(no subject)
I wish I had Yaqui still, it's moments like this where I need her the most. I'm so utterly lonely here, I can hardly fight it anymore, I wish I had somebody to hold me while I cry, somebody to call upon to tell me things are going to be okay, and that things are different now I'm different now. But in the reality of it all, I don't...I don't know anybody who wants to hear from me, or about how I'm feeling because right now I don't feel good at all. I'm tired of crying and I'm tired of screwing up...it's been a week since I've been back and I am the fuck up of the family yet again. I lost my liscence tonight or rather noticed it was gone tonight...I was supposed to go out, but now I just can't show up, no phone to call nothing just a lovely no show, again back to the old me. I'm soo afraid of the old me that it haunts me wherever I go or whatever I do. I'm so terrified of being the fuck-up drug addicted that everybody knows. I just want to step out of that, but I don't know how...I'm just rambling now basically to sum everything up, I'm sitting here crying alone while my mother continues to come back in and out to tell me how much I've screwed up, and how typical it is of me. I feel so lost and depressed and the only solace I have is when I go to work where I'm alone...I just hope I don't mess that one up too...I just need a friend but I don't know how to reach out...