Modelling It Out [9/12]
Title: Modelling It Out
Pairing: Jaejoong/Changmin, Jaejoong/Yoochun, Yoochun/Junsu, Jaejoong/everyone
Genre: AU, romance, general
Warning: Sexual situations
Length: Chaptered
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong is a fashion designer and loves to use Yoochun as his model and sexual partner, however one day he is forced to work with Changmin and all hell breaks loose.
Thank you miamushroom for the beautiful graphic
Chapter 9
Yoochun was happy Junsu was willing to hang out with him. Especially now that Jaejoong was out of the question to spend time with. It felt odd. After so many years of being someone’s best friend and suddenly not just being able to go talk to him was definitely weird. They had always been together in all sorts of things. Families living next door to each other, then later moving in together while going through university and now working together so often that they saw each other most of the days. But suddenly they just couldn’t just hang out.
“Yoochun, I don’t want to be like you, and I don’t want you to be a Jaejoong to me.” They had been sitting in comfortable silence until Junsu broke it. Yoochun’s head was resting on the younger man’s shoulder, but he lifted it at the sound of the words.
“Not sure I’m following you.” He mumbled lazily. Sundays were days off from work, which meant he didn’t have to do anything, and hanging out with Junsu was a new thing he enjoyed doing.
“Chunnie, I don’t want to hide my feelings for you forever, so I’m going to just say it. I like you. I like you a lot. And I don’t want to just end up being hurt like you are like now. I mean I know you’re not ready or anything, but I like you.” Junsu was speaking without breathing, and he was holding his breath while waiting for the answer.
“You like me.” Yoochun repeated moving out of Junsu’s arms and looked at the man for a few seconds without blinking.
“A lot.” Junsu said biting his lip nervously.
“Junsu, I never even realised.” Yoochun widened his eyes. Why hadn’t he seen it? It might only have been a few weeks since they’d started working together, but he had known Junsu for a few years already. Not really as friends, but as his brother’s friend Yoochun had known Junsu for years.
“I know. I didn’t want you to.” Junsu said quietly.
“Junsu, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you either, but as you said, I can’t,” Yoochun didn’t say what it was that he couldn’t.
“I know. I just wanted you to know that when you’re over Jaejoong at some point I’ll still be here waiting for you.” Junsu said smiling softly. “And yeah. Just take the time you need and if that’s years then so be it.” Junsu said smiling softly.
“Junsu, I can’t let you wait years. You’ll get hurt.” Yoochun wasn’t even over Jaejoong yet. He definitely wasn’t ready to jump into something new with someone he really didn’t want to hurt.
“I know, but I’m fine now, and you won’t hurt me. You’ll know that I have these feelings, and it’ll all be okay.” Junsu said smiling the smile that made Yoochun believe that everything would definitely be all right.
“Okay then.” Yoochun snuggled back into the arms. “You know, I could fall for you at some point.” He admitted with a smile. “I don’t know when, but it could happen.” He was almost hoping it would, but he didn’t really know. He knew he’d do everything to try to at least fall for Junsu.
“I hope so, but you don’t have to.”
~…~…~
Jaejoong was staring at his phone. After having worked for hours on Changmin’s trousers, he was finally home, and he was staring at his phone. He couldn’t call anyone to come over, because he’d end up having sex with them, and he was determined to not do that. But it didn’t stop him from staring at the phone. He wanted to call Yoochun. He just wanted to talk to someone. Just someone to entertain him without having sex. Why didn’t he know anyone except Yoochun, whom he could talk to without it leading to sex? Well there was Yunho of course too. Finally he picked up his phone.
“Oh hello Eugene, how are you?” Jaejoong could have sworn he’d called on Yunho’s cell, but Eugene was the one to pick up.
“Jaejoong, I’m sorry. Yunho is unavailable at the moment.” Eugene said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Can I help you with anything? Or take a message? Is it about work?”
He’d been calling Yunho a lot lately. Junsu had finally shown him all the numbers and the advantages of merging the two houses were far greater than if they stayed two fashion houses. And so they were starting to do the formal work for it, though it would be a while before it was final.
“No thank you, I just wanted to talk to him.” Jaejoong said sighing into the phone, “You don’t have to tell him I called.”
“Sure. Jaejoong, what’s wrong?” Eugene’s voice was pleasant and definitely worried at the moment.
“It’s nothing Eugene. I just wanted to talk. Thank you. I’ll call him tomorrow.” He was about to hang up when the voice on the other end stopped him.
“Jaejoong, you can talk with me.” Eugene said, “Unless it’s about work of course.”
“It’s not about work. Though you can tell him that I’ve sent over my budget for next year for him to compare to his own. I didn’t really have anything I wanted to talk about. How are you?” He finally decided to actually talk to her. She was his friend after all.
“I’m good. I liked your designs. I’m wearing one of your dresses at the moment. I’m starting to show” She said happily.
“I’m glad you did. My sister loved them as well. And I can’t wait to see your baby bump then.” Jaejoong said with a smile. He was always happy when people liked his work. And his happiness over Eugene’s pregnancy was of course also one of the things that made him smile.
“Yes, I can imagine that. You should launch it. I bet a lot of women would like wearing nice clothes while pregnant. I’m sure everyone else will love it as much as your sister and I.” Eugene said.
“I’ll think about it. Maybe it can work after the merging.” Jaejoong replied leaning against the couch as he was speaking on the phone. “I am not sure if it would fit into my line of work, so it’ll have to be after I start working with Yunho.” With Yunho they could just take credit for it together and let it be just another thing their new and improved fashion house did. “This particular line however is for my sisters. No one else.” He added.
“Thank you Jaejoong.” Eugene sounded very grateful on the phone and it did make Jaejoong’s heart lighter.
“How are you then?”
“I’m good. I’m fine.” Jaejoong said easily brushing her off.
“No you’re not.” Okay, not that easily brushing her off.
“I’m fine. I’m busy with work and yeah.” Jaejoong said again hoping she would be assured that he was just fine.
“How is your private life? Don’t think you can just dodge my questions Mr Kim.” Jaejoong had to smile at her words.
“I guess it’s fine. It will be at least.” He said honestly.
“I hope so. What’s going on?”
“Eugene, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a bit of a mess right now, but it will be fine. Time will make it all fine.” He said smiling to himself.
“Jaejoong, always remember that you have me. If you do want to talk about anything you can always call. You don’t need to speak with Yunho about everything.” She said and Jaejoong smiled once again.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Jaejoong felt better and he leaned back against the sofa. “Thank you for the talk. I’ll talk to you soon again, okay?” He promised her.
“Yes, please do call another time, and you should come for dinner.” He smiled and accepted the open invitation before hanging up.
She had helped him out and for a moment he had enjoyed himself, but nothing was really like his friendship with Yoochun. No one would be able to fill that void and looking at his phone again Jaejoong wondered if this was enough time. Was it? When was it enough time apart?
~…~…~
Junsu had gone home and Yoochun was sitting with his phone in his hands. Jaejoong’s familiar number was coded into the phone, and he was staring at it. Could he call? No. He couldn’t. Not until his heart stopped beating so loudly at the sound of the other’s voice. But he missed his friend. They had never gone this long without talking. Four full days. They had talked at work, but that didn’t count. They were forced to talk then and there were other people there watching them.
Yoochun put the phone back on the coffee table. He’d go make himself a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette and then go to bed. Yes. Early night.
~…~…~
Jaejoong got up from the sofa and into the kitchen. He’d bake cakes instead of sitting there staring at the phone. He put the phone on the kitchen counter away from where he was going to work and ignored it. Because he couldn’t not call Yoochun, and he needed to distract himself from calling someone else and not keeping the promise he’d made Changmin. He couldn’t touch his phone.
~…~…~
Yoochun went to bed. He missed Jaejoong. He missed his friend more than he missed the man, he was in love with. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Not yet. It would be a little bit more of time. More time and everything would be okay. It had to be.
~…~…~
Jaejoong put the cake into the oven. Now all he had to do was waiting. Everything would be okay as long, as he just waited a little bit more. Gave it more time. Time to be perfect. Time to become everything he had wanted. He didn’t even know if he was in the mood for chocolate cake. He lit a cigarette as he watched the cake bake.
~…~…~
Photoshoots for a whole day, and Jaejoong felt sweatdrop into his eye. He wiped his forehead pulling off the sweatshirt he was wearing. Why was he even wearing that? He knew that the lights would heat him up and the running back and forth between the set and the camera would get him all hot. He wiped his head again pulling his hair back from his face even if he knew it looked better down.
“Wait!” Jaejoong yelled stopping the photographer from taking more pictures of Yoochun. He had no idea if other designers actually did this too, being on the set like this, but he was, because he didn’t trust anyone else to do what he wanted to be done. He wanted a certain look and no one else knew what was in his head.
“Take off the bracelet.” Work-Jaejoong was definitely in charge, and he didn’t even wait to see if Yoochun had done, what he’d said before turning on his heel and grabbing a new set of accessories putting them on his friend.
Jaejoong was careful not to touch the skin, as he placed the new bracelet on Yoochun taking the old one. It was hard keeping his personal life away from his working life. Nodding he turned back to stand behind the camera. “Perfect.” He muttered mostly to himself than to anyone else.
“Who’s up next?” Jaejoong looked at the schedule and smiled to himself. Shim Changmin. Oh he was definitely not going to be careful not to touch the skin with that model. The photographer arranged the new photoset with Changmin.
“He’s so hot.” A female voice said behind him and Jaejoong turned his head towards one of the female models, who’d snuck in to the photoshoot. He glared.
“Get out and get ready. You’re up later today, and you look like shit.” Jaejoong said glaring at her again, before turning his gaze back to Changmin.
Finding his needle and a thread Jaejoong walked up Changmin, “shoot the next one or wait. I need to sew these tighter.” Jaejoong said kneeling in front of Changmin looking up with innocent eyes.
“Hello Jaejoong.” Changmin grinned, as he made room for Jaejoong to work on the trousers’ legs. ”Blue balls yet?”
Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile and then roll his eyes. “Yeah, especially while I’m standing here next to you.”
“Don’t let them catch you smiling. They’ll just think you’re on something.” Changmin added.
“Well maybe I am. Shut up.” The smile turned into a frown.
“Gladly. Jaejoong that is too tight. I won’t be able to move.” Changmin wasn’t really happy about that, but Jaejoong merely nodded.
“I don’t need you to move. I need your legs to look gorgeous.” Pulling tighter stitching it together. “Perfect.” Once again Jaejoong was convinced, he had done it. He had created jeans that everyone would want to buy.
“Jaejoong, how am I supposed to walk over to the shoot and move around to make different pictures?” Changmin started to walk, though it did look kind of funny.
“You’re a model, figure it out. And you look so much better from down here.” Smirking Jaejoong looked at the photographer, “Make sure you get a shot of him from below.” Jaejoong grinned.
“I hate you.” Changmin was still trying to move without looking too ridiculous. “These are not runway trousers.”
“Changmin, behave.” Jaejoong warned, “If you don’t, I’m going to end up throwing a fit just like I usually do with models who don’t behave.” But Jaejoong just smiled. “Wait for me after the shoot?” He whispered. He wasn’t even sure why. But if he couldn’t spend time with Yoochun, he might be able to spend time with Yoochun.
“Junsu, can you go get me a silver necklace for Changmin?” He didn’t even look at his assistant going back to the computer to watch how the pictures would turn out.
Why was it that when Yoochun was on the shoot he was pretty good at keeping himself in check, as he usually was, but when Changmin had entered he had laughed, smiled and even complimented the photographer on one of the photos? That was not him.
~…~…~
Finally the day was over. Twenty models, twenty photoshoots, twenty different outfits, twenty photos had to be chosen to make it for the spread. He sighed heavily. Models didn’t even know that this was the hardest part of the job.
“You wanted to see me?” Changmin was wearing his own clothes now the tight trousers from before left in the wardrobe.
“Ah, yes Changmin.” They were alone and Jaejoong smiled.
“Yes? The abstinences got too bad, so you’d try out and see if it’d work with me?” Changmin smirked.
“Yeah, because that’s how obsessed I am with sex,” Jaejoong said sarcastically shaking his head as he spoke.
“You are.”
“Okay. True. But that wasn’t it. I like talking to you, when you’re not calling me a whore. I was bored out of my mind last night, so I figured we could go out and talk?” Jaejoong suggested.
“I thought you were supposed to wait until you’d completed your time without sex, before I gave you a chance?” Changmin was being playful. Jaejoong liked him that way. Far more than the angry version. It was odd though that he seemed to change his attitude so quickly.
“We never agreed on that. We just agreed you’d give me a chance after I completed the whole thing. If you want to give me one before, it’s okay too. I promise, I won’t kiss you.” Jaejoong bit his lip and then licked it, “though seeing you in those trousers today will make my shower that much more interesting. I mean since I can’t go have sex with people, I’ll be thinking of you in the shower tonight.”
“Shut it.” Changmin’s head glowed red, “this is exactly what I meant, when I said you’re a whore. You just try with everyone and everything and now that you can’t have me you try even more. Just, why?”
“Because you’re hot.” Jaejoong thought the answer was pretty simple. “And I like you, okay?” the volume of his voice was turned up a notch, “I like you, and I want to get to know you and I want to kiss you and why are you making me say this?”
They were staring at each other. Both breathing hard. Jaejoong knew, he could win any staring contest in the world, but right now he was having a hard time.
“I’ve already told you. You’ll just hurt me.” Changmin’s voice was fragile.
“And I’ve already told you, I will try not to.” Jaejoong spoke with a patient voice.
“Yeah, but I don’t trust you.” There was something about being so honest that it hurt. That was mostly what Changmin was doing, and Jaejoong had no idea, why he was doing this, and why he was feeling like that. Why was he even listening?
“What would make you trust me?” Jaejoong asked. He didn’t know though why he was so intent on Changmin giving him a shot. Wouldn’t it imply he wanted more than sex? He widened his eyes. He didn’t. He didn’t.
“Tell me something about you no one knows. Not even Yoochun.” Changmin sat down on a chair across from Jaejoong.
“There’s nothing Yoochun doesn’t know about me.” Jaejoong quickly said. Maybe a little too quickly.
“You don’t trust me either.” Changmin stated.
“I don’t trust anyone.” Jaejoong said bitterly. Far too bitter for a man of 25.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” Changmin’s voice was soft and he reached out a hand for Jaejoong’s running a thumb over it. As if burnt however Jaejoong slapped the hand away roughly.
“No one did anything to me. I don’t want to talk about it.” Jaejoong got up from the seat and turned around.
“Jaejoong, please. I’m just trying to understand you here.”
“Well fuck off, there’s nothing to understand. I am Jaejoong, fashion designer and in my spare time I’m a whore. That’s all there is to me.” Jaejoong felt the vein on his throat throb, as he got angrier and angrier. This wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“There is more! I want to know what’s behind that fuck-the-world attitude of yours.” Changmin had gotten up from his chair too and he tugged at Jaejoong’s hand pulling him closer.
“Don’t you dare fucking kiss me and then run away again.” Jaejoong said warningly resisting the urge to crash their lips together.
“Tell me.” Changmin insisted his lips almost touching the other man’s.
“Fine.” Jaejoong pushed Changmin with so much force that the younger man fell to the floor. “My dad left my mother, when I was 6 after having had an affair for several years, six out of my eight don’t speak to me any longer and my mother checks in with me every once in a while, but I haven’t seen her since I moved out to go to university. Why my sisters don’t talk to me you might ask? Because I fucking seduced one of my sisters’ ex fiancé, and she caught us having sex. Also they don’t approve of me liking guys, so there you have it. Satisfied?” Jaejoong’s voice went from being angry to hurt.
“Jaejoong, I had no idea.” Changmin’s voice was sad.
“No, you had no idea, so now please get out of my sight before I punch you in the face.” Jaejoong stared angrily at the man before him.
“Jaejoong.” Changmin reached out a hand.
“Just get out!” Jaejoong yelled at Changmin, and the younger model didn’t hesitate before going out.
And Jaejoong broke down. Fuck. He wanted to call Yoochun. And so he decided to do it. Fuck space, fuck feelings, fuck everything. He needed Yoochun. He dialled the number that he hadn’t dialled in over a week.
“Yoochun. I need you here.”
~…~…~
Yoochun stared a few seconds on the screen that said Jaejoong was calling. He hadn’t expected that. He picked up.
And then he hung up and drove quicker than he had in a long time to the fashion house again. Because he had heard the hurt and the tears in Jaejonog’s voice and Jaejoong never cried. Never. Yoochun had only seen him cry a few times all those years, and whatever made his friend cry was worth him speeding all his way to be there right away.
“Joongie, I’m here.” Yoochun put an arm around Jaejoong and scooped him into his arms holding him as he cried.
~…~…~
Yoochun held his arms around Jaejoong not really worrying about, why the man was crying. He just held him and silently rocked him until he stopped crying and merely stayed there quietly wiping his eyes in Yoochun’s shirt sniffling slightly and then coughed as he pulled away.
Jaejoong really felt better crying, even if it had only been for a few minutes, and he never cried. Crying sometimes was nice, and he knew he was allowed to cry at some times, but he never allowed himself this. And especially not in public. He was glad however that Changmin had gotten the hint and left as soon, as Jaejoong had yelled at him to leave.
“I’m sorry Yoochun. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have called you.” Jaejoong wiped his eyes in his hands and then leaned against the wall as they were sitting on the floor. “It wasn’t right.”
“Don’t say that. You can always call me.” Yoochun stroked Jaejoong’s hair lightly soothing his friend as they both dried Jaejoong’s cheeks.
“I know, I have no right to say this, but Chunnie, I’ve missed you so much.” Jaejoong leaned into the touch closing his eyes relaxing a little bit into the arms.
“Jae, you can say anything to me. I’ve missed you too.” He whispered kissing the top of Jaejoong’s head pulling him tighter.
“This having space between us is not really working out, is it?”
“Not really.” Yoochun laughed and shook his head in defeat.
“What should we do then?” Jaejoong asked sighing contently knowing that this was the one person he could always count on.
“I don’t know. Just be friends I guess? Like we’ve always been?” Yoochun suggested.
“Chun, we’ve never been friends without having sex every other day. We can’t do that anymore.” Jaejoong said sighing.
“I know, we’ll figure it out, but I don’t think that not talking is an option. We haven’t been talking for only one week and I missed you like crazy.” Yoochun laughed and leaned his head against the wall.
“I hated working with you today. I like to be able to touch you without worrying about, what you’re thinking.” Jaejoong admitted.
“Let’s change the subject. I noticed the chemistry between you and Changmin, so please be honest with me. Do you want him?” Yoochun asked the same question as he had that day.
Jaejoong didn’t really know what he was supposed to answer. He knew that he was there because of Changmin, and he was crying because of Changmin, but that wasn’t answer enough. Because he was as much reason himself. There were so many reasons as to why he had landed on the floor crying.
“I think I do.” Jaejoong admitted turning his head away from Yoochun. “He asked about my life. He wanted to know. I told him my dad left, and I told him that my mum and six of my sisters don’t talk to me anymore.” He admitted. “And I also told him why. There’s nothing more now he doesn’t know.” Jaejoong hated to face his demons, and he’d been forced to tonight.
“Oh.” Yoochun knew exactly what was going on and he smiled a little to himself. “Jae, you let him in.” He said in wonder, “why?”
“I don’t know. He asked. He kept pressing me to tell him something about myself, and I didn’t want to, but he kept pressing me for it, and now I’m here and a big mess, but I did kick him out.” Jaejoong started laughing despite the situation. He had not only managed to shove Changmin to the ground, he had also managed to get him to shut up.
“Good for you Jaejoong. I think you like him more, than you’ve ever liked anyone else, and you want to be with him, and you told him, because you knew you’d have to, but you broke down, because you realised how messed up your life is, and you usually just pretend to forget.” Yoochun concluded.
“I feel like a mess Yoochun. I don’t know, what I’m feeling for him, but he makes me laugh and smile. Chunnie, did you see me at the shoot? I freaking laughed in front of the crew and after you’d left I complimented the photographer, though I must say the credit should have gone to Changmin and me. Those trousers on him, I knew they’d be ridiculously hot.”
“Jae, you’re getting distracted.” Yoochun smiled and ruffled Jaejoong’s hair smiling fondly. “I saw you at the shoot though. That’s why, I said, I saw that the two of you had chemistry. I’ve never seen you smile so much at work hyung. Maybe he’s good for you.” Yoochun suggested.
“I don’t know if it is. I don’t know, what to do about this. I’m not used to this. I mean is this going to be serious? Or am I really just playing a game to try and get into his pants, because I’d really like to get into those pants.” Jaejoong smiled dreamily at the thought of peeling off the trousers he’d sewn on Changmin.
“You have an unhealthy thing for his legs.” Yoochun laughed and rolled his eyes. “Do you like his personality?” He asked with narrowed eyes.
“I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that when all we’ve done is yell at each other?” Jaejoong asked confused about this whole thing and this whole feelings-thing. He didn’t usually do anything like it. Usually he’d just have moved on from Changmin and slept with others in the meantime.
“Oh yes, that’s a clear sign of sexual tension.” Yoochun laughed again, and Jaejoong loved the sound of that laugh. It soothed him. It was familiar. It was home.
“Urgh. I didn’t even tell you, he made me promise not to have sex for a month.” Jaejoong said staring with wide eyes. “You know that the longest I’ve gone is a couple of days before jumping you, right?”
“Oh my. A month. Jaejoong. What wouldn’t that do to you? I guess you must start to learn how to use your right hand.” Yoochun said as he started laughing. And he didn’t stop.
“Stop laughing at my expense! It’s not funny! A month! That’s a long time. And I’m not allowed to kiss anyone either. Why would he not want me to do that?” Jaejoong asked in desperation.
“And why would you agree?” Yoochun shot back.
“I don’t know. Because I want him to give me a chance. Because I want to kiss him and peel off his trousers and take him to bed and just not let him out of there again.” Jaejoong said a smirk playing on his lips.
“Gosh, Jae keep that for your showers. I’m pretty sure, he’d like nothing more than to do that, but” Yoochun stopped talking and looked at Jaejoong for a moment. “To me it sounds like you want it to be serious.”
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I don’t know. Let’s stop talking about it. Tell me about you. What have you learned this week?” Jaejoong asked glad to have his friend back. At least he hoped his friend wouldn’t be too hurt. He hoped Yoochun just would get over him quickly. He really did.
Yoochun shrugged, “I’ve been hanging out with Junsu a lot.” He said with a smile. “He’s sweet, but he’s nothing like you.”
“Oh I know.” Jaejoong grinned, “What’s the deal with you and him? Going to jump him any time soon? I might add, he’s a good kisser.” Jaejoong smirked and earned himself a smack on the back of his head.
“I don’t know.” Yoochun sighed. “He’s in love with me. I like him well enough; I could fall in love with him at some point, but not yet. I need to - …” He trailed off shifting his gaze a little.
“You need to get over me first.” They both nodded falling into a comfortable silence.
“I really wish I could just fall for him, be over you and just become happy. I really want it, and he’s so nice. He just keeps being there for me and talking with him is always fun. He just.” Yoochun trailed off again.
“Yeah. I know. Junsu is a pretty good friend when you need him. You should fall in love with him.” Jaejoong closed his eyes. “When did everything get so messy?”
“The moment you walked over to me in the sandbox and demanded I give you my shovel, so about 20 years ago?” Yoochun laughed and Jaejoong bumped his elbow into Yoochun’s ribs.
“Let’s never do this again.” Jaejoong said and Yoochun agreed.
“Yeah, never go to bed mad at each other and all that shit.” They both laughed and hugged again.
~…~…~
When Jaejoong came home, he saw Changmin was standing outside his building waiting for him.
“Changmin?” Jaejoong looked a bit confused to see him, but at least he didn’t look like he was looking before. He looked far more collected.
Slightly chapped lips connected with soft ones in a soft kiss. Jaejoong stood a little baffled. He certainly hadn’t expected that.
Chapter 8 ~ Chapter 10
Pairing: Jaejoong/Changmin, Jaejoong/Yoochun, Yoochun/Junsu, Jaejoong/everyone
Genre: AU, romance, general
Warning: Sexual situations
Length: Chaptered
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jaejoong is a fashion designer and loves to use Yoochun as his model and sexual partner, however one day he is forced to work with Changmin and all hell breaks loose.
Thank you miamushroom for the beautiful graphic
Chapter 9
Yoochun was happy Junsu was willing to hang out with him. Especially now that Jaejoong was out of the question to spend time with. It felt odd. After so many years of being someone’s best friend and suddenly not just being able to go talk to him was definitely weird. They had always been together in all sorts of things. Families living next door to each other, then later moving in together while going through university and now working together so often that they saw each other most of the days. But suddenly they just couldn’t just hang out.
“Yoochun, I don’t want to be like you, and I don’t want you to be a Jaejoong to me.” They had been sitting in comfortable silence until Junsu broke it. Yoochun’s head was resting on the younger man’s shoulder, but he lifted it at the sound of the words.
“Not sure I’m following you.” He mumbled lazily. Sundays were days off from work, which meant he didn’t have to do anything, and hanging out with Junsu was a new thing he enjoyed doing.
“Chunnie, I don’t want to hide my feelings for you forever, so I’m going to just say it. I like you. I like you a lot. And I don’t want to just end up being hurt like you are like now. I mean I know you’re not ready or anything, but I like you.” Junsu was speaking without breathing, and he was holding his breath while waiting for the answer.
“You like me.” Yoochun repeated moving out of Junsu’s arms and looked at the man for a few seconds without blinking.
“A lot.” Junsu said biting his lip nervously.
“Junsu, I never even realised.” Yoochun widened his eyes. Why hadn’t he seen it? It might only have been a few weeks since they’d started working together, but he had known Junsu for a few years already. Not really as friends, but as his brother’s friend Yoochun had known Junsu for years.
“I know. I didn’t want you to.” Junsu said quietly.
“Junsu, I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you either, but as you said, I can’t,” Yoochun didn’t say what it was that he couldn’t.
“I know. I just wanted you to know that when you’re over Jaejoong at some point I’ll still be here waiting for you.” Junsu said smiling softly. “And yeah. Just take the time you need and if that’s years then so be it.” Junsu said smiling softly.
“Junsu, I can’t let you wait years. You’ll get hurt.” Yoochun wasn’t even over Jaejoong yet. He definitely wasn’t ready to jump into something new with someone he really didn’t want to hurt.
“I know, but I’m fine now, and you won’t hurt me. You’ll know that I have these feelings, and it’ll all be okay.” Junsu said smiling the smile that made Yoochun believe that everything would definitely be all right.
“Okay then.” Yoochun snuggled back into the arms. “You know, I could fall for you at some point.” He admitted with a smile. “I don’t know when, but it could happen.” He was almost hoping it would, but he didn’t really know. He knew he’d do everything to try to at least fall for Junsu.
“I hope so, but you don’t have to.”
~…~…~
Jaejoong was staring at his phone. After having worked for hours on Changmin’s trousers, he was finally home, and he was staring at his phone. He couldn’t call anyone to come over, because he’d end up having sex with them, and he was determined to not do that. But it didn’t stop him from staring at the phone. He wanted to call Yoochun. He just wanted to talk to someone. Just someone to entertain him without having sex. Why didn’t he know anyone except Yoochun, whom he could talk to without it leading to sex? Well there was Yunho of course too. Finally he picked up his phone.
“Oh hello Eugene, how are you?” Jaejoong could have sworn he’d called on Yunho’s cell, but Eugene was the one to pick up.
“Jaejoong, I’m sorry. Yunho is unavailable at the moment.” Eugene said, and he could hear the smile in her voice. “Can I help you with anything? Or take a message? Is it about work?”
He’d been calling Yunho a lot lately. Junsu had finally shown him all the numbers and the advantages of merging the two houses were far greater than if they stayed two fashion houses. And so they were starting to do the formal work for it, though it would be a while before it was final.
“No thank you, I just wanted to talk to him.” Jaejoong said sighing into the phone, “You don’t have to tell him I called.”
“Sure. Jaejoong, what’s wrong?” Eugene’s voice was pleasant and definitely worried at the moment.
“It’s nothing Eugene. I just wanted to talk. Thank you. I’ll call him tomorrow.” He was about to hang up when the voice on the other end stopped him.
“Jaejoong, you can talk with me.” Eugene said, “Unless it’s about work of course.”
“It’s not about work. Though you can tell him that I’ve sent over my budget for next year for him to compare to his own. I didn’t really have anything I wanted to talk about. How are you?” He finally decided to actually talk to her. She was his friend after all.
“I’m good. I liked your designs. I’m wearing one of your dresses at the moment. I’m starting to show” She said happily.
“I’m glad you did. My sister loved them as well. And I can’t wait to see your baby bump then.” Jaejoong said with a smile. He was always happy when people liked his work. And his happiness over Eugene’s pregnancy was of course also one of the things that made him smile.
“Yes, I can imagine that. You should launch it. I bet a lot of women would like wearing nice clothes while pregnant. I’m sure everyone else will love it as much as your sister and I.” Eugene said.
“I’ll think about it. Maybe it can work after the merging.” Jaejoong replied leaning against the couch as he was speaking on the phone. “I am not sure if it would fit into my line of work, so it’ll have to be after I start working with Yunho.” With Yunho they could just take credit for it together and let it be just another thing their new and improved fashion house did. “This particular line however is for my sisters. No one else.” He added.
“Thank you Jaejoong.” Eugene sounded very grateful on the phone and it did make Jaejoong’s heart lighter.
“How are you then?”
“I’m good. I’m fine.” Jaejoong said easily brushing her off.
“No you’re not.” Okay, not that easily brushing her off.
“I’m fine. I’m busy with work and yeah.” Jaejoong said again hoping she would be assured that he was just fine.
“How is your private life? Don’t think you can just dodge my questions Mr Kim.” Jaejoong had to smile at her words.
“I guess it’s fine. It will be at least.” He said honestly.
“I hope so. What’s going on?”
“Eugene, I don’t want to talk about it. It’s a bit of a mess right now, but it will be fine. Time will make it all fine.” He said smiling to himself.
“Jaejoong, always remember that you have me. If you do want to talk about anything you can always call. You don’t need to speak with Yunho about everything.” She said and Jaejoong smiled once again.
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Jaejoong felt better and he leaned back against the sofa. “Thank you for the talk. I’ll talk to you soon again, okay?” He promised her.
“Yes, please do call another time, and you should come for dinner.” He smiled and accepted the open invitation before hanging up.
She had helped him out and for a moment he had enjoyed himself, but nothing was really like his friendship with Yoochun. No one would be able to fill that void and looking at his phone again Jaejoong wondered if this was enough time. Was it? When was it enough time apart?
~…~…~
Junsu had gone home and Yoochun was sitting with his phone in his hands. Jaejoong’s familiar number was coded into the phone, and he was staring at it. Could he call? No. He couldn’t. Not until his heart stopped beating so loudly at the sound of the other’s voice. But he missed his friend. They had never gone this long without talking. Four full days. They had talked at work, but that didn’t count. They were forced to talk then and there were other people there watching them.
Yoochun put the phone back on the coffee table. He’d go make himself a cup of coffee, smoke a cigarette and then go to bed. Yes. Early night.
~…~…~
Jaejoong got up from the sofa and into the kitchen. He’d bake cakes instead of sitting there staring at the phone. He put the phone on the kitchen counter away from where he was going to work and ignored it. Because he couldn’t not call Yoochun, and he needed to distract himself from calling someone else and not keeping the promise he’d made Changmin. He couldn’t touch his phone.
~…~…~
Yoochun went to bed. He missed Jaejoong. He missed his friend more than he missed the man, he was in love with. But he couldn’t do anything about it. Not yet. It would be a little bit more of time. More time and everything would be okay. It had to be.
~…~…~
Jaejoong put the cake into the oven. Now all he had to do was waiting. Everything would be okay as long, as he just waited a little bit more. Gave it more time. Time to be perfect. Time to become everything he had wanted. He didn’t even know if he was in the mood for chocolate cake. He lit a cigarette as he watched the cake bake.
~…~…~
Photoshoots for a whole day, and Jaejoong felt sweatdrop into his eye. He wiped his forehead pulling off the sweatshirt he was wearing. Why was he even wearing that? He knew that the lights would heat him up and the running back and forth between the set and the camera would get him all hot. He wiped his head again pulling his hair back from his face even if he knew it looked better down.
“Wait!” Jaejoong yelled stopping the photographer from taking more pictures of Yoochun. He had no idea if other designers actually did this too, being on the set like this, but he was, because he didn’t trust anyone else to do what he wanted to be done. He wanted a certain look and no one else knew what was in his head.
“Take off the bracelet.” Work-Jaejoong was definitely in charge, and he didn’t even wait to see if Yoochun had done, what he’d said before turning on his heel and grabbing a new set of accessories putting them on his friend.
Jaejoong was careful not to touch the skin, as he placed the new bracelet on Yoochun taking the old one. It was hard keeping his personal life away from his working life. Nodding he turned back to stand behind the camera. “Perfect.” He muttered mostly to himself than to anyone else.
“Who’s up next?” Jaejoong looked at the schedule and smiled to himself. Shim Changmin. Oh he was definitely not going to be careful not to touch the skin with that model. The photographer arranged the new photoset with Changmin.
“He’s so hot.” A female voice said behind him and Jaejoong turned his head towards one of the female models, who’d snuck in to the photoshoot. He glared.
“Get out and get ready. You’re up later today, and you look like shit.” Jaejoong said glaring at her again, before turning his gaze back to Changmin.
Finding his needle and a thread Jaejoong walked up Changmin, “shoot the next one or wait. I need to sew these tighter.” Jaejoong said kneeling in front of Changmin looking up with innocent eyes.
“Hello Jaejoong.” Changmin grinned, as he made room for Jaejoong to work on the trousers’ legs. ”Blue balls yet?”
Jaejoong couldn’t help but smile and then roll his eyes. “Yeah, especially while I’m standing here next to you.”
“Don’t let them catch you smiling. They’ll just think you’re on something.” Changmin added.
“Well maybe I am. Shut up.” The smile turned into a frown.
“Gladly. Jaejoong that is too tight. I won’t be able to move.” Changmin wasn’t really happy about that, but Jaejoong merely nodded.
“I don’t need you to move. I need your legs to look gorgeous.” Pulling tighter stitching it together. “Perfect.” Once again Jaejoong was convinced, he had done it. He had created jeans that everyone would want to buy.
“Jaejoong, how am I supposed to walk over to the shoot and move around to make different pictures?” Changmin started to walk, though it did look kind of funny.
“You’re a model, figure it out. And you look so much better from down here.” Smirking Jaejoong looked at the photographer, “Make sure you get a shot of him from below.” Jaejoong grinned.
“I hate you.” Changmin was still trying to move without looking too ridiculous. “These are not runway trousers.”
“Changmin, behave.” Jaejoong warned, “If you don’t, I’m going to end up throwing a fit just like I usually do with models who don’t behave.” But Jaejoong just smiled. “Wait for me after the shoot?” He whispered. He wasn’t even sure why. But if he couldn’t spend time with Yoochun, he might be able to spend time with Yoochun.
“Junsu, can you go get me a silver necklace for Changmin?” He didn’t even look at his assistant going back to the computer to watch how the pictures would turn out.
Why was it that when Yoochun was on the shoot he was pretty good at keeping himself in check, as he usually was, but when Changmin had entered he had laughed, smiled and even complimented the photographer on one of the photos? That was not him.
~…~…~
Finally the day was over. Twenty models, twenty photoshoots, twenty different outfits, twenty photos had to be chosen to make it for the spread. He sighed heavily. Models didn’t even know that this was the hardest part of the job.
“You wanted to see me?” Changmin was wearing his own clothes now the tight trousers from before left in the wardrobe.
“Ah, yes Changmin.” They were alone and Jaejoong smiled.
“Yes? The abstinences got too bad, so you’d try out and see if it’d work with me?” Changmin smirked.
“Yeah, because that’s how obsessed I am with sex,” Jaejoong said sarcastically shaking his head as he spoke.
“You are.”
“Okay. True. But that wasn’t it. I like talking to you, when you’re not calling me a whore. I was bored out of my mind last night, so I figured we could go out and talk?” Jaejoong suggested.
“I thought you were supposed to wait until you’d completed your time without sex, before I gave you a chance?” Changmin was being playful. Jaejoong liked him that way. Far more than the angry version. It was odd though that he seemed to change his attitude so quickly.
“We never agreed on that. We just agreed you’d give me a chance after I completed the whole thing. If you want to give me one before, it’s okay too. I promise, I won’t kiss you.” Jaejoong bit his lip and then licked it, “though seeing you in those trousers today will make my shower that much more interesting. I mean since I can’t go have sex with people, I’ll be thinking of you in the shower tonight.”
“Shut it.” Changmin’s head glowed red, “this is exactly what I meant, when I said you’re a whore. You just try with everyone and everything and now that you can’t have me you try even more. Just, why?”
“Because you’re hot.” Jaejoong thought the answer was pretty simple. “And I like you, okay?” the volume of his voice was turned up a notch, “I like you, and I want to get to know you and I want to kiss you and why are you making me say this?”
They were staring at each other. Both breathing hard. Jaejoong knew, he could win any staring contest in the world, but right now he was having a hard time.
“I’ve already told you. You’ll just hurt me.” Changmin’s voice was fragile.
“And I’ve already told you, I will try not to.” Jaejoong spoke with a patient voice.
“Yeah, but I don’t trust you.” There was something about being so honest that it hurt. That was mostly what Changmin was doing, and Jaejoong had no idea, why he was doing this, and why he was feeling like that. Why was he even listening?
“What would make you trust me?” Jaejoong asked. He didn’t know though why he was so intent on Changmin giving him a shot. Wouldn’t it imply he wanted more than sex? He widened his eyes. He didn’t. He didn’t.
“Tell me something about you no one knows. Not even Yoochun.” Changmin sat down on a chair across from Jaejoong.
“There’s nothing Yoochun doesn’t know about me.” Jaejoong quickly said. Maybe a little too quickly.
“You don’t trust me either.” Changmin stated.
“I don’t trust anyone.” Jaejoong said bitterly. Far too bitter for a man of 25.
“What happened? Who did this to you?” Changmin’s voice was soft and he reached out a hand for Jaejoong’s running a thumb over it. As if burnt however Jaejoong slapped the hand away roughly.
“No one did anything to me. I don’t want to talk about it.” Jaejoong got up from the seat and turned around.
“Jaejoong, please. I’m just trying to understand you here.”
“Well fuck off, there’s nothing to understand. I am Jaejoong, fashion designer and in my spare time I’m a whore. That’s all there is to me.” Jaejoong felt the vein on his throat throb, as he got angrier and angrier. This wasn’t supposed to be like this.
“There is more! I want to know what’s behind that fuck-the-world attitude of yours.” Changmin had gotten up from his chair too and he tugged at Jaejoong’s hand pulling him closer.
“Don’t you dare fucking kiss me and then run away again.” Jaejoong said warningly resisting the urge to crash their lips together.
“Tell me.” Changmin insisted his lips almost touching the other man’s.
“Fine.” Jaejoong pushed Changmin with so much force that the younger man fell to the floor. “My dad left my mother, when I was 6 after having had an affair for several years, six out of my eight don’t speak to me any longer and my mother checks in with me every once in a while, but I haven’t seen her since I moved out to go to university. Why my sisters don’t talk to me you might ask? Because I fucking seduced one of my sisters’ ex fiancé, and she caught us having sex. Also they don’t approve of me liking guys, so there you have it. Satisfied?” Jaejoong’s voice went from being angry to hurt.
“Jaejoong, I had no idea.” Changmin’s voice was sad.
“No, you had no idea, so now please get out of my sight before I punch you in the face.” Jaejoong stared angrily at the man before him.
“Jaejoong.” Changmin reached out a hand.
“Just get out!” Jaejoong yelled at Changmin, and the younger model didn’t hesitate before going out.
And Jaejoong broke down. Fuck. He wanted to call Yoochun. And so he decided to do it. Fuck space, fuck feelings, fuck everything. He needed Yoochun. He dialled the number that he hadn’t dialled in over a week.
“Yoochun. I need you here.”
~…~…~
Yoochun stared a few seconds on the screen that said Jaejoong was calling. He hadn’t expected that. He picked up.
And then he hung up and drove quicker than he had in a long time to the fashion house again. Because he had heard the hurt and the tears in Jaejonog’s voice and Jaejoong never cried. Never. Yoochun had only seen him cry a few times all those years, and whatever made his friend cry was worth him speeding all his way to be there right away.
“Joongie, I’m here.” Yoochun put an arm around Jaejoong and scooped him into his arms holding him as he cried.
~…~…~
Yoochun held his arms around Jaejoong not really worrying about, why the man was crying. He just held him and silently rocked him until he stopped crying and merely stayed there quietly wiping his eyes in Yoochun’s shirt sniffling slightly and then coughed as he pulled away.
Jaejoong really felt better crying, even if it had only been for a few minutes, and he never cried. Crying sometimes was nice, and he knew he was allowed to cry at some times, but he never allowed himself this. And especially not in public. He was glad however that Changmin had gotten the hint and left as soon, as Jaejoong had yelled at him to leave.
“I’m sorry Yoochun. I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have called you.” Jaejoong wiped his eyes in his hands and then leaned against the wall as they were sitting on the floor. “It wasn’t right.”
“Don’t say that. You can always call me.” Yoochun stroked Jaejoong’s hair lightly soothing his friend as they both dried Jaejoong’s cheeks.
“I know, I have no right to say this, but Chunnie, I’ve missed you so much.” Jaejoong leaned into the touch closing his eyes relaxing a little bit into the arms.
“Jae, you can say anything to me. I’ve missed you too.” He whispered kissing the top of Jaejoong’s head pulling him tighter.
“This having space between us is not really working out, is it?”
“Not really.” Yoochun laughed and shook his head in defeat.
“What should we do then?” Jaejoong asked sighing contently knowing that this was the one person he could always count on.
“I don’t know. Just be friends I guess? Like we’ve always been?” Yoochun suggested.
“Chun, we’ve never been friends without having sex every other day. We can’t do that anymore.” Jaejoong said sighing.
“I know, we’ll figure it out, but I don’t think that not talking is an option. We haven’t been talking for only one week and I missed you like crazy.” Yoochun laughed and leaned his head against the wall.
“I hated working with you today. I like to be able to touch you without worrying about, what you’re thinking.” Jaejoong admitted.
“Let’s change the subject. I noticed the chemistry between you and Changmin, so please be honest with me. Do you want him?” Yoochun asked the same question as he had that day.
Jaejoong didn’t really know what he was supposed to answer. He knew that he was there because of Changmin, and he was crying because of Changmin, but that wasn’t answer enough. Because he was as much reason himself. There were so many reasons as to why he had landed on the floor crying.
“I think I do.” Jaejoong admitted turning his head away from Yoochun. “He asked about my life. He wanted to know. I told him my dad left, and I told him that my mum and six of my sisters don’t talk to me anymore.” He admitted. “And I also told him why. There’s nothing more now he doesn’t know.” Jaejoong hated to face his demons, and he’d been forced to tonight.
“Oh.” Yoochun knew exactly what was going on and he smiled a little to himself. “Jae, you let him in.” He said in wonder, “why?”
“I don’t know. He asked. He kept pressing me to tell him something about myself, and I didn’t want to, but he kept pressing me for it, and now I’m here and a big mess, but I did kick him out.” Jaejoong started laughing despite the situation. He had not only managed to shove Changmin to the ground, he had also managed to get him to shut up.
“Good for you Jaejoong. I think you like him more, than you’ve ever liked anyone else, and you want to be with him, and you told him, because you knew you’d have to, but you broke down, because you realised how messed up your life is, and you usually just pretend to forget.” Yoochun concluded.
“I feel like a mess Yoochun. I don’t know, what I’m feeling for him, but he makes me laugh and smile. Chunnie, did you see me at the shoot? I freaking laughed in front of the crew and after you’d left I complimented the photographer, though I must say the credit should have gone to Changmin and me. Those trousers on him, I knew they’d be ridiculously hot.”
“Jae, you’re getting distracted.” Yoochun smiled and ruffled Jaejoong’s hair smiling fondly. “I saw you at the shoot though. That’s why, I said, I saw that the two of you had chemistry. I’ve never seen you smile so much at work hyung. Maybe he’s good for you.” Yoochun suggested.
“I don’t know if it is. I don’t know, what to do about this. I’m not used to this. I mean is this going to be serious? Or am I really just playing a game to try and get into his pants, because I’d really like to get into those pants.” Jaejoong smiled dreamily at the thought of peeling off the trousers he’d sewn on Changmin.
“You have an unhealthy thing for his legs.” Yoochun laughed and rolled his eyes. “Do you like his personality?” He asked with narrowed eyes.
“I don’t know. How am I supposed to know that when all we’ve done is yell at each other?” Jaejoong asked confused about this whole thing and this whole feelings-thing. He didn’t usually do anything like it. Usually he’d just have moved on from Changmin and slept with others in the meantime.
“Oh yes, that’s a clear sign of sexual tension.” Yoochun laughed again, and Jaejoong loved the sound of that laugh. It soothed him. It was familiar. It was home.
“Urgh. I didn’t even tell you, he made me promise not to have sex for a month.” Jaejoong said staring with wide eyes. “You know that the longest I’ve gone is a couple of days before jumping you, right?”
“Oh my. A month. Jaejoong. What wouldn’t that do to you? I guess you must start to learn how to use your right hand.” Yoochun said as he started laughing. And he didn’t stop.
“Stop laughing at my expense! It’s not funny! A month! That’s a long time. And I’m not allowed to kiss anyone either. Why would he not want me to do that?” Jaejoong asked in desperation.
“And why would you agree?” Yoochun shot back.
“I don’t know. Because I want him to give me a chance. Because I want to kiss him and peel off his trousers and take him to bed and just not let him out of there again.” Jaejoong said a smirk playing on his lips.
“Gosh, Jae keep that for your showers. I’m pretty sure, he’d like nothing more than to do that, but” Yoochun stopped talking and looked at Jaejoong for a moment. “To me it sounds like you want it to be serious.”
“Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I don’t know. Let’s stop talking about it. Tell me about you. What have you learned this week?” Jaejoong asked glad to have his friend back. At least he hoped his friend wouldn’t be too hurt. He hoped Yoochun just would get over him quickly. He really did.
Yoochun shrugged, “I’ve been hanging out with Junsu a lot.” He said with a smile. “He’s sweet, but he’s nothing like you.”
“Oh I know.” Jaejoong grinned, “What’s the deal with you and him? Going to jump him any time soon? I might add, he’s a good kisser.” Jaejoong smirked and earned himself a smack on the back of his head.
“I don’t know.” Yoochun sighed. “He’s in love with me. I like him well enough; I could fall in love with him at some point, but not yet. I need to - …” He trailed off shifting his gaze a little.
“You need to get over me first.” They both nodded falling into a comfortable silence.
“I really wish I could just fall for him, be over you and just become happy. I really want it, and he’s so nice. He just keeps being there for me and talking with him is always fun. He just.” Yoochun trailed off again.
“Yeah. I know. Junsu is a pretty good friend when you need him. You should fall in love with him.” Jaejoong closed his eyes. “When did everything get so messy?”
“The moment you walked over to me in the sandbox and demanded I give you my shovel, so about 20 years ago?” Yoochun laughed and Jaejoong bumped his elbow into Yoochun’s ribs.
“Let’s never do this again.” Jaejoong said and Yoochun agreed.
“Yeah, never go to bed mad at each other and all that shit.” They both laughed and hugged again.
~…~…~
When Jaejoong came home, he saw Changmin was standing outside his building waiting for him.
“Changmin?” Jaejoong looked a bit confused to see him, but at least he didn’t look like he was looking before. He looked far more collected.
Slightly chapped lips connected with soft ones in a soft kiss. Jaejoong stood a little baffled. He certainly hadn’t expected that.
Chapter 8 ~ Chapter 10