Not So Secret - Ch. 1
Wooyoung POV
That morning I woke up on the living room floor next to Chansung, with his leg wrapped around mine and Nichkhun hyung* gently shaking me awake. I loved waking up to Khun hyung’s smiling face and caring gesture, like him waking me up in the morning or making sure Chansung doesn’t crush me in my sleep. But I have to pretend like I hate it and that it annoys me, otherwise he will find the secret that I am so desperately trying to hide. I’m in love with him and I can’t tell anyone, ever.
I yanked my arm away and hissed, “Let go.”
I saw the wounded look that passed across his face. I felt so horrible; I wanted to hold him and say I was sorry, but I just couldn’t risk it. I got up, nudged Chansung a couple of times with my foot and brushed past Nichkhun as he stood up to say something. I headed straight to the bathroom slammed the door and leaned against it, trying to catch my breath. I splashed cold water on my face and looked at myself in the mirror with disgust.
“You bastard. You keep hurting him over and over again and all he’s ever done was try to get closer to you. You are the only member who is outright mean to another for no reason what so ever. Just to protect your dirty secret. You’re such a jackass!”
One rebellious tear escaped and I furiously brushed it away. I quick took a shower and went to the room I shared with Jaebum hyung and Junho. Jaebum hyung was getting dressed and Junho was still sleeping. I was about to jump on Junho when Jaebum hyung put a hand on my shoulder to stop me.
“Let him sleep since he’s still sick,” he said seriously. An amused smile spread across his face and he said, “Nobody will notice he’s gone anyway.”
We both snickered silently so as not to wake him up.
Nichkhun POV
I woke up before my alarm that morning and I just lay in bed not thinking about anything in particular. My clock went off and I quickly stopped it and got up. I decided to go wake up Wooyoung and Chansung, though Wooyoung doesn’t seem to like me much. I went to the living room where they were passed out. Chansungie had his leg on top of Wooyoung’s; I felt an odd twinge of annoyance looking at them. ‘
‘Huh? Why should I be annoyed, they look adorable?’
I brushed aside the thought and knelt beside Wooyoung, he was grinding his teeth again. He looked so cute and peaceful. People call me an angel, but I think the real angel is him.
I gently shook Wooyoung’s arm; he slowly opened his eyes and took I his surroundings. A look of tranquility flashed across his face before it was replaced by realization and then aggravation.
He yanked his arm away and with irritation plain in his voice said, “Let go.”
I couldn’t keep the sadness from my face. He got up and lightly kicked Chansung a couple of times before brushing past me as I stood the say sorry. He stormed to the bathroom and slammed the door. That woke Chansung up and he looked at me in confusion. I told him it was nothing and that he needs to get up and get ready. I went to Junsu hyung and Taecyeon’s room to wake them up.
After I got them awake and alert enough, I asked with a hint of desperation that I hoped they didn’t notice in my voice, “Why does Wooyoung hate me so much?”
They both looked worried and helpless in this situation. They glanced at each other and at the same time said, “He doesn’t hate you.”
“He’s just not used to you yet.” Junsu hyung continued.
“Yeah, he just isn’t comfortable with you yet,” Taec finished.
I gave them a reassuring look and said “Yeah, you’re right.”
I knew they weren’t though, Wooyoung disliked me and it wasn’t because he was uncomfortable or not used to me yet. But I didn’t want to worry them so I didn’t say that. I got up and left to get ready and then make breakfast.
Wooyoung POV
After Jay hyung and I finished getting ready we headed to the kitchen for breakfast. Khun hyung made breakfast today; I love his food, he’s a really good cook, but I have to act dissatisfied and uninterested. It’s really hard, especially when he sits by me with an expectant look on his face which he decided to do today.
“How is it Wooyoung-ah?” Nichkhun asked with a naïve look on his face.
“Its fine,” I said in a bored voice.
“Is there anything you don’t like about it? I could…” he said a little desperately.
“I said its fine!” I interrupted in a harsh tone.
The table grew silent and a hurt expression was set on Nichkhun’s face. My heart shattered at the sight of the pain I caused him.
“I’m done,” I stated in a frustrated tone, I got up and went to my room. I sat on the floor against the wall just staring at the opposite one till Jay hyung came to get me to head to the studio.
We all headed downstairs to the van except for Junho. I ended up sitting next to Khun hyung. On the inside my heart and mind were waging a vicious war on whether to be happy or curse my bad luck. My mind won and I plastered an annoyed look on my face. Khun hyung’s fell at the sight of my displeasure.
I did have one thing to be happy about though, we were headed to record the Idol Army Christmas Special. I love doing the show because it’s the only time I can interact cheerfully and cling to Nichkhun without worry or suspicion. Everyone just thinks its fanservice. But the most important reason I love filming this show is it’s the only time I can see Khun hyung genuinely happy around me. It makes my heart beat a little faster when seeing his angelic smile.
Nichkhun POV
I finished fixing breakfast and everyone was sitting at the table except Jay hyung, Wooyoung, and Junho. Jay hyung and Wooyoung came out and sat down at the table, I sat next to Wooyoung. He was eating his food but didn’t look like he liked it much so I asked, “How is it Wooyoung-ah?”
“It’s fine,” he said indifferently.
It sounded like he wasn’t satisfied so I asked, “Is there something you don’t like about it? I could….”
“I said its fine!” Wooyoung said in a vicious tone. He got up and went to his room after declaring he was done.
The table was silent. Jay hyung broke the tension by telling us we were to let Junho sleep in and stay home so he gets better. After breakfast I busied myself cleaning up the dishes, trying not to think of Wooyoung’s outburst.
After I was done Jay hyung went to get Wooyoung so we could head to the studio to record the Christmas Special for Idol Army. I love the days when we record the show. It’s the only time when Wooyoung is actually happy around me. He hangs on me, smiles at me, and laughs with me. I see a spark in his eyes that’s never there otherwise. I know it’s just fanservice, but I’m content.
Wooyoung POV
After we reached the studio we headed to hair, make-up, and wardrobe. Nichkhun held the door for me and I walked past him silently with only a forced nod of thanks. Now that we were in the studio I couldn’t entirely hold in my anticipation so I couldn’t shun Khun hyung completely. I felt giddy and it was hard to hide. When we got to the dressing room a huge grin broke across my face, I couldn’t hold it in. out of the corner of my eye I saw Khun hyung smile big when he saw my excitement. My heart skipped a beat at the sight. I reveled in the thought that it was me who made his angelic smile brighten up the room.
After I finished getting dressed I sat down in front of the mirror waiting for hair and make-up. I saw Nichkhun looking at me through the mirror, our eyes locked and I quickly looked away before he could read any emotion in them. In the reflection of the mirror I saw him looking at me in confusion.
“Only a little longer,” I thought, “then I can touch him and laugh with him all I want.”
A quiet smile slid across my face, and I let my thoughts drift as my make-up was being done.
Nichkhun POV
We reached the studio and headed towards hair, make-up, and wardrobe. I held the door for Wooyoung and he mutely walked passed with a stiff nod of thanks. I wasn’t surprised that he started to be less distant as we got closer to the start of the show. The first time we filmed Idol Army during the second season with FT Island, I was shocked at how friendly Wooyoung was to me. I was disappointed when he went back to being cold towards me after we finished. But now I really treasure the times we record Idol Army.
When we got to the dressing room a huge silly grin spread across Wooyoung’s face. I couldn’t help but smile at the adorable sight. I loved when Wooyoung was happy, it seemed like that was becoming more and more rare lately. I hated the thought of his smile fading away and being replaced with a fake idol mask.
Once everyone was finished getting dressed we took turns getting our hair and make-up done. Wooyoung and Taecyeon were first, and as they were waiting for the stylists, Wooyoung and my eyes locked for a brief but extremely long second before he quickly looked away. I was utterly confused, it wasn’t the normal irritation in his eyes; it seemed like worry or anxiety. I couldn’t think of what he would be worried about. I put the thought aside to consider later and listened to my iPod to drown out my jumbled though
Wooyoung POV
After everyone was ready we headed to the set to start recording. 2AM our musical counterpart was going to be the guests for today while Boom hyung wasn’t the MC this week. Jang Youngran noona** and Go Youngwook sunbaenim*** were this episode’s MCs. I had a feeling this was going to be very interesting.
As we were waiting to start, I glanced at Nichkhun when no one was looking at me. He looked great; he was wearing a long-sleeved gray shirt under a red bubble vest and black skinnies. He really looked amazing in such simple clothes. I quickly looked away when he caught me staring at him.
We started filming and apparently Junho had woken up, because they had sent a camera crew to him. Then we were told that our guests previously visited Idol Army so we had to pretend to guess who they were since we already knew. They announced it was 2AM and when they were walking in I tried to push them back out, Chansung came and helped to no avail.
I acted grumpy and Khun hyung asked 2AM jokingly, “Why did you come?”
We all laughed at that. We announced it was the Christmas Special and then 2AM sang a cheer that we said they stole from us. We complained but started ours anyway; Youngwook sunbaenim joined in but was stopped hilariously. We sang “Only You” as our cheer. Then we started the couple selection for all male couples. I felt jealousy towards the guy who was going to partner with Nichkhun.
Seulong hyung was first and he said he had someone in mind, someone who sang a chorus part in “10 Out of 10”. I thought it could be me, but I didn’t really care who I was partnered with if it wasn’t Khun hyung. Seulong hyung sang “Nothing Better” and I saw Khun hyung give him a weird look. My heart fell a little at the thought that he might want to be partnered with Seulong hyung. Khun hyung accused him of making an English mistake which made me smile. Then Jinwoon and Seulong hyung danced “10 Out of 10”. Changmin hyung and Kwon joined in, Kwon ended up dancing crazily and then going back to his place. Jay hyung, Taec hyung, and Khun hyung stopped them. Then Kwon told us to sing “This Song trying to get revenge. We sang it well enough when I stopped us before we had a chance to mess up and then told Seulong hyung to hurry up.
It was time for us to step out if we wanted to couple with Seulong hyung. I didn’t go out but Taec hyung, Junsu hyung, Chansung, and to my disappointment Khun hyung stepped forward. My face fell momentarily before I caught myself when I saw Nichkhun step forward.
Nichkhun POV
We headed to the set after everyone was ready. Our other half 2AM was gonna be the guest, while Go Youngwook sunbaenim and Jang Youngran noona were the MCs today instead of Boom hyung. I knew this was gonna be an odd filming session.
We were standing around waiting to start when I caught Wooyoung staring at me. Another wave of confusion washed over me when I noticed the look on his face wasn’t one of annoyance or aggravation, it was a look of appreciation like he was admiring how I looked. I was so shocked and ecstatic that Wooyoung looked at me like that.
We started recording and after we introduced the show they played a video of Junho from back at the company. Then we had to guess who our guests were even though we already knew. They announced 2AM and when they came in Wooyoung, and then Chansung tried to push them back out. I smiled and laughed while watching Wooyoung struggle in vain and then said harshly to 2AM as a joke, “Why did you come?”
Everyone laughed and we all announced it was the Christmas Special. 2AM started a cheer that we joked they stole from us, then we started ours when Youngwook sunbaenim joined in and was cut off; everyone was laughing. We sang “Only You” as a cheer then with no interference.
We began the couple selection with Seulong hyung who said he had someone in mind. He then sang “Nothing Better” and I gave him a ‘that’s my song look’ and told him he mispronounced the English part. I saw Wooyoung’s smile at that out of the corner of my eye. Seulong hyung and Jinwoon then danced to “10 Out of 10”; Changmin hyung and Kwon joined in after. Kwon eventually started dancing crazily then heading back to his spot. Jay hyung, Taecyeon, and I stopped them before it got even worse. Kwon then challenged us to sing “This Song” to try to get back at us by embarrassing us.
We sang it well enough when Wooyoung stopped us before we had a chance to screw it up and then told Seulong hyung to hurry up. ‘He’s so cute,” I thought to myself absent-mindedly. Then it was time to step forward if we wanted to be partnered with Seulong hyung. Junsu hyung, Taecyeon, Chansung and I all stepped out and for a second I thought I saw Wooyoung’s smile falter.