[Fanfiction] Hazukashii Smile : CHAPTER 2: Kanjani8 (Part 2)
Part 2: Mamoritai
Even if we’re in separate far off places our thoughts will be one
Because my future will forever have you as a part of it
You, saying nothing and still loving me in my moments of bravado
Along with my moments of defiance; I never want to part from you, for all time
Ohkura Tadayoshi left the room quickly, slamming the door behind him. He ran towards the fire escape, and once safely on the stairwell, he let out hot, steaming tears of emotions that overflowed like water from a dam. There was so much what those tears meant. Regret, loss, sadness, relief, guilt, and most of all, love. Nishikido Ryo was gone from his life, and there was nothing he could do to bring him back.
Part of him wanted to think that this was all a passing dream, that it was nothing at all, and that he would wake up and realize that he was just dreaming. He would wake up to Ryo smacking him on the head or with Ryo coming back from the USA. But a bigger part of him knew that it was real, that there was no use of tricking himself, or deluding himself to thinking that Ryo was still alive. He, most of all, knew what was going on before everything had happened, but because Ryo had said it was nothing, he did not do anything at all.
He had hit his head on a wall and let the stinging pain overcome him. Nothing would be more painful knowing that in his heart, he could have done something to save his friend, but did nothing at all. He saw him throwing up blood in concerts. He even helped him up when he was about to faint. He knew about the pills Ryo was taking, but he still said nothing. He knew something was wrong, but he went against his better judgment and trusted that Ryo was alright.
He closed his eyes as he slid down to the floor. He tried to look around him but he could see nothing. He was blinded by tears as he let his thoughts go to the friend he just lost.
”RYO!!!!“ he screamed in anguish, trying to call his friend, thinking that maybe, if he screamed loud enough he would come back to life. But Ryo and his body were in the United States and he knew that. However, he knew that no matter how apart they were, Ryo was still around him. Ryo was always around him. He will always be a part of him, now and forever.
Ryo was always with him - through everything. During the times when everyone was against him, Ryo was there. Ryo was there when he was trying to be brave when his grandfather died. Ryo was there for him when his heart broke for the first time. Ryo was there for him. Always.
Someday, we will go to that sky where the stars are waiting
Until that time comes, I want to be together with you
Thank you; I’ll say it again and again
He could not imagine his future without Ryo. However he knew that Ryo was watching him at that very moment. He was probably laughing his socks off at him, calling him a sissy and cursing him incessantly to be a man and face it all.
He wiped his face and looked out the window that revealed that it was already evening. The stars were shining and it seemed that it was all calm outside.
“No, I am not a sissy,” He told Ryo as he looked up to the sky. “Wherever you are, you bastard, wait for me - I owe you big time.” he said, knowing all too well that there are so many things that he has to thank his friend for; for cheering him up and encouraging him, for the memories, and most of all, for completing him. There was so much more that he knew he could not count them all, but he was grateful for all of them, nonetheless.
Ah, tighter, I want to embrace you tighter against my chest
Even if you are full of sorrow, this is all that I’m able to do
I want to protect you even if I lose everything
Could he have done anything to stop it? He thought back at the times he saw Ryo in his weakness- his pale face, his tiny build, his shallow eyes that seemed to be fighting for its own light. God, why didn’t he say anything? But if he did, could he have been saved?
Why didn’t he treasure him more? Why didn’t he pay attention to him? Why didn’t he badger him to rest or see a doctor? Surely, Ryo would have bitten his head off, but he would have gone, wouldn’t he? Ryo was like that. He could have protected him, yet he didn’t do anything. That fact alone killed him.
I, thinking lovingly of you in your moments of being a crybaby
Along with your moments of loneliness; I always want to be next to you, for all time
No matter what people said about Ryo being a tough cookie, he knew most of all, that Ryo was sensitive. He was a crybaby who teared up at anything. Though he seemed to be really happy, Ohkura knew that Ryo was needy and was very lonely. They say that most people who are loud and surround themselves with people are the loneliest. They say these people are the ones who need help, and yet, Ohkura didn’t do anything.
That sky becomes further away; Time is flowing and
Even if things fade away completely and tears aren’t shed
Unforgettable memories will go on
He wished he had not wasted time with him. He wished that, instead of pushing him away, he spent more time with Ryo. They were always together, but that didn’t seem to be enough. Ryo seemed to know that his time was coming and kept on insisting to make memories. But at that time, Ohkura did not see why he was being such a sentimental brat. Now he does. Ryo knew that time is flowing and that in time, he would fade away. He only did not want to be forgotten. He did not want to just fade away.
“Oh, you are such an IDIOT!” Ohkura exclaimed. “Who would forget you? I would never forget you… Not in this lifetime, or the next.”
Ah, tighter, I want to embrace you tighter; Over yonder
Even if it’s gloomy and hazy and hopelessness is waiting there
I want to protect you even if I lose everything
“Just you wait, Nishikido! Just you wait! When I get there, I will never let go of you, I will protect you. I am sorry I could not protect you here, I was just so blind. Please forgive me…” Ohkura’s voice faded into his sobs. He wanted Ryo to hear him. He wanted Ryo to know that no matter what, he would never be forgotten. He has to protect him now, his memory, his work, his life. He has to protect what is left of Nishikido Ryo.
When I become uneasy and when I lose sight of the way
I remember your warmth
I will love only you until the end of all time
At that moment, he realized that there was no use in crying. He now knew what he must do. It was the only way he could protect his friend. The very least he could do was to protect his memory from fading. He stood up from where he sat and looked up at the starry sky.
“Watch me, Ryo. I’ll try to surpass you, Sexy Boy. You gave me that title now, and I’ll live it for both of us. I will never let your light fade into darkness, Yellow. You were always the brightest crayon in the box. Who can forget you? I will start it. I will find all that you did and show the world, no, the whole world, who Nishikido Ryo is. That is a promise.“ he swore onto the stars where he believed that Ryo would be listening.
And he was.
Even if we’re in separate far off places our thoughts will be one
Because my future will forever have you as a part of it
You, saying nothing and still loving me in my moments of bravado
Along with my moments of defiance; I never want to part from you, for all time
Ohkura Tadayoshi left the room quickly, slamming the door behind him. He ran towards the fire escape, and once safely on the stairwell, he let out hot, steaming tears of emotions that overflowed like water from a dam. There was so much what those tears meant. Regret, loss, sadness, relief, guilt, and most of all, love. Nishikido Ryo was gone from his life, and there was nothing he could do to bring him back.
Part of him wanted to think that this was all a passing dream, that it was nothing at all, and that he would wake up and realize that he was just dreaming. He would wake up to Ryo smacking him on the head or with Ryo coming back from the USA. But a bigger part of him knew that it was real, that there was no use of tricking himself, or deluding himself to thinking that Ryo was still alive. He, most of all, knew what was going on before everything had happened, but because Ryo had said it was nothing, he did not do anything at all.
He had hit his head on a wall and let the stinging pain overcome him. Nothing would be more painful knowing that in his heart, he could have done something to save his friend, but did nothing at all. He saw him throwing up blood in concerts. He even helped him up when he was about to faint. He knew about the pills Ryo was taking, but he still said nothing. He knew something was wrong, but he went against his better judgment and trusted that Ryo was alright.
He closed his eyes as he slid down to the floor. He tried to look around him but he could see nothing. He was blinded by tears as he let his thoughts go to the friend he just lost.
”RYO!!!!“ he screamed in anguish, trying to call his friend, thinking that maybe, if he screamed loud enough he would come back to life. But Ryo and his body were in the United States and he knew that. However, he knew that no matter how apart they were, Ryo was still around him. Ryo was always around him. He will always be a part of him, now and forever.
Ryo was always with him - through everything. During the times when everyone was against him, Ryo was there. Ryo was there when he was trying to be brave when his grandfather died. Ryo was there for him when his heart broke for the first time. Ryo was there for him. Always.
Someday, we will go to that sky where the stars are waiting
Until that time comes, I want to be together with you
Thank you; I’ll say it again and again
He could not imagine his future without Ryo. However he knew that Ryo was watching him at that very moment. He was probably laughing his socks off at him, calling him a sissy and cursing him incessantly to be a man and face it all.
He wiped his face and looked out the window that revealed that it was already evening. The stars were shining and it seemed that it was all calm outside.
“No, I am not a sissy,” He told Ryo as he looked up to the sky. “Wherever you are, you bastard, wait for me - I owe you big time.” he said, knowing all too well that there are so many things that he has to thank his friend for; for cheering him up and encouraging him, for the memories, and most of all, for completing him. There was so much more that he knew he could not count them all, but he was grateful for all of them, nonetheless.
Ah, tighter, I want to embrace you tighter against my chest
Even if you are full of sorrow, this is all that I’m able to do
I want to protect you even if I lose everything
Could he have done anything to stop it? He thought back at the times he saw Ryo in his weakness- his pale face, his tiny build, his shallow eyes that seemed to be fighting for its own light. God, why didn’t he say anything? But if he did, could he have been saved?
Why didn’t he treasure him more? Why didn’t he pay attention to him? Why didn’t he badger him to rest or see a doctor? Surely, Ryo would have bitten his head off, but he would have gone, wouldn’t he? Ryo was like that. He could have protected him, yet he didn’t do anything. That fact alone killed him.
I, thinking lovingly of you in your moments of being a crybaby
Along with your moments of loneliness; I always want to be next to you, for all time
No matter what people said about Ryo being a tough cookie, he knew most of all, that Ryo was sensitive. He was a crybaby who teared up at anything. Though he seemed to be really happy, Ohkura knew that Ryo was needy and was very lonely. They say that most people who are loud and surround themselves with people are the loneliest. They say these people are the ones who need help, and yet, Ohkura didn’t do anything.
That sky becomes further away; Time is flowing and
Even if things fade away completely and tears aren’t shed
Unforgettable memories will go on
He wished he had not wasted time with him. He wished that, instead of pushing him away, he spent more time with Ryo. They were always together, but that didn’t seem to be enough. Ryo seemed to know that his time was coming and kept on insisting to make memories. But at that time, Ohkura did not see why he was being such a sentimental brat. Now he does. Ryo knew that time is flowing and that in time, he would fade away. He only did not want to be forgotten. He did not want to just fade away.
“Oh, you are such an IDIOT!” Ohkura exclaimed. “Who would forget you? I would never forget you… Not in this lifetime, or the next.”
Ah, tighter, I want to embrace you tighter; Over yonder
Even if it’s gloomy and hazy and hopelessness is waiting there
I want to protect you even if I lose everything
“Just you wait, Nishikido! Just you wait! When I get there, I will never let go of you, I will protect you. I am sorry I could not protect you here, I was just so blind. Please forgive me…” Ohkura’s voice faded into his sobs. He wanted Ryo to hear him. He wanted Ryo to know that no matter what, he would never be forgotten. He has to protect him now, his memory, his work, his life. He has to protect what is left of Nishikido Ryo.
When I become uneasy and when I lose sight of the way
I remember your warmth
I will love only you until the end of all time
At that moment, he realized that there was no use in crying. He now knew what he must do. It was the only way he could protect his friend. The very least he could do was to protect his memory from fading. He stood up from where he sat and looked up at the starry sky.
“Watch me, Ryo. I’ll try to surpass you, Sexy Boy. You gave me that title now, and I’ll live it for both of us. I will never let your light fade into darkness, Yellow. You were always the brightest crayon in the box. Who can forget you? I will start it. I will find all that you did and show the world, no, the whole world, who Nishikido Ryo is. That is a promise.“ he swore onto the stars where he believed that Ryo would be listening.
And he was.