Logic
I know I'm strong. Logically.
I know I have a fire within me that has been extinguished for far too long. Logically.
There are times...moments, really...that I feel that fire within. I can feel that strength, seething, bubbling, just beneath the surface. I try to grasp it, it slips through my fingers like water.
I stand, staring in the mirror. My reflection. Me. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong.
Then, just like that, the Madness is back. She takes hold. I find myself in a crying heap on the floor. Not knowing where it even came from. Wasn't I just okay? When did that happen?
I'm sick of the roller coaster of emotions. I am tired of hurting. Every day.
Nothing changes.
Forced intimacy is not what I'm after.
I move further and further down the path I didn't think I would take.
I can't do this alone. But I feel so very alone.
Can I heal in his hands? I don't know. He would have to take me in his hands for me to find out.
But he doesn't. He won't.
I deserve so much. Love. Devotion. Passion.
I deserve to be someone's muse. I deserve someone who believes the time wit m is magical.
When did I stop walking? When did I lose myself?
I can't do this on my own. Not here. I'm too broken.
I break a bit more each day. As I look into those eyes that hold nothing for me...only his Muse.
How can a person heal that way?
I need to be free.
Please just set me free.
I feel the restlessness eating away at me again. Food doesn't appeal anymore. Another 3 pounds gone in a week.
I can't sit still. I need to go. To run. As far away as possible.
Where?
From here? Seattle.
The farthest I can think of going.
Logically.
I know I have a fire within me that has been extinguished for far too long. Logically.
There are times...moments, really...that I feel that fire within. I can feel that strength, seething, bubbling, just beneath the surface. I try to grasp it, it slips through my fingers like water.
I stand, staring in the mirror. My reflection. Me. I tell myself I can do this. I am strong.
Then, just like that, the Madness is back. She takes hold. I find myself in a crying heap on the floor. Not knowing where it even came from. Wasn't I just okay? When did that happen?
I'm sick of the roller coaster of emotions. I am tired of hurting. Every day.
Nothing changes.
Forced intimacy is not what I'm after.
I move further and further down the path I didn't think I would take.
I can't do this alone. But I feel so very alone.
Can I heal in his hands? I don't know. He would have to take me in his hands for me to find out.
But he doesn't. He won't.
I deserve so much. Love. Devotion. Passion.
I deserve to be someone's muse. I deserve someone who believes the time wit m is magical.
When did I stop walking? When did I lose myself?
I can't do this on my own. Not here. I'm too broken.
I break a bit more each day. As I look into those eyes that hold nothing for me...only his Muse.
How can a person heal that way?
I need to be free.
Please just set me free.
I feel the restlessness eating away at me again. Food doesn't appeal anymore. Another 3 pounds gone in a week.
I can't sit still. I need to go. To run. As far away as possible.
Where?
From here? Seattle.
The farthest I can think of going.
Logically.