l.o.v.e.

[mapmyskin]

i fell asleep with my head in new places, wrapped around words and forming complete thoughts. its something and nothing, and waking up loses it all. dreams feel real, with biuldings lasting forever. you have soft, and i like the heat from. im scared of four letter words. tears are showing faces. because im scared. fearful, not fearless. i dont know if i can do this, because one year ago it was too easy. it took my breath away, how speedy it went. how alone i really was, even though it didnt feel that way. and then it slipped off the table, and nothing was in front of me anymore. that four letter word, it was in my afterthoughts, it was cold and it was drenched. with feelings. anger, sorrow, white passion, burnt through. you know, he hurt me. i dont want that. fearful now, because hurt then....and oh, i feel asleep and dream we walk. for days and days and days. and the water rolls in, and then it rolls out. some things, some things. its all i can say, is im scared. i love you i love you i love you i love you. so hard on the paper, edges. these words. im screaming inside and my skin is bubbling. because its needed so bad, but now is no time. its your house the first, and i dont know. it means more to me than you and that is strange. there was so much anger before, about that. and im sorry i have to tell you in this way. im sorry that this is the only way that i can be honest right now. im sorry. im sorry i have to apologize so much.
im inadequate. im incapable. im inching forward./ maybe back.

one year ago i was a wreck. and today i feel the same. my eyes are itchy with fear. my eyes are itchy with knowledge.