(no subject)
My mom passed away on 9/27/2024 at 2:28am pst. We weren't on speaking terms for a few months now. She wasn't conscious at any point from the time I got there, til the time she passed. But I talked to her on and off between the most intense crying I've ever experienced for the 7ish hours I was there until we pulled life support. 2 hours later she had passed peacefully and I was notified by the hospital.
Our relationship wasn't the best but I can only hope she heard me. I apologized for not fixing things, forgave her for not fixing things and told her I loved her. I couldn't get any sort of reflex. Not surprising due to what was happening to her. I still feel insanely guilty regardless.
If you love someone and you two aren't talking but you know you still love them. Fix it. Now. Because if something were to happen, that pain is enough. But this added guilt is eating me up inside and it hasn't even been 24 hours. I miss my mom. I'm so sorry.
And everything else I'm having to follow up with this? Man. I'm not okay and I'm struggling. Just trying to keep my head afloat.