"Now i know........"
I'm just here and everything looks so fucking dull and empty.Nothing is as i expected,I expect so much,give so much.And nothing ......I guess cuz i'm nothing.I hate this shitty place.....I want to go home.I want to go with my family,I want to see them so bad,especially my grandma.Please God let her hold on,please tell me she's going to be ok.THat she's not going to die,tell me she's going to be there when i go back.Tell me this cant be true....tell me this is not the last time ima see her.DAmn is so sad being alone,with no one to turn to,to tell you they are there for you.TO hear you cry and just hold you,not to say anything because there is nothing to say.But just to hold you and let you know that they are there.....I dont have that,i havent had that in long time.I have no hope,no faith,in my heart....it has grown cold.So damn fucking cold.....so i'm begging God dont take her away from me....because idk what i'm going to do without her.Shes mine,she belongs to me,shes my life,my love,and she loves me back,shes my world.SO dont freaking take the one person that really loves me,and listen to me.Please dont because it's to damn painful.THis thing inside me that's burning in me....it hurts so bad,I'll trade my life for her.DAmn it!!! Fucking shit!!!!I hate this.Shit right now that i need someone there not there....no friends.....no nothing.But i'm always there for them....and now that i need something as simple as a shoulder to cry on ...nope no one.WHy give yourself?,why be loyal?,if they can even fucking do that.I smell blood from hitting every piece of shit i have here in my room.I cant live without her God......why i'm so mad...i dont want to be mad at you.I dont...i want her here with me.....not dead where i cant see her.Just.....LEt me DIE instead.Take me not her.....shes one of the most beautiful humans being made....and u cant take her life...i refuse to.....i fucking refuse to....you hear me!