sigh
well needed update..
winter break is almost over.. i guess that's a good and bad thing.. on one hand, my job is opening back up so i can finally get an income again.. yayy.. but on the other hand, school is starting. i usually look forward to starting school... but this semester i didn't really get the classes i wanted.. so i'm more afraid that i won't get into the math class i want.
since i've been back in sac, i've been missing my brother more.. it's cool hanging out with georgi though.. i miss just hanging out with her.
felipe and i have also been hanging out more.. it's nice to have someone to spend time with.. but i just wish that he felt the same. sometimes i get the feeling that he likes having me around.. but when he says things like "you're so needy" it makes me feel ashamed for wanting to spend time with him.. he sees bryan and sara's relationship as creepy, but honestly i'm more envious than weirded out.. i want someone who likes spending time with me.. not just for sex.. but for company.. i want someone who listens to me and understands me.. not because he has to, but because he wants to.. i want someone i can be truthful with.. without having to fear that it will the breaking point.. i want to be able to be myself without continuously being crusified for my choices.. and i definately want someone who sees a future with me.. if not marriage, at least the possibility of love in our futute.. i haven't been in this kind of mood in a while.. i've tried to be optimistic about everything, but sometimes i just can't avoid ranting like a mad woman.. i guess it's a good thing that i haven't had anything to rant on about in a while.. or is it a bad thing that things seem to be going backwards instead of forward.. i don't know.. but either way, i'm tired for now and just want to put a stop to this somewhat disappointing night..
winter break is almost over.. i guess that's a good and bad thing.. on one hand, my job is opening back up so i can finally get an income again.. yayy.. but on the other hand, school is starting. i usually look forward to starting school... but this semester i didn't really get the classes i wanted.. so i'm more afraid that i won't get into the math class i want.
since i've been back in sac, i've been missing my brother more.. it's cool hanging out with georgi though.. i miss just hanging out with her.
felipe and i have also been hanging out more.. it's nice to have someone to spend time with.. but i just wish that he felt the same. sometimes i get the feeling that he likes having me around.. but when he says things like "you're so needy" it makes me feel ashamed for wanting to spend time with him.. he sees bryan and sara's relationship as creepy, but honestly i'm more envious than weirded out.. i want someone who likes spending time with me.. not just for sex.. but for company.. i want someone who listens to me and understands me.. not because he has to, but because he wants to.. i want someone i can be truthful with.. without having to fear that it will the breaking point.. i want to be able to be myself without continuously being crusified for my choices.. and i definately want someone who sees a future with me.. if not marriage, at least the possibility of love in our futute.. i haven't been in this kind of mood in a while.. i've tried to be optimistic about everything, but sometimes i just can't avoid ranting like a mad woman.. i guess it's a good thing that i haven't had anything to rant on about in a while.. or is it a bad thing that things seem to be going backwards instead of forward.. i don't know.. but either way, i'm tired for now and just want to put a stop to this somewhat disappointing night..