FIC: As Mark Zuckerberg (Mark/Eduardo, PG-13)
There’ll be a certificate with his name on it. “as Mark Zuckerberg” it will say. They’ll talk about him on the Oscars, describe the performance like they are describing him. In the description they'll probably say something like “as Mark Zuckerberg, you revealed...”
How fucking weird is that?
This is something Mark would have never believed.
He didn’t believe it even when he knew there was going to be a movie.
He didn’t believe it even when he knew a “serious” screenwriter tackled the project and when a "serious" director and actors then signed on.
He didn’t believe it even when the film opened the New York Film Festival.
He didn’t believe it even when it was literally the best reviewed movie of the year, made a ton of money, and won just about every damn critic’s award there was.
He didn’t believe it when as Mark Zuckerberg was named Best Actor by the National Board of Review, got a Golden Globe nomination, and a Screen Actor’s Guild Award nomination.
He didn’t really believe until that morning at 5:42 (he hadn’t been to sleep yet) when he heard them say the name that wasn’t his name but was for his name, you know?
The movie got a ton of nominations, of course, for stuff Mark couldn’t care less about, like art direction or whatever, but there is only one acting nomination that morning.
It’s for as Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark is not smug, not even in the slightest, that as Sean Parker and as Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss do not have Oscar nominations.
And as Eduardo Saverin? Mark doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
--
It’s the morning of the Oscar nominations that changes everything.
--
He’d watched a lot of press about the movie. Wouldn’t you? Mostly he is interested in as Mark Zuckerberg. Wouldn’t you be? In one roundtable interview, he mentions that he was on his way to the Facebook offices to try to arrange a meeting when he got a frantic call from the film crew begging him to stop. Mark can only imagine how that would have gone over with security.
One of the best parts is that it’s clear that as Mark Zuckerberg has no love for that stupid book; though in theory the movie script is based on the book. As Mark Zuckerberg understands that the book is all wrong about him, that Mark is no villain.
(As Mark Zuckerberg keeps describing Mark as “the character” which besides giving Mark a headache from all the head-spinning meta … how fucking weird is that?)
At the same roundtable, as Mark Zuckerberg stumbles when describing the book. “It doesn’t focus on my character and when it does it’s not, it wasn’t a character that seemed to be the character I was playing. It seemed to be the character through somebody else’s eyes…and it’s, I mean, so I couldn‘t think of the character that way, because it’s the character through somebody else’s eyes, who had been hurt by him and who is not an, um, uh, an unbiased, uh, uh, unbiased … friend.”
It’s weird how as Mark Zuckerberg seems to trip over “friend,” how he seems unsure of what word to use to describe as Eduardo Saverin.
And the “hurt by him” part? That doesn’t even register, OK, that’s not even important.
--
Though this is his first Oscar nomination, as Mark Zuckerberg has a good career. He’s been in movies and plays since he was, like, 11. Within the past year, he fought zombies in a blockbuster, was an Orthdox Jewish ecstasy smuggler in some indie movie, and beat The Green Freaking Lantern for the hand of that chick from Twilight in a romantic comedy.
Even before the Oscar nomination, this makes him essentially the most well-paid and most well-respected actor in the movie. (again, Mark is not being smug, he is just stating the facts.) And, yeah, as Sean Parker is probably more famous but that was not the point.
Still, as Mark Zuckerberg’s Oscar nomination is a pretty big deal. It’s not like he’s the world’s youngest billionaire or anything, but he is one of the ten youngest men ever nominated for Best Actor, and out of 83 years and over 400 nominations, that’s no little thing.
Yet none of this excuses or explains what Mark does at 5:58 that Oscar morning.
He honestly has no idea why he sends the e-mail.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Tue, Jan, 25, 2011
So, looks like even though the movie is based on that book you half-cooperated with, I’m the one that was Oscar-worthy.
Mark stares blankly at the screen for at least five minutes after pressing send.
--
It’s as Mark Zuckerberg’s fault, he realizes.
There was one other thing he said during that roundtable, unblinking and clear, he explains, “More than anyone on the set … it was my job to defend this character.”
Defend him.
Mark has tons of people to defend him. Not just the dozens and dozens of lawyers he pays an exorbitant retainer. There’s also loyal employees, business consultants, associates, shareholders, hell, people who respect him as a visionary.
Mark has defenders. He does not need a movie actor to defend him.
But it’s … the way as Mark Zuckerberg says “defend” and it’s the way he trips over that damned word: “friend.”
“I was your only friend. You had one friend.”
It’s a line in the movie, in the Oscar nominated script, but the thing was, Wardo hadn’t needed to say that, in real life.
Mark had just known.
Wardo was his friend. His friend and his defender.
It seems like as Mark Zuckerberg somehow knows that. Not from the script, not from real-life meetings that never took place, not from the book. He just knows it.
And somehow him knowing it? Reminds Mark that he’s known it all along too.
Wardo was his friend. His friend and his defender.
Normal people might say sorry. Mark just can’t stop sending taunting e-mails about the Oscars.
--
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Sat, Jan 29, 2011
I mean, it’s not like he’s won or anything, but he’s the nominee.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Thu, Feb 3, 2011
The Screen Actor’s Guild ensemble nomination doesn’t count either. They counted the dude who was the Winklevoss’s body double.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Mon, Feb 7, 2011
The Golden Globe nomination doesn't count either. They nominated Johnny Depp for Alice in Wonderland. Can we take anything they say seriously?
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Wed, Feb 11, 2011
Please note attached Official Nominee Portrait.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Tue, Feb 18, 2011
Have you seen the giant face on the poster? Outstanding Lead Actor face!
--
Wardo doesn’t respond.
--
Do you have any kind of shit that goes along with an Oscar nomination? There’s less than a month between the nominations and the final voting and the nominees are everywhere. They have a huge luncheon and take an “official” portrait! (This is when they get their certificates, Mark discovers.) They go on talk shows! They do a ridiculous amount of press and interviews! They have photo shoots!
Mark isn’t sure why he’s spending so much time researching the Oscars when he should be coding.
--
Mark knows that as Mark Zuckerberg has no chance of winning. (They give odds about this stuff in Vegas, for Christ’s sake.) He’s not in absolute last place, but he’s definitely going to lose to someone older and more owed. (Being “owed” an Oscar is a yet another thing Mark never knew about before. Apparently, that’s how these awards work.) All the odds are on the guy who was Mr. Darcy in some BBC thing. Mark’s read quite a bit of commentary saying Mr. Darcy should have won last year, but they “owed” The Dude, so now Mr. Darcy’s turn has come around.
How unfair for as Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuckerberg can’t help but think.
It’s just easier to think about the Oscars, he guesses, than how Wardo won’t respond to his e-mails.
--
The Oscar polls close on February 22.
Mark decides to avoid it by wiring in and coding non-stop.
How did he become the kind of person who is avoiding the Oscar polls closing?
--
His assistant is a precise, efficient woman named Kelly. She usually knows better than to disturb him when he’s wired in like this, so Mark is concerned the world might be ending when she walks into his office, waving her hand to catch his attention. She has a … delivery person with her? Definite end of the world stuff, then.
“Yeah?” he says, gracelessly.
“Mr. Zuckerberg, this gentleman,” Kelly points to the exasperated delivery person “says that under no circumstances can he be allowed to deliver this to anyone but you. I tried to dissuade him, but we’ve been through several levels of management at his company and they have all assured me that their client paid a ridiculous amount for this item to be delivered into your hands alone. As this has now consumed almost two hours of my workday,” she sighs with disgust at the whole situation and Mark is reminded why he pays her so much money “I decided it was better to let him proceed so we could all return to work.”
Mark nods once and holds his hand out. The man places a small envelope in his hand and then holds out a clipboard that Mark scrawls his name on.
Kelly practically drags the guy out of his office and calls “Apologies, Mr. Zuckerberg, please return to your work,” over her shoulder as they exit.
Mark opens the envelope to find a plain, white business card.
On the front, in clean black font there is only one line:
I’m Spider-Man, bitch.
On the back is a hand-written phone number.
--
“I’m sorry,” he says the second Wardo answers, before Wardo can get past hello. “I’m sorry for everything. I’ve wanted to say that for so long, but it felt so stupid and I know it doesn’t change anything, but I’m still sorry.”
Wardo exhales, as if he’s been holding his breath all these years. Mark has no idea what he’ll say next.
“I was robbed of a nomination,” Wardo’s voice is indignant. “Did you see The Town? How is that worth an Oscar nomination?”
“Oh, see, they owe Jeremy Renner,” Mark begins putting all his research to good use. “It’s this whole Oscar thing . . .”
--
Five days later, Mark and Wardo are watching the Oscars on Mark’s couch.
“You have no shot of winning, you know that right?” Wardo says, helping himself to a handful of popcorn.
“Oh ye of little faith! What if I had told you a month ago we’d be sitting here watching the Oscars? No shot, you’d say!”
Wardo laughs and Mark revels in the sound. “Yeah, I’d say it was about as likely as you apologizing and yet …”
The knowing, teasing smile he gives Mark makes his heart do funny things in his chest.
“No movie franchise needs a reboot five years after the last installment,” Mark retorts.
“Spider-Man, Mark. I’m Spider-Man.”
--
“Holy shit!” Wardo literally jumps off the couch when “And the Oscar goes to …” as Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark guesses that’s the same reaction of the 40 million people watching. It certainly looks like that’s what as Mark Zuckerberg wants to say. Mark thinks he might start crying or vomiting. Maybe both. He could even pass out. Mark’s not sure. No one in the theater seems to believe it either, and it takes almost a minute for as Mark Zuckerberg to stand up and move to the stage. The camera zips around the shocked crowd, finding the screenwriter, the director, and even, a few rows back with the rest of the cast, as Eduardo Saverin, who is on his feet, jumping up and down and clapping so enthusiastically it looks like he might tip over.
Once he gets on stage, as Mark Zuckerberg starts awkwardly plowing through a clearly spur of the moment speech, his face disbelieving even as he holds the envelope up to the crowd and the Oscar statue in his other hand.
It's a pretty great moment, Mark has to admit, he feels like he owes as Mark Zuckerberg quite a lot, so he's glad that he has an Oscar. Maybe Mark will invite him to the Facebook offices for a chat and pose with the Oscar himself. Now there'd be a profile pic!
It’s then Mark sees realization dawn on Wardo’s shocked face.
“Mark,” he says slowly, sitting back down besides him on the couch, “Mark, did you fucking hack the Oscars?”
Mark shrugs, almost casually.
And then Wardo smiles, that old friend and defender smile, looking at Mark with wonder and disbelief and awe and Mark knows what’s going to happen, just what’s going to happen.
Maybe he leans in first or maybe Wardo does but then, finally and for the first time, they are kissing.
Later, he’ll tell Wardo that it wasn't like he hadn't considered the possibility but how his research revealed that you can’t actually hack the Oscars because they count them by hand, if you can believe it, like it's still the 1930s or something, so as Mark Zuckerberg somehow, unbelievably, actually won.
On principle, Mark hates anyone getting anything because they are “owed” but at this precise moment, Wardo’s mouth warm and wet under his, he can’t help but feel this is exactly what they are owed.
--
Notes: I am a giant Oscar geek, everyone! IN CASE THAT WASN'T ABUNDANTLY CLEAR! ;) The odds tell us all this is true: Eisenberg will, unfortunately, be the cast's sole nomination and he will lose to Colin Firth. But hey, that's why fanfic exists! I wrote all this with the hope in my heart that Jesse Eisenberg will be nominated for Best Actor, which, knock wood, now seems almost certain. (but you can never tell. See: The Great Giamatti Disaster of 2004.) If he IS, the part about the youngest best actor nominee will be true. He'll knock Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting out of the tenth "youngest ever" slot by almost a month. The roundtable I've referred to and quoted verbatim in this fic is the Hollywood Reporter's Actors Roundtable, a must-see for Oscar nerds and where I got the idea for this fic to begin with. Jesse's part begins about at about the 31:00 mark.
How fucking weird is that?
This is something Mark would have never believed.
He didn’t believe it even when he knew there was going to be a movie.
He didn’t believe it even when he knew a “serious” screenwriter tackled the project and when a "serious" director and actors then signed on.
He didn’t believe it even when the film opened the New York Film Festival.
He didn’t believe it even when it was literally the best reviewed movie of the year, made a ton of money, and won just about every damn critic’s award there was.
He didn’t believe it when as Mark Zuckerberg was named Best Actor by the National Board of Review, got a Golden Globe nomination, and a Screen Actor’s Guild Award nomination.
He didn’t really believe until that morning at 5:42 (he hadn’t been to sleep yet) when he heard them say the name that wasn’t his name but was for his name, you know?
The movie got a ton of nominations, of course, for stuff Mark couldn’t care less about, like art direction or whatever, but there is only one acting nomination that morning.
It’s for as Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark is not smug, not even in the slightest, that as Sean Parker and as Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss do not have Oscar nominations.
And as Eduardo Saverin? Mark doesn’t know what you’re talking about.
--
It’s the morning of the Oscar nominations that changes everything.
--
He’d watched a lot of press about the movie. Wouldn’t you? Mostly he is interested in as Mark Zuckerberg. Wouldn’t you be? In one roundtable interview, he mentions that he was on his way to the Facebook offices to try to arrange a meeting when he got a frantic call from the film crew begging him to stop. Mark can only imagine how that would have gone over with security.
One of the best parts is that it’s clear that as Mark Zuckerberg has no love for that stupid book; though in theory the movie script is based on the book. As Mark Zuckerberg understands that the book is all wrong about him, that Mark is no villain.
(As Mark Zuckerberg keeps describing Mark as “the character” which besides giving Mark a headache from all the head-spinning meta … how fucking weird is that?)
At the same roundtable, as Mark Zuckerberg stumbles when describing the book. “It doesn’t focus on my character and when it does it’s not, it wasn’t a character that seemed to be the character I was playing. It seemed to be the character through somebody else’s eyes…and it’s, I mean, so I couldn‘t think of the character that way, because it’s the character through somebody else’s eyes, who had been hurt by him and who is not an, um, uh, an unbiased, uh, uh, unbiased … friend.”
It’s weird how as Mark Zuckerberg seems to trip over “friend,” how he seems unsure of what word to use to describe as Eduardo Saverin.
And the “hurt by him” part? That doesn’t even register, OK, that’s not even important.
--
Though this is his first Oscar nomination, as Mark Zuckerberg has a good career. He’s been in movies and plays since he was, like, 11. Within the past year, he fought zombies in a blockbuster, was an Orthdox Jewish ecstasy smuggler in some indie movie, and beat The Green Freaking Lantern for the hand of that chick from Twilight in a romantic comedy.
Even before the Oscar nomination, this makes him essentially the most well-paid and most well-respected actor in the movie. (again, Mark is not being smug, he is just stating the facts.) And, yeah, as Sean Parker is probably more famous but that was not the point.
Still, as Mark Zuckerberg’s Oscar nomination is a pretty big deal. It’s not like he’s the world’s youngest billionaire or anything, but he is one of the ten youngest men ever nominated for Best Actor, and out of 83 years and over 400 nominations, that’s no little thing.
Yet none of this excuses or explains what Mark does at 5:58 that Oscar morning.
He honestly has no idea why he sends the e-mail.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Tue, Jan, 25, 2011
So, looks like even though the movie is based on that book you half-cooperated with, I’m the one that was Oscar-worthy.
Mark stares blankly at the screen for at least five minutes after pressing send.
--
It’s as Mark Zuckerberg’s fault, he realizes.
There was one other thing he said during that roundtable, unblinking and clear, he explains, “More than anyone on the set … it was my job to defend this character.”
Defend him.
Mark has tons of people to defend him. Not just the dozens and dozens of lawyers he pays an exorbitant retainer. There’s also loyal employees, business consultants, associates, shareholders, hell, people who respect him as a visionary.
Mark has defenders. He does not need a movie actor to defend him.
But it’s … the way as Mark Zuckerberg says “defend” and it’s the way he trips over that damned word: “friend.”
“I was your only friend. You had one friend.”
It’s a line in the movie, in the Oscar nominated script, but the thing was, Wardo hadn’t needed to say that, in real life.
Mark had just known.
Wardo was his friend. His friend and his defender.
It seems like as Mark Zuckerberg somehow knows that. Not from the script, not from real-life meetings that never took place, not from the book. He just knows it.
And somehow him knowing it? Reminds Mark that he’s known it all along too.
Wardo was his friend. His friend and his defender.
Normal people might say sorry. Mark just can’t stop sending taunting e-mails about the Oscars.
--
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Sat, Jan 29, 2011
I mean, it’s not like he’s won or anything, but he’s the nominee.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Thu, Feb 3, 2011
The Screen Actor’s Guild ensemble nomination doesn’t count either. They counted the dude who was the Winklevoss’s body double.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Mon, Feb 7, 2011
The Golden Globe nomination doesn't count either. They nominated Johnny Depp for Alice in Wonderland. Can we take anything they say seriously?
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Wed, Feb 11, 2011
Please note attached Official Nominee Portrait.
To: “Eduardo Saverin”
From: “Mark”
Tue, Feb 18, 2011
Have you seen the giant face on the poster? Outstanding Lead Actor face!
--
Wardo doesn’t respond.
--
Do you have any kind of shit that goes along with an Oscar nomination? There’s less than a month between the nominations and the final voting and the nominees are everywhere. They have a huge luncheon and take an “official” portrait! (This is when they get their certificates, Mark discovers.) They go on talk shows! They do a ridiculous amount of press and interviews! They have photo shoots!
Mark isn’t sure why he’s spending so much time researching the Oscars when he should be coding.
--
Mark knows that as Mark Zuckerberg has no chance of winning. (They give odds about this stuff in Vegas, for Christ’s sake.) He’s not in absolute last place, but he’s definitely going to lose to someone older and more owed. (Being “owed” an Oscar is a yet another thing Mark never knew about before. Apparently, that’s how these awards work.) All the odds are on the guy who was Mr. Darcy in some BBC thing. Mark’s read quite a bit of commentary saying Mr. Darcy should have won last year, but they “owed” The Dude, so now Mr. Darcy’s turn has come around.
How unfair for as Mark Zuckerberg, Mark Zuckerberg can’t help but think.
It’s just easier to think about the Oscars, he guesses, than how Wardo won’t respond to his e-mails.
--
The Oscar polls close on February 22.
Mark decides to avoid it by wiring in and coding non-stop.
How did he become the kind of person who is avoiding the Oscar polls closing?
--
His assistant is a precise, efficient woman named Kelly. She usually knows better than to disturb him when he’s wired in like this, so Mark is concerned the world might be ending when she walks into his office, waving her hand to catch his attention. She has a … delivery person with her? Definite end of the world stuff, then.
“Yeah?” he says, gracelessly.
“Mr. Zuckerberg, this gentleman,” Kelly points to the exasperated delivery person “says that under no circumstances can he be allowed to deliver this to anyone but you. I tried to dissuade him, but we’ve been through several levels of management at his company and they have all assured me that their client paid a ridiculous amount for this item to be delivered into your hands alone. As this has now consumed almost two hours of my workday,” she sighs with disgust at the whole situation and Mark is reminded why he pays her so much money “I decided it was better to let him proceed so we could all return to work.”
Mark nods once and holds his hand out. The man places a small envelope in his hand and then holds out a clipboard that Mark scrawls his name on.
Kelly practically drags the guy out of his office and calls “Apologies, Mr. Zuckerberg, please return to your work,” over her shoulder as they exit.
Mark opens the envelope to find a plain, white business card.
On the front, in clean black font there is only one line:
I’m Spider-Man, bitch.
On the back is a hand-written phone number.
--
“I’m sorry,” he says the second Wardo answers, before Wardo can get past hello. “I’m sorry for everything. I’ve wanted to say that for so long, but it felt so stupid and I know it doesn’t change anything, but I’m still sorry.”
Wardo exhales, as if he’s been holding his breath all these years. Mark has no idea what he’ll say next.
“I was robbed of a nomination,” Wardo’s voice is indignant. “Did you see The Town? How is that worth an Oscar nomination?”
“Oh, see, they owe Jeremy Renner,” Mark begins putting all his research to good use. “It’s this whole Oscar thing . . .”
--
Five days later, Mark and Wardo are watching the Oscars on Mark’s couch.
“You have no shot of winning, you know that right?” Wardo says, helping himself to a handful of popcorn.
“Oh ye of little faith! What if I had told you a month ago we’d be sitting here watching the Oscars? No shot, you’d say!”
Wardo laughs and Mark revels in the sound. “Yeah, I’d say it was about as likely as you apologizing and yet …”
The knowing, teasing smile he gives Mark makes his heart do funny things in his chest.
“No movie franchise needs a reboot five years after the last installment,” Mark retorts.
“Spider-Man, Mark. I’m Spider-Man.”
--
“Holy shit!” Wardo literally jumps off the couch when “And the Oscar goes to …” as Mark Zuckerberg.
Mark guesses that’s the same reaction of the 40 million people watching. It certainly looks like that’s what as Mark Zuckerberg wants to say. Mark thinks he might start crying or vomiting. Maybe both. He could even pass out. Mark’s not sure. No one in the theater seems to believe it either, and it takes almost a minute for as Mark Zuckerberg to stand up and move to the stage. The camera zips around the shocked crowd, finding the screenwriter, the director, and even, a few rows back with the rest of the cast, as Eduardo Saverin, who is on his feet, jumping up and down and clapping so enthusiastically it looks like he might tip over.
Once he gets on stage, as Mark Zuckerberg starts awkwardly plowing through a clearly spur of the moment speech, his face disbelieving even as he holds the envelope up to the crowd and the Oscar statue in his other hand.
It's a pretty great moment, Mark has to admit, he feels like he owes as Mark Zuckerberg quite a lot, so he's glad that he has an Oscar. Maybe Mark will invite him to the Facebook offices for a chat and pose with the Oscar himself. Now there'd be a profile pic!
It’s then Mark sees realization dawn on Wardo’s shocked face.
“Mark,” he says slowly, sitting back down besides him on the couch, “Mark, did you fucking hack the Oscars?”
Mark shrugs, almost casually.
And then Wardo smiles, that old friend and defender smile, looking at Mark with wonder and disbelief and awe and Mark knows what’s going to happen, just what’s going to happen.
Maybe he leans in first or maybe Wardo does but then, finally and for the first time, they are kissing.
Later, he’ll tell Wardo that it wasn't like he hadn't considered the possibility but how his research revealed that you can’t actually hack the Oscars because they count them by hand, if you can believe it, like it's still the 1930s or something, so as Mark Zuckerberg somehow, unbelievably, actually won.
On principle, Mark hates anyone getting anything because they are “owed” but at this precise moment, Wardo’s mouth warm and wet under his, he can’t help but feel this is exactly what they are owed.
--
Notes: I am a giant Oscar geek, everyone! IN CASE THAT WASN'T ABUNDANTLY CLEAR! ;) The odds tell us all this is true: Eisenberg will, unfortunately, be the cast's sole nomination and he will lose to Colin Firth. But hey, that's why fanfic exists! I wrote all this with the hope in my heart that Jesse Eisenberg will be nominated for Best Actor, which, knock wood, now seems almost certain. (but you can never tell. See: The Great Giamatti Disaster of 2004.) If he IS, the part about the youngest best actor nominee will be true. He'll knock Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting out of the tenth "youngest ever" slot by almost a month. The roundtable I've referred to and quoted verbatim in this fic is the Hollywood Reporter's Actors Roundtable, a must-see for Oscar nerds and where I got the idea for this fic to begin with. Jesse's part begins about at about the 31:00 mark.