Garrett. I love you. Oh god I love you.
life is funny...that is just stupid...god it hurts soo much..in only three weeks, i lost all of myself, its silly, it was only three weeks...but it came with no warning. i loved him...i love him...and it hurts, cause he doesnt want me...he wants nothing to do with me...and im falling apart...i cant keep hold of myself anymore...im just slipping and crashing to the ground..shattering into a million pieces...i cant live...no without him holding me...not without his arms...this is so stupid, and terrible...i know it shouldnt hurt like this...that should be able to pick up the pieces like always, i should be stronger than this...but i cant be...im not...i feel as though i have nothing left...and i dont...im dying...all of me is shrivilling up, and dying...i cant keep hold of reality anymore...it doesnt exist for me...all i feel is the pain, and the love...for someone who will never love me, or even want me...and never hold me...who will never be there for me...he was all i wanted..i knew this...but he didnt, i dont even think he cared...i cant even dissmiss my emotions as silly, beacause of how serious they feel...it was only three weeks...that wasnt even enough time...i dont know how...why...oh god why...i need him, i will never obligate him, even if he would let himself be obligated..i could never do that to him...he could never feel...oh god...it hurts...there is no words to describe this pain...there are no words to even begin to describe it...not even these words...there is just this pain..this incredible hurt, this longing...oh god, i want him...i want him to hold me..i want him to want to be with me...i got my wish..i wanted someone to love...and now that ive gotten it, i want to die...why do i need him so badly..if someone could just tell me something i could believe...i know it would be better...that is why i want him to tell me...why...why...