(no subject)
Do you know what strikes me as odd? When someone gives me a compliment, or if I read something about myself, I never take it at face value. Instead, I try to figure out what they "really" meant. For example, "Oh, you look really nice today." I think that when most people say that, they mean it. Heck, when I say it, I mean it. But if someone says that to me, I start thinking- "What? Do I look like crap the rest of the time?" Isn't that silly? I don't mean that to other people. Why would they mean it to me?
Why do I always think that people think the worst about me? My mother always did. ALways does, rather. Perhaps I'm jsut starting to not care. Or not to not care, but to get over it. A friend today used the example of dragging a dead corpse (aren't all corpses dead?) in reference to relationships. We think that if we carry it around long enough, it will start breathing again. Yet, it never will. We can't make others change. If and when God's timing is perfect, it can come alive.
I think my relationship with my mom is like this. It's never going to be anything more than skin deep. Because of this, I've let so many relationships that could have been so much more go by me. It's so scary to let people know you in a very real way. Or to love people without worrying about wether they'll love you back. But in the end, what else is life about? (Besides praising God, of course.) We're here to love each other, to serve each other...all in the strivings of glorifying Christ...
So, here it is. Mom, you're never going to care about me that much. I thank you for all of the financial support you've given me and I'm glad that you can brag about me to your friends. But I'm going to accept that that is all our relationship is. I've tried changing it, but you don't care. And that's okay.
I don't want to be afraid to care about people and love them, just because you are. I don't want to love as you taught me; not to love whole-heartedly. I don't want to whine to my friends anymore about our latest fight.
ANd now I'm going to go have a sleep over with Karen.
Why do I always think that people think the worst about me? My mother always did. ALways does, rather. Perhaps I'm jsut starting to not care. Or not to not care, but to get over it. A friend today used the example of dragging a dead corpse (aren't all corpses dead?) in reference to relationships. We think that if we carry it around long enough, it will start breathing again. Yet, it never will. We can't make others change. If and when God's timing is perfect, it can come alive.
I think my relationship with my mom is like this. It's never going to be anything more than skin deep. Because of this, I've let so many relationships that could have been so much more go by me. It's so scary to let people know you in a very real way. Or to love people without worrying about wether they'll love you back. But in the end, what else is life about? (Besides praising God, of course.) We're here to love each other, to serve each other...all in the strivings of glorifying Christ...
So, here it is. Mom, you're never going to care about me that much. I thank you for all of the financial support you've given me and I'm glad that you can brag about me to your friends. But I'm going to accept that that is all our relationship is. I've tried changing it, but you don't care. And that's okay.
I don't want to be afraid to care about people and love them, just because you are. I don't want to love as you taught me; not to love whole-heartedly. I don't want to whine to my friends anymore about our latest fight.
ANd now I'm going to go have a sleep over with Karen.