God of Small things- Part Three
Writer's Name: Marie-Louise
Artist's Name: Fantalaimon
Genres: supernatural
Rating: R
Warnings:
Summary: Castiel/ Lucifer. Season 5 AU: Castiel comes back from the dead fully human. Michael keeps him locked away in the Green Room hoping that he might be of use against the Winchesters. When Lucifer makes the first move in the new war, attacking Michael and destroys the Green Room, he finds Castiel beneath the rubble. He takes Castiel back with him but finds Castiel's memory of him and the rebellion has been skewed from the milleniums he's spent in heaven. While Lucifer hides Castiel from Michael, knowing his brother will lock him away forever if he has too, Castiel slowly comes to realize that most of what he's been told hasn't been entirely true.
Sleep didn’t come easy for Castiel that night. He could hear whoever was in the house moving around downstairs, but he refused to leave the room. Eventually, he broke down and ate the sandwich, deciding that if Lucifer wanted him dead, he wouldn’t need to poison him. Mostly, Castiel resigned himself to pacing, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth while he battled with the decision he had to make. The fact he was even considering staying with Lucifer made him sick, but still, his mind couldn’t help but wander back to when he was re-educated not long ago.
A familiar dread rose up inside him as he remembered the slow burning that covered his entire skin, the searing pain that shot through him every time he refused their orders to be silent. He was distraught to admit that the very idea of feeling that terror again was enough to make him turn against everything he believed in. Staying with Lucifer would mean betraying both heaven and the Winchesters, but his brother was right when he asked what other choice Castiel had.
“What’s your decision, then?” Castiel spun around. Lucifer’s sudden presence startled him, but still he tried to put on a brave front. Castiel glanced out the window. He hadn’t realized it was morning, but the sun was already peeking out past the tips of the trees. “I have another place prepared if you decide to leave.”
Castiel didn’t look at him. He watched the light slowly creep up over the horizon until the sun was fully visible. His tongue darted out to wet his chapped lips and even though he knew Lucifer was looking at him he couldn’t bring himself to reply.
“I knew you would stay,” Lucifer answered for him. He pushed himself away from the doorframe and sat down on the bed. “I was ‘re-educated’ once too.”
A shiver shot down Castiel’s spine at the devil’s words, meant to be sympathetic but the idea that they were alike in any way only made things worse. “You and I have nothing in common.”
“More than you’d think,” he countered, leaning back against the head board and lifted his feet up onto the bed.
“I am nothing like you!” Castiel shouted. He practically stomped over to where Lucifer was lying and practically spat at him. “You’re a monster.”
“Brave words,” Lucifer chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. His calm expression only served to infuriate Castiel even more - a reminder that Castiel posed zero threat to him and Lucifer could dispose of him with just a snap of his fingers. “If you find the idea of remaining here with me so repulsive, you can leave.”
“I will,” Castiel said firmly. He turned to the door but only made it a few steps when a tiny voice in the back of his mind stopped him. There’s no room here for a soldier that doesn’t follow orders. He didn’t remember who had said it, he had been too far gone at that point but he remembered the cracking sound as someone grabbed his wings. He suddenly felt all those hands on him again. He let out a shaky breath as the walls seemed to shrink in.
“Calm down, Castiel. No one can get to you in here.”
Castiel swallowed down the sheer terror that pumped through his veins and squeezed his hands into fists to try and stop the shaking.
“Except you.”
“If I wanted you dead, I think we both know that you’d be dead already.”
“And what makes me any different from all the other angels you’ve murdered?” Lucifer’s whole demeanor instantly changed, he sat up, stiff as a board and there was ‘that look’ again. As much as he tried to keep a calm air about him Castiel never missed the subtle change. Like a deer waiting for a wolf to pounce, every sense he had was locked on Lucifer, anticipating his inevitable snap.
“You should be careful what you say to me,” his voice was low and steady. He was warning Castiel to back down but he had realized recently he never was very good at following orders.
“Why? If you wanted me dead, I’d be dead by now,” Castiel threw his words back at him. “You think you can take me from one prison and into another and in one night I’ll forget about all your past sins?”
“Sins?” Lucifer scoffed. “And what sins would those be?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start; turning against our father, the garrisons of your own brothers that you’ve slaughtered, damning
humanity. Who knows what you’ve done since you’ve been released.”
“Slaughtering angels,” Lucifer laughed as if at an old familiar joke whose punch line was none the less still amusing.
“You think that’s funny?” Lucifer shook his head and rose to his feet, Castiel held is ground as his brother walked up to him. Lucifer held
his gaze, studying him like a stubborn animal in a zoo and Castiel refused to look away, not wanting to show any fear.
“Is that how you remember it?” Lucifer asked. “Or is that just what they told you?”
The question caught Castiel of guard and he was only able to mumble out, “I- what?”
“I said ‘is that how you remember it, or is that what you were told’?” Lucifer repeated.
Castiel didn’t answer his question. He pursed his lips and said instead, “I know what you’re doing.”
“Do you?”
“You’re trying to instill doubt but it won’t work,” Castiel bit out. “The archangels don’t lie, they’re not you.”
“I don’t need to lie to discredit Michael,” Lucifer shrugged. “He does a well enough job at that himself.”
“Discredit Michael…” Castiel trailed off, disbelievingly. Michael had always been second only to their father, no one ever questioned his leadership, and no one even hesitated in following out his orders. “You’re one to talk. How many of the angels that fell with you are still alive?”
“None,” Lucifer answered casually.
“Then what possible reason would I have to trust you.”
“I’m not the one who killed them.” Castiel let out a frustrated growl. Talking with Lucifer only ever ended with a conversation going around in circles. He was sure Lucifer could make an argument about two plus two equalling five and convince half the world he was right.
A knock sounded from the door and the demon he had met the day before opened the door. “What is it Meg?”
“You told me to come get you if-”
“Yes,” he cut her off. “Wait for me downstairs.”
Meg nodded and turned to leave, Castiel watched her walk away before his eyes snapped back to Lucifer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing for you to worry about,” Lucifer smiled. “I’ll have someone bring you up some breakfast later.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well, it will be there if you change your mind.” Lucifer waved his hand dismissively and departed. Castiel wanted to pull his hair out in fistful; he let out a frustrated sigh and couldn’t help but feel like a cage bird. Despite his claims that he was better the Michael, Lucifer still kept him in the dark, still kept him in a little house in the middle of nowhere. Castiel collapsed on his bed and punched his pillow before tossing it onto the floor.
Castiel just wanted to disappear.
*I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say.*
Castiel made his way downstairs. It was quiet save for the television going off in the living room. He lingered by the window, looking out at the world he couldn’t go into anymore. Sighing he sat down on the too soft couch and picked the remote up off the table. It wasn’t a devise he had ever used before but it wouldn’t take a scientist to decipher the buttons.
“Thousands are missing after several earthquakes hit Israel, Egypt and Italy.” A voice blared out when Castiel changed the channel. He paused and set the remote down to watch, images of cracked earth and crumbled building flashed across the screen. “Flooding in Western Europe has led to half a million people being forced to move inland. Here’s Stacy Valentine with the local news.”
“Thank you, Veronica. Well, it seems like America hasn’t escaped the string of natural disaster either. Only a few hours ago a twister-”
A hand darted out from behind him and snatched up the remote out of Castiel’s nap and switched the television off. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”
Castiel looked over his shoulder. Meg stood behind him with a sour expression. “What was that?”
“Nothing. Let’s get you back upstairs.” Meg had already left the room before Castiel could protest and he was quick to follow, mind still reeling from the images he had just seen.
“How can you just stand by and let that happen?”
“Castiel,” she said warningly, climbing up the stairs two at a time, trying to get him back to his room as fast as possible.
“You used to be human, how can you stand behind him when he’s killing thousands?” Meg didn’t answer, just flung Castiel’s door open and ushered him inside. “You don’t actually believe that he cares about any of you? Demons are ab-”
“It’s not him,” Meg snapped. “Lucifer is lying low, he has a plan and drawing attention to himself like that would serve no purpose.”
“Who else could do all that?” Castiel asked. Meg pursed her lips, annoyed by Castiel’s questioning and clearly having already said more than she was supposed to. “Meg, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I’m sure you already know the answer to your own question.”
“Why would Michael do that?”
“He wanted a battle and he’s tired of waiting.”
“If any of that is true, why wouldn’t Lucifer just tell me?”
“Because he’s your brother,” Meg replied. Castiel didn’t know who she was referring to, Lucifer or Michael. Perhaps Lucifer didn’t think that Castiel would believe him if he had told him that Michael was tearing the world apart. Or maybe it was that Lucifer didn’t have the heart to break it to him, that what he’d been fighting for his whole existence was some sort of sham. Suddenly the world wasn’t so black and white; there wasn’t clear cut black and white. Before, he had thought his brothers were misguided, bringing on a war they thought was necessary and not seeing the alternative. Now it seemed that Michael was maliciously knocking down anything that stood between him and Lucifer, never stopping to think if what he was doing was justified. As long as the end saw Michael victorious, he’d let the world burn without a second thought.
When Castiel snapped out of his thoughts, Meg had already left, probably grateful to escape unnoticed and be free of Castiel’s questioning. He picked another book off the shelf and tried to distract himself from his own mind. The house was quiet, he thought that Meg might have left him by himself, but he was too tired to check. He didn’t think the human body was supposed to be so exhausted all the time but no matter how much sleep Castiel had, he always felt so drained.
He flipped through the pages of the book, poems spread out on illustrated paper, most of which passed by unnoticed until one caught his eye.
“Love seeketh not itself to please,
nor for itself hath any care;
but for another gives its ease,
and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.”
Castiel paused over that. He supposed it could offer some perspective on his current situation. In a far less stylized and romantic way but Castiel spending all day feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to help him in anyway. He made his choice to stay there and he either needed to learn to live with his decision or risk stepping outside.
“You look so contemplative.” Castiel’s head snapped up to find Lucifer leaning against his doorframe. “What’s got you thinking so hard, little brother?”
“Don’t call me that.” Castiel made a face and closed the book, thumb marking where he had left off.
Lucifer shrugged and walked inside Castiel’s room, stopping next to his bed and looked around the small room. “You’re going to waste away spending all your time here.”
Castiel almost mentioned that he had been downstairs only a few hours ago but decided against it. Meg obviously hadn’t said anything about it and Castiel assumed that was because she feared some sort of repercussions for what Castiel had seen on the television. Castiel decided he didn’t want to find out what she had been worried about. “It’s not so bad up here.”
“I suppose you have these books to keep you company at least.” Lucifer picked up one of the books Castiel had already finished off the night table. “I would have thought I’d be better company to yellowed paper at least though.”
“I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news.” Castiel snatched the book out of Lucifer’s hand and placed it in his lap. Lucifer looked mildly amused at Castiel trying to look tough in front of him and sat down on the bed next to him.
“I understand,” Lucifer started, head tilted to the side as he examined the ceiling, “not wanting to be around someone so confusing.”
“You don’t confuse me.” Castiel slid further down the bed, distancing himself from Lucifer who just grinned at how uncomfortable Castiel was.
“You’re not exactly walking around with an air of confidence,” Lucifer teased. Castiel frowned, tightened his arms around himself and looked away, knowing he probably looked like a toddler on the brink of a tantrum but not caring one little bit. Lucifer let out a sigh at
Castiel’s behaviour, “You are entirely too serious.”
Castiel just let out a huff and refused to look at him.
“You know, I understand that you and I aren’t on the best of terms. However I am one of only a handful of people in the world willing to talk to you with no ulterior motives, so maybe you could at least maintain eye contact.”
“Ulterior motives,” Castiel barked. Another wave of steamy anger breezed over Castiel when Lucifer didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at his harsh tone. The expression devil may care was apparently very aptly named. “Is that how to justify this? Keeping me locked up is fine as long as you have nothing to gain from it?”
“Every villain is a hero in their own mind.” Lucifer said as he stretched out on the bed.
“I suppose it’s easier to think that way when you’re the villain.”
“Evil is all about perspective.” Castiel had an inkling that Lucifer wasn’t referring about himself. Castiel hadn’t been on the best of terms with Heaven as of late but to imply that the family he had fought with for millennium were evil crossed a line. Still, the images of the news broadcast flashed through his mind again, terrified people running from collapsing skyscrapers, mothers weeping over their dead children and men trying to claw their way from out beneath fallen rubble. Castiel couldn’t help but wonder if what Michael was doing was really part of their father’s plan or just settling some vendetta. He knew that in the final battle there would be human casualties, He had expected Lucifer to kill millions before Michael stepped in and ended it. However the opposite had happened, Michael was ripping the world up to find one fallen brother and Castiel had a sick feeling that most of the host didn’t even know what Michael was doing. There were probably millions of angels who were looking to Michael to bring peace on earth with no idea how many were suffering at his hand.
Castiel shook his head. He was thinking to much into one simple television broadcast. For all he knew, Meg was lying. In fact, that’s what he should have expected from a demon. Now Lucifer was just trying to tempt him further and Castiel was being lead straight into his trap.“And through what perspective do you come out as anything else,” Castiel bristled.
“Read the rest,” Lucifer told him.
“What?”
“The poem, read the rest.” Castiel opened the book to where his finger marked his place. It was a short poem. There were only two other verses, the second one held little meaning the third a polar opposite of the first.
“Love seeketh only self to please,
to bind another to its delight,
joys in another's loss of ease,
and builds a hell in heaven's despite.”
Castiel frowned at the sudden twist and closed the book before setting it down beside him on the bed. “Perspective.”
“I would have thought your ego would have prevented you from comparing yourself to a lowly pebble.”
“I was the clod of clay in that example,” Lucifer said with mock insult. Castiel’s brow drew in confusion, if not annoyance, at his brother. It was sometimes easy to remember that Lucifer was Lucifer and Castiel had been a soldier pitted against him since nearly forever. It was enough to give him a headache, another unfortunate symptom of his new humanity, trying to sort through every new idea Lucifer presented him with.
“I’m sure you have better things to do with your time then sit here discussing poetry with me,” Castiel said tiredly, wishing Lucifer would just leave him alone, because he really was confusing and life was already complicated enough without him trying to poke hole in Castiel’s whole belief system.
“World domination is much simpler than people think.” Lucifer cracked a small smile at his own joke that Castiel found no humour in. “I have more time then I know what to do with.”
“I’m tired, I’d like to sleep.”
“You’d sleep the whole day away if I let you.”
“Humans can’t survive without sleep,” Castiel said bitterly. He meant it as a simply stated fact, but instead he let known the open sore of his now weak spirit trapped in mortal flesh.
“Is that what you think? That you’re human now?”
“I don’t see a lot of evidence to the contrary. It doesn’t matter; I knew there would be consequences to siding against Zachariah. I just never thought…”
“Clipping a bird’s wings doesn’t turn it onto a cat,” Lucifer reached out and laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. The gesture caught Castiel off guard and he found himself staring at the hand gently wrapped around his arm. For lack of any better response he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and slowly nodded. Lucifer didn’t let go though, he tilted his head to the side and smiled instead, “though cats do sleep up to twenty hours a day.”
“That’s not funny,” Castiel said though couldn’t help the small tug on his lips.
“Yet you’re still smiling,” Lucifer pointed out. He pulled away from Castiel and grabbed the stack of books on Castiel’s night table. “Now, why don’t you try something more contemporary?”
“Most of these books are rather old.”
“Hm, Possession. Sounds like something that won’t require much insight.” Lucifer opened the book to where Castiel had stuck a piece of cloth in as a bookmark.
“I can read that myself.”
“I know,” Lucifer said. Still he tossed the bookmark aside and started at the top of the page. “I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.”
***
Castiel’s dreams weren’t filled of the usual jumbled frightful images, but it was just as terrifying, if not more so. He found himself in familiar white marble walls, on that same uncomfortably over stuffed couch that made his bones ache just thinking about it.
“You’ve been a difficult one to track down,” Michael spoke causing Castiel to spin around and come face to face with his older brother.
“How did I get here?” Castiel asked, racking his brain to remember how Michael had managed to take him back from Lucifer. Michael’s answer was the same aloof smile he often answered Castiel with. “Is this a dream?”
“You could save me a lot of time if you simply told me where he’s keeping you.” Michael was ignoring him again, like he always did, treating Castiel like some useless underling.
“I don’t know.” He really didn’t, only a vague idea that he was situated somewhere in a forest. He could guess he was in America, if that news program was local, if it was just a channel he had happened to stumble upon he really could be anywhere. “I really don’t.”
“I’d like to believe that.” Michael crossed his arms and despite his vessel’s young age, Castiel felt small and weak standing in front of the archangel. “However it was unusually difficult just to get here. It seems like a lot of trouble for Lucifer to go to just to hide some disgraced angel he’s never even met.”
Castiel didn’t answer, sure that Michael had already made up his mind on what was going on. Michael began to circle him, like a predator stalking his pray, and studied Castiel for any sign of weakness while he waited to pounce. “Would you like to know what I think is going on?”
“No,” he answered but Michael just gave him a brief glare and continued like he had never said anything.
“I believe Lucifer sees a little bit of himself in you.” Michael tilted his head and smiled at Castiel. “A coward, who turned against his family as soon as it was convenient for him.”
“I didn’t turn against you, brother,” Castiel insisted. “But you must have known that what was happening was wrong.”
“You’re still so young, little Castiel. Maybe you just don’t remember what it was like, when he stormed heaven and slaughtered our brothers. He never hesitated to kill anyone that crossed his path and don’t believe for a second that he’ll have second thoughts about disposing of you when you’ve outlived your usefulness. He’s using you.”
“He said you’d say that,” Castiel breathed out nervously.
“Did he? So you have been talking then.” Michael straightened the old painting of him, dressed in rich armour and impaling a grotesque
depiction of his little brother. “Lucifer is much more…subtle with his methods. I suppose you’re lucky he didn’t just throw you to his demons, it would have been a much more gruesome method of conversion.”
“The demons aren’t all like that,” Castiel jumped to defend Meg, but silently cursed himself when he realized he was just letting Michael drag him in.
“Castiel,” Michael sighed. “I’m disappointed in you, so easily swayed. “
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Castiel shook his head. Michael laughed and walked back over to Castiel, who unconsciously moved back to add distance between them.
“I understand, I really do.” Michael gave a soft smile like he was lost in an old memory. “It wasn’t too long ago he used the same tactics on me.”
Michael stepped closer to Castiel, eyes locked on him and a cold ripple shot down his spine. “Lucifer is much too busy to spend much time with me.”
Castiel kept moving back but Michael only continued to step closer and closer, Castiel didn’t realize he had been forced into a corner until his back hit the wall. “He’s very good at picking out your weaknesses.”
Whatever response Castiel had died in his throat as Michael was all but pressed up against him. The archangel reached up and Castiel flinched, expecting to be hit or thrown about like a rag doll, but Michael only brushed a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “Michael?”
“It’s a whole routine really,” Michael started. “Makes himself out to be this poor victim, then he moves in close while your guards down. Soon he’s pulling you down into stolen kisses all the while just waiting for the chance to stab you in the back.”
“We’ve never…” Castiel trailed off and blushed. He tried to sink further into the wall but any space he created, Michael quickly filled. “He barely has time to spend with me.” Castiel repeated
“We shouldn’t lie now, should we?” Michael’s demeanor instantly changed. He grabbed Castiel’s arm in an iron grip and roughly flung him onto the couch. Castiel tried to escape his grasp. “Where is Lucifer hiding?”
“I swear I don’t know!” Castiel gritted out, his arm throbbed under Michael’s hand. “He hasn’t told me anything! He barely even talks to me.”
“Castiel.”
“Tell me where you are,” Michael snapped and violently shook him.
“I don’t know,” Castiel insisted, desperately trying to claw his way out of Michael’s grip.
“Castiel!”
“I’m done playing nice Castiel; this is your only chance.” Michael’s grasp only tightened until Castiel was sure his arm might snap. “Are you with me or are you with him?”
“I’m not with anyone!” He cried out. Michael’s mouth moved but no words came out, the whole room began to shake and spin until everything just swirled into a blur. Castiel gasped for breath and squeezed his eyes shut, when he opened them he found himself back in his bed, Lucifer leaning over him with a concerned, almost panicked expression. A pain in his cheek suddenly hit him and he gingerly laid his hand atop the throbbing heat.
“What happened?” Lucifer asked pulling him up to a sitting position.
“Did you hit me?”
“Castiel, Meg has been trying to wake you for hours. You’ve been asleep nearly two days.” Castiel stomached dropped at that, his
encounter with Michael had felt like only a few minutes. A sudden wave of nausea hit him and he rushed towards the bathroom, barley making it to the toilet before he started heaving. His eyes and throat burned as his emptied his stomach and it was just one more thing to add to the awful new experiences he had had since coming back.
“Castiel.” Lucifer came in and stood by the sink, completely unfazed by his brother’s state. “Castiel, what did you tell him?”
He shook his head, his heaving slowly turned into rough coughs and he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He leaned back against the bathtub, the cool porcelain soothed his hot skin but not the burning in his head.
“You’re sure?” Lucifer asked, not wanting to out right accuse him of lying but Castiel could see his knuckle’s white grip against the sink edge.
“Nothing,” Castiel croaked and curled in on himself. “I didn’t say anything, I don’t know anything.”
Lucifer paused. Clearly he had more he wanted to ask Castiel, but he held back. “He shouldn’t have been able to get to you like that.”
“Well he did.”
“Castiel-”
“No,” Castiel interrupted, barely managing to lift his head up and look at Lucifer. “Whatever is going on between you two, I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t know why I ever was but I want it to stop.”
Lucifer looked at him in silence but Castiel just sighed and dropped his head back down to the bathtub. Even sleep wasn’t safe for him anymore. “He won’t be able to do that again,” Lucifer promised, Castiel just let out a groan in response.
They stayed in silence for what seemed like an eternity but eventually Lucifer crossed the small room and knelt by Castiel’s side. Castiel tried to pull away from him, “just leave me here.”
“Come, let’s get you back into bed.” Lucifer wrapped an arm around Castiel’s waist and lifted him to his feet. All the energy seemed to drain out of Castiel and he clutched onto the angel, trying to keep from falling. The last thing Castiel wanted to do was go back to sleep. Lucifer must have sensed that because he grabbed another book off of the quickly emptying bookshelf and handed it to Castiel once he had sat down. “Perhaps you could read to me this time?”
“I thought you were sick of dead English writers,” Castiel pointed out tiredly.
Lucifer shrugged and sat down next to him, closer than even Castiel knew was entirely appropriate for two practical strangers. “No one can be sick of Hamlet.”
“You must not know many.”
“Just read, will you?”
Castiel nodded. He was still not completely sure about Lucifer, why he had bothered freeing him from Michael but for the moment, it was raining, and it was far better to have company on such nights then fall prey to whatever lurked in sleep. He began, “Francisco at his post. Enter to him Bernardo.”
Artist's Name: Fantalaimon
Genres: supernatural
Rating: R
Warnings:
Summary: Castiel/ Lucifer. Season 5 AU: Castiel comes back from the dead fully human. Michael keeps him locked away in the Green Room hoping that he might be of use against the Winchesters. When Lucifer makes the first move in the new war, attacking Michael and destroys the Green Room, he finds Castiel beneath the rubble. He takes Castiel back with him but finds Castiel's memory of him and the rebellion has been skewed from the milleniums he's spent in heaven. While Lucifer hides Castiel from Michael, knowing his brother will lock him away forever if he has too, Castiel slowly comes to realize that most of what he's been told hasn't been entirely true.
Sleep didn’t come easy for Castiel that night. He could hear whoever was in the house moving around downstairs, but he refused to leave the room. Eventually, he broke down and ate the sandwich, deciding that if Lucifer wanted him dead, he wouldn’t need to poison him. Mostly, Castiel resigned himself to pacing, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth while he battled with the decision he had to make. The fact he was even considering staying with Lucifer made him sick, but still, his mind couldn’t help but wander back to when he was re-educated not long ago.
A familiar dread rose up inside him as he remembered the slow burning that covered his entire skin, the searing pain that shot through him every time he refused their orders to be silent. He was distraught to admit that the very idea of feeling that terror again was enough to make him turn against everything he believed in. Staying with Lucifer would mean betraying both heaven and the Winchesters, but his brother was right when he asked what other choice Castiel had.
“What’s your decision, then?” Castiel spun around. Lucifer’s sudden presence startled him, but still he tried to put on a brave front. Castiel glanced out the window. He hadn’t realized it was morning, but the sun was already peeking out past the tips of the trees. “I have another place prepared if you decide to leave.”
Castiel didn’t look at him. He watched the light slowly creep up over the horizon until the sun was fully visible. His tongue darted out to wet his chapped lips and even though he knew Lucifer was looking at him he couldn’t bring himself to reply.
“I knew you would stay,” Lucifer answered for him. He pushed himself away from the doorframe and sat down on the bed. “I was ‘re-educated’ once too.”
A shiver shot down Castiel’s spine at the devil’s words, meant to be sympathetic but the idea that they were alike in any way only made things worse. “You and I have nothing in common.”
“More than you’d think,” he countered, leaning back against the head board and lifted his feet up onto the bed.
“I am nothing like you!” Castiel shouted. He practically stomped over to where Lucifer was lying and practically spat at him. “You’re a monster.”
“Brave words,” Lucifer chuckled and crossed his arms over his chest. His calm expression only served to infuriate Castiel even more - a reminder that Castiel posed zero threat to him and Lucifer could dispose of him with just a snap of his fingers. “If you find the idea of remaining here with me so repulsive, you can leave.”
“I will,” Castiel said firmly. He turned to the door but only made it a few steps when a tiny voice in the back of his mind stopped him. There’s no room here for a soldier that doesn’t follow orders. He didn’t remember who had said it, he had been too far gone at that point but he remembered the cracking sound as someone grabbed his wings. He suddenly felt all those hands on him again. He let out a shaky breath as the walls seemed to shrink in.
“Calm down, Castiel. No one can get to you in here.”
Castiel swallowed down the sheer terror that pumped through his veins and squeezed his hands into fists to try and stop the shaking.
“Except you.”
“If I wanted you dead, I think we both know that you’d be dead already.”
“And what makes me any different from all the other angels you’ve murdered?” Lucifer’s whole demeanor instantly changed, he sat up, stiff as a board and there was ‘that look’ again. As much as he tried to keep a calm air about him Castiel never missed the subtle change. Like a deer waiting for a wolf to pounce, every sense he had was locked on Lucifer, anticipating his inevitable snap.
“You should be careful what you say to me,” his voice was low and steady. He was warning Castiel to back down but he had realized recently he never was very good at following orders.
“Why? If you wanted me dead, I’d be dead by now,” Castiel threw his words back at him. “You think you can take me from one prison and into another and in one night I’ll forget about all your past sins?”
“Sins?” Lucifer scoffed. “And what sins would those be?”
“I wouldn’t even know where to start; turning against our father, the garrisons of your own brothers that you’ve slaughtered, damning
humanity. Who knows what you’ve done since you’ve been released.”
“Slaughtering angels,” Lucifer laughed as if at an old familiar joke whose punch line was none the less still amusing.
“You think that’s funny?” Lucifer shook his head and rose to his feet, Castiel held is ground as his brother walked up to him. Lucifer held
his gaze, studying him like a stubborn animal in a zoo and Castiel refused to look away, not wanting to show any fear.
“Is that how you remember it?” Lucifer asked. “Or is that just what they told you?”
The question caught Castiel of guard and he was only able to mumble out, “I- what?”
“I said ‘is that how you remember it, or is that what you were told’?” Lucifer repeated.
Castiel didn’t answer his question. He pursed his lips and said instead, “I know what you’re doing.”
“Do you?”
“You’re trying to instill doubt but it won’t work,” Castiel bit out. “The archangels don’t lie, they’re not you.”
“I don’t need to lie to discredit Michael,” Lucifer shrugged. “He does a well enough job at that himself.”
“Discredit Michael…” Castiel trailed off, disbelievingly. Michael had always been second only to their father, no one ever questioned his leadership, and no one even hesitated in following out his orders. “You’re one to talk. How many of the angels that fell with you are still alive?”
“None,” Lucifer answered casually.
“Then what possible reason would I have to trust you.”
“I’m not the one who killed them.” Castiel let out a frustrated growl. Talking with Lucifer only ever ended with a conversation going around in circles. He was sure Lucifer could make an argument about two plus two equalling five and convince half the world he was right.
A knock sounded from the door and the demon he had met the day before opened the door. “What is it Meg?”
“You told me to come get you if-”
“Yes,” he cut her off. “Wait for me downstairs.”
Meg nodded and turned to leave, Castiel watched her walk away before his eyes snapped back to Lucifer. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing for you to worry about,” Lucifer smiled. “I’ll have someone bring you up some breakfast later.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“Well, it will be there if you change your mind.” Lucifer waved his hand dismissively and departed. Castiel wanted to pull his hair out in fistful; he let out a frustrated sigh and couldn’t help but feel like a cage bird. Despite his claims that he was better the Michael, Lucifer still kept him in the dark, still kept him in a little house in the middle of nowhere. Castiel collapsed on his bed and punched his pillow before tossing it onto the floor.
Castiel just wanted to disappear.
*I knew it was hopeless, but that didn't matter to me. And it's not that I want to have you. All I want is to deserve you. Tell me what to do. Show me how to behave. I'll do anything you say.*
Castiel made his way downstairs. It was quiet save for the television going off in the living room. He lingered by the window, looking out at the world he couldn’t go into anymore. Sighing he sat down on the too soft couch and picked the remote up off the table. It wasn’t a devise he had ever used before but it wouldn’t take a scientist to decipher the buttons.
“Thousands are missing after several earthquakes hit Israel, Egypt and Italy.” A voice blared out when Castiel changed the channel. He paused and set the remote down to watch, images of cracked earth and crumbled building flashed across the screen. “Flooding in Western Europe has led to half a million people being forced to move inland. Here’s Stacy Valentine with the local news.”
“Thank you, Veronica. Well, it seems like America hasn’t escaped the string of natural disaster either. Only a few hours ago a twister-”
A hand darted out from behind him and snatched up the remote out of Castiel’s nap and switched the television off. “You weren’t supposed to see that.”
Castiel looked over his shoulder. Meg stood behind him with a sour expression. “What was that?”
“Nothing. Let’s get you back upstairs.” Meg had already left the room before Castiel could protest and he was quick to follow, mind still reeling from the images he had just seen.
“How can you just stand by and let that happen?”
“Castiel,” she said warningly, climbing up the stairs two at a time, trying to get him back to his room as fast as possible.
“You used to be human, how can you stand behind him when he’s killing thousands?” Meg didn’t answer, just flung Castiel’s door open and ushered him inside. “You don’t actually believe that he cares about any of you? Demons are ab-”
“It’s not him,” Meg snapped. “Lucifer is lying low, he has a plan and drawing attention to himself like that would serve no purpose.”
“Who else could do all that?” Castiel asked. Meg pursed her lips, annoyed by Castiel’s questioning and clearly having already said more than she was supposed to. “Meg, what aren’t you telling me?”
“I’m sure you already know the answer to your own question.”
“Why would Michael do that?”
“He wanted a battle and he’s tired of waiting.”
“If any of that is true, why wouldn’t Lucifer just tell me?”
“Because he’s your brother,” Meg replied. Castiel didn’t know who she was referring to, Lucifer or Michael. Perhaps Lucifer didn’t think that Castiel would believe him if he had told him that Michael was tearing the world apart. Or maybe it was that Lucifer didn’t have the heart to break it to him, that what he’d been fighting for his whole existence was some sort of sham. Suddenly the world wasn’t so black and white; there wasn’t clear cut black and white. Before, he had thought his brothers were misguided, bringing on a war they thought was necessary and not seeing the alternative. Now it seemed that Michael was maliciously knocking down anything that stood between him and Lucifer, never stopping to think if what he was doing was justified. As long as the end saw Michael victorious, he’d let the world burn without a second thought.
When Castiel snapped out of his thoughts, Meg had already left, probably grateful to escape unnoticed and be free of Castiel’s questioning. He picked another book off the shelf and tried to distract himself from his own mind. The house was quiet, he thought that Meg might have left him by himself, but he was too tired to check. He didn’t think the human body was supposed to be so exhausted all the time but no matter how much sleep Castiel had, he always felt so drained.
He flipped through the pages of the book, poems spread out on illustrated paper, most of which passed by unnoticed until one caught his eye.
“Love seeketh not itself to please,
nor for itself hath any care;
but for another gives its ease,
and builds a Heaven in Hell's despair.”
Castiel paused over that. He supposed it could offer some perspective on his current situation. In a far less stylized and romantic way but Castiel spending all day feeling sorry for himself wasn’t going to help him in anyway. He made his choice to stay there and he either needed to learn to live with his decision or risk stepping outside.
“You look so contemplative.” Castiel’s head snapped up to find Lucifer leaning against his doorframe. “What’s got you thinking so hard, little brother?”
“Don’t call me that.” Castiel made a face and closed the book, thumb marking where he had left off.
Lucifer shrugged and walked inside Castiel’s room, stopping next to his bed and looked around the small room. “You’re going to waste away spending all your time here.”
Castiel almost mentioned that he had been downstairs only a few hours ago but decided against it. Meg obviously hadn’t said anything about it and Castiel assumed that was because she feared some sort of repercussions for what Castiel had seen on the television. Castiel decided he didn’t want to find out what she had been worried about. “It’s not so bad up here.”
“I suppose you have these books to keep you company at least.” Lucifer picked up one of the books Castiel had already finished off the night table. “I would have thought I’d be better company to yellowed paper at least though.”
“I’d hate to be the bearer of bad news.” Castiel snatched the book out of Lucifer’s hand and placed it in his lap. Lucifer looked mildly amused at Castiel trying to look tough in front of him and sat down on the bed next to him.
“I understand,” Lucifer started, head tilted to the side as he examined the ceiling, “not wanting to be around someone so confusing.”
“You don’t confuse me.” Castiel slid further down the bed, distancing himself from Lucifer who just grinned at how uncomfortable Castiel was.
“You’re not exactly walking around with an air of confidence,” Lucifer teased. Castiel frowned, tightened his arms around himself and looked away, knowing he probably looked like a toddler on the brink of a tantrum but not caring one little bit. Lucifer let out a sigh at
Castiel’s behaviour, “You are entirely too serious.”
Castiel just let out a huff and refused to look at him.
“You know, I understand that you and I aren’t on the best of terms. However I am one of only a handful of people in the world willing to talk to you with no ulterior motives, so maybe you could at least maintain eye contact.”
“Ulterior motives,” Castiel barked. Another wave of steamy anger breezed over Castiel when Lucifer didn’t so much as raise an eyebrow at his harsh tone. The expression devil may care was apparently very aptly named. “Is that how to justify this? Keeping me locked up is fine as long as you have nothing to gain from it?”
“Every villain is a hero in their own mind.” Lucifer said as he stretched out on the bed.
“I suppose it’s easier to think that way when you’re the villain.”
“Evil is all about perspective.” Castiel had an inkling that Lucifer wasn’t referring about himself. Castiel hadn’t been on the best of terms with Heaven as of late but to imply that the family he had fought with for millennium were evil crossed a line. Still, the images of the news broadcast flashed through his mind again, terrified people running from collapsing skyscrapers, mothers weeping over their dead children and men trying to claw their way from out beneath fallen rubble. Castiel couldn’t help but wonder if what Michael was doing was really part of their father’s plan or just settling some vendetta. He knew that in the final battle there would be human casualties, He had expected Lucifer to kill millions before Michael stepped in and ended it. However the opposite had happened, Michael was ripping the world up to find one fallen brother and Castiel had a sick feeling that most of the host didn’t even know what Michael was doing. There were probably millions of angels who were looking to Michael to bring peace on earth with no idea how many were suffering at his hand.
Castiel shook his head. He was thinking to much into one simple television broadcast. For all he knew, Meg was lying. In fact, that’s what he should have expected from a demon. Now Lucifer was just trying to tempt him further and Castiel was being lead straight into his trap.“And through what perspective do you come out as anything else,” Castiel bristled.
“Read the rest,” Lucifer told him.
“What?”
“The poem, read the rest.” Castiel opened the book to where his finger marked his place. It was a short poem. There were only two other verses, the second one held little meaning the third a polar opposite of the first.
“Love seeketh only self to please,
to bind another to its delight,
joys in another's loss of ease,
and builds a hell in heaven's despite.”
Castiel frowned at the sudden twist and closed the book before setting it down beside him on the bed. “Perspective.”
“I would have thought your ego would have prevented you from comparing yourself to a lowly pebble.”
“I was the clod of clay in that example,” Lucifer said with mock insult. Castiel’s brow drew in confusion, if not annoyance, at his brother. It was sometimes easy to remember that Lucifer was Lucifer and Castiel had been a soldier pitted against him since nearly forever. It was enough to give him a headache, another unfortunate symptom of his new humanity, trying to sort through every new idea Lucifer presented him with.
“I’m sure you have better things to do with your time then sit here discussing poetry with me,” Castiel said tiredly, wishing Lucifer would just leave him alone, because he really was confusing and life was already complicated enough without him trying to poke hole in Castiel’s whole belief system.
“World domination is much simpler than people think.” Lucifer cracked a small smile at his own joke that Castiel found no humour in. “I have more time then I know what to do with.”
“I’m tired, I’d like to sleep.”
“You’d sleep the whole day away if I let you.”
“Humans can’t survive without sleep,” Castiel said bitterly. He meant it as a simply stated fact, but instead he let known the open sore of his now weak spirit trapped in mortal flesh.
“Is that what you think? That you’re human now?”
“I don’t see a lot of evidence to the contrary. It doesn’t matter; I knew there would be consequences to siding against Zachariah. I just never thought…”
“Clipping a bird’s wings doesn’t turn it onto a cat,” Lucifer reached out and laid his hand on Castiel’s shoulder. The gesture caught Castiel off guard and he found himself staring at the hand gently wrapped around his arm. For lack of any better response he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat and slowly nodded. Lucifer didn’t let go though, he tilted his head to the side and smiled instead, “though cats do sleep up to twenty hours a day.”
“That’s not funny,” Castiel said though couldn’t help the small tug on his lips.
“Yet you’re still smiling,” Lucifer pointed out. He pulled away from Castiel and grabbed the stack of books on Castiel’s night table. “Now, why don’t you try something more contemporary?”
“Most of these books are rather old.”
“Hm, Possession. Sounds like something that won’t require much insight.” Lucifer opened the book to where Castiel had stuck a piece of cloth in as a bookmark.
“I can read that myself.”
“I know,” Lucifer said. Still he tossed the bookmark aside and started at the top of the page. “I cannot let you burn me up, nor can I resist you. No mere human can stand in a fire and not be consumed.”
***
Castiel’s dreams weren’t filled of the usual jumbled frightful images, but it was just as terrifying, if not more so. He found himself in familiar white marble walls, on that same uncomfortably over stuffed couch that made his bones ache just thinking about it.
“You’ve been a difficult one to track down,” Michael spoke causing Castiel to spin around and come face to face with his older brother.
“How did I get here?” Castiel asked, racking his brain to remember how Michael had managed to take him back from Lucifer. Michael’s answer was the same aloof smile he often answered Castiel with. “Is this a dream?”
“You could save me a lot of time if you simply told me where he’s keeping you.” Michael was ignoring him again, like he always did, treating Castiel like some useless underling.
“I don’t know.” He really didn’t, only a vague idea that he was situated somewhere in a forest. He could guess he was in America, if that news program was local, if it was just a channel he had happened to stumble upon he really could be anywhere. “I really don’t.”
“I’d like to believe that.” Michael crossed his arms and despite his vessel’s young age, Castiel felt small and weak standing in front of the archangel. “However it was unusually difficult just to get here. It seems like a lot of trouble for Lucifer to go to just to hide some disgraced angel he’s never even met.”
Castiel didn’t answer, sure that Michael had already made up his mind on what was going on. Michael began to circle him, like a predator stalking his pray, and studied Castiel for any sign of weakness while he waited to pounce. “Would you like to know what I think is going on?”
“No,” he answered but Michael just gave him a brief glare and continued like he had never said anything.
“I believe Lucifer sees a little bit of himself in you.” Michael tilted his head and smiled at Castiel. “A coward, who turned against his family as soon as it was convenient for him.”
“I didn’t turn against you, brother,” Castiel insisted. “But you must have known that what was happening was wrong.”
“You’re still so young, little Castiel. Maybe you just don’t remember what it was like, when he stormed heaven and slaughtered our brothers. He never hesitated to kill anyone that crossed his path and don’t believe for a second that he’ll have second thoughts about disposing of you when you’ve outlived your usefulness. He’s using you.”
“He said you’d say that,” Castiel breathed out nervously.
“Did he? So you have been talking then.” Michael straightened the old painting of him, dressed in rich armour and impaling a grotesque
depiction of his little brother. “Lucifer is much more…subtle with his methods. I suppose you’re lucky he didn’t just throw you to his demons, it would have been a much more gruesome method of conversion.”
“The demons aren’t all like that,” Castiel jumped to defend Meg, but silently cursed himself when he realized he was just letting Michael drag him in.
“Castiel,” Michael sighed. “I’m disappointed in you, so easily swayed. “
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Castiel shook his head. Michael laughed and walked back over to Castiel, who unconsciously moved back to add distance between them.
“I understand, I really do.” Michael gave a soft smile like he was lost in an old memory. “It wasn’t too long ago he used the same tactics on me.”
Michael stepped closer to Castiel, eyes locked on him and a cold ripple shot down his spine. “Lucifer is much too busy to spend much time with me.”
Castiel kept moving back but Michael only continued to step closer and closer, Castiel didn’t realize he had been forced into a corner until his back hit the wall. “He’s very good at picking out your weaknesses.”
Whatever response Castiel had died in his throat as Michael was all but pressed up against him. The archangel reached up and Castiel flinched, expecting to be hit or thrown about like a rag doll, but Michael only brushed a stray lock of hair behind his ear. “Michael?”
“It’s a whole routine really,” Michael started. “Makes himself out to be this poor victim, then he moves in close while your guards down. Soon he’s pulling you down into stolen kisses all the while just waiting for the chance to stab you in the back.”
“We’ve never…” Castiel trailed off and blushed. He tried to sink further into the wall but any space he created, Michael quickly filled. “He barely has time to spend with me.” Castiel repeated
“We shouldn’t lie now, should we?” Michael’s demeanor instantly changed. He grabbed Castiel’s arm in an iron grip and roughly flung him onto the couch. Castiel tried to escape his grasp. “Where is Lucifer hiding?”
“I swear I don’t know!” Castiel gritted out, his arm throbbed under Michael’s hand. “He hasn’t told me anything! He barely even talks to me.”
“Castiel.”
“Tell me where you are,” Michael snapped and violently shook him.
“I don’t know,” Castiel insisted, desperately trying to claw his way out of Michael’s grip.
“Castiel!”
“I’m done playing nice Castiel; this is your only chance.” Michael’s grasp only tightened until Castiel was sure his arm might snap. “Are you with me or are you with him?”
“I’m not with anyone!” He cried out. Michael’s mouth moved but no words came out, the whole room began to shake and spin until everything just swirled into a blur. Castiel gasped for breath and squeezed his eyes shut, when he opened them he found himself back in his bed, Lucifer leaning over him with a concerned, almost panicked expression. A pain in his cheek suddenly hit him and he gingerly laid his hand atop the throbbing heat.
“What happened?” Lucifer asked pulling him up to a sitting position.
“Did you hit me?”
“Castiel, Meg has been trying to wake you for hours. You’ve been asleep nearly two days.” Castiel stomached dropped at that, his
encounter with Michael had felt like only a few minutes. A sudden wave of nausea hit him and he rushed towards the bathroom, barley making it to the toilet before he started heaving. His eyes and throat burned as his emptied his stomach and it was just one more thing to add to the awful new experiences he had had since coming back.
“Castiel.” Lucifer came in and stood by the sink, completely unfazed by his brother’s state. “Castiel, what did you tell him?”
He shook his head, his heaving slowly turned into rough coughs and he wiped his mouth with the back of his sleeve. He leaned back against the bathtub, the cool porcelain soothed his hot skin but not the burning in his head.
“You’re sure?” Lucifer asked, not wanting to out right accuse him of lying but Castiel could see his knuckle’s white grip against the sink edge.
“Nothing,” Castiel croaked and curled in on himself. “I didn’t say anything, I don’t know anything.”
Lucifer paused. Clearly he had more he wanted to ask Castiel, but he held back. “He shouldn’t have been able to get to you like that.”
“Well he did.”
“Castiel-”
“No,” Castiel interrupted, barely managing to lift his head up and look at Lucifer. “Whatever is going on between you two, I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t know why I ever was but I want it to stop.”
Lucifer looked at him in silence but Castiel just sighed and dropped his head back down to the bathtub. Even sleep wasn’t safe for him anymore. “He won’t be able to do that again,” Lucifer promised, Castiel just let out a groan in response.
They stayed in silence for what seemed like an eternity but eventually Lucifer crossed the small room and knelt by Castiel’s side. Castiel tried to pull away from him, “just leave me here.”
“Come, let’s get you back into bed.” Lucifer wrapped an arm around Castiel’s waist and lifted him to his feet. All the energy seemed to drain out of Castiel and he clutched onto the angel, trying to keep from falling. The last thing Castiel wanted to do was go back to sleep. Lucifer must have sensed that because he grabbed another book off of the quickly emptying bookshelf and handed it to Castiel once he had sat down. “Perhaps you could read to me this time?”
“I thought you were sick of dead English writers,” Castiel pointed out tiredly.
Lucifer shrugged and sat down next to him, closer than even Castiel knew was entirely appropriate for two practical strangers. “No one can be sick of Hamlet.”
“You must not know many.”
“Just read, will you?”
Castiel nodded. He was still not completely sure about Lucifer, why he had bothered freeing him from Michael but for the moment, it was raining, and it was far better to have company on such nights then fall prey to whatever lurked in sleep. He began, “Francisco at his post. Enter to him Bernardo.”