(no subject)
I'm going to post because I feel I haven't in a while. Its strange how I can have so much to say yet when I'm ready to write it down its gone. Perhaps its just as well this time, its quite possible there may be trouble coming from it.
I find myself acting like a 4 year old having a temper-tantrum. About people who have no affiliation with me anymore and I really shouldn't care about. But I know what they're doing and what they're going to do and I can't help but say to myself, "Its not going to work. They shouldn't. Its not right." And its NONE of my fucking business yet I can't even concentrate on my own "here and now and future" without getting something else stuck in there before it. And I tried to reason with myself yesterday and it only made me angrier. Hopefully once its done and over with it'll bring some closure. But I think that's my problem, I didn't have any closure to this issue. Either they need to apologize or I need to just yell at him and get everything off my chest or we both need to get everything out in the open and resolve it. And this weekend I was going to be the bigger person and look over it and try to be friendly, but who am I kidding? Good luck with that. But Sunday wasn't going to be about me, it was a friend's birthday party and I wouldn't do anything. Hell, now with Jeff reading this if he was thinking about going he's liable to not even go now with me writing this. Damn why can't I act like I'm actually 21?
Anyways, thinking about taking up the violin. Probably not until around Christmas when I may get some Christmas money to maybe put towards it. Depending on how bills look and if they need any help.
Wedding has tentatively been moved to March. We were talking about it jokingly, so we'll see how certain it is. It all depends on money. I hate it.
Alright, I vented. I'm done. Its almos the weekend. And I need sleep. With Jeff not feeling good last nite and my neck giving me issues I haven't slept well the past couple nights. I hope he feels better soon, he's been sick waaaay too long. I feel so bad for him.
I find myself acting like a 4 year old having a temper-tantrum. About people who have no affiliation with me anymore and I really shouldn't care about. But I know what they're doing and what they're going to do and I can't help but say to myself, "Its not going to work. They shouldn't. Its not right." And its NONE of my fucking business yet I can't even concentrate on my own "here and now and future" without getting something else stuck in there before it. And I tried to reason with myself yesterday and it only made me angrier. Hopefully once its done and over with it'll bring some closure. But I think that's my problem, I didn't have any closure to this issue. Either they need to apologize or I need to just yell at him and get everything off my chest or we both need to get everything out in the open and resolve it. And this weekend I was going to be the bigger person and look over it and try to be friendly, but who am I kidding? Good luck with that. But Sunday wasn't going to be about me, it was a friend's birthday party and I wouldn't do anything. Hell, now with Jeff reading this if he was thinking about going he's liable to not even go now with me writing this. Damn why can't I act like I'm actually 21?
Anyways, thinking about taking up the violin. Probably not until around Christmas when I may get some Christmas money to maybe put towards it. Depending on how bills look and if they need any help.
Wedding has tentatively been moved to March. We were talking about it jokingly, so we'll see how certain it is. It all depends on money. I hate it.
Alright, I vented. I'm done. Its almos the weekend. And I need sleep. With Jeff not feeling good last nite and my neck giving me issues I haven't slept well the past couple nights. I hope he feels better soon, he's been sick waaaay too long. I feel so bad for him.