God of Small things- Part Five
Writer's Name: Marie-Louise
Artist's Name: Fantalaimon
Genres: supernatural
Rating: R
Warnings:
Summary: Castiel/ Lucifer. Season 5 AU: Castiel comes back from the dead fully human. Michael keeps him locked away in the Green Room hoping that he might be of use against the Winchesters. When Lucifer makes the first move in the new war, attacking Michael and destroys the Green Room, he finds Castiel beneath the rubble. He takes Castiel back with him but finds Castiel's memory of him and the rebellion has been skewed from the milleniums he's spent in heaven. While Lucifer hides Castiel from Michael, knowing his brother will lock him away forever if he has too, Castiel slowly comes to realize that most of what he's been told hasn't been entirely true.
“No,” is all that Castiel could manage when he first opened his eyes. The room around him was dim, the walls where lined with deep cracks and the floor covered in rubble. On the far side of the room wings were burned into the wall but the knocked over furniture and debris blocked the view of whoever they belonged to. Castiel’s heart froze mid beat, stomach dropped with lead with dread over what could have caused Lucifer’s long absence.
“You should have stayed put, little brother.” A hand was laid on his shoulder, smaller then what he was expecting, he turned to find a blond haired boy in place of the dark John Winchester yet he knew instantly it was still Michael. “I had left John, expecting Dean to replace him but found this one here instead.”
Castiel pushed him away and ran over to the dead angel, half of him not wanting to see whoever lied there. He nearly collapsed when he saw the black suit and white hair, relief flooded through him and he sagged against the splintered wall. Castiel rubbed his hand over his tired eyes and was close to laughing when he heard Michael’s heavy footsteps stop next to him. “What happened?”
“Zachariah,” Michael leaned up against the wall and gave the angel’s body a disappointed look, “his assignment proved too much for him.”
“And Lucifer?”
“Oh, lost him have you?” Michael raised his brow with mocked sympathy. “He is so fickle, isn’t he?”
“He’s not with you,” Castiel breathed. He inwardly chastised himself for being so stupid, he should have waited longer, and at the same time he was relived to know that where ever Lucifer was at least he was safe.
“I’ve been thinking,” Michael started and Castiel knew that wasn’t a good sign. “Do you know what my mistake was?”
“I’d find it difficult to only pick one.”
Michael dropped down to one knee and looked Castiel dead in the eye. “My mistake was keeping you here.”
He twirled a finger in the air and looked up to the decrypted ceiling. “You could have picked better scenery.”
Michael laughed, it sounded too deep to be coming from such a small body. “Keeping you here on earth, that was the problem. No matter where I put you Lucifer will find you, this whole place is a sick testament of how capable he is of destroying everything in sight. No, this time I’ll have to hide you somewhere even he can’t reach.”
It all suddenly clicked together and Castiel’s blood ran cold but Michael already had his hand wrapped tight against his throat. The archangel stood and dragged Castiel up with him, he tried to claw at Michael’s hand but it was like a mouse against a lion. “I have just the place for you too.”
“I can’t-” Castiel wheezed out as his desperate lungs tried to suck in air.
“You should be thanking me really, I’m taking you home.” Michael’s hold on him lessened just a fraction but it was enough for Castiel to gasp in a breath. “Honestly I think this is you only chance of seeing heaven ever again.”
“Brother, listen to me-”
“That is getting very old.” Michael’s thumb jutted out, pushed against the bottom of Castiel’s jaw and forced his head to the side. There was probably some humour in the fact that an archangel couldn’t look him in the eye when he killed him but it was lost on Castiel just like his oxygen supply was. “It doesn’t have to hurt, I’ll do it quick. Then I’ll take you back home where Lucifer won’t be able to find you even if he spends the rest of eternity looking.”
His vision started bleed black around the edges and Castiel thought that it most certainly did hurt, his lungs felt like molten metal and the muscles in his neck contracted painfully as it tried to fight against the lack of breath. The hands that had been trying so desperately to loosen Michael’s iron grip slowly lost their grip till he was just weakly holding on. Michael leaned in, lips against Castiel ear and shushed him like he was trying to lull in to sleep instead of death. “Sh, the more you fight it the longer it takes.”
Numbness began to creep in starting at his fingers and toes, slowly creeping up the rest of him. Castiel acted without thinking, it was like one second everything was dark and the next his neck was stretched out at an awkward angle and his lips softly pressed against his older brother’s. It was barely a kiss, they were barely touching, Castiel just didn’t have the strength to do anything more but Michael hand dropped down and air flooded back into Castiel’s body.
Castiel started coughing as his body struggled to breathe through the painful ache in his neck. He fell forward right into Michael who didn’t move to catch him but Castiel clung to him regardless. His body still felt like goo and if it weren’t for Michael’s body his legs would have given out against his weight. For now Castiel just focused on breathing till his brain began to function properly again.
Michael of course had other ideas; while Castiel’s head was still spinning Michael had him pinned against the wall a second time. This one was different than the other two, it wasn’t a spur of the moment, barely there kiss, Michael knew exactly what he wanted and went for it. Castiel wasn’t even fully aware what was happening till teeth bit down on his lip. Castiel yelped against Michael’s mouth and the angel used that as a chance to deepen the kiss and pull Castiel close against him. He curled his fingers in Castiel’s hair and tugged, making Castiel expose his neck to him. Michael attacked his neck, what could have been gentle pecks felt like fire against the bruise forming on Castiel’s neck and he hissed in pain.
A cough sounded beside them and Michael jumped back from Castiel, suddenly snapping back to his senses. Another angel looked at them in a mix between embarrassment and shock, Michael marched towards her, grabbed her arm and hissed, “what are you doing here?”
“You said-” she wasn’t given a chance to finish before Michael flew them away, leaving Castiel alone in the destroyed room.
Collapsing to ground, he gingerly touched his fingertips to his neck and flinched at the pain radiating from the tender flesh. He knew better than to try and break out, so he waited till he’d finally stopped wheezing and then made his way to the couch. He didn’t get more than a few steps when a hand was slapped over his mouth, he cried out against it and struggled even though he knew that never helped. In an eye blink the scenery changed, one second he was still in the Green Room and the next he was back in the little cottage.
He was immediately let go by the one that brought him there and he let out a sigh of relief that Lucifer had managed to get him out so quickly. Turning around though shattered what should have been a happy reunion.
“Sam,” Castiel didn’t say it as a question, he knew it was Lucifer standing in front of him. It was pure disbelief that Sam had agreed to this, that Lucifer wanted it, Castiel was sure that he would be able to get through to Lucifer even if Michael remand firm.
“I told you to stay here,” Lucifer mumbled sounding so tired that Castiel had a hard time staying mad at him. Lucifer eyes darkened when they found his neck, he didn’t say anything just gently put his hand over the bruise. His new vessel’s hand completely covered Michael’s now tiny hand print, an icy wave flowed of Lucifer and through Castiel, fixing the dark mark on his skin. It wasn’t so easy to remove the feeling of Michael’s fingers squeezing the air from him or the still real terror that Michael would have gone through with killing him.
Really Castiel just wanted to wrap his arms around Lucifer and sleep for the next hundred years, forgetting everything else that laid beyond the blankets. But Sam stood in front of him and he knew exactly what that meant. “You’re not really going through with this are you?”
“We talked about this.”
“This is insane.”
“I can stop him.”
“You can’t, he won’t listen.”
“Then I’ll finish what he starts.”
“You can’t kill him, Lucifer.” Castiel grabbed Lucifer’s arm but he just pushed Castiel away.
“Of course I can.”
“No, you can’t.” Castiel grabbed his face between his hands and forced Lucifer to look at him. “He’s your brother.”
“Castiel, I don’t want you to think that these last few months didn’t mean something.” Castiel surged forward, practically clinging to Lucifer and for one brief second he thought everything was going to be okay. “It doesn’t change anything.”
“Lucifer, please.”
“You’re to stay here,” Lucifer ordered, grabbing Castiel’s shoulders and guiding him
“Or you’ll do what?” Castiel asked defiantly. “What are you willing to give up to win this?”
“Don’t test me,” Lucifer spat out, fed up with listening to Castiel. “Castiel if you’re there tomorrow-”
Lucifer swallowed whatever words he was going say, Castiel saw his jaw clench unable to bring himself to say what he felt he needed to say. Castiel knew he was trying to scare him off, didn’t want him to somehow find his way to the battleground and be one of the millions caught in the crossfire. It didn’t make it hurt any less to be threatened by him, to have to stare back at those dead eyes.
“You really think you mean more to me then Michael?” Castiel flinched at his word and stepped back, Lucifer cupped Castiel’s cheek and ran his thumb below his eye, catching the tiny tear that that spilled from it “If I see you there tomorrow, I will kill you.”
“Lucifer.” Castiel leaned up on his toes, in a last ditch effort to keep Lucifer there with him, he just needed to delay him a few moments and he was sure he could get him to listen. Sam was so much taller than Nick had been, he tried to grab Lucifer’s shoulder for support but he was already gone. Castiel was left grasping at thin air and chocking back a broken sob.
“That was touching.” Castiel spun around, blood boiling and tears streamed down his face, he was caught somewhere between furry and desperation. “Do you see now? That you can’t reach him, no one can. Lucifer has only ever cared about himself, one little night with you isn’t going to change any of that.”
Castiel turned away and swiped the back of his hand across his wet eyes. He marched over to the bed and curled up on it, back turned to Michael, he tried to melt into the bed and disappear. “Nothing to say? That is a first.”
“I’m done,” Castiel growled into this pillow.
“Poor Castiel, everyone’s left you all alone.”
“Go away.” The bed dipped down next to Castiel, Michael sat down and placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel was just too tired to push him away anymore. He leaned down until Castiel could feel his hot breath against his cheek.
“You’re right you know,” Michael breathed into his ear. “I don’t want to kill him.”
Castiel twisted around to look at Michael, sure he must have heard him wrong. There isn’t any anger held in Michael’s eyes, not the usual arrogance, just deep, piercing sorrow. It must have only just hit Michael was the consequences of facing his brother on the battlefield will be. Castiel saw the doubt in his eyes, even while he believed that what he was doing was right he still couldn’t handle the thought of killing Lucifer.
“Don’t go,” Castiel begged, taking Michael’s hand in his and squeezing. He could use Michael’s unusual moment of weakness to his advantage, he could keep him from Lucifer. “Stay with me.”
Michael let out a bitter laugh and prided his hand free from Castiel’s, instantly seeing right through his little brother. “Unfortunately, you’re right about something else too.”
Michael raised his hand to Castiel’s forehead and he jerked back in an effort to avoid it. “Michael, wait.”
“Neither of us will walk about from this battle.”
Michael’s fingers had barely grazed Castiel skin when he was sent away, dropped off in some trashy junk yard. A scream ripped out of his throat and he pounded his fists against the grainy dirty, leaving a patch of blood behind. He yelled and begged, kicked the beat up cars around him, through anything he was able to get his hands on.
Dean greeted Castiel with a swift punch that sent him flying back onto the gravel.
There’s a gun in his face before he can say anything.
“Move and I blow your brains out.”
“Lucifer has Sam,” Castiel blurted out. A voice in the back of his head whispered that Dean should just finish it, no one would notice,
he’s been useless since he was brought back.
Dean didn’t waiver, “I know.”
“You know?” Castiel asked. “Then why aren’t you doing anything about it!”
“Hold up, I think maybe you should be answering some questions first.” Dean lowered his gun, just a fraction. “Where the hell have you been? We thought you were dead.”
“I was.” Castiel climbed to his feet and wiped his bloody hands on his shirt.
“Great, guess that covers everything.” Dean raised the gun back up but Castiel didn’t have time to deal with Dean.
“I know where they are.”
“You do?” Dean asked
“Well, I know who will.” Castiel walked past Dean, he needed to find Chuck. “Are you coming?”
Dean stared at him; Castiel thought he might try to argue but for once Dean just shut up and nodded.
“I’m driving.”
One hour of right down love is worth an age of dully living on
Dying didn’t hurt so much the second time; it was a type of pain you could get used to. It was waking up that couldn’t compare to a thousand deaths. Up until Lucifer snapped his fingers, Castiel had firmly believed he wouldn’t go through with it, but he had, Lucifer had kept his word and killed Castiel. That single fact hurt more than Castiel thought was humanly possible. Yet there was still so much more to come. Castiel looked around the field, it looked so calm and peaceful and neither Lucifer or Michael where there. Another wave of sorrow hit him when Castiel realized that Lucifer was gone, whatever Dean had done worked just not in the way Castiel wanted.
Something flowed inside him alongside the pain, something warm and familiar; Castiel almost didn’t recognize the grace that coursed through his veins. He staggered to his feet and stumbled across the field, not sparing even a glance at Bobby when he reached down to fix his fractured neck.
Castiel spotted Dean on the other side of the field looking just as shattered as Castiel, both inside and out. He walked slowly to the hunter, mind spinning with what he could possibly say to him, he had been the one to convince Dean to come here and neither Sam nor Lucifer had been saved.
Dean didn’t know about him and Lucifer, Castiel wouldn’t even know how to explain it. Dean wouldn’t ever understand, Castiel barely understood it, Lucifer had stripped away what heaven had drilled into him for millenniums. For now all Castiel could do was hold it together long enough to send the two hunters off.
He watched Dean and Bobby climb into the impala and drive off. Castiel was left to watch the small patch of grass that had been a gate to hell not long ago. Not a blade of grass was out of place, if someone walked by at that very moment they would have had no idea what had happened there. It just seemed so unfair that someone so important could disappear without a trace and no would ever know.
The most painful thing Lucifer had ever given Castiel was choice. It had seemed so appealing before and now Castiel felt nothing but an endless aching through his core. He dropped to his knees and grabbed a handful of that perfect grass; he used the last of his strength to keep from breaking out in sobs.
Somewhere in the distance Dean was going to find Lisa.
Castiel didn’t move from that spot for the rest of the night.
And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on
Artist's Name: Fantalaimon
Genres: supernatural
Rating: R
Warnings:
Summary: Castiel/ Lucifer. Season 5 AU: Castiel comes back from the dead fully human. Michael keeps him locked away in the Green Room hoping that he might be of use against the Winchesters. When Lucifer makes the first move in the new war, attacking Michael and destroys the Green Room, he finds Castiel beneath the rubble. He takes Castiel back with him but finds Castiel's memory of him and the rebellion has been skewed from the milleniums he's spent in heaven. While Lucifer hides Castiel from Michael, knowing his brother will lock him away forever if he has too, Castiel slowly comes to realize that most of what he's been told hasn't been entirely true.
“No,” is all that Castiel could manage when he first opened his eyes. The room around him was dim, the walls where lined with deep cracks and the floor covered in rubble. On the far side of the room wings were burned into the wall but the knocked over furniture and debris blocked the view of whoever they belonged to. Castiel’s heart froze mid beat, stomach dropped with lead with dread over what could have caused Lucifer’s long absence.
“You should have stayed put, little brother.” A hand was laid on his shoulder, smaller then what he was expecting, he turned to find a blond haired boy in place of the dark John Winchester yet he knew instantly it was still Michael. “I had left John, expecting Dean to replace him but found this one here instead.”
Castiel pushed him away and ran over to the dead angel, half of him not wanting to see whoever lied there. He nearly collapsed when he saw the black suit and white hair, relief flooded through him and he sagged against the splintered wall. Castiel rubbed his hand over his tired eyes and was close to laughing when he heard Michael’s heavy footsteps stop next to him. “What happened?”
“Zachariah,” Michael leaned up against the wall and gave the angel’s body a disappointed look, “his assignment proved too much for him.”
“And Lucifer?”
“Oh, lost him have you?” Michael raised his brow with mocked sympathy. “He is so fickle, isn’t he?”
“He’s not with you,” Castiel breathed. He inwardly chastised himself for being so stupid, he should have waited longer, and at the same time he was relived to know that where ever Lucifer was at least he was safe.
“I’ve been thinking,” Michael started and Castiel knew that wasn’t a good sign. “Do you know what my mistake was?”
“I’d find it difficult to only pick one.”
Michael dropped down to one knee and looked Castiel dead in the eye. “My mistake was keeping you here.”
He twirled a finger in the air and looked up to the decrypted ceiling. “You could have picked better scenery.”
Michael laughed, it sounded too deep to be coming from such a small body. “Keeping you here on earth, that was the problem. No matter where I put you Lucifer will find you, this whole place is a sick testament of how capable he is of destroying everything in sight. No, this time I’ll have to hide you somewhere even he can’t reach.”
It all suddenly clicked together and Castiel’s blood ran cold but Michael already had his hand wrapped tight against his throat. The archangel stood and dragged Castiel up with him, he tried to claw at Michael’s hand but it was like a mouse against a lion. “I have just the place for you too.”
“I can’t-” Castiel wheezed out as his desperate lungs tried to suck in air.
“You should be thanking me really, I’m taking you home.” Michael’s hold on him lessened just a fraction but it was enough for Castiel to gasp in a breath. “Honestly I think this is you only chance of seeing heaven ever again.”
“Brother, listen to me-”
“That is getting very old.” Michael’s thumb jutted out, pushed against the bottom of Castiel’s jaw and forced his head to the side. There was probably some humour in the fact that an archangel couldn’t look him in the eye when he killed him but it was lost on Castiel just like his oxygen supply was. “It doesn’t have to hurt, I’ll do it quick. Then I’ll take you back home where Lucifer won’t be able to find you even if he spends the rest of eternity looking.”
His vision started bleed black around the edges and Castiel thought that it most certainly did hurt, his lungs felt like molten metal and the muscles in his neck contracted painfully as it tried to fight against the lack of breath. The hands that had been trying so desperately to loosen Michael’s iron grip slowly lost their grip till he was just weakly holding on. Michael leaned in, lips against Castiel ear and shushed him like he was trying to lull in to sleep instead of death. “Sh, the more you fight it the longer it takes.”
Numbness began to creep in starting at his fingers and toes, slowly creeping up the rest of him. Castiel acted without thinking, it was like one second everything was dark and the next his neck was stretched out at an awkward angle and his lips softly pressed against his older brother’s. It was barely a kiss, they were barely touching, Castiel just didn’t have the strength to do anything more but Michael hand dropped down and air flooded back into Castiel’s body.
Castiel started coughing as his body struggled to breathe through the painful ache in his neck. He fell forward right into Michael who didn’t move to catch him but Castiel clung to him regardless. His body still felt like goo and if it weren’t for Michael’s body his legs would have given out against his weight. For now Castiel just focused on breathing till his brain began to function properly again.
Michael of course had other ideas; while Castiel’s head was still spinning Michael had him pinned against the wall a second time. This one was different than the other two, it wasn’t a spur of the moment, barely there kiss, Michael knew exactly what he wanted and went for it. Castiel wasn’t even fully aware what was happening till teeth bit down on his lip. Castiel yelped against Michael’s mouth and the angel used that as a chance to deepen the kiss and pull Castiel close against him. He curled his fingers in Castiel’s hair and tugged, making Castiel expose his neck to him. Michael attacked his neck, what could have been gentle pecks felt like fire against the bruise forming on Castiel’s neck and he hissed in pain.
A cough sounded beside them and Michael jumped back from Castiel, suddenly snapping back to his senses. Another angel looked at them in a mix between embarrassment and shock, Michael marched towards her, grabbed her arm and hissed, “what are you doing here?”
“You said-” she wasn’t given a chance to finish before Michael flew them away, leaving Castiel alone in the destroyed room.
Collapsing to ground, he gingerly touched his fingertips to his neck and flinched at the pain radiating from the tender flesh. He knew better than to try and break out, so he waited till he’d finally stopped wheezing and then made his way to the couch. He didn’t get more than a few steps when a hand was slapped over his mouth, he cried out against it and struggled even though he knew that never helped. In an eye blink the scenery changed, one second he was still in the Green Room and the next he was back in the little cottage.
He was immediately let go by the one that brought him there and he let out a sigh of relief that Lucifer had managed to get him out so quickly. Turning around though shattered what should have been a happy reunion.
“Sam,” Castiel didn’t say it as a question, he knew it was Lucifer standing in front of him. It was pure disbelief that Sam had agreed to this, that Lucifer wanted it, Castiel was sure that he would be able to get through to Lucifer even if Michael remand firm.
“I told you to stay here,” Lucifer mumbled sounding so tired that Castiel had a hard time staying mad at him. Lucifer eyes darkened when they found his neck, he didn’t say anything just gently put his hand over the bruise. His new vessel’s hand completely covered Michael’s now tiny hand print, an icy wave flowed of Lucifer and through Castiel, fixing the dark mark on his skin. It wasn’t so easy to remove the feeling of Michael’s fingers squeezing the air from him or the still real terror that Michael would have gone through with killing him.
Really Castiel just wanted to wrap his arms around Lucifer and sleep for the next hundred years, forgetting everything else that laid beyond the blankets. But Sam stood in front of him and he knew exactly what that meant. “You’re not really going through with this are you?”
“We talked about this.”
“This is insane.”
“I can stop him.”
“You can’t, he won’t listen.”
“Then I’ll finish what he starts.”
“You can’t kill him, Lucifer.” Castiel grabbed Lucifer’s arm but he just pushed Castiel away.
“Of course I can.”
“No, you can’t.” Castiel grabbed his face between his hands and forced Lucifer to look at him. “He’s your brother.”
“Castiel, I don’t want you to think that these last few months didn’t mean something.” Castiel surged forward, practically clinging to Lucifer and for one brief second he thought everything was going to be okay. “It doesn’t change anything.”
“Lucifer, please.”
“You’re to stay here,” Lucifer ordered, grabbing Castiel’s shoulders and guiding him
“Or you’ll do what?” Castiel asked defiantly. “What are you willing to give up to win this?”
“Don’t test me,” Lucifer spat out, fed up with listening to Castiel. “Castiel if you’re there tomorrow-”
Lucifer swallowed whatever words he was going say, Castiel saw his jaw clench unable to bring himself to say what he felt he needed to say. Castiel knew he was trying to scare him off, didn’t want him to somehow find his way to the battleground and be one of the millions caught in the crossfire. It didn’t make it hurt any less to be threatened by him, to have to stare back at those dead eyes.
“You really think you mean more to me then Michael?” Castiel flinched at his word and stepped back, Lucifer cupped Castiel’s cheek and ran his thumb below his eye, catching the tiny tear that that spilled from it “If I see you there tomorrow, I will kill you.”
“Lucifer.” Castiel leaned up on his toes, in a last ditch effort to keep Lucifer there with him, he just needed to delay him a few moments and he was sure he could get him to listen. Sam was so much taller than Nick had been, he tried to grab Lucifer’s shoulder for support but he was already gone. Castiel was left grasping at thin air and chocking back a broken sob.
“That was touching.” Castiel spun around, blood boiling and tears streamed down his face, he was caught somewhere between furry and desperation. “Do you see now? That you can’t reach him, no one can. Lucifer has only ever cared about himself, one little night with you isn’t going to change any of that.”
Castiel turned away and swiped the back of his hand across his wet eyes. He marched over to the bed and curled up on it, back turned to Michael, he tried to melt into the bed and disappear. “Nothing to say? That is a first.”
“I’m done,” Castiel growled into this pillow.
“Poor Castiel, everyone’s left you all alone.”
“Go away.” The bed dipped down next to Castiel, Michael sat down and placed his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. Castiel was just too tired to push him away anymore. He leaned down until Castiel could feel his hot breath against his cheek.
“You’re right you know,” Michael breathed into his ear. “I don’t want to kill him.”
Castiel twisted around to look at Michael, sure he must have heard him wrong. There isn’t any anger held in Michael’s eyes, not the usual arrogance, just deep, piercing sorrow. It must have only just hit Michael was the consequences of facing his brother on the battlefield will be. Castiel saw the doubt in his eyes, even while he believed that what he was doing was right he still couldn’t handle the thought of killing Lucifer.
“Don’t go,” Castiel begged, taking Michael’s hand in his and squeezing. He could use Michael’s unusual moment of weakness to his advantage, he could keep him from Lucifer. “Stay with me.”
Michael let out a bitter laugh and prided his hand free from Castiel’s, instantly seeing right through his little brother. “Unfortunately, you’re right about something else too.”
Michael raised his hand to Castiel’s forehead and he jerked back in an effort to avoid it. “Michael, wait.”
“Neither of us will walk about from this battle.”
Michael’s fingers had barely grazed Castiel skin when he was sent away, dropped off in some trashy junk yard. A scream ripped out of his throat and he pounded his fists against the grainy dirty, leaving a patch of blood behind. He yelled and begged, kicked the beat up cars around him, through anything he was able to get his hands on.
Dean greeted Castiel with a swift punch that sent him flying back onto the gravel.
There’s a gun in his face before he can say anything.
“Move and I blow your brains out.”
“Lucifer has Sam,” Castiel blurted out. A voice in the back of his head whispered that Dean should just finish it, no one would notice,
he’s been useless since he was brought back.
Dean didn’t waiver, “I know.”
“You know?” Castiel asked. “Then why aren’t you doing anything about it!”
“Hold up, I think maybe you should be answering some questions first.” Dean lowered his gun, just a fraction. “Where the hell have you been? We thought you were dead.”
“I was.” Castiel climbed to his feet and wiped his bloody hands on his shirt.
“Great, guess that covers everything.” Dean raised the gun back up but Castiel didn’t have time to deal with Dean.
“I know where they are.”
“You do?” Dean asked
“Well, I know who will.” Castiel walked past Dean, he needed to find Chuck. “Are you coming?”
Dean stared at him; Castiel thought he might try to argue but for once Dean just shut up and nodded.
“I’m driving.”
One hour of right down love is worth an age of dully living on
Dying didn’t hurt so much the second time; it was a type of pain you could get used to. It was waking up that couldn’t compare to a thousand deaths. Up until Lucifer snapped his fingers, Castiel had firmly believed he wouldn’t go through with it, but he had, Lucifer had kept his word and killed Castiel. That single fact hurt more than Castiel thought was humanly possible. Yet there was still so much more to come. Castiel looked around the field, it looked so calm and peaceful and neither Lucifer or Michael where there. Another wave of sorrow hit him when Castiel realized that Lucifer was gone, whatever Dean had done worked just not in the way Castiel wanted.
Something flowed inside him alongside the pain, something warm and familiar; Castiel almost didn’t recognize the grace that coursed through his veins. He staggered to his feet and stumbled across the field, not sparing even a glance at Bobby when he reached down to fix his fractured neck.
Castiel spotted Dean on the other side of the field looking just as shattered as Castiel, both inside and out. He walked slowly to the hunter, mind spinning with what he could possibly say to him, he had been the one to convince Dean to come here and neither Sam nor Lucifer had been saved.
Dean didn’t know about him and Lucifer, Castiel wouldn’t even know how to explain it. Dean wouldn’t ever understand, Castiel barely understood it, Lucifer had stripped away what heaven had drilled into him for millenniums. For now all Castiel could do was hold it together long enough to send the two hunters off.
He watched Dean and Bobby climb into the impala and drive off. Castiel was left to watch the small patch of grass that had been a gate to hell not long ago. Not a blade of grass was out of place, if someone walked by at that very moment they would have had no idea what had happened there. It just seemed so unfair that someone so important could disappear without a trace and no would ever know.
The most painful thing Lucifer had ever given Castiel was choice. It had seemed so appealing before and now Castiel felt nothing but an endless aching through his core. He dropped to his knees and grabbed a handful of that perfect grass; he used the last of his strength to keep from breaking out in sobs.
Somewhere in the distance Dean was going to find Lisa.
Castiel didn’t move from that spot for the rest of the night.
And thus the heart will break, yet brokenly live on