Spousal ambitions
I was taking a break and saw this discussion of Sotomayor's personal life on Hugo Schwyzer's blog. I want to respond specifically to the point made that men very often do not have to give a backseat to their ambitions because of a career-oriented spouse.
Most men don't. But some men do.
In order for me to be able to go to grad school, my husband has become, more or less, a single parent during the school year. This past year, I spent weekends watching the kids so he could finish his PhD. However, that does not overshadow the fact that he spent this year taking care of a preschooler, mostly on his own. Now that he's done, we've both discussed the fact that it may be him that has to take on more of the driving so that I can get finished as quickly as possible. If all works out well, we'll both be able to have the career we want. If there is a conflict, he has the more transportable job, so we will have to move to where I can get a job.
I have to say that I am incredibly lucky. I have a lot of women friends who are amazed, and sometimes slightly jealous, of the relationship I have with my husband.
I just wanted to say that I know it's rare, but it's changing. Men are starting to come around and view marriage as a relationship between equals. I am hopeful that, as time goes on, this sort of arrangement becomes the norm. Not saying, of course, that everyone would be better off living apart from their spouse...but everyone would be far better off if they didn't take their spouse and his or her ambitions for granted or as secondary to their own.
(Thanks, Mike, for doing that already!)
And now I shall get back to work!
Most men don't. But some men do.
In order for me to be able to go to grad school, my husband has become, more or less, a single parent during the school year. This past year, I spent weekends watching the kids so he could finish his PhD. However, that does not overshadow the fact that he spent this year taking care of a preschooler, mostly on his own. Now that he's done, we've both discussed the fact that it may be him that has to take on more of the driving so that I can get finished as quickly as possible. If all works out well, we'll both be able to have the career we want. If there is a conflict, he has the more transportable job, so we will have to move to where I can get a job.
I have to say that I am incredibly lucky. I have a lot of women friends who are amazed, and sometimes slightly jealous, of the relationship I have with my husband.
I just wanted to say that I know it's rare, but it's changing. Men are starting to come around and view marriage as a relationship between equals. I am hopeful that, as time goes on, this sort of arrangement becomes the norm. Not saying, of course, that everyone would be better off living apart from their spouse...but everyone would be far better off if they didn't take their spouse and his or her ambitions for granted or as secondary to their own.
(Thanks, Mike, for doing that already!)
And now I shall get back to work!