The Art of (Not) Letting Go, Part 2
Secret Snowflake for Greenstuff
From: Strwbrygrl
Prompt: Why do we always want the one thing we can't have? Unrequited/requited love, M&M, ANGST.
Summary: 3 years after his marriage to Abigail, Marshall wonders why his life is still so complicated. Written from Marshall's POV.
Disclaimer: Don't own nothing but the plot and Georgie - who you'll be meeting shortly.
Author's note: This chapter is a flashback to earlier in the M&M partnership, pre-series, and is a little reprieve before things get REALLY angsty. Trust me, enjoy it while it lasts!
“There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides
But that doesn’t last too long-
. . . I don’t ever see the day
That I won’t catch you when you fall.”
--Westlife
________________________________________
I don’t know when I fell in love with Mary Shannon - but I do recall with perfect clarity the moment I realized I couldn’t live without her. My partner was an adrenaline junkie and whenever things got slow around the office, she would call her old friends at FTF and see if she could lend a hand. Not just hers, mind you, but she would volunteer my services as well, since we were now partners and came as a package deal.
It didn’t take very long for me to figure this out about my partner- in fact I had her pegged as an adrenaline junkie before I even recommended her to Stan. Later, my boss would accuse me of not knowing what I was getting myself into and I agreed - because to some extent, I didn’t. I thought that by offering her a job in WitSec, I would be giving her a second chance to build a life for herself with people she could trust and a partner who would always have her back.
What I didn’t realize was the fact that she would become my drug - that I would become addicted to her snarky attitude and that I would give my last breath to see her smile. I didn’t know that I would fall in love with my partner.
________________________________________
Arapaho National Forest, Colorado
Winter 2005
I kicked the door open of the summer cabin and scanned the interior for intruders of the two-legged variety before stumbling across the threshold, the dead weight of my partner in my arms bringing me nearly to my knees before I could deposit her safely on the dusty cot in the corner of the large room.
As I straightened up, I scanned her unconscious form from head to toe, not knowing where to start. She was soaking wet from falling in the lake and her lips were beginning to turn blue. I knew hypothermia was setting in but her head wound was also bothering me. There was too much blood for me to accurately assess the damage - I would have to clean it first and most of our supplies had been lost. Cursing, I stripped off my down parka and gloves as I scanned the cabin’s interior. I spied a cupboard in the corner and dashed over to it, throwing open the doors to see two well-worn blankets and several tins of food. Grabbing the blankets, I ran back to Mary, who by this time had started to shiver from the cold air in the cabin and my lack of body heat.
“I’m sorry, partner, but those clothes have to come off.” Gritting my own teeth against the cold, I bent to unlace her heavy hiking boots, letting each one hit the floor with a loud thud.
Mary never stirred.
I paused for a moment before reaching for the button of her thick wool pants. If she was awake, she’d kill me. Then again, once she wakes up and sees she’s naked, I’m a dead man anyway. My fingers shook from nerves as well as the cold air as I pulled and tugged and finally yanked her wet pants down and off her legs. That was the easy part. Now for her sweater - don’t look, Marshall. Mary will know if you looked and you are so dead. I pulled my partner up against me, cradling her upper body in my arms and tried not to wince as her cold skin met my front, her shivers increasing. My fingers yanked her sweater off and I averted my eyes, not getting more than a quick glimpse of navy silk and lace covering her breasts. I’ve got to warm her up fast - she’s so cold.
I had waterproof matches in my parka. Mary laughed at me for being a Boy Scout - but the truth was my supplies had saved us before and they would save us now. But I didn’t know if there was any wood around or if the fireplace was in working order. What I did know was that body heat warmed someone faster than any fire. I lowered my partner back down and covered her with one of the thin blankets.
“I promise to be a gentleman, Mer, and if there was any other way- but I think we both know there isn’t.” I swallowed as I got to my feet and stripped down to my boxers and undershirt, my shaking getting worse as I placed my own wet pants over the back of a wooden chair. Grabbing the other blanket, I wrapped it around me and laid down next to her. Lifting the blanket covering her, I rolled Mary until she was nestled against me. I hissed as her cold, wet skin came into contact with mine but I refused to pull away. Wrapping both blankets around us until we were one huge human burrito, I finally turned my attention to the wound above her left temple. It looked like just a graze - but again, I couldn’t be sure until I cleaned it. The blood had clotted so I felt like I could safely focus on getting Mary warm and tend to her wound when she woke up. If she didn’t kill me when she found us in bed like this.
I have no idea how much time passed as I lay there with Mary in my arms. At first her shivering was so strong it shook both of us and the cot. I wondered if the flimsy cot would be able to hold up under the stress of her shaking and our combined weight. Eventually, her shaking began to slow and I was relieved to see her skin begin to pink up again under the blanket and her lips lose the bluish tinge that had so scared me when I had first crashed through the cabin door. I loosened my hold on her as I felt her move against me and her eyes opened; I could feel her lashes tickling my chest as she lay very still and processed the situation.
“Marshall?”
“Yes?”
“What the hell- ouch!” She reached up a hand and gently touched her temple.
“Careful - I imagine that’s pretty sore.” I ran a hand over hers and moved it away from her wound.
“Did I miss something?”
I frowned. “I’m sorry?”
“Did we have sex?”
I rolled to my back and exhaled. “Hell, Mary. NO! We did not have sex. Why would you even think that?”
She looked at me in disbelief. “That’s usually what’s happened when I wake up next to a naked man-“
I silently counted to three before answering. “OK, number one: I’m not naked and neither are you - both of us have our underwear on and have kept our underwear on the whole time, Scout’s honor. Number two, you were suffering from hypothermia and have a head wound. I was trying to keep you from dying - not trying to cop a feel. Shit, Mer! I know we’ve only been partners for two years, but I thought you knew me better than that. I’m not some cowboy you picked up in a bar to have a quick fuck with in the bathroom. This is me, Marshall, your partner, the guy who has your back, the one who goes with you on these crazy excursions with the FTF twice a year, remember?”
“Don’t yell at me, you’re making my headache worse,” Mary groused as she rubbed a hand over her eyes. “I - I’m sorry, OK? I know you wouldn’t - but you have to admit the evidence is pretty damning.”
“Yeah, well, you’re welcome.” I snapped back the blanket on my side and got out, setting my teeth against the cold as I reached for my discarded clothes.
“Where are you going?”
“To see if there’s any firewood around here - and then see if I can find some supplies to clean that nasty head wound of yours. I’ll be back.”
Mary grabbed my hand. “Marshall - I am sorry. I know you would never take advantage of me like that. I just,” she stopped and swallowed. “I don’t have the best history where men are concerned and - I guess it’s hard to realize that you’re different - that you’re not like the rest.”
I squeezed her hand. “We’re not all pigs, Mer, with one thing on our minds.”
She wrapped my blanket around her shoulders, cocooning herself in its warmth. “Are you sure you’re straight?”
I threw one of her hiking boots at her on the way out the door to the sound of her laughter.
________________________________________
“That was delicious - I can’t believe you whipped this up from those old cans in the cupboard.”
I shrugged. “You make do with what you have.”
Mary grinned. “Meaning you gagged it down? You are such a food snob. See, I don’t have such high expectations. Growing up on tuna casserole and half assed sandwiches, anything canned tastes gourmet to me.”
“What, pray tell, are half assed sandwiches?”
“Basically bread and anything else you can find at the end of the month. Jinx, my mother, invented them. The original one was stale bread with mustard and saltine crackers.”
“Crackers on bread?”
Mary shrugged. “I said anything you could find.”
I reached over and touched the back of her hand. “You really didn’t have the Norman Rockwell childhood, did you?”
She snorted. “Hardly - why do you think I was so eager to escape Jersey to come live in the desert?”
“Come on, admit it. I know you love it here - it’s even starting to feel like home, isn’t it?”
Mary’s eyes dropped to my hand on the table next to hers. “I don’t know - I’ve never had a home.”
I started. “What? That’s not true. You raised your little sister - if that’s not making a home-“
She shook her head. “That wasn’t a home, Marshall. It was a prison. I got the hell out of there as soon as possible and - what did you put in the food, Doofus? Why am I sitting here spilling my guts to you?”
I chuckled. “Must be your head wound - are you feeling dizzy?”
“A little.”
“Do you need to lie down?”
“Why Marshall Mann, are you trying to get in my pants again?”
“Stop it. Your body has been through hell today. When Jackson fired at you and you went over that cliff, I thought-“ I cleared my throat and stood, gathering our few dishes. “Do you want something for dessert? I have peaches or-“
“Marshall.”
My hands stilled as my eyes darted up to meet hers. “What?”
“I’m still here.”
“I know that. You dodged another one - the adrenaline junkie lives to fight another day.”
“What does that mean?”
I set the plates back on the table and came around to pull her to her feet. “Do you understand how close you came this time, Mary? You were shot and you fell off a five hundred foot drop into a lake of freezing cold water. I didn’t know if I’d get to you in time. Not before-“ I paused to swallow the emotions, knowing she wouldn’t react well to my tears.
She reached up and squeezed my shoulders. “But you did get to me in time-“
“Yes, I did, this time. But what about next time? What if I’m farther away or we’re separated or not even on the same team?”
“Marshall,” Mary sighed as she dropped her hands. “I don’t know the future - no one lives forever and you know as well as I do that this job comes with high risks-“
I grasped her shoulders, giving her a little shake. “But you’re not with the FTF anymore! Don’t you see? You’re my partner in WitSec. I need you to stop, Mary. I need you stop taking these assignments with the FTF that keep putting you and me in these life and death situations-“
“But they need me-“
“No, you need them. You crave the danger like a drug addict needs their fix and yet there’s a part of you that wants to put down roots and have some form of stability that can happen with being my partner. We still make a difference, Mer. We still get justice for our witnesses and get the bad guys - it’s just a different process. But you need to choose. I feel like you’ve been trying to do both jobs - and I’m saying it’s time to stop.”
“So you’re giving me an ultimatum? It’s you or FTF? I don’t respond well to ultimatums, Marshall.”
I dropped my hands and stepped back from her. “No, this is a partnership, not a marriage. You can walk away any time - but I’ll miss you. I’ll miss what we’ve started to build - I’ll miss my friend as well as my partner. But if you want to go back to the FTF, I won’t stand in your way. I won’t ever stand in the way of what makes you happy.”
I turned and left her standing there, before I said anything else, before I said the words that were burning brightly in my heart. Because I love you.
________________________________________
I didn’t sleep that night. Instead I kept watch as Mary slept in the single cot. I knew she would have shared but after realizing how deep my feelings ran for my partner, I didn’t want to be that close to her so soon, skin to skin, our breaths sharing the same small space.
I knew that another FTF team would find us tomorrow, very possibly at first light. We had split into four two man teams that morning to find the fugitive Jackson, keeping in touch via walkie talkies. Ours had been clipped to Mary’s parka and had been lost when she fell into the lake. Every time my eyes closed I saw her falling back, back, back over the edge of that drop into the lake below. In that moment, I had forgotten about Jackson - I hadn’t even taken a parting shot. I just screamed Mary’s name and ran to the edge and watched helplessly as she bounced down the cliff face and landed with a loud splash in the water below.
“Marshall.”
Mary’s voice brought me out of my reflections and I turned my head from the window to see her sitting up on the cot, her eyes scanning the cabin.
“I’m here,” I whispered as I crossed the floor to her side. “What is it? Do you need something?”
When I was close enough, she reached out and pulled me down onto the cot, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she collapsed against my chest. I stiffened in surprise as I felt her tears soak my shirt front, but my arms went around her as I made soothing sounds of comfort. When the onslaught lessened to sniffles, I pushed her back so I could see her face.
“What is it?”
Her eyes dropped. “Nothing - just a dream.”
I nodded in understanding. “About this afternoon?”
“I’m fine - go back to - what were you doing?”
“Keeping watch for your FTF friends. I’m sure they’ll be here in the morning.”
She grunted. “Can’t sleep?”
“Not tired.”
“Liar. Come on, I’ll share.”
I sighed. “You need sleep more than me-“
She growled as she pulled me down next to her. “Why are you fighting me on this?”
“It’s a small cot - we’ll have to cuddle. I don’t want you getting the wrong idea again and attacking me in the middle of the night.”
She grinned. “You planning on taking my clothes off?”
I shook my head.
“You planning to jump my bones once I fall asleep?”
“You wish.”
She slapped my arm. “Good night, Doofus.” She rolled over, taking most of the blanket with her.
“Mary?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry about earlier - I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”
She cursed under her breath as she rolled back over to face me. “Look, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. If you’re going to be my partner for the long haul, I’m going to need you to call me on my BS every now and then.”
I frowned. “Meaning?”
She bit her lip before blowing out an exasperated breath. “You were right, OK? About all of it, but there was more. I was testing you.”
“Testing me?”
“To see if you’d stay with me or throw your hands up in horror and leave me like-“ Mary’s voice trailed off and her eyes dropped.
“Like everyone else. No such luck, Mer. You’re stuck with me for as long as you want me.”
She raised her eyes to meet mine in the darkness. “So, partners?”
“I don’t know - does this mean no more crazy twice a year missions with the FTF?”
“You do realize we could die doing our job just as easily with WitSec-“ Mary pointed out with a smirk.
“See, who needs the FTF?”
She laughed. “Fine, you win! It’s you and me, partners in WitSec only from now on.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I know I don’t want to lose you as my partner, Marshall, or my friend. You’re stuck with me too.”
________________________________________
It wasn’t love, and perhaps it never would be - at least not on her part. Mary had never known what love was, had never seen love or experienced it before in her growing up years. I tried to show her what love could be throughout our partnership, being there for her in whatever way she needed me and promising to never leave her.
Stan didn’t believe Mary at first when we came back from Colorado and she told him that she was done taking assignments from FTF. But when two years passed and their calls went unanswered, he had to admit that Mary had successfully kept her word and was shaping up to be one of his finest inspectors, though he never admitted it in her hearing. That would only have given her a large head. This didn’t mean that my partner still didn’t crave action and that I didn’t need to occasionally step in and slow her roll - but that was one of the things that made our partnership so great.
Now that I’m married and am Mary’s boss and trying to start my own family, if I was a smart man, I’d find a way to either transfer Mary or myself to another branch. But I’m a selfish man. For even though I’ve claimed to have moved on, it’s not true. I still can’t let Mary Shannon go.
From: Strwbrygrl
Prompt: Why do we always want the one thing we can't have? Unrequited/requited love, M&M, ANGST.
Summary: 3 years after his marriage to Abigail, Marshall wonders why his life is still so complicated. Written from Marshall's POV.
Disclaimer: Don't own nothing but the plot and Georgie - who you'll be meeting shortly.
Author's note: This chapter is a flashback to earlier in the M&M partnership, pre-series, and is a little reprieve before things get REALLY angsty. Trust me, enjoy it while it lasts!
“There’ll be days
We’ll be on different sides
But that doesn’t last too long-
. . . I don’t ever see the day
That I won’t catch you when you fall.”
--Westlife
________________________________________
I don’t know when I fell in love with Mary Shannon - but I do recall with perfect clarity the moment I realized I couldn’t live without her. My partner was an adrenaline junkie and whenever things got slow around the office, she would call her old friends at FTF and see if she could lend a hand. Not just hers, mind you, but she would volunteer my services as well, since we were now partners and came as a package deal.
It didn’t take very long for me to figure this out about my partner- in fact I had her pegged as an adrenaline junkie before I even recommended her to Stan. Later, my boss would accuse me of not knowing what I was getting myself into and I agreed - because to some extent, I didn’t. I thought that by offering her a job in WitSec, I would be giving her a second chance to build a life for herself with people she could trust and a partner who would always have her back.
What I didn’t realize was the fact that she would become my drug - that I would become addicted to her snarky attitude and that I would give my last breath to see her smile. I didn’t know that I would fall in love with my partner.
________________________________________
Arapaho National Forest, Colorado
Winter 2005
I kicked the door open of the summer cabin and scanned the interior for intruders of the two-legged variety before stumbling across the threshold, the dead weight of my partner in my arms bringing me nearly to my knees before I could deposit her safely on the dusty cot in the corner of the large room.
As I straightened up, I scanned her unconscious form from head to toe, not knowing where to start. She was soaking wet from falling in the lake and her lips were beginning to turn blue. I knew hypothermia was setting in but her head wound was also bothering me. There was too much blood for me to accurately assess the damage - I would have to clean it first and most of our supplies had been lost. Cursing, I stripped off my down parka and gloves as I scanned the cabin’s interior. I spied a cupboard in the corner and dashed over to it, throwing open the doors to see two well-worn blankets and several tins of food. Grabbing the blankets, I ran back to Mary, who by this time had started to shiver from the cold air in the cabin and my lack of body heat.
“I’m sorry, partner, but those clothes have to come off.” Gritting my own teeth against the cold, I bent to unlace her heavy hiking boots, letting each one hit the floor with a loud thud.
Mary never stirred.
I paused for a moment before reaching for the button of her thick wool pants. If she was awake, she’d kill me. Then again, once she wakes up and sees she’s naked, I’m a dead man anyway. My fingers shook from nerves as well as the cold air as I pulled and tugged and finally yanked her wet pants down and off her legs. That was the easy part. Now for her sweater - don’t look, Marshall. Mary will know if you looked and you are so dead. I pulled my partner up against me, cradling her upper body in my arms and tried not to wince as her cold skin met my front, her shivers increasing. My fingers yanked her sweater off and I averted my eyes, not getting more than a quick glimpse of navy silk and lace covering her breasts. I’ve got to warm her up fast - she’s so cold.
I had waterproof matches in my parka. Mary laughed at me for being a Boy Scout - but the truth was my supplies had saved us before and they would save us now. But I didn’t know if there was any wood around or if the fireplace was in working order. What I did know was that body heat warmed someone faster than any fire. I lowered my partner back down and covered her with one of the thin blankets.
“I promise to be a gentleman, Mer, and if there was any other way- but I think we both know there isn’t.” I swallowed as I got to my feet and stripped down to my boxers and undershirt, my shaking getting worse as I placed my own wet pants over the back of a wooden chair. Grabbing the other blanket, I wrapped it around me and laid down next to her. Lifting the blanket covering her, I rolled Mary until she was nestled against me. I hissed as her cold, wet skin came into contact with mine but I refused to pull away. Wrapping both blankets around us until we were one huge human burrito, I finally turned my attention to the wound above her left temple. It looked like just a graze - but again, I couldn’t be sure until I cleaned it. The blood had clotted so I felt like I could safely focus on getting Mary warm and tend to her wound when she woke up. If she didn’t kill me when she found us in bed like this.
I have no idea how much time passed as I lay there with Mary in my arms. At first her shivering was so strong it shook both of us and the cot. I wondered if the flimsy cot would be able to hold up under the stress of her shaking and our combined weight. Eventually, her shaking began to slow and I was relieved to see her skin begin to pink up again under the blanket and her lips lose the bluish tinge that had so scared me when I had first crashed through the cabin door. I loosened my hold on her as I felt her move against me and her eyes opened; I could feel her lashes tickling my chest as she lay very still and processed the situation.
“Marshall?”
“Yes?”
“What the hell- ouch!” She reached up a hand and gently touched her temple.
“Careful - I imagine that’s pretty sore.” I ran a hand over hers and moved it away from her wound.
“Did I miss something?”
I frowned. “I’m sorry?”
“Did we have sex?”
I rolled to my back and exhaled. “Hell, Mary. NO! We did not have sex. Why would you even think that?”
She looked at me in disbelief. “That’s usually what’s happened when I wake up next to a naked man-“
I silently counted to three before answering. “OK, number one: I’m not naked and neither are you - both of us have our underwear on and have kept our underwear on the whole time, Scout’s honor. Number two, you were suffering from hypothermia and have a head wound. I was trying to keep you from dying - not trying to cop a feel. Shit, Mer! I know we’ve only been partners for two years, but I thought you knew me better than that. I’m not some cowboy you picked up in a bar to have a quick fuck with in the bathroom. This is me, Marshall, your partner, the guy who has your back, the one who goes with you on these crazy excursions with the FTF twice a year, remember?”
“Don’t yell at me, you’re making my headache worse,” Mary groused as she rubbed a hand over her eyes. “I - I’m sorry, OK? I know you wouldn’t - but you have to admit the evidence is pretty damning.”
“Yeah, well, you’re welcome.” I snapped back the blanket on my side and got out, setting my teeth against the cold as I reached for my discarded clothes.
“Where are you going?”
“To see if there’s any firewood around here - and then see if I can find some supplies to clean that nasty head wound of yours. I’ll be back.”
Mary grabbed my hand. “Marshall - I am sorry. I know you would never take advantage of me like that. I just,” she stopped and swallowed. “I don’t have the best history where men are concerned and - I guess it’s hard to realize that you’re different - that you’re not like the rest.”
I squeezed her hand. “We’re not all pigs, Mer, with one thing on our minds.”
She wrapped my blanket around her shoulders, cocooning herself in its warmth. “Are you sure you’re straight?”
I threw one of her hiking boots at her on the way out the door to the sound of her laughter.
________________________________________
“That was delicious - I can’t believe you whipped this up from those old cans in the cupboard.”
I shrugged. “You make do with what you have.”
Mary grinned. “Meaning you gagged it down? You are such a food snob. See, I don’t have such high expectations. Growing up on tuna casserole and half assed sandwiches, anything canned tastes gourmet to me.”
“What, pray tell, are half assed sandwiches?”
“Basically bread and anything else you can find at the end of the month. Jinx, my mother, invented them. The original one was stale bread with mustard and saltine crackers.”
“Crackers on bread?”
Mary shrugged. “I said anything you could find.”
I reached over and touched the back of her hand. “You really didn’t have the Norman Rockwell childhood, did you?”
She snorted. “Hardly - why do you think I was so eager to escape Jersey to come live in the desert?”
“Come on, admit it. I know you love it here - it’s even starting to feel like home, isn’t it?”
Mary’s eyes dropped to my hand on the table next to hers. “I don’t know - I’ve never had a home.”
I started. “What? That’s not true. You raised your little sister - if that’s not making a home-“
She shook her head. “That wasn’t a home, Marshall. It was a prison. I got the hell out of there as soon as possible and - what did you put in the food, Doofus? Why am I sitting here spilling my guts to you?”
I chuckled. “Must be your head wound - are you feeling dizzy?”
“A little.”
“Do you need to lie down?”
“Why Marshall Mann, are you trying to get in my pants again?”
“Stop it. Your body has been through hell today. When Jackson fired at you and you went over that cliff, I thought-“ I cleared my throat and stood, gathering our few dishes. “Do you want something for dessert? I have peaches or-“
“Marshall.”
My hands stilled as my eyes darted up to meet hers. “What?”
“I’m still here.”
“I know that. You dodged another one - the adrenaline junkie lives to fight another day.”
“What does that mean?”
I set the plates back on the table and came around to pull her to her feet. “Do you understand how close you came this time, Mary? You were shot and you fell off a five hundred foot drop into a lake of freezing cold water. I didn’t know if I’d get to you in time. Not before-“ I paused to swallow the emotions, knowing she wouldn’t react well to my tears.
She reached up and squeezed my shoulders. “But you did get to me in time-“
“Yes, I did, this time. But what about next time? What if I’m farther away or we’re separated or not even on the same team?”
“Marshall,” Mary sighed as she dropped her hands. “I don’t know the future - no one lives forever and you know as well as I do that this job comes with high risks-“
I grasped her shoulders, giving her a little shake. “But you’re not with the FTF anymore! Don’t you see? You’re my partner in WitSec. I need you to stop, Mary. I need you stop taking these assignments with the FTF that keep putting you and me in these life and death situations-“
“But they need me-“
“No, you need them. You crave the danger like a drug addict needs their fix and yet there’s a part of you that wants to put down roots and have some form of stability that can happen with being my partner. We still make a difference, Mer. We still get justice for our witnesses and get the bad guys - it’s just a different process. But you need to choose. I feel like you’ve been trying to do both jobs - and I’m saying it’s time to stop.”
“So you’re giving me an ultimatum? It’s you or FTF? I don’t respond well to ultimatums, Marshall.”
I dropped my hands and stepped back from her. “No, this is a partnership, not a marriage. You can walk away any time - but I’ll miss you. I’ll miss what we’ve started to build - I’ll miss my friend as well as my partner. But if you want to go back to the FTF, I won’t stand in your way. I won’t ever stand in the way of what makes you happy.”
I turned and left her standing there, before I said anything else, before I said the words that were burning brightly in my heart. Because I love you.
________________________________________
I didn’t sleep that night. Instead I kept watch as Mary slept in the single cot. I knew she would have shared but after realizing how deep my feelings ran for my partner, I didn’t want to be that close to her so soon, skin to skin, our breaths sharing the same small space.
I knew that another FTF team would find us tomorrow, very possibly at first light. We had split into four two man teams that morning to find the fugitive Jackson, keeping in touch via walkie talkies. Ours had been clipped to Mary’s parka and had been lost when she fell into the lake. Every time my eyes closed I saw her falling back, back, back over the edge of that drop into the lake below. In that moment, I had forgotten about Jackson - I hadn’t even taken a parting shot. I just screamed Mary’s name and ran to the edge and watched helplessly as she bounced down the cliff face and landed with a loud splash in the water below.
“Marshall.”
Mary’s voice brought me out of my reflections and I turned my head from the window to see her sitting up on the cot, her eyes scanning the cabin.
“I’m here,” I whispered as I crossed the floor to her side. “What is it? Do you need something?”
When I was close enough, she reached out and pulled me down onto the cot, wrapping her arms around my shoulders as she collapsed against my chest. I stiffened in surprise as I felt her tears soak my shirt front, but my arms went around her as I made soothing sounds of comfort. When the onslaught lessened to sniffles, I pushed her back so I could see her face.
“What is it?”
Her eyes dropped. “Nothing - just a dream.”
I nodded in understanding. “About this afternoon?”
“I’m fine - go back to - what were you doing?”
“Keeping watch for your FTF friends. I’m sure they’ll be here in the morning.”
She grunted. “Can’t sleep?”
“Not tired.”
“Liar. Come on, I’ll share.”
I sighed. “You need sleep more than me-“
She growled as she pulled me down next to her. “Why are you fighting me on this?”
“It’s a small cot - we’ll have to cuddle. I don’t want you getting the wrong idea again and attacking me in the middle of the night.”
She grinned. “You planning on taking my clothes off?”
I shook my head.
“You planning to jump my bones once I fall asleep?”
“You wish.”
She slapped my arm. “Good night, Doofus.” She rolled over, taking most of the blanket with her.
“Mary?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry about earlier - I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”
She cursed under her breath as she rolled back over to face me. “Look, I’m only going to say this once, so listen up. If you’re going to be my partner for the long haul, I’m going to need you to call me on my BS every now and then.”
I frowned. “Meaning?”
She bit her lip before blowing out an exasperated breath. “You were right, OK? About all of it, but there was more. I was testing you.”
“Testing me?”
“To see if you’d stay with me or throw your hands up in horror and leave me like-“ Mary’s voice trailed off and her eyes dropped.
“Like everyone else. No such luck, Mer. You’re stuck with me for as long as you want me.”
She raised her eyes to meet mine in the darkness. “So, partners?”
“I don’t know - does this mean no more crazy twice a year missions with the FTF?”
“You do realize we could die doing our job just as easily with WitSec-“ Mary pointed out with a smirk.
“See, who needs the FTF?”
She laughed. “Fine, you win! It’s you and me, partners in WitSec only from now on.”
“Are you sure that’s what you want?”
“I know I don’t want to lose you as my partner, Marshall, or my friend. You’re stuck with me too.”
________________________________________
It wasn’t love, and perhaps it never would be - at least not on her part. Mary had never known what love was, had never seen love or experienced it before in her growing up years. I tried to show her what love could be throughout our partnership, being there for her in whatever way she needed me and promising to never leave her.
Stan didn’t believe Mary at first when we came back from Colorado and she told him that she was done taking assignments from FTF. But when two years passed and their calls went unanswered, he had to admit that Mary had successfully kept her word and was shaping up to be one of his finest inspectors, though he never admitted it in her hearing. That would only have given her a large head. This didn’t mean that my partner still didn’t crave action and that I didn’t need to occasionally step in and slow her roll - but that was one of the things that made our partnership so great.
Now that I’m married and am Mary’s boss and trying to start my own family, if I was a smart man, I’d find a way to either transfer Mary or myself to another branch. But I’m a selfish man. For even though I’ve claimed to have moved on, it’s not true. I still can’t let Mary Shannon go.