...tell me how your gonna be something...
i'm so sick of dealing with drama.
jamie and me broke up for a reason. i'm sick of spending my life arguing. yet i still can't seem to get away from it. it's bullshit.
and now that he's moved on and i've moved on... i have someone else mad at me all the time.
luckily this time it's not the guy i choose to be with, he actually seems to be the only person i'm calm around these days. everyone else has me on my tip toes ready to pounce back once the attack takes place.
funny... yet serious.
but the person who is always mad at me, happens to be the closest person to me in the world. figures. it's jut my luck. i always end up alone... she'd leave eventually anyways right? all the other ones did...
the fucked up thing, is that i really haven't done anything wrong this time. i've put all my effort into pleasing someone, who does nothing but get mad at me for the littlest shit.
i put you first. i drop shit for you. i check with you daily to see what YOUR agenda is, so that i can plan mine. hell half of my arguements with jamie revolved around the fact that you were always first. (oh but you're friends with him now, and i'm sure his side of the story makes it so much easier for you to be mad at me) how many times have you threatened to leave me???
friendships aren't suppose to be held together by threats. i should be allowed to have a boyfriend and a best friend. i should be allowed to do things other than what you have planned. i need to be able to live my own life too.
why do people expect things of me that i don't expect of them? i would NEVER do this to you. guess that's what makes me different.
and as i sit here bitching, cuz that's all i'm really doing, hell isn't that what livejournal is for... anyways as i sit here bitching, honestly in side you know i'm upset. that i'm sorry, even tho i KNOW i didn't do anything wrong. but you feel hurt, and so i hurt. i'm too sensitive for my own good sometimes. i know the minute, if ever, you changed your mind, that i'd be right by your side again. ... always. shit i'm the one who never fucking leaves. i'm always here for the people that i've ever said were my best friend at one time.
who else does that? who else do you know that stands by someone no matter what. there sure aren't a lot of bitches out there that will.
and your mad at me? for wanting to do my own thing. your fucking hanging out with someone who has talked shit bout me for years now... but she's changed right? who gives a fuck, it's the point that you are befriending someone who was a bitch to me FOR NO REASON because i was always nice to the bitch.
i'm extremely heated. i need to be off work. i need a blunt.
i got paid today, and i have a total of $50, the rest of the $230 went to the damn bank for overdraft fees because i'm stupid as fuck.
grrrr... i need a breather. i need to get away. i need something... to let me know things are gonna be okay.
i always said i'd never fight with a friend over a boy, but this is more than just over a boy, this is over our relationship as a whole. things have to change, i have to be able to live my life too. you are not my girlfriend, you don't meet those needs that a boyfriend fills, that's why people have their best friend and their boyfriend. only for some reason i can't have both. how is that fair? i have put you first in my life for years now. i have done everything i can for you. but i have to be allowed to have other people in my life. i don't see why that can't be understood? i don't ask you to not talk to people, hell i even asked your permission before i started dating him... you gave me the okay. now you turn around and change your mind. i think it's a little too fucking late for that. i have to make the call on some of the things in my life, and you should understand that.
but fuck it, what good does it do me to bitch. not a damn bit of good.
i love you mayne. you are my bestest. forever. but you have to understand where i'm coming from.
♥
jamie and me broke up for a reason. i'm sick of spending my life arguing. yet i still can't seem to get away from it. it's bullshit.
and now that he's moved on and i've moved on... i have someone else mad at me all the time.
luckily this time it's not the guy i choose to be with, he actually seems to be the only person i'm calm around these days. everyone else has me on my tip toes ready to pounce back once the attack takes place.
funny... yet serious.
but the person who is always mad at me, happens to be the closest person to me in the world. figures. it's jut my luck. i always end up alone... she'd leave eventually anyways right? all the other ones did...
the fucked up thing, is that i really haven't done anything wrong this time. i've put all my effort into pleasing someone, who does nothing but get mad at me for the littlest shit.
i put you first. i drop shit for you. i check with you daily to see what YOUR agenda is, so that i can plan mine. hell half of my arguements with jamie revolved around the fact that you were always first. (oh but you're friends with him now, and i'm sure his side of the story makes it so much easier for you to be mad at me) how many times have you threatened to leave me???
friendships aren't suppose to be held together by threats. i should be allowed to have a boyfriend and a best friend. i should be allowed to do things other than what you have planned. i need to be able to live my own life too.
why do people expect things of me that i don't expect of them? i would NEVER do this to you. guess that's what makes me different.
and as i sit here bitching, cuz that's all i'm really doing, hell isn't that what livejournal is for... anyways as i sit here bitching, honestly in side you know i'm upset. that i'm sorry, even tho i KNOW i didn't do anything wrong. but you feel hurt, and so i hurt. i'm too sensitive for my own good sometimes. i know the minute, if ever, you changed your mind, that i'd be right by your side again. ... always. shit i'm the one who never fucking leaves. i'm always here for the people that i've ever said were my best friend at one time.
who else does that? who else do you know that stands by someone no matter what. there sure aren't a lot of bitches out there that will.
and your mad at me? for wanting to do my own thing. your fucking hanging out with someone who has talked shit bout me for years now... but she's changed right? who gives a fuck, it's the point that you are befriending someone who was a bitch to me FOR NO REASON because i was always nice to the bitch.
i'm extremely heated. i need to be off work. i need a blunt.
i got paid today, and i have a total of $50, the rest of the $230 went to the damn bank for overdraft fees because i'm stupid as fuck.
grrrr... i need a breather. i need to get away. i need something... to let me know things are gonna be okay.
i always said i'd never fight with a friend over a boy, but this is more than just over a boy, this is over our relationship as a whole. things have to change, i have to be able to live my life too. you are not my girlfriend, you don't meet those needs that a boyfriend fills, that's why people have their best friend and their boyfriend. only for some reason i can't have both. how is that fair? i have put you first in my life for years now. i have done everything i can for you. but i have to be allowed to have other people in my life. i don't see why that can't be understood? i don't ask you to not talk to people, hell i even asked your permission before i started dating him... you gave me the okay. now you turn around and change your mind. i think it's a little too fucking late for that. i have to make the call on some of the things in my life, and you should understand that.
but fuck it, what good does it do me to bitch. not a damn bit of good.
i love you mayne. you are my bestest. forever. but you have to understand where i'm coming from.
♥