FAMILY IS THE PEOPLE YOU CHOOSE TO LOVE
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Partly because today is a major anniversary in my life - it's been five years to the day since Gryffin's adoption was finalized - and partly because of some other things that are going on right now. Perhaps it's because I was adopted myself and am also an adoptive mommy, but I have a very Whedonesque view of family. There is only one blood relative of mine that I know in the entire world, and I place very little stock in biological connections. But even more than that, it isn't the legal connections that mean family to me either.
Greg isn't my husband -my family- because we have a legally binding certificate that says so. Greg is my family because we love each other so much that we wanted that certificate. The love itself is what makes the family; what makes the marriage. Gryffin isn't my son because the courts filed paperwork changing his name and declaring it. Gryffin is my son because it is impossible for anyone to love a little boy any more than I love him. I'm his mommy because he loves me. We belong together. Conversely, Peyton isn't mine because he grew inside of me. He is mine for the same reason that Gryff is: because I love him. Having a child does NOT make you a mother. Loving and caring for your child does. Mothering, Family...those are ACTIVE things. Choices.
We talk a lot to Gryff about his adoption story, and about how we came together (God sent me to you!) but sometimes it strikes me just how miraculous it really is that in a world as big as ours, we can make our way to the people that become our family. How despite the odds and the miles and the exact orchestration of thousands of tiny little circumstances that must perfectly align to bring us together, we still end up finding the people that mean the most to us. It baffles me. Gryffin's birthmother's path was dictated by so many small choices. Those that led her to get pregnant, those that led her to place, those that led her to choose us. Ours as well. Choices to not try IVF. Choices to initiate the adoption process despite the financial struggle of it, and to go ahead with it despite our youth. If ANY of us had made a single different decision, the connection wouldn't have been made, but that's just what I'm saying. We always find those that we are meant to love.
The ways we find them are often funny and obscure in hindsight. Choosing to meet up with an old friend who introduces us to a new one. Letting your roommate talk you into going out despite your exhaustion and saying yes when that cute guy that's been catching your eye all night asks you to dance. Joining a message board and being ridiculous about a book and a band that mean more to you than most people could possibly understand. Walking down to the pond to dip your feet in the pond on a hot august day when you thought you might melt. The people that mean the very most to me have found me in some pretty simple and pretty obscure ways. So today I'm feeling nostalgic a bit. I have a wonderful, wonderful family made up of relatives and friends. People that I choose to love, and that I am blessed to have love me in return. It makes me optimistic, because you never know what small (or large) choice you may make today that will direct the path of your life to intersect with someone you want to join you for the rest of your journey.
Greg isn't my husband -my family- because we have a legally binding certificate that says so. Greg is my family because we love each other so much that we wanted that certificate. The love itself is what makes the family; what makes the marriage. Gryffin isn't my son because the courts filed paperwork changing his name and declaring it. Gryffin is my son because it is impossible for anyone to love a little boy any more than I love him. I'm his mommy because he loves me. We belong together. Conversely, Peyton isn't mine because he grew inside of me. He is mine for the same reason that Gryff is: because I love him. Having a child does NOT make you a mother. Loving and caring for your child does. Mothering, Family...those are ACTIVE things. Choices.
We talk a lot to Gryff about his adoption story, and about how we came together (God sent me to you!) but sometimes it strikes me just how miraculous it really is that in a world as big as ours, we can make our way to the people that become our family. How despite the odds and the miles and the exact orchestration of thousands of tiny little circumstances that must perfectly align to bring us together, we still end up finding the people that mean the most to us. It baffles me. Gryffin's birthmother's path was dictated by so many small choices. Those that led her to get pregnant, those that led her to place, those that led her to choose us. Ours as well. Choices to not try IVF. Choices to initiate the adoption process despite the financial struggle of it, and to go ahead with it despite our youth. If ANY of us had made a single different decision, the connection wouldn't have been made, but that's just what I'm saying. We always find those that we are meant to love.
The ways we find them are often funny and obscure in hindsight. Choosing to meet up with an old friend who introduces us to a new one. Letting your roommate talk you into going out despite your exhaustion and saying yes when that cute guy that's been catching your eye all night asks you to dance. Joining a message board and being ridiculous about a book and a band that mean more to you than most people could possibly understand. Walking down to the pond to dip your feet in the pond on a hot august day when you thought you might melt. The people that mean the very most to me have found me in some pretty simple and pretty obscure ways. So today I'm feeling nostalgic a bit. I have a wonderful, wonderful family made up of relatives and friends. People that I choose to love, and that I am blessed to have love me in return. It makes me optimistic, because you never know what small (or large) choice you may make today that will direct the path of your life to intersect with someone you want to join you for the rest of your journey.