Well... This is probably not the response that you were hoping for... and maybe you don't even wanna hear, but seein you put it out there I'll leave comment... I don't think I could bypass this without. And this is because I know EXACTLY how you feel. I have struggled with the whole religion/faith/homosexuality thing, and have battled it for as long as I can remember. I always found it so hard to deal with the "not being right" part... and spent so long trying, first of all, to convince myself that I wasn't gay because it was "wrong". When I finally admitted to myself that I AM gay (after dating many guys, just to see if "this one would be different" or "this time I'll feel something") then I rebelled against the church, came out and worked on trying to accept myself in my "imperfect" form so that others could then accept me. This went on for a few years until I felt that I needed to fix myself again, that I needed to try to "give up girls for god"... I forced myself back into church, was honest about myself and was praised for giving up my dreadful past. But... it still wasn't who I was... I was just crawling back into the closet I'd spent so long tryin to get out of just to please others, or to do what was considered right. This phase lasted about a year before I realised that it wasn't right, and I was trying to escape who I am, my innate being. I didn't CHOOSE to be gay... It's part of me, believe me, if I had the choice I would choose to be straight (and its not for want of trying!), it would be a hell of a lot easier! So eventually, I snapped. I went completely off the rails, resulting in rebellion and eventually a nervous breakdown, complete with suicide attempts and hospitalisation! I was so lost. So now I'm back to being who I know I am... and trying to accept myself this way as imperfect as I am. Stop putting pressure on yourself to be someone you're not. If you can't accept yourself then how are others supposed to accept you. And apart from that, is it really important what others think? or just how you feel? I have a lot of anger for the rules and regulations that religion has placed upon me growing up, and I know that I wouldn't feel this way if I didn't constantly feel that I wasn't good enough, or that I wasn't right. Aside from that, is there really anyway to be completely pure, when we are constantly committing sins in the eyes of god day in day out. Impure thoughts, white lies, being too busy, putting ourselves before others etc etc etc... God apparently doesn't rate sins in order of how bad they are, a sin is a sin... and therefore even rebuking gayness won't make you the person you're "supposed" to be. At least being who you are and trying to still be a good person has a honest basis.
Ok, sorry about that incoherant spew... Lol! Just thought I'd share. And this totally wasn't meant to upset you, I just really feel like I know what you're going through...
Message me if you want sweetie, I hope you're ok :) *
Ok, sorry about that incoherant spew... Lol! Just thought I'd share. And this totally wasn't meant to upset you, I just really feel like I know what you're going through...
Message me if you want sweetie, I hope you're ok :)
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