Steven, of course. And my ramblings.
Steven started his treatment yesterday. The entire radiation process took all of twenty minutes. Yesterday was fairly hectic. There were hang ups with our insurance company regarding Steven's chemo. It just baffles me. Insurance companies will pay for anti depressants as if it were gumballs...but treating cancer? Noooo. Either way, I got it figured out and he was able to take it on time as prescribed. He slept really well last night, and didn't seem to have any sort of side effects to the chemo. Of course, it is only day one, however, I think he is going to do fantastic. HE is fantastic. But that's why I married him, right?
We reserved our right to have more children (child, I only want one more) in the future since the chemo will hinder that right. If you really don't understand the point I am getting at, ask me and I'll fill you in.
This week has been hard. Steven has been up and down emtionally, and I feel like I'm being dragged through a bull pen. I stay up with Steven every night to make sure he takes his medicene, and to make sure he gets comfortable into bed. His schedule requires that he goes to sleep later, around 1 a.m., and he's usually in bed by 1:30, and I'm usually asleep by 2. I get up at 6 every morning to get the kid/s ready for school, and to prep for the days activities (you can't talk me out of taking a nice bath/shower and getting dressed.), which leaves me going on about four hours of sleep a night. I know this isn't about me, and I feel really selfish when halfway through the day I'm ready to rip everyone's throat out with my teeth. I guess, pray for me and that I can somehow manage to be less selfish. Denial is a great tool, and an awful trick at the same time. It has a delayed onset effect, and I really hate the days when I wake up and reality hits me. I'm so pathetic. I just want to be happy again. It's the weirdest thing- nothing has physically changed in our lives. We live in the same place, we're still together, still just as in love if not more than ever, the kids are doing good, we're making just as much money as we were two months ago, and yet- our entire world has been turned upside down. I don't know. It's a weird sense of pain. It's a constant heavy feeling in my chest. It's the most conflicting set of emotions I have ever dealt with. It's tragic, but at the same time, I'm overwhelmed by how beautiful and fantastic life really is. I'm overwhelmed by how great God is, and then I'm bitter that this has happened. All I have ever wanted was a normal life, and even after busting my rear to get here, it's been taken away. I do know that I would never be able to properly appreciate my life and those in it if this situation had not happened, however. Even if my happiness is cut short, I have been given the chance to see how beautiful it is. I don't know that many people get the chance that we have, to get everything in order, to live life to the fullest, to thank God for everything we have, and to be able to love in a raw and selfless way.
I guess I don't have a summary. Steven is handling treatment really well, and I really would like everyone to pray that treatment is as effective and more than possible, and that God will cure him, and we will have a great story of inspiration to share with others. I thank everyone who has been there for me, and without my friends and family, I would simply be lost. Steven is overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that everyone has given him, and he's ready to be back to himself. Keep us in your prayers- we've had nothing but good news since the diagnosis, and we plan on keeping it that way. We're headed for success- sometimes you may need to remind me of that, but we'll get there one way or the other.
We reserved our right to have more children (child, I only want one more) in the future since the chemo will hinder that right. If you really don't understand the point I am getting at, ask me and I'll fill you in.
This week has been hard. Steven has been up and down emtionally, and I feel like I'm being dragged through a bull pen. I stay up with Steven every night to make sure he takes his medicene, and to make sure he gets comfortable into bed. His schedule requires that he goes to sleep later, around 1 a.m., and he's usually in bed by 1:30, and I'm usually asleep by 2. I get up at 6 every morning to get the kid/s ready for school, and to prep for the days activities (you can't talk me out of taking a nice bath/shower and getting dressed.), which leaves me going on about four hours of sleep a night. I know this isn't about me, and I feel really selfish when halfway through the day I'm ready to rip everyone's throat out with my teeth. I guess, pray for me and that I can somehow manage to be less selfish. Denial is a great tool, and an awful trick at the same time. It has a delayed onset effect, and I really hate the days when I wake up and reality hits me. I'm so pathetic. I just want to be happy again. It's the weirdest thing- nothing has physically changed in our lives. We live in the same place, we're still together, still just as in love if not more than ever, the kids are doing good, we're making just as much money as we were two months ago, and yet- our entire world has been turned upside down. I don't know. It's a weird sense of pain. It's a constant heavy feeling in my chest. It's the most conflicting set of emotions I have ever dealt with. It's tragic, but at the same time, I'm overwhelmed by how beautiful and fantastic life really is. I'm overwhelmed by how great God is, and then I'm bitter that this has happened. All I have ever wanted was a normal life, and even after busting my rear to get here, it's been taken away. I do know that I would never be able to properly appreciate my life and those in it if this situation had not happened, however. Even if my happiness is cut short, I have been given the chance to see how beautiful it is. I don't know that many people get the chance that we have, to get everything in order, to live life to the fullest, to thank God for everything we have, and to be able to love in a raw and selfless way.
I guess I don't have a summary. Steven is handling treatment really well, and I really would like everyone to pray that treatment is as effective and more than possible, and that God will cure him, and we will have a great story of inspiration to share with others. I thank everyone who has been there for me, and without my friends and family, I would simply be lost. Steven is overwhelmed by the amount of love and support that everyone has given him, and he's ready to be back to himself. Keep us in your prayers- we've had nothing but good news since the diagnosis, and we plan on keeping it that way. We're headed for success- sometimes you may need to remind me of that, but we'll get there one way or the other.