(no subject)
I'm tired of being punished for not hating. I'm tired of being punished for not holding a grudge. I'm sorry that you can't suck it up and just exist. I'm sorry you can't give it a rest.
But it's too much to ask me to choose, not between friends, but between best friends. I won't do it.
Fuck everyone who has asked me to do so. But mostly, fuck myself for not being able to.
I think I would have cried the whole way home if it hadn't been so ungodly cold. My face would have frozen off.
But I'll make it a bit easier for all of you. I'll take myself completely out of the picture. I wont call you. If you ever want to talk to me, talk to me. I'm not making an effort for anyone. Not Larkin. Not P. Not Beth. Not Skye. Not Chris. You know where to find me. And instead of feeding off of all of this negativity, I hope you come to me when you want to.. and not just to make me send someone else away. I love you all. But the burden is fucking me up royally.
The awful thing about including Chris and Skye in this is that they have never asked me to give the rest of you up. NEVER. They don't have any words about you all except endearments and fucking love. But I won't be accused of taking sides again, so I'll include them.
It's not fair. And I won't comply.
I'm moving out of this apartment. That should make things easier on all of you. Tomorrow I take my shit home. And if I ever set foot in here again it will be to claim more of my worthless belongings. Things I will only end up burning in my backyard.
Megan can have this place all to herself. And she can set her own rules. And she can allow who she wants when she wants.
I'm tired of being a pawn.
How fucking dare you say one means more than the other. I choose nobody. I choose myself.
But it's too much to ask me to choose, not between friends, but between best friends. I won't do it.
Fuck everyone who has asked me to do so. But mostly, fuck myself for not being able to.
I think I would have cried the whole way home if it hadn't been so ungodly cold. My face would have frozen off.
But I'll make it a bit easier for all of you. I'll take myself completely out of the picture. I wont call you. If you ever want to talk to me, talk to me. I'm not making an effort for anyone. Not Larkin. Not P. Not Beth. Not Skye. Not Chris. You know where to find me. And instead of feeding off of all of this negativity, I hope you come to me when you want to.. and not just to make me send someone else away. I love you all. But the burden is fucking me up royally.
The awful thing about including Chris and Skye in this is that they have never asked me to give the rest of you up. NEVER. They don't have any words about you all except endearments and fucking love. But I won't be accused of taking sides again, so I'll include them.
It's not fair. And I won't comply.
I'm moving out of this apartment. That should make things easier on all of you. Tomorrow I take my shit home. And if I ever set foot in here again it will be to claim more of my worthless belongings. Things I will only end up burning in my backyard.
Megan can have this place all to herself. And she can set her own rules. And she can allow who she wants when she wants.
I'm tired of being a pawn.
How fucking dare you say one means more than the other. I choose nobody. I choose myself.