body by listening and responding to its needs ... and I love each and every one of you by telling you the truth ...
I am afraid. I live in terror. I walk in darkness and I breathe in tears ... and yet ... I still love.
I love you. I love life. I love myself. And I breath, eat, walk, sing and dance with the terror every day ... and I still love ... it is all I have ..it is all I got ... and it will continue ..
... day in day out ... terror .. love ... fear ... love ... darkness .. love ... tears ... love .... love.... love.... love.... love.... it is the only way ....
live breathe walk cry .... and love .... love.... love ...
... and this is my gift to you ... yeah, you ... love is the only cure for fear ...
Love, love, love, love
... People we are made from love
Love each other as your self
... For we are one ..
[breathe]
... all my love,
Katrina