so hungry omf
PG || EXO || krisoo (kris/D.O.) || oneshot, 1.1k
Summary: kyungsoo attempts to use "super bass" as a source of pickup lines.
A/N: i'm sorry i don't know LAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY also i never ended up writing about the fish
pools, sometimes
"What," Kris says, in slow horror, "is this."
Jongdae laughs. "You like it?"
"No. What in actual--"
"Ssshhhh, Kris, accept it," Jongdae says, pressing a finger to Kris's lips. Kris spits at Jongdae.
"You mean embrace the weirdness."
"Well...yes. I mean, that's the point of this, isn't it? To get you out of your little shell?"
Kris hesitates before giving a short nod. "But when I agreed to your plan, I didn't mean..."
"Welcome to the pool party!" somebody shouts next to where Kris is standing. Kris looks down on this short new arrival, who shakes hands with Kris without Prior Consent. "I'm Xiumin, and you are...?"
"Chen!" Jongdae yells. "Call me Chen!"
Kris sighs as Jongdae trips over the corner of the chair sitting by the side of the pool. He makes his way over to the drinks, where a horrible screeching noise is coming from the speakers. He yelps and stumbles over a blonde kid laying on the ground. "And what are you doing," Kris asks, because he is indeed too cool for vocal inflections and speaks only in sentences that end in periods.
"Luhan," the blonde grins, which of course does not answer anything, and holds out his hand toward Kris, but makes no attempt to sit up. After a few moments, Luhan's hand waves around, then flops to the ground to rejoin the rest of his body, much in the way that salmon swim upstream to join the rest of their colony. Kris supposes that Luhan's salmon-colored shorts are not helping the visual metaphors, and after a few moments he realizes that Luhan has been talking.
"My friend Lay's over there," he says, pointing to the DJ. Kris raises an eyebrow. This is where the noises have been coming from, and Kris realizes that this person named Lay has been putting on failed violin records, explaining both the screeching noises and the jerky sounds of classical music.
"I--" Kris starts to say, fully intending on finding Jongdae and dragging both of them out of the hellhole that supposedly constituted a party. But someone bumps into him on his way out of the conversation with Luhan and kicks Luhan in the arm.
The new person exclaims, "Luhan, what are you doing on the floor? You don't know where that's been, or worse, which fungus-infected feet have been on that slab of ugly cement and--ew--" He shudders at his own premonitions.
"Oh, I'm Kyungsoo," new person says, looking at Kris and smiling. "I, um, nice to meet you."
He sticks out his hand.
Kris raises his other eyebrow.
Luhan casually picks his nose.
"Why," Kris says finally, "is everybody here obsessed with shaking hands."
Kyungsoo slowly retracts his hand. "Uh, excuse me--"
Kris interrupts him. "This is not what I'm here for, to deal with--"
"You're a hell of a guy," Kyungsoo continues blindly. Luhan looks at him, looks at Kris, looks back at Kyungsoo, grinning widely, and lifts his hands from his side and waving them in the air as if encouraging a lost balloon to "fly free, my sweet!"
Gaping, Kris holds up his hands to try and stop Kyungsoo and Luhan, who is now dancing around the pool while Lay conducts his invisible and inaudible trumpets.
"I bet you'd taste better than my super bass," Kyungsoo says, licking his lips nervously.
"No," says Kris, but of course he means it as a question.
"Did you just--"
"You people," Kris decides out loud, "are insane."
"Is that a question too?" Luhan asks curiously.
"No," Kris snaps. "This one's a statement. It's a fact."
"DID YOU JUST FART?" Kyungsoo blurts out loudly. This time, all the surrounding people turn to stare at Kyungsoo, who looks back at Kris. Kyungsoo bats his eyes hopefully. "Because you just blew me away."
"J-Jongdae," Kris calls out, slowly backing away from Kyungsoo, who is now desperately trying lines like "I mack them dudes up" while Kris continues to step backwards.
Jongdae, however, is currently engrossed in a very meaningful conversation with Xiumin, who is nodding his blasted little orange head of hair and smiling. "Curses," Kris mutters, and promptly drops into the pool.
By the time they fish him out, Jongdae as well as all of the other partygoers have realized that Kris cannot, in fact, swim. He clutches at the edge of the pool like a dying cat, complete with panicked animal noises. Jongdae chokes on his laughter. "Oh my god, Kris," he howls, "it's six feet deep."
"What," Kris yelps.
"I'm pretty sure you're almost at least that tall."
Kris considers this fact and stops flailing in the water. His feet sink a few inches, then touch bottom.
"Climb out, Kris, oh god, I can't--" Jongdae bursts into another round of laughter. Kris climbs out, scowling, then pushes Jongdae into the water. He turns around to see Luhan looking at him. "Mature," Luhan snorts, and Kris almost pushes him in too, except Luhan grabs Kyungsoo to use as a human shield.
Kyungsoo manages a "I can tell you're in touch with your feminine side!" before he lands next to Jongdae in the water and they splash each other futilely. Xiumin takes off his shirt as Luhan calls out "Xiumin, no one wants to see that" and jumps into the pool, shrieking at the cold.
"Are you okay," Kris asks Kyungsoo, who shivers and clutches his arms close to himself. "I didn't mean to push you in, I just didn't know that Luhan was going to grab you and I just, uh, here." He holds out his hand to Kyungsoo. "I can pull you up, water isn't exactly my strong--"
Kyungsoo grabs Kris's extended hand and smiles at Kris. Kris pulls, but Kyungsoo resists and stares at Kris, batting his eyes absentmindedly. "You got my heartbeat running away," Kyungsoo says, and Kris finally understands all the references.
"I--" he shakes his head. "Nicki Minaj, of course."
Lighting up, Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods excitedly. Then he proceeds to pull Kris down into the pool with him.
Kris yells and chases Kyungsoo around the pool afterwards as Kyungsoo belts out frantic "Then the panties coming off, unh"s while they sprint laps across the party and running into people that cringe at the water that they bring with them.
"You've finally run out of Super Bass lyrics, though," Kris points out as he finally corners Kyungsoo next to the drinks.
Kyungsoo grins and opens his mouth. Kris rolls his eyes.
"Although everybody says you're low class trout, you'll always be high grade salmon in my heart."
("I thought you said you didn't like pools."
"Sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Stop repeating me, Jongdae."
"I told you, it's Chen now."
"Just because Xiumin calls you that doesn't mean I have to."
"But you like pools now."
"Didn't we just go over this?"
"Does this have anything to do with Kyungsoo?"
"...sometimes. Maybe. Stop asking me stupid questions.")
written as a prompt for a four-way challenge for an hour BE PROUD OF ME also first crackfic here are the details of the prompt this is verbatim
[12:53:58 AM] cracK LOL
[12:54:13 AM] kyungsoo tries to be seductive
[12:54:33 AM] he bats his eyes a lot and licks his lips and makes awful hints like
[12:54:47 AM] bet you'd taste better than my super bass
[12:54:50 AM] he cooks
[12:54:51 AM] fish
[12:54:53 AM] pls
Summary: kyungsoo attempts to use "super bass" as a source of pickup lines.
A/N: i'm sorry i don't know LAN TAKE RESPONSIBILITY also i never ended up writing about the fish
pools, sometimes
"What," Kris says, in slow horror, "is this."
Jongdae laughs. "You like it?"
"No. What in actual--"
"Ssshhhh, Kris, accept it," Jongdae says, pressing a finger to Kris's lips. Kris spits at Jongdae.
"You mean embrace the weirdness."
"Well...yes. I mean, that's the point of this, isn't it? To get you out of your little shell?"
Kris hesitates before giving a short nod. "But when I agreed to your plan, I didn't mean..."
"Welcome to the pool party!" somebody shouts next to where Kris is standing. Kris looks down on this short new arrival, who shakes hands with Kris without Prior Consent. "I'm Xiumin, and you are...?"
"Chen!" Jongdae yells. "Call me Chen!"
Kris sighs as Jongdae trips over the corner of the chair sitting by the side of the pool. He makes his way over to the drinks, where a horrible screeching noise is coming from the speakers. He yelps and stumbles over a blonde kid laying on the ground. "And what are you doing," Kris asks, because he is indeed too cool for vocal inflections and speaks only in sentences that end in periods.
"Luhan," the blonde grins, which of course does not answer anything, and holds out his hand toward Kris, but makes no attempt to sit up. After a few moments, Luhan's hand waves around, then flops to the ground to rejoin the rest of his body, much in the way that salmon swim upstream to join the rest of their colony. Kris supposes that Luhan's salmon-colored shorts are not helping the visual metaphors, and after a few moments he realizes that Luhan has been talking.
"My friend Lay's over there," he says, pointing to the DJ. Kris raises an eyebrow. This is where the noises have been coming from, and Kris realizes that this person named Lay has been putting on failed violin records, explaining both the screeching noises and the jerky sounds of classical music.
"I--" Kris starts to say, fully intending on finding Jongdae and dragging both of them out of the hellhole that supposedly constituted a party. But someone bumps into him on his way out of the conversation with Luhan and kicks Luhan in the arm.
The new person exclaims, "Luhan, what are you doing on the floor? You don't know where that's been, or worse, which fungus-infected feet have been on that slab of ugly cement and--ew--" He shudders at his own premonitions.
"Oh, I'm Kyungsoo," new person says, looking at Kris and smiling. "I, um, nice to meet you."
He sticks out his hand.
Kris raises his other eyebrow.
Luhan casually picks his nose.
"Why," Kris says finally, "is everybody here obsessed with shaking hands."
Kyungsoo slowly retracts his hand. "Uh, excuse me--"
Kris interrupts him. "This is not what I'm here for, to deal with--"
"You're a hell of a guy," Kyungsoo continues blindly. Luhan looks at him, looks at Kris, looks back at Kyungsoo, grinning widely, and lifts his hands from his side and waving them in the air as if encouraging a lost balloon to "fly free, my sweet!"
Gaping, Kris holds up his hands to try and stop Kyungsoo and Luhan, who is now dancing around the pool while Lay conducts his invisible and inaudible trumpets.
"I bet you'd taste better than my super bass," Kyungsoo says, licking his lips nervously.
"No," says Kris, but of course he means it as a question.
"Did you just--"
"You people," Kris decides out loud, "are insane."
"Is that a question too?" Luhan asks curiously.
"No," Kris snaps. "This one's a statement. It's a fact."
"DID YOU JUST FART?" Kyungsoo blurts out loudly. This time, all the surrounding people turn to stare at Kyungsoo, who looks back at Kris. Kyungsoo bats his eyes hopefully. "Because you just blew me away."
"J-Jongdae," Kris calls out, slowly backing away from Kyungsoo, who is now desperately trying lines like "I mack them dudes up" while Kris continues to step backwards.
Jongdae, however, is currently engrossed in a very meaningful conversation with Xiumin, who is nodding his blasted little orange head of hair and smiling. "Curses," Kris mutters, and promptly drops into the pool.
By the time they fish him out, Jongdae as well as all of the other partygoers have realized that Kris cannot, in fact, swim. He clutches at the edge of the pool like a dying cat, complete with panicked animal noises. Jongdae chokes on his laughter. "Oh my god, Kris," he howls, "it's six feet deep."
"What," Kris yelps.
"I'm pretty sure you're almost at least that tall."
Kris considers this fact and stops flailing in the water. His feet sink a few inches, then touch bottom.
"Climb out, Kris, oh god, I can't--" Jongdae bursts into another round of laughter. Kris climbs out, scowling, then pushes Jongdae into the water. He turns around to see Luhan looking at him. "Mature," Luhan snorts, and Kris almost pushes him in too, except Luhan grabs Kyungsoo to use as a human shield.
Kyungsoo manages a "I can tell you're in touch with your feminine side!" before he lands next to Jongdae in the water and they splash each other futilely. Xiumin takes off his shirt as Luhan calls out "Xiumin, no one wants to see that" and jumps into the pool, shrieking at the cold.
"Are you okay," Kris asks Kyungsoo, who shivers and clutches his arms close to himself. "I didn't mean to push you in, I just didn't know that Luhan was going to grab you and I just, uh, here." He holds out his hand to Kyungsoo. "I can pull you up, water isn't exactly my strong--"
Kyungsoo grabs Kris's extended hand and smiles at Kris. Kris pulls, but Kyungsoo resists and stares at Kris, batting his eyes absentmindedly. "You got my heartbeat running away," Kyungsoo says, and Kris finally understands all the references.
"I--" he shakes his head. "Nicki Minaj, of course."
Lighting up, Kyungsoo bites his lip and nods excitedly. Then he proceeds to pull Kris down into the pool with him.
Kris yells and chases Kyungsoo around the pool afterwards as Kyungsoo belts out frantic "Then the panties coming off, unh"s while they sprint laps across the party and running into people that cringe at the water that they bring with them.
"You've finally run out of Super Bass lyrics, though," Kris points out as he finally corners Kyungsoo next to the drinks.
Kyungsoo grins and opens his mouth. Kris rolls his eyes.
"Although everybody says you're low class trout, you'll always be high grade salmon in my heart."
("I thought you said you didn't like pools."
"Sometimes."
"Sometimes?"
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Stop repeating me, Jongdae."
"I told you, it's Chen now."
"Just because Xiumin calls you that doesn't mean I have to."
"But you like pools now."
"Didn't we just go over this?"
"Does this have anything to do with Kyungsoo?"
"...sometimes. Maybe. Stop asking me stupid questions.")
written as a prompt for a four-way challenge for an hour BE PROUD OF ME also first crackfic here are the details of the prompt this is verbatim
[12:53:58 AM] cracK LOL
[12:54:13 AM] kyungsoo tries to be seductive
[12:54:33 AM] he bats his eyes a lot and licks his lips and makes awful hints like
[12:54:47 AM] bet you'd taste better than my super bass
[12:54:50 AM] he cooks
[12:54:51 AM] fish
[12:54:53 AM] pls