I remember this day . . .

[marauderswolf]

I do remember where I was on this day when I first heard of the attack on the Twin Towers - on Hwy 52 north, passing through Cannon Falls, on the way into Minneapolis. A couple of people that I called friends at that time were driving their car and I was driving mine. We were calling each other back and forth while on the road. I remember seeing so many planes in the air all headed for the airport - I'd seen planes land and take off, but usually just one at a time with lots of time in between, so to see four or five all aimed in the same direction was startling.

But what I remember most, now that I'm looking back, is that I didn't see the downward spiral I was caught in. I didn't see that my trust was misplaced, that it would come back to haunt me. I didn't see that I was losing myself in a bad way, a way that meant I ended up alone for years that followed.

In some ways, what happened still does haunt me. Instead of giving people a chance or 'a benefit of doubt,' my mind is looking at them with fear and wariness, wondering what they want of me, what they expect of me. Instead of confidently walking into a roomful of people and being comfortable introducing myself and chatting, I want to just get away, to hide and be inconspicuous, to not draw attention to myself.

But life does move on. Somehow. Some way.