"Just want to let all my thoughts out......"
Well it has been the longest since i've written anything at all in livejournal. I dont know why i stopped i guess it got childish in a way ....i'm not sure. Now and days i'm not sure about anything. Well i got my heart broken again by someone i really loved. It went on for 8 1/2 almost a year. He broke it off with me. But in the end people kept telling me that he had cheated on me. That killed me. The night that he said he will leave hit me like a blow in the stomach. I felt stupid,betrayed,angry,sorrow.It was a mixture of feelings that i never really felt to that extreme. I felt like i was dying, than i found out he had another person in his life. He seems to be very happy with her, It's just funny how he found and replaced me for someone in two weeks or even earlier from what people told me. I'm not in love with him anymore.....its just the pain and the bad memories that hunt me now. They come at me and shit. I try to think os something else when they do but at times it doesnt work at all man.I'm freaking 20 years old now, my parents got divorce, i havent seen my father in almost 2 years now, i have new friends, i keep working at staples. What my friends dont know at this point is that my panick attacks are getting worse. ANd at times in front of them i have to control it but i end up snapping at them or saying shit i dont mean. This shit controls me apparently. I'm home sick....i miss my grams and my fam . from nicaragua. I'm planning to make a trip. I need to get a way for a while. I need to relax my mind.....from everything that has been happening. Maybe i just need to get away from florida for a while. I want to go to jacksonville. That place was beautiful man.My head hurts really bad at times from so much vrap. People keep telling me shit and i wish they would stop, they keep tormenting me with crap that i dont need or want. THey also say shit behind my back also, they could keep on it builds m y ego even higher from what i'm feeling. It's going to ge to the poin where i'm going to be a bitch to those people and crush them. ANd i really dont want to do that cuz its not me. I dont say mean things to people to break them, but they are fucking with me and i really dont like that shit. I love my friends....Hilda( that has been there through everything in my life for almost 7 years now), ALex( it's been almost to years knowing him...he has been there) MAria and batman. You know the crew, and ron whenever he appears back into my life, i also have known him for a lont time also 5 or 6 years now.lol i had history with him. I miss him alot. But hes far away in the army. He comes in november...hope to see him. AND my fam. my mom, nj, and ray(a.k.a kevin) yeah new nickname for him. I love them a lot. Idk what i would do without all of them. I have to be strong for me so i can be strong for them.so when they need me i can be there 100%