Who the f**k are you? Interview with Cappuccino Girl
Who the Fuck Are You?
Interview No. 5: cappuccinogirl
Found online at: This Urban Cowgirl or at cappuccinogirl
Has written: West Wing, Prime Suspect, Boomtown, French Lieutenant's Woman, Desperate Housewives, Jack and Bobby, CSI
Currently Writing: In livejournal.
Cappuccino Girl talks about: Girlslash and walking away from your WIP.
Just cut to interview:
Tell us about the first time you posted fic. What were you thinking/ feeling before and after you posted?
I guess I first started writing original fiction when I was around 14 or 15. It was truly appalling but a start. It was a brief burst and then stopped. But then when I started university, I found myself in a really bad place in my life. I was really into The West Wing and had read a few fics by some of the writers who would go on to be really prolific, but were just getting started. It struck a chord with me, and almost unconsciously I started writing. In writing fanfic, I found a means of escape, and perhaps a way of processing my emotions. I honestly don’t know why I posted it at all. It was dreadful, but it seemed like the thing to do, to post it. I don’t recall wanting feedback at all, although knowing me, I probably did in a way. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, I’m sure. In all honesty, looking back at the fic on my website, I don’t even think it’s there. Look at me, editing my ‘history’.
What do you mean, “you don’t even think it’s there?”
I must have deleted it off the face of the internet.
You’re a woman-focused fan and fanfiction writer. How do you feel about the male dominance of fanfiction?
You know, I rarely consider it. I guess I’ve always preferred reading the stories told by female-focused authors. I’ve read maybe two boyslash stories, and while they were beautifully written, they did very little for me. I’m very bad at writing men, and in the same way, I don’t find stories about men particularly interesting either. In all honesty, the percentage of male dominated fanfiction out there amazes me. If you look at published female authors, their stories are typically filled with a very rich and complex heroine, yet fan fiction, despite it being almost entirely women writers, is filled with stories about men. I’m sure a sociologist would have something wise to say about that, but for me, it remains a mystery.
I’ve noticed you’re often devoted to the actor rather than the character, which is not unusual, it’s just that I often find myself disappointed when the actor is not like the character - and by that I mean not as intelligent or nice or sensitive - naturally I don’t expect the actor to be anything like the character, but sometimes the actor gets in the way of the character and it ruins the illusion. Do you find the actor gets in the way of writing a character, or does knowing a lot about the actor enhance the writing, perhaps adding more subtle aspects that are not fully realized onscreen?
I’m incredibly anti RPF. It scares the heck out of me. I know that the common line is that we write about characters we lust after, but I can honestly say that the only one for whom this is the case is Amy Gardner of The West Wing. But while watching her on the show, I never once think ‘Mary Louise Parker’. Yes, I can see her brilliance as an actress, but for me that’s ‘Amy’. The actor and character are always entirely different, even in the case of Jack & Bobby where there’s obviously an awful lot of Christine Lahti in the character of Grace.
I’ve never consciously pulled the other performances of an actor together in my mind when plotting or writing a fic. I do think that I observe the character’s behaviour and mannerisms relatively closely before putting pen to paper, though.
I’ve noticed you write some very melancholy stories about relationships. Your characters often get together out of a shared despair or frustration and there’s not exactly a happy ending. Why do you think that is? Is that the way you see the characters, or is that the types of stories you like to read?
I think it started because the vast chunk of early writing that I churned out was when I was in a very bad place in my life. Then, over time, it took on a different meaning.
I don’t like stories with happy endings and fluffy bunnies. As pessimistic as it may sound, I don’t think life is like that. I really like characters and stories where people try to make it work, often against the odds, be those personality or personal circumstances. Most of the time it won’t work in the long term, but at the end of the day, they’re both richer beings because of what they’ve been through together. For me, that’s more beautiful than a bunch of red roses and a honeymoon fuck.
You said earlier that writing is a way of “processing your emotions” - do you think it works, or makes a difference? How?
I think it’s a plaster. It makes you feel better, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to actually do something yourself to change or improve things. You can’t live in the dream world of your own stories. They are merely an escapism, one which admittedly does offer an outlet for one’s emotions, but not a constructive one in terms of life as a whole.
I don’t find myself writing like this in a negative way anymore (writing as a way to process negative emotions), but I certainly find myself wanting to write when I’m in a state of experiencing everything very intensely in my own life, be it the overwhelming beauty of a spring day, or the ironies of life.
Because it’s rare to get two women together in a buddy-buddy situation on a tv-show, femslashers often find themselves pairing two characters who don’t really get a lot of screen time together, if at all. Is it a relief when something like Desperate Housewives comes along and it’s all about the women? Or is bringing two (somewhat distant) characters together (like CJ and Andi or your Wing Swing pairing Mallory/Cathy) more fun to write because you can be more creative with their history?
Oh it is such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you. I remember watching the first few episodes of Desperate Housewives and thinking ‘where have you been all this time?’ But then again, Bree/Lynette started out as a somewhat far-fetched pairing and then somehow became almost mainstream. Most bizarre.
I find writing really distant characters incredibly hard, because there’s very little screen time with them both, so you can’t truly see how they play off each other. It’s almost like writing original fic, but with your hands tied. The CJ/ Andi friendship fic came incredibly easily to me, but I recall the Mallory/Cathy being a nightmare. That might be why I dislike that fic so much. Onscreen ships are much easier to write.
I know I moan a lot about having to write for fandoms set in environments to which I’m alien (ie. The US); I found a certain ease in writing Seachange (set in Australia) fic and I wrote about three vignettes in a day. Did you find this writing for Prime Suspect? Does it come a lot easier or does the lack of fandom energy create an extra hurdle?
Well, I went to an American school for many years, so I think that the American voice of the majority of fanfic doesn’t particularly bother me. Writing the Prime Suspect fic was easy, because I had a greater knowledge of London than I did, say, Las Vegas or California, but I was also really conscious that I couldn’t let Tennison go down the ‘jolly hockey sticks’ route in her dialogue, something that’s really easy to do when you’re conscious of writing British English as opposed to American.
About five years ago, lack of fandom energy would have scared me, but these days I actually adore that sort of thing. It allows you much greater room for creative freedom. The characters play in your head and make their way to the computer screen, and the next morning you can read what you wrote and it’s all new because you can’t remember what happened at the time you were writing. It was just there. Your mind is uncluttered by the stories others have written. Then your betas kick it into shape.
I noticed you committed the sin of writing unfinished WIPs. Do you look at those and groan or are you happy to leave them where they are?
Oh for shame! Both of those WIPs both embarrass me and serve as a reminder; we can’t go and break down walls that don’t want to be broken down. You can’t write a series of fics with undeclared pairings in a fandom that is so vehemently anti multi-shipping. The one camp feels violated because they’ve read a fic about a pairing that they find morally ambiguous and borderlining disgusting, and the other camp doesn’t understand why you haven’t remained pure to just the one ship. I left the fandom, and mainstream fandom as a whole, shortly after publishing those. We learn. We learn.
Was it the fandom reactions that stopped you from writing? What was the reaction, and how did it inform your decision to discontinue?
Yes. It stopped me from writing for that fandom, but not fanfiction as a whole. That was basically what stopped me from writing for ‘mainstream’ fandoms. I’d had enough. I wanted to write for something where I didn’t find rabid shippers stifling going on the rampage because my view of the show didn’t match their cookie cutter ships. And since then I’ve not written much, but I’ve written for non-fandoms, for which there are maybe a handful of fics total on the internet. It’s been by far the most delightful writing experience I’ve had.
But I’m still glad that I wrote them. I think that’s when my writing started to grow up a little. That situation pushed me out of a comfort zone, and made me more conscious of writing ‘in character’.
You’re not writing now (or you’re not posting), why is that? And are you still writing, but perhaps not in a fanfiction way?
I haven’t published fic for a long time now. I’ve been dabbling with original fic, and some non-fiction pieces.
What do you write about when you write original and/ or non-fiction? Did writing fanfiction influence or affect your non-fanfiction writing?
In the fiction department, I mostly write random short stories that don’t really have a lot to say. I suppose I’m trying to create original characters, something which is relatively new to me. It’s a learning process, and I imagine it will be a while before I find myself at that stage where I’m able to do both that and plot.
Various people have told me that I need to write a book about my year here in Bonn because they find the e-mails I send them so very entertaining, and somehow I’ve started doing that. I’m also working on an equestrian article at the moment, but it’s something that I add to when the mood takes me. It’s still in the rough sketching-out phase.
Fanfiction has had a huge influence on my ‘original’ writing. I’ve learned so much from so many people. I took some creative writing classes at university, and while it was interesting to get feedback from non-fanfiction writers, at the end of the day, I’d already learned most of what that course had to offer from the people who’d cleaned up my fan fic stories over the years.
Basically, all the shows I love ended or lost quality so I stopped watching. No fandom was inspiring me to write. Well, three were in a way (The Sopranos, The Comeback, and Big Love), but I found the quality of those shows too incredible to be in any way qualified to write them. Perhaps one day I’ll be brave enough to write Big Love fic, but first I need to do a little more background reading on Mormon life in Salt Lake City.
However, a few weekends ago, I put pen to paper and started writing my first proper fic in ages. I’ve got a ship again that really inspires me (Jodi/Bette on The L Word). It’s cannon girlslash, which is truly amazing, and it’s incredibly complex as it’s basically a love triangle. I adore it, and after the finale, I felt that there was a story I wanted to tell about these two. I’ve written three pages. It desperately needs more of a plot. I’ll see where it takes me, but I think I’m starting to write fanfic again, and not just one story. For me, that’s quite incredible, because it’s the second time where I’m happy and writing stories. I’m not consciously processing my own emotions through the characters, and therefore the whole process seems less cluttered, more pure.
Given that you’re not writing anymore, what would it take to get you writing again? Is it a character you’re looking for? A fandom? Something more personal?
See above. But yes, it’s all about characters. The last fic I wrote was Jack & Bobby, and to be honest, I didn’t want to write it, nor did I feel comfortable doing so. I’ve always consciously avoided characters that I directly identified with, and here was a character with whom I identified to such an extent that it almost frightened me. But various people asked me to write fic for that show, and somehow it just happened. I wrote the entire thing in a few hours. It’s all me, me and Grace. I think that story rid me of any urges I might have once had to write fanfic about characters that are like me, or come easily to me.
What I love about writing is having other people who are so different from myself living in my mind. That’s why I want so much to write Barb back story for Big Love. There are so many unanswered questions about why she finds herself in a plural marriage. It’s unreal. I would love to try to answer some of those questions for myself.
Recommend something of yours and tell us why you think we should read this one before the others.
The Trouble with the Truth. It’s Boomtown, a show that died much too early. For me, David and Andrea are the most perfect ship of all time, deliciously complex, quite wrong, but then again meant for each other. Not many people read this fic (probably because not many people were watching the show), but it’s one of the only things I’ve written to date that I’m genuinely pleased with. I think with this one I actually told a story, as opposed to just writing random bits of dialogue onto paper. Boomtown ended after one season with no explanation of what happened to David or Andrea. In my mind, I like to imagine that this is where they were and where they are now. And if you’ve never watched Boomtown, then you really should.
Get to know cappuccinogirl better! Check out:
Pale Pink (Desperate Housewives, Bree/ Lynette), because it's so *tense* and, dammit, there is something really sexy about nailpolish. And I have to recommend Castles on the Beach (CSI) because Catherine/ Sara is one of my favourite girlslash pairings and the idea of Cathering and Sara on the beach building sandcastles is gorgeous.
Thanks for coming, people. The kitchen is closed tonight because I'm going out for dinner, but Maurice, the bartender, will make you a drink if you ask nicely (try a Manhattan). If the mood takes you, feel free to comment or ask the author a question. I'll make sure she answers them.
Interview No. 5: cappuccinogirl
Found online at: This Urban Cowgirl or at cappuccinogirl
Has written: West Wing, Prime Suspect, Boomtown, French Lieutenant's Woman, Desperate Housewives, Jack and Bobby, CSI
Currently Writing: In livejournal.
Cappuccino Girl talks about: Girlslash and walking away from your WIP.
Just cut to interview:
Tell us about the first time you posted fic. What were you thinking/ feeling before and after you posted?
I guess I first started writing original fiction when I was around 14 or 15. It was truly appalling but a start. It was a brief burst and then stopped. But then when I started university, I found myself in a really bad place in my life. I was really into The West Wing and had read a few fics by some of the writers who would go on to be really prolific, but were just getting started. It struck a chord with me, and almost unconsciously I started writing. In writing fanfic, I found a means of escape, and perhaps a way of processing my emotions. I honestly don’t know why I posted it at all. It was dreadful, but it seemed like the thing to do, to post it. I don’t recall wanting feedback at all, although knowing me, I probably did in a way. I wanted to feel like I belonged somewhere, I’m sure. In all honesty, looking back at the fic on my website, I don’t even think it’s there. Look at me, editing my ‘history’.
What do you mean, “you don’t even think it’s there?”
I must have deleted it off the face of the internet.
You’re a woman-focused fan and fanfiction writer. How do you feel about the male dominance of fanfiction?
You know, I rarely consider it. I guess I’ve always preferred reading the stories told by female-focused authors. I’ve read maybe two boyslash stories, and while they were beautifully written, they did very little for me. I’m very bad at writing men, and in the same way, I don’t find stories about men particularly interesting either. In all honesty, the percentage of male dominated fanfiction out there amazes me. If you look at published female authors, their stories are typically filled with a very rich and complex heroine, yet fan fiction, despite it being almost entirely women writers, is filled with stories about men. I’m sure a sociologist would have something wise to say about that, but for me, it remains a mystery.
I’ve noticed you’re often devoted to the actor rather than the character, which is not unusual, it’s just that I often find myself disappointed when the actor is not like the character - and by that I mean not as intelligent or nice or sensitive - naturally I don’t expect the actor to be anything like the character, but sometimes the actor gets in the way of the character and it ruins the illusion. Do you find the actor gets in the way of writing a character, or does knowing a lot about the actor enhance the writing, perhaps adding more subtle aspects that are not fully realized onscreen?
I’m incredibly anti RPF. It scares the heck out of me. I know that the common line is that we write about characters we lust after, but I can honestly say that the only one for whom this is the case is Amy Gardner of The West Wing. But while watching her on the show, I never once think ‘Mary Louise Parker’. Yes, I can see her brilliance as an actress, but for me that’s ‘Amy’. The actor and character are always entirely different, even in the case of Jack & Bobby where there’s obviously an awful lot of Christine Lahti in the character of Grace.
I’ve never consciously pulled the other performances of an actor together in my mind when plotting or writing a fic. I do think that I observe the character’s behaviour and mannerisms relatively closely before putting pen to paper, though.
I’ve noticed you write some very melancholy stories about relationships. Your characters often get together out of a shared despair or frustration and there’s not exactly a happy ending. Why do you think that is? Is that the way you see the characters, or is that the types of stories you like to read?
I think it started because the vast chunk of early writing that I churned out was when I was in a very bad place in my life. Then, over time, it took on a different meaning.
I don’t like stories with happy endings and fluffy bunnies. As pessimistic as it may sound, I don’t think life is like that. I really like characters and stories where people try to make it work, often against the odds, be those personality or personal circumstances. Most of the time it won’t work in the long term, but at the end of the day, they’re both richer beings because of what they’ve been through together. For me, that’s more beautiful than a bunch of red roses and a honeymoon fuck.
You said earlier that writing is a way of “processing your emotions” - do you think it works, or makes a difference? How?
I think it’s a plaster. It makes you feel better, but at the end of the day, you’ve got to actually do something yourself to change or improve things. You can’t live in the dream world of your own stories. They are merely an escapism, one which admittedly does offer an outlet for one’s emotions, but not a constructive one in terms of life as a whole.
I don’t find myself writing like this in a negative way anymore (writing as a way to process negative emotions), but I certainly find myself wanting to write when I’m in a state of experiencing everything very intensely in my own life, be it the overwhelming beauty of a spring day, or the ironies of life.
Because it’s rare to get two women together in a buddy-buddy situation on a tv-show, femslashers often find themselves pairing two characters who don’t really get a lot of screen time together, if at all. Is it a relief when something like Desperate Housewives comes along and it’s all about the women? Or is bringing two (somewhat distant) characters together (like CJ and Andi or your Wing Swing pairing Mallory/Cathy) more fun to write because you can be more creative with their history?
Oh it is such a relief, I can’t even begin to tell you. I remember watching the first few episodes of Desperate Housewives and thinking ‘where have you been all this time?’ But then again, Bree/Lynette started out as a somewhat far-fetched pairing and then somehow became almost mainstream. Most bizarre.
I find writing really distant characters incredibly hard, because there’s very little screen time with them both, so you can’t truly see how they play off each other. It’s almost like writing original fic, but with your hands tied. The CJ/ Andi friendship fic came incredibly easily to me, but I recall the Mallory/Cathy being a nightmare. That might be why I dislike that fic so much. Onscreen ships are much easier to write.
I know I moan a lot about having to write for fandoms set in environments to which I’m alien (ie. The US); I found a certain ease in writing Seachange (set in Australia) fic and I wrote about three vignettes in a day. Did you find this writing for Prime Suspect? Does it come a lot easier or does the lack of fandom energy create an extra hurdle?
Well, I went to an American school for many years, so I think that the American voice of the majority of fanfic doesn’t particularly bother me. Writing the Prime Suspect fic was easy, because I had a greater knowledge of London than I did, say, Las Vegas or California, but I was also really conscious that I couldn’t let Tennison go down the ‘jolly hockey sticks’ route in her dialogue, something that’s really easy to do when you’re conscious of writing British English as opposed to American.
About five years ago, lack of fandom energy would have scared me, but these days I actually adore that sort of thing. It allows you much greater room for creative freedom. The characters play in your head and make their way to the computer screen, and the next morning you can read what you wrote and it’s all new because you can’t remember what happened at the time you were writing. It was just there. Your mind is uncluttered by the stories others have written. Then your betas kick it into shape.
I noticed you committed the sin of writing unfinished WIPs. Do you look at those and groan or are you happy to leave them where they are?
Oh for shame! Both of those WIPs both embarrass me and serve as a reminder; we can’t go and break down walls that don’t want to be broken down. You can’t write a series of fics with undeclared pairings in a fandom that is so vehemently anti multi-shipping. The one camp feels violated because they’ve read a fic about a pairing that they find morally ambiguous and borderlining disgusting, and the other camp doesn’t understand why you haven’t remained pure to just the one ship. I left the fandom, and mainstream fandom as a whole, shortly after publishing those. We learn. We learn.
Was it the fandom reactions that stopped you from writing? What was the reaction, and how did it inform your decision to discontinue?
Yes. It stopped me from writing for that fandom, but not fanfiction as a whole. That was basically what stopped me from writing for ‘mainstream’ fandoms. I’d had enough. I wanted to write for something where I didn’t find rabid shippers stifling going on the rampage because my view of the show didn’t match their cookie cutter ships. And since then I’ve not written much, but I’ve written for non-fandoms, for which there are maybe a handful of fics total on the internet. It’s been by far the most delightful writing experience I’ve had.
But I’m still glad that I wrote them. I think that’s when my writing started to grow up a little. That situation pushed me out of a comfort zone, and made me more conscious of writing ‘in character’.
You’re not writing now (or you’re not posting), why is that? And are you still writing, but perhaps not in a fanfiction way?
I haven’t published fic for a long time now. I’ve been dabbling with original fic, and some non-fiction pieces.
What do you write about when you write original and/ or non-fiction? Did writing fanfiction influence or affect your non-fanfiction writing?
In the fiction department, I mostly write random short stories that don’t really have a lot to say. I suppose I’m trying to create original characters, something which is relatively new to me. It’s a learning process, and I imagine it will be a while before I find myself at that stage where I’m able to do both that and plot.
Various people have told me that I need to write a book about my year here in Bonn because they find the e-mails I send them so very entertaining, and somehow I’ve started doing that. I’m also working on an equestrian article at the moment, but it’s something that I add to when the mood takes me. It’s still in the rough sketching-out phase.
Fanfiction has had a huge influence on my ‘original’ writing. I’ve learned so much from so many people. I took some creative writing classes at university, and while it was interesting to get feedback from non-fanfiction writers, at the end of the day, I’d already learned most of what that course had to offer from the people who’d cleaned up my fan fic stories over the years.
Basically, all the shows I love ended or lost quality so I stopped watching. No fandom was inspiring me to write. Well, three were in a way (The Sopranos, The Comeback, and Big Love), but I found the quality of those shows too incredible to be in any way qualified to write them. Perhaps one day I’ll be brave enough to write Big Love fic, but first I need to do a little more background reading on Mormon life in Salt Lake City.
However, a few weekends ago, I put pen to paper and started writing my first proper fic in ages. I’ve got a ship again that really inspires me (Jodi/Bette on The L Word). It’s cannon girlslash, which is truly amazing, and it’s incredibly complex as it’s basically a love triangle. I adore it, and after the finale, I felt that there was a story I wanted to tell about these two. I’ve written three pages. It desperately needs more of a plot. I’ll see where it takes me, but I think I’m starting to write fanfic again, and not just one story. For me, that’s quite incredible, because it’s the second time where I’m happy and writing stories. I’m not consciously processing my own emotions through the characters, and therefore the whole process seems less cluttered, more pure.
Given that you’re not writing anymore, what would it take to get you writing again? Is it a character you’re looking for? A fandom? Something more personal?
See above. But yes, it’s all about characters. The last fic I wrote was Jack & Bobby, and to be honest, I didn’t want to write it, nor did I feel comfortable doing so. I’ve always consciously avoided characters that I directly identified with, and here was a character with whom I identified to such an extent that it almost frightened me. But various people asked me to write fic for that show, and somehow it just happened. I wrote the entire thing in a few hours. It’s all me, me and Grace. I think that story rid me of any urges I might have once had to write fanfic about characters that are like me, or come easily to me.
What I love about writing is having other people who are so different from myself living in my mind. That’s why I want so much to write Barb back story for Big Love. There are so many unanswered questions about why she finds herself in a plural marriage. It’s unreal. I would love to try to answer some of those questions for myself.
Recommend something of yours and tell us why you think we should read this one before the others.
The Trouble with the Truth. It’s Boomtown, a show that died much too early. For me, David and Andrea are the most perfect ship of all time, deliciously complex, quite wrong, but then again meant for each other. Not many people read this fic (probably because not many people were watching the show), but it’s one of the only things I’ve written to date that I’m genuinely pleased with. I think with this one I actually told a story, as opposed to just writing random bits of dialogue onto paper. Boomtown ended after one season with no explanation of what happened to David or Andrea. In my mind, I like to imagine that this is where they were and where they are now. And if you’ve never watched Boomtown, then you really should.
Get to know cappuccinogirl better! Check out:
Pale Pink (Desperate Housewives, Bree/ Lynette), because it's so *tense* and, dammit, there is something really sexy about nailpolish. And I have to recommend Castles on the Beach (CSI) because Catherine/ Sara is one of my favourite girlslash pairings and the idea of Cathering and Sara on the beach building sandcastles is gorgeous.
Thanks for coming, people. The kitchen is closed tonight because I'm going out for dinner, but Maurice, the bartender, will make you a drink if you ask nicely (try a Manhattan). If the mood takes you, feel free to comment or ask the author a question. I'll make sure she answers them.