Ain't that a shame
Easter was a tempestuous day, all due to the latest victim of the third date curse. I had two invitations for easter dinners, but I ended up not going to either of them. It felt better just to sleep.
So this was a girl that had been stalking me online for a few months. She is definitely beautiful and nerdy and enjoyed porn and lots of other great things. We had very fun conversations and spoke in lolcat for many of them. We were interested in one another.
Then we had our first date of watching an episode of The Universe and chatting. It was very nice - I had fun and I felt super comfortable around her. Of course, I wasn't sure if she was one of the ones, but I definitely wanted to see her again and again to find out.
Our second date was me making her dinner and watching Children of Men, the ultimate romantic date movie. It was great, and we continued talking all night and cuddling and such. I still wasn't sure, but it didn't deter me from wanting to see her again.
Adding a backdrop to all of this is the possibility that she was moving to Atlanta, Georgia if she does not find a good opportunity in the next three or so months. A good opportunity being a wonderful relationship, or a fantastic new job, or something else of the sort. I thought she was really into me, and if I was unsure about her, I'd hate for that to be a point of pressure.
Then we had our third date where I went to Daytona on a Wednesday night. We watched the first episode of Firefly and Say Anything, which was very nice. She worked late and so did I, so I did not even get there until about 11 pm. It was a lovely time, and I spent the night and left the next morning. Expecting the third date curse to rear its head, but to my surprise I was much more hopeful than after our first two dates. Except that she texted me that I left my most favorite pillow in the world at her place. Fuck.
But then the weirdness struck. It seemed like I was getting less and less messages from her and our conversations had much less content in them. It continued on a downward spiral until the next Tuesday morning, the morning of a space shuttle on the 11th, where I ask what her schedule is like for the coming week. She told me that she is doing something on this day, nothing on this day, and driving to Georgia on Thursday to inspect the area for moving opportunities.
Then she says, "Why do you ask?" In my head, I think that it is pretty clear why I ask. We've been on several dates already and so far we've been understood to have more, so my asking should be very clear. This was the definitive indication that something wasn't right, so I come out with it. Why does it seem like our conversations are lacking? Why are you acting like you aren't interested?
Her: "I do like hangin with you, Justin... I don't feel like I know you so well enough yet to say whether I have crazy big feelings for you yet. The reality of Atlanta has been sinking in this week too, and it's made me step away from all of my relationships just a bit. I don't know how to say what I should say. I've been so mightily distracted this week, and my time has been sort of misplaced. I don't think you're a bad guy, and I certainly do like you...I haven't had that whirlwindy romantic throw with you...I think that perhaps if I weren't moving so far away, I would make myself more inclined to grow attached and develop something more than what I feel at moment. I don't know. I am likewise happy to be around you, and the time spent together is always good. I just keep ending up hurting myself because of my own inclination to enjoy someone too much, without regard to thoughts of the future."
So she's not feeling it. That's fine, I still want to hang out once or maybe even a few more times. So we make plans for this coming Wednesday night. But she cancels on me the night of because she is sick and leaving for Georgia on Friday. Okay, whatever, I'll catch her next week.
Then as she is driving to Georgia, she sends me the text message:
"As I ride through town you keep poppin into my head."
Is she having second thoughts? I must know more, but this is not a conversation to have over texts. So I ask her when she gets back on Monday the 17th what she meant.
And then I don't hear anything back for the next six straight days. All messages I send to her are never answered. I started out like, hey we should talk! Then two days of no response, I was like, hey I haven't heard from you in a while, we should talk when you get a chance. I can take hints, and I realized I was being ignored.
So I asked if I may just come pick up my pillow and disappear gracefully. I knew she would respond because she seems like a good person, not the pillow-thieving type. I got this back the afternoon of easter:
"Yes. I know, I suck. I don't know what to do with myself. Found that 'connection' with someone, finally, and I've been so absorbed in that (and working every single day) that I haven't known how to explain. I'm awful. I know. Sigh. I'm sorry."
Brushed aside and ignored for a week, and now I'd have to go through the awkwardness of getting something that I hold very dear. I'll be damned if I will lose that incredible pillow to this. I never asked about the text message that seemed to suggest she had changed her mind. Guess it was irrelevant now.
Driving up to Daytona that night at 10 pm, the meeting went something like this:
-------------------------------------------------
(I arrive at her doorstep, 99% sure this is the doorstep that I came two Wednesdays ago.)
Text to her: You still live in apartment something something?
Text to me: Yup.
(I knock on her door, and she answers.)
Her: Hi.
Me: Hello.
(Her cat attempts to run out the door at her feet.)
Her: Oh, Madeline! *Picks up cat* Madeline says hello too.
Me: Hello Madeline.
(She puts the cat down, then grabs my pillow to the side and hands it to me.)
Me: Thank you.
(I hug my pillow tightly and feel the memory foam compress and expand. It is comforting.)
Her: I'm sorry I suck.
(I shrug my shoulders slowly.)
Her: I met the one, though. It is hard to stop from grinning all the time.
Me: ...that's great.
(5 second pause.)
Me: Are you still going to move to Atlanta?
Her: If he comes with me. There's a good chance he will.
Me: I wish you luck.
Her: Have a good night.
Me: See ya.
(I start to back away to leave.)
Her: Hey, don't stop talking to me now.
Me: ........Okay.
(Door closes, I turn and leave.)
-----------------------------
At least I finally have my pillow back. Superior Swedish bedding technology will never twist the knife deeper.
The ride home was really long and thoughtful. I think this pretty terrible failure of an attempt at a relationship has allowed me to connect a ton of dots between a ton of different things mentally. I suddenly see myself and some of the things that I did before that I didn't understand very well much more clearly. That's for another post, maybe.
So this was a girl that had been stalking me online for a few months. She is definitely beautiful and nerdy and enjoyed porn and lots of other great things. We had very fun conversations and spoke in lolcat for many of them. We were interested in one another.
Then we had our first date of watching an episode of The Universe and chatting. It was very nice - I had fun and I felt super comfortable around her. Of course, I wasn't sure if she was one of the ones, but I definitely wanted to see her again and again to find out.
Our second date was me making her dinner and watching Children of Men, the ultimate romantic date movie. It was great, and we continued talking all night and cuddling and such. I still wasn't sure, but it didn't deter me from wanting to see her again.
Adding a backdrop to all of this is the possibility that she was moving to Atlanta, Georgia if she does not find a good opportunity in the next three or so months. A good opportunity being a wonderful relationship, or a fantastic new job, or something else of the sort. I thought she was really into me, and if I was unsure about her, I'd hate for that to be a point of pressure.
Then we had our third date where I went to Daytona on a Wednesday night. We watched the first episode of Firefly and Say Anything, which was very nice. She worked late and so did I, so I did not even get there until about 11 pm. It was a lovely time, and I spent the night and left the next morning. Expecting the third date curse to rear its head, but to my surprise I was much more hopeful than after our first two dates. Except that she texted me that I left my most favorite pillow in the world at her place. Fuck.
But then the weirdness struck. It seemed like I was getting less and less messages from her and our conversations had much less content in them. It continued on a downward spiral until the next Tuesday morning, the morning of a space shuttle on the 11th, where I ask what her schedule is like for the coming week. She told me that she is doing something on this day, nothing on this day, and driving to Georgia on Thursday to inspect the area for moving opportunities.
Then she says, "Why do you ask?" In my head, I think that it is pretty clear why I ask. We've been on several dates already and so far we've been understood to have more, so my asking should be very clear. This was the definitive indication that something wasn't right, so I come out with it. Why does it seem like our conversations are lacking? Why are you acting like you aren't interested?
Her: "I do like hangin with you, Justin... I don't feel like I know you so well enough yet to say whether I have crazy big feelings for you yet. The reality of Atlanta has been sinking in this week too, and it's made me step away from all of my relationships just a bit. I don't know how to say what I should say. I've been so mightily distracted this week, and my time has been sort of misplaced. I don't think you're a bad guy, and I certainly do like you...I haven't had that whirlwindy romantic throw with you...I think that perhaps if I weren't moving so far away, I would make myself more inclined to grow attached and develop something more than what I feel at moment. I don't know. I am likewise happy to be around you, and the time spent together is always good. I just keep ending up hurting myself because of my own inclination to enjoy someone too much, without regard to thoughts of the future."
So she's not feeling it. That's fine, I still want to hang out once or maybe even a few more times. So we make plans for this coming Wednesday night. But she cancels on me the night of because she is sick and leaving for Georgia on Friday. Okay, whatever, I'll catch her next week.
Then as she is driving to Georgia, she sends me the text message:
"As I ride through town you keep poppin into my head."
Is she having second thoughts? I must know more, but this is not a conversation to have over texts. So I ask her when she gets back on Monday the 17th what she meant.
And then I don't hear anything back for the next six straight days. All messages I send to her are never answered. I started out like, hey we should talk! Then two days of no response, I was like, hey I haven't heard from you in a while, we should talk when you get a chance. I can take hints, and I realized I was being ignored.
So I asked if I may just come pick up my pillow and disappear gracefully. I knew she would respond because she seems like a good person, not the pillow-thieving type. I got this back the afternoon of easter:
"Yes. I know, I suck. I don't know what to do with myself. Found that 'connection' with someone, finally, and I've been so absorbed in that (and working every single day) that I haven't known how to explain. I'm awful. I know. Sigh. I'm sorry."
Brushed aside and ignored for a week, and now I'd have to go through the awkwardness of getting something that I hold very dear. I'll be damned if I will lose that incredible pillow to this. I never asked about the text message that seemed to suggest she had changed her mind. Guess it was irrelevant now.
Driving up to Daytona that night at 10 pm, the meeting went something like this:
-------------------------------------------------
(I arrive at her doorstep, 99% sure this is the doorstep that I came two Wednesdays ago.)
Text to her: You still live in apartment something something?
Text to me: Yup.
(I knock on her door, and she answers.)
Her: Hi.
Me: Hello.
(Her cat attempts to run out the door at her feet.)
Her: Oh, Madeline! *Picks up cat* Madeline says hello too.
Me: Hello Madeline.
(She puts the cat down, then grabs my pillow to the side and hands it to me.)
Me: Thank you.
(I hug my pillow tightly and feel the memory foam compress and expand. It is comforting.)
Her: I'm sorry I suck.
(I shrug my shoulders slowly.)
Her: I met the one, though. It is hard to stop from grinning all the time.
Me: ...that's great.
(5 second pause.)
Me: Are you still going to move to Atlanta?
Her: If he comes with me. There's a good chance he will.
Me: I wish you luck.
Her: Have a good night.
Me: See ya.
(I start to back away to leave.)
Her: Hey, don't stop talking to me now.
Me: ........Okay.
(Door closes, I turn and leave.)
-----------------------------
At least I finally have my pillow back. Superior Swedish bedding technology will never twist the knife deeper.
The ride home was really long and thoughtful. I think this pretty terrible failure of an attempt at a relationship has allowed me to connect a ton of dots between a ton of different things mentally. I suddenly see myself and some of the things that I did before that I didn't understand very well much more clearly. That's for another post, maybe.