Hormones
This one Is such a not me journal entry but I am hoping to get all this shit off of my chest, before I go crazy!! I have no idea If this hormone rage is from the pills I am taking or just being the age that I am but I never feel quite like this!I really love the itallian, I mean there is no one quite like him but right now I just want to *%&$ him, this is horrible. I am normally the one who was scared at the thought of such a thing. Now I cannot sleep, for 10 days of the month I am going crazy, well at least a few days. I want him very bad. It is a bit scarry. I am one who is insecure in myself and just can't think of anyone wanting me that way. However sometimes I think what the hell, he showed interest before it can't have changed to dramatically. I want to say outrifght what I want from him. Normally I want to do so much but I always chicken out. As my days wind down I realize I have little time left. I feel as though even If I do not get far with him. Thant I care about him so much anything will do. I don't want him to know how I feel about him in an emotional sense because I know that will change what we have er physically. He would be intimidated, I suppose like he was last time. However, I have accomplished a sepparation, I know where to put what when. I just can't control myself. It is sick and twisted I am sure. To be honest even I think al this is discusting but I am tired of not being able to say all this straight up. I am going after my prize. My ways of looking at this are sadly in the words of stiffler from american wedding. As well as just a crazy hope that the bastard is crazy enough to fall into my trap.