no thinking allowed
I am so nervous that I can't think about anything else but Will. I'm at a coffee shop, trying to do work, while he's at home with Galya for the first time. I'm sure it'll be fine, but I think that it's going to take me longer to get used to leaving him with someone than it will be for him to get used to it. I stayed for about 45 minutes, showing her where things were and so on. She took him out to the backyard while I blow dried my hair (the gym had no hot water today, so I had to get ready at home). Will fell down and hit his head while I was in the bathroom. It's definitely not her fault -- he falls constantly under my tutelage. But the fact that he was screaming bloody murder was unsettling. He calmed down and was fine before I left, but it just made me see how much trust I am putting into a complete stranger. It's difficult to do it. I feel like crying and pacing. Maybe I should go for a walk around downtown... but then I wouldn't be close to the car if she called me on my cell. !@#$%^&
Don't get me wrong... I am glad that I'm going to be working. But it is so hard to leave Will with someone. Hell, I even had a hard time letting Aric take care of him for the first couple of months. I mean, I was THAT protective of my little guy. I know all of this is natural. I feel so stupidly scared. I just love him so much that I want him to be perfectly happy and fine. It's hard to have faith that it'll all be okay.
And it's impossible to think about Shakespeare right now. If Will ever wonders later in life if I loved him or Shakespeare more, I'll have to refer him to this journal entry. Will's my life.
Don't get me wrong... I am glad that I'm going to be working. But it is so hard to leave Will with someone. Hell, I even had a hard time letting Aric take care of him for the first couple of months. I mean, I was THAT protective of my little guy. I know all of this is natural. I feel so stupidly scared. I just love him so much that I want him to be perfectly happy and fine. It's hard to have faith that it'll all be okay.
And it's impossible to think about Shakespeare right now. If Will ever wonders later in life if I loved him or Shakespeare more, I'll have to refer him to this journal entry. Will's my life.