(no subject)
when i saw the casket yesterday...i couldnt breathe. manny and i walked up to him and i cried...cried as hard as i let myself...i just i just couldnt cry any more...as if i ran out of tears or something. then today i though i was at peace...like i had let him go and was ok with everything...i thought i wouldnt cry as much anymore. when we arrived at the cemetary today i held my breathe again...i was nervous. while praying i cried but i cried like i hadnt before..i still need to. i couldnt stop i cried and cried and cried...especially when i kissed the flower and when the casket was lowered...i couldnt breathe while crying. i let most of it just go. when everyone passed to give their condelences several people wispered...you were the closest of all of them right and i just cried even more...i looked at the flowers i bought and just couldnt stop. i think im ok. at my grandparents house it hurt even more seeing the clothes and seeing the bed knowing i had just seen him...just having all the memories made the pain come back but i think that now ive just calm down.