While You Were Sleeping
Fan Fiction
Fandom: Glee
Title: While You Were Sleeping (1/1)
Pairing/Characters: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, David, Mercedes.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Silly Love Songs (2x12)
Summary: The distance between them grew. And while everyone slept, he decided to move on.
Author Note: So this is my first Glee fanfiction. I don't own any of these characters. I wrote this slightly based on the lyrics of Kesha's "While You Were Sleeping". Also, this isn't based on any spoiler or whatever, so if you find any similarities, it's pure coincidence. This is also one of the most angsty things I've wrote, so, please, let me know what you think!
______________________
"I don't really know how to start this. I think I'll let myself go with the flow.
I didn't think it'd hurt this much. In fact, I didn't think it'd hurt at all, but it does. Knowing I could have had him in my arms and I let it all go to waste. I didn't do it on purpose, of course. I guess I kind of saw it, but didn't acknowledge it, if it makes any sense.
We were close and then suddenly we were acting almost like strangers. The worst thing about it all is that I know it was entirely my fault. I was the one pushing him away even though all I wanted to do was pull him closer, just to hold him in my arms and feel his heart beat synchronized with my own.
I never did it, though. Never did I reach out and pull him to me when his eyes were practically begging me to do it. I pretended I didn't read all the emotions in his eyes. I guess I was afraid it would be too soon. I was afraid of what it would mean to him. I was mostly afraid of what it would mean to me to finally embrace him like that.
So the time came when I started avoiding particular situations where we could end up alone, because I didn't know how I would act around him. I couldn't control myself when he looked at me like that. Not after that conversation on Valentine's Day.
When I finally came to my senses and realized what I was doing wasn't helping any of us and it was actually destroying our once strong friendship, it was already too late. He was leaving. Back to his old school, his old friends, his old glee club, his old life; a life without me.
Part of me wanted to do something. I almost stopped him and told him everything when he took those last steps that would take him away from Dalton; away from me. But what could I do? He was starting over with his best friends, a group of people with whom he'd spent some of the most important moments of his life. I couldn't ask him to stay just so we could try to find that strong connection we once had.
Instead, I watched him leave and ignored the stares of a few Warblers and other Dalton students as a tear slowly made its way down my cheek.
We talked even less after that. He'd promised he'd try and talk to me as often as possible. I knew better. We'd reached the point of no return. There was no way we could fix what was already beyond the point of fixing. He kept denying that. He didn't tell me, but I knew we both knew how bad it was and we both knew he was the only one actually fighting against the inevitable destiny of our relationship.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Well, I did realize my feelings went a bit deeper than friendship, but months after he left, I could hardly remember all the perfect moments we shared at Dalton. I found myself obsessing over my stupidity and how I'd screwed up big time instead.
From this moment, I started denying myself of the pleasure that was having him dedicate some of his free time to me and me only when I didn't even deserve it. I wasn't at all surprised when weeks after not calling or texting back, I found him at the Lima Bean, waiting for me.
He was worried, that much I could tell. He shouldn't have been. Not after all the things I'd done to hurt him not long after telling him I didn't want to screw things up. So much for that thought.
I figured the only way I could get him to leave me alone was to hurt him beyond repair. It broke my heart in such a painful way that was ten times worse than the way the still hot coffee ran down my face and pants and even worse than the reddened cheek he left on my face after I tore such a sob from his wounded heart.
He didn't expect me to be so cruel and say that, he said so himself. He said he didn't know me anymore but if this were to be the new me, he didn't think he'd want to stick around to get to know him.
He left and I cleaned my face and left a few minutes later, ignoring the angry stares of the large amount of people that surely listened to the argument that sealed the end of our friendship or whatever was left of it at that point.
I never heard of him again. His friends gave me a good piece of their minds, as did some of the Warblers. I won't forget the way Wes didn't even say anything. With just a shake of his head in such a manner, I knew I'd disappointed him in a way he'd never thought possible.
After David's fifth failed attempt of getting me to talk to him about this whole situation, I decided I needed to find new friends who wouldn't know about my broken friendship and how I'd pushed away the boy who meant the world to me.
I don't know what I expected. Maybe I wanted to find someone with whom I'd form such a powerful friendship from the start, much like the way we had in the past. I was kidding myself into thinking I'd find someone to fill that empty space he'd left behind.
Still clueless, I guess.
I met some amazing people, but none of them could ever be to me what he used to be. It all felt fake in comparison to what we had. I was doing my best to forget him.
Clearly, my best wasn't enough because the moment I saw him laughing with another guy, the pain in my chest, the one that had subsided for a while, suddenly multiplied and grew into unbearable amounts. I figured this wouldn't work if I was still able to see him, even if just once or twice every couple of months.
I think I need to move far away from here in order to get over him. It's obvious that I've already destroyed the best thing in my life, so it shouldn't be too hard being away from everything else and start over new.
I will leave Dalton and this city when the school year ends. I can't take any more of the pitying looks all the other Dalton boys keep giving me when they think I'm not paying attention.
Oh, and his name wasn't mentioned because I can't bring myself to actually write it down without feeling my still shattered heart start to break all over again. I still think about him every day, but I hope that that other guy will make him happy in all the ways I never could.
This shall be the first and last entry in my journal, for I think I just needed to write all of this down to be able to move on."
Kurt bit his lip as he looked up from the text.
"Why did you bring this to me?"
Wes shrugged.
"He already packed his things. He left that behind. I don't know if it was on purpose or if just forgot about it. I don't approve of what he did to you, but he's different now. And not in a good way."
Kurt got up from the chair in the choir room, leaving the journal in his place.
"I don't know what you expect me to do, Wes. He hurt me. What he wrote is true, he's to blame for destroying this."
Wes looked down and nodded. When he looked at David at his side, the other Warbler decided to take over for him.
"We talked about you sometimes. Well, he talked, I listened. I suppose you remember the whole GAP fiasco. He was afraid he'd end up doing the same thing to you. He didn't want to push you away by bursting into song like that again. You know how he always said he was better at singing about his feelings than talking about them."
Kurt started pacing.
"I can't do anything about it now, I'm sorry guys. I moved on and now so will he."
"So that guy he mentions in this, does he make you happy?"
The other boy smiled sadly.
"There is no other guy. What Blaine saw was me talking to one of my dad's friend's son. We were talking about mechanics. He wants to be one, like my father. I know a few things from working with my dad. It was nothing more than that. He's not even gay, to be honest, nor was I even remotely interested."
Wes sighed and straightened his back before facing the younger boy.
"Can't you just talk to him? If you moved on, it won't make that much of a difference to you. We just want you to fix him. He can still move on after that, just not like this empty shell walking around the Dalton halls."
Kurt shook his head and pointed in the journal's direction.
"You read yourselves. He's too broken. There's nothing I can do for him now. Even if I told him I forgave him and wanted to be friends again, he wouldn't be the same. He messed up big time and I can't watch him fall again."
He picked up the journal.
"I really can't do anything about it now, I'm sorry."
Wes and David shook their heads when Kurt tried to give them the journal back.
"No. Keep it. That's something that belongs to you both. Maybe someday you'll change your mind and try to find him before things get even worse. I can't even predict his next moves now."
Kurt ignored the comment. Instead he sat down on his chair, with the journal in his lap and addressed them again.
"You should probably leave now. I don't even know how you found me here in the first place."
"Bye, Kurt," they said, before leaving Kurt alone in the room.
He looked down and opened the journal again, letting his hand rest on the pages and feel the imprint of the letters.
Moments later, Mercedes appeared at the doorway.
"Oh, here you are! I've been looking for you. Did you-" she stopped when he didn't even look up to acknowledge her presence. "Kurt? Are you okay?"
He shook his head, as his tears finally made their way down his cheeks.
She sat on the chair next to him.
"What's wrong?"
He handed her the journal, opened in a page with only two sentences.
And, tonight, I'll move on, while you are sleeping.
Blaine Anderson.
When she finished reading them, she looked to her side to find Kurt sobbing.
"Oh, dear."
She hugged him and he held her tight as he let all his emotions take over for once after so many months repressing them.
Don't look for me, don't wait for me.
I've found my path.
Over sticks and stones, over broken bones,
I won't look back.
Fandom: Glee
Title: While You Were Sleeping (1/1)
Pairing/Characters: Kurt/Blaine, Wes, David, Mercedes.
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Silly Love Songs (2x12)
Summary: The distance between them grew. And while everyone slept, he decided to move on.
Author Note: So this is my first Glee fanfiction. I don't own any of these characters. I wrote this slightly based on the lyrics of Kesha's "While You Were Sleeping". Also, this isn't based on any spoiler or whatever, so if you find any similarities, it's pure coincidence. This is also one of the most angsty things I've wrote, so, please, let me know what you think!
______________________
"I don't really know how to start this. I think I'll let myself go with the flow.
I didn't think it'd hurt this much. In fact, I didn't think it'd hurt at all, but it does. Knowing I could have had him in my arms and I let it all go to waste. I didn't do it on purpose, of course. I guess I kind of saw it, but didn't acknowledge it, if it makes any sense.
We were close and then suddenly we were acting almost like strangers. The worst thing about it all is that I know it was entirely my fault. I was the one pushing him away even though all I wanted to do was pull him closer, just to hold him in my arms and feel his heart beat synchronized with my own.
I never did it, though. Never did I reach out and pull him to me when his eyes were practically begging me to do it. I pretended I didn't read all the emotions in his eyes. I guess I was afraid it would be too soon. I was afraid of what it would mean to him. I was mostly afraid of what it would mean to me to finally embrace him like that.
So the time came when I started avoiding particular situations where we could end up alone, because I didn't know how I would act around him. I couldn't control myself when he looked at me like that. Not after that conversation on Valentine's Day.
When I finally came to my senses and realized what I was doing wasn't helping any of us and it was actually destroying our once strong friendship, it was already too late. He was leaving. Back to his old school, his old friends, his old glee club, his old life; a life without me.
Part of me wanted to do something. I almost stopped him and told him everything when he took those last steps that would take him away from Dalton; away from me. But what could I do? He was starting over with his best friends, a group of people with whom he'd spent some of the most important moments of his life. I couldn't ask him to stay just so we could try to find that strong connection we once had.
Instead, I watched him leave and ignored the stares of a few Warblers and other Dalton students as a tear slowly made its way down my cheek.
We talked even less after that. He'd promised he'd try and talk to me as often as possible. I knew better. We'd reached the point of no return. There was no way we could fix what was already beyond the point of fixing. He kept denying that. He didn't tell me, but I knew we both knew how bad it was and we both knew he was the only one actually fighting against the inevitable destiny of our relationship.
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder.
Well, I did realize my feelings went a bit deeper than friendship, but months after he left, I could hardly remember all the perfect moments we shared at Dalton. I found myself obsessing over my stupidity and how I'd screwed up big time instead.
From this moment, I started denying myself of the pleasure that was having him dedicate some of his free time to me and me only when I didn't even deserve it. I wasn't at all surprised when weeks after not calling or texting back, I found him at the Lima Bean, waiting for me.
He was worried, that much I could tell. He shouldn't have been. Not after all the things I'd done to hurt him not long after telling him I didn't want to screw things up. So much for that thought.
I figured the only way I could get him to leave me alone was to hurt him beyond repair. It broke my heart in such a painful way that was ten times worse than the way the still hot coffee ran down my face and pants and even worse than the reddened cheek he left on my face after I tore such a sob from his wounded heart.
He didn't expect me to be so cruel and say that, he said so himself. He said he didn't know me anymore but if this were to be the new me, he didn't think he'd want to stick around to get to know him.
He left and I cleaned my face and left a few minutes later, ignoring the angry stares of the large amount of people that surely listened to the argument that sealed the end of our friendship or whatever was left of it at that point.
I never heard of him again. His friends gave me a good piece of their minds, as did some of the Warblers. I won't forget the way Wes didn't even say anything. With just a shake of his head in such a manner, I knew I'd disappointed him in a way he'd never thought possible.
After David's fifth failed attempt of getting me to talk to him about this whole situation, I decided I needed to find new friends who wouldn't know about my broken friendship and how I'd pushed away the boy who meant the world to me.
I don't know what I expected. Maybe I wanted to find someone with whom I'd form such a powerful friendship from the start, much like the way we had in the past. I was kidding myself into thinking I'd find someone to fill that empty space he'd left behind.
Still clueless, I guess.
I met some amazing people, but none of them could ever be to me what he used to be. It all felt fake in comparison to what we had. I was doing my best to forget him.
Clearly, my best wasn't enough because the moment I saw him laughing with another guy, the pain in my chest, the one that had subsided for a while, suddenly multiplied and grew into unbearable amounts. I figured this wouldn't work if I was still able to see him, even if just once or twice every couple of months.
I think I need to move far away from here in order to get over him. It's obvious that I've already destroyed the best thing in my life, so it shouldn't be too hard being away from everything else and start over new.
I will leave Dalton and this city when the school year ends. I can't take any more of the pitying looks all the other Dalton boys keep giving me when they think I'm not paying attention.
Oh, and his name wasn't mentioned because I can't bring myself to actually write it down without feeling my still shattered heart start to break all over again. I still think about him every day, but I hope that that other guy will make him happy in all the ways I never could.
This shall be the first and last entry in my journal, for I think I just needed to write all of this down to be able to move on."
Kurt bit his lip as he looked up from the text.
"Why did you bring this to me?"
Wes shrugged.
"He already packed his things. He left that behind. I don't know if it was on purpose or if just forgot about it. I don't approve of what he did to you, but he's different now. And not in a good way."
Kurt got up from the chair in the choir room, leaving the journal in his place.
"I don't know what you expect me to do, Wes. He hurt me. What he wrote is true, he's to blame for destroying this."
Wes looked down and nodded. When he looked at David at his side, the other Warbler decided to take over for him.
"We talked about you sometimes. Well, he talked, I listened. I suppose you remember the whole GAP fiasco. He was afraid he'd end up doing the same thing to you. He didn't want to push you away by bursting into song like that again. You know how he always said he was better at singing about his feelings than talking about them."
Kurt started pacing.
"I can't do anything about it now, I'm sorry guys. I moved on and now so will he."
"So that guy he mentions in this, does he make you happy?"
The other boy smiled sadly.
"There is no other guy. What Blaine saw was me talking to one of my dad's friend's son. We were talking about mechanics. He wants to be one, like my father. I know a few things from working with my dad. It was nothing more than that. He's not even gay, to be honest, nor was I even remotely interested."
Wes sighed and straightened his back before facing the younger boy.
"Can't you just talk to him? If you moved on, it won't make that much of a difference to you. We just want you to fix him. He can still move on after that, just not like this empty shell walking around the Dalton halls."
Kurt shook his head and pointed in the journal's direction.
"You read yourselves. He's too broken. There's nothing I can do for him now. Even if I told him I forgave him and wanted to be friends again, he wouldn't be the same. He messed up big time and I can't watch him fall again."
He picked up the journal.
"I really can't do anything about it now, I'm sorry."
Wes and David shook their heads when Kurt tried to give them the journal back.
"No. Keep it. That's something that belongs to you both. Maybe someday you'll change your mind and try to find him before things get even worse. I can't even predict his next moves now."
Kurt ignored the comment. Instead he sat down on his chair, with the journal in his lap and addressed them again.
"You should probably leave now. I don't even know how you found me here in the first place."
"Bye, Kurt," they said, before leaving Kurt alone in the room.
He looked down and opened the journal again, letting his hand rest on the pages and feel the imprint of the letters.
Moments later, Mercedes appeared at the doorway.
"Oh, here you are! I've been looking for you. Did you-" she stopped when he didn't even look up to acknowledge her presence. "Kurt? Are you okay?"
He shook his head, as his tears finally made their way down his cheeks.
She sat on the chair next to him.
"What's wrong?"
He handed her the journal, opened in a page with only two sentences.
And, tonight, I'll move on, while you are sleeping.
Blaine Anderson.
When she finished reading them, she looked to her side to find Kurt sobbing.
"Oh, dear."
She hugged him and he held her tight as he let all his emotions take over for once after so many months repressing them.
Don't look for me, don't wait for me.
I've found my path.
Over sticks and stones, over broken bones,
I won't look back.