1 Samuel 15:25

[trickster_mk2]

[Gabriel had stayed in the palace, if only because his... well, his not-quite-himself-self had liked the opulence and grandeur of it, had liked the beasts that roamed the halls and growled at him when he hissed at them. He'd liked being king of the place, the rush through his veins

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[risegloriana]

[Elizabeth had woken up... not just out of sorts, but with an awful feeling in her heart that everything was wrong. All of it. In Sanctuary, alone. A grief that she didn't understand choking her. As deep as the bruises on her neck. The empty call of birds she wasn't familiar with in the morning air -- and below all that, a bitter sting she knew well.

But another thought in her mind -- a worse one. Worse than her humiliation or her fear, because it wasn't something she'd even prepared to deal with. So even if she didn't want to talk, not to him, not to anyone, she steeled herself. With a slow breath and softly spoken prayer to a God she'd been assured wouldn't listen, she tried to summon whatever pieces of dignity she felt she had left at the moment. It hurt in all the ways Dudley had hurt, so too this hurt. But she'd found words then, all gentle words of a regret never to be forgiven. She didn't want this to be the same, it couldn't be. It had been yet another trick, another fight and battle of this place. There's still so much of her though, that wants to reach for him. She'd gotten used to it, to pulling him close and pressing herself against him to hide away from what she couldn't deal with. Maybe it was that, in the end, was what made her reply at all. When had she ever come to need him close so much?

All the same, her pride was more than stung. Those deep insecurities she was too scared to breath the words of flaring up like fire and too much smoke. When she speaks, it's with a tiredness, drawn out and weary.]

... Gabriel. I would speak with you... I know it was not your fault, and I know... that it was not you as I know you. [but once bitten, twice shy. Still, it was such a relief to hear his voice and hear that it wasn't true.] I can be home soon. I just need to collect my things.

[trickster_mk2]

[As much as he's hoped for a reply he hasn't expected to get one. He was very much used to vengeful women who would let him stew in his own mistakes and brothers that would ignore his very existence or brush him off as unimportant. The fact she answered at all made something in him sing. It was the first step to forgiveness after all.]

Thank you, Lizzie. I'll see you in a moment.

[And then he has to cut the reply, because the tremble in his voice is probably far too obvious and he has a lot of work to do.

The palace is fast returned to as it was, reducing the walls back from their bright Indian colours to wooden wainscotting, tapestries unfurling and fires lighting in grates. It would be home, warm and welcoming, a home she was familiar with.

But he couldn't get rid of the tigers that lounged on the wooden floors and the flagstones of the courtyard, unfazed by the changes and very clearly waiting for her return.]

[risegloriana]

[It doesn't take her very long, to bundle up the few things she has here, that Helen had given her to take care of herself, most of them she left. Easier to find someone to take her back. It was a little uncomfortable how much they all looked at her with pity. She had never wanted that. Getting out of there was for the best really.

But it is a relief to see her home as she was used to it. Home, her childhood, where she had been genuinely happy for a while. Where she had been happy with him. But still, she was slow, getting used to it again.] Gabriel? [she's sure he would hear her, after all, even when the place was so huge. But she kept walking back into the courtyard, smiling a little when she saw the tigers waiting for her.]

[trickster_mk2]

[Gabriel held back, half-hidden in the doorway. The truth was, he'd been there for some time, ever-since he'd had a rose-bush trained around a door and the buds form into perfect twists of red and white and pink. Whatever he could do to make the palace seem like a welcoming place, a safe place, he had done. And then he'd waited, at the door, peering out and waiting for her arrival. She didn't have to call for him, he had seen her step into the courtyard, just as he had felt her presence as soon as she was back in the Venetian district. He'd stayed hidden, if only to try and judge her mood before he showed himself. The Tigers had seemed to soften her, anyway. Or maybe it was all an act.

Either way, he couldn't pretend he wasn't there. He could just disappear away now to lick his wounds, and it was a tempting idea. Very, very tempting. But from some small crevice in his soul he managed to find bravery enough to step out from the shadow, and to meet her]

I thought with Advent on the way, you might want it looking a little more familiar. I mean, so you know, the decorating styles don't clash, holy and mistletoe and the rest.

[He ducks his head, this horribly difficult. His hands stuff into his pockets and he kicks at the gravel and flagstones] So... I guess this would be my cue to pack up my stuff?

[risegloriana]

[It did more than soften her, she sunk down beside them, taking the moment before he appeared to press her face into its fur and hug it tightly. Taking steadying breaths before she heard him speak, and even then, she doesn't really move to him, sat beside the animal, like it was a barrier between them. Her arms still resting over it. It was beautiful, but he did always try to do that for it. Really. It wasn't the massive things, and she knew that not many saw him like she did, but some days. It was just the little things -- of ever blooming roses, and the way he looked at her.

But her glance was still just as tired, her neck still hurt. The bruises Dean left still bright technicolour.] No, I guess not. All too... European a tradition. But then our winters are so dark.

[Then there's that question, and her eyes lower again, her hands still.] I do not... want you to go. Though I am a little uneasy in other's company for the moment. [she needs time to settle, to sort everything all out. THere is much to sort out after all.]

[trickster_mk2]

[He held back, watching her. The Tigers were an extension of him, given life from his Grace and although that link was fading and they were becoming creatures in their own right, he could still feel the heat of her arms in that hug, the deep, slow, calming breaths. She seemed to need that space, that room to breath and feel safe and he couldn't, wouldn't, take that from her.]

That's what winter's meant to be, there anyway. Dad designed it that way. [And Gabriel liked it. As much as he loved the heat and sun of India he loved the dark and the cold of a European winter, the snow and the nakedness of trees and the shadow. It appealed to him, the part of him that was still pagan.]

You... don't? [Well, that's a surprise, but a pleasant one, and he grins despite himself, before stepping a little closer] I... I'm sorry. For what I did. Again. Seems like I'm always apologising to you.

[risegloriana]

[It took her another moment before she settled again, stroked along the tiger's head, scratching behind it's ears. It gave her something to do, to hide her nervousness. Her hands always have her away, her inability to keep still when she was nervous. Never could stay, always had to be doing. Only she didn't know what to do here. Didn't know what to think let alone say to him. So the pointless small talk... helped.]

I suppose so. They wouldn't need the brightness of Christmas to cheer them in the long dark. [She still wasn't looking at him.

But all the same she shook her head.] One day, I wonder when this place will be too much. One day I wonder if we will all suffer for it, that you'll no longer be the man I know. That I'll be some twisted form of myself... that you'll not need me as much as I need you... [she took a slower breath again, glancing up at him briefly.] So don't, apologize that is. It's not needed. I just need some time -- it was awful for me the last week. I hated every single breath I took. I got hurt and hoped it would just be enough to kill me. Then I woke up and I wondered if I could ever be so pathetic. That was neither of our faults. So desist with your apologies, because if it really was nothing, there is nothing to be sorry for. It's done. I have neither the energy nor the want to stand and scream and cry.

[trickster_mk2]

[Pointless small-talk was a Gabriel speciality. He was a Messenger, after all, and loved the sound of his own voice. He could talk and talk and talk all day about nothing, if you gave him half the chance. And right now, to try and dispel the heavy silence, he was happy to continue]

Even before Christianity came to Europe, there were festivals in the cold my Lady. To keep the monsters and the dark at bay, and everything that went with it. If you think England's bad, you should try the far north, where the winter lasts half the year. In London, it might just seem that way.

[But then he stops, and her words pain him, hurt him in his heart and he moves towards her. He can't deal with the space between them any more, getting to his knees by her and earning an unimpressed look from the Tiger as it nuzzles back into her hand]

Alright. No more apologies, I promise. But... Lizzie, honestly, honest to Dad, I will never, ever not need you here. [And there was a movement, only slight, stopped before it became too much. He wanted to touch her, put his hand against her cheek] I owe you, for what happened. And so do a lot of others. But you aren't that woman, and you wouldn't ever be. You're the back-bone of England, after all. Nothing could break you now.

[risegloriana]

I remember the stories, my nurses used to tell me. For just that, to make me appreciate having their skirts to cling to by the fire. [there's just a brief flicker of a smile -- always his stories, always the places he's been, had travelled through and what he'd seen. Loves to hear all of them.] The Norsemen who travel during those times to find warmer shores are not so surprising then.

[Her gaze is weary as he comes closer, but since he doesn't press her for any thing, she settles again. Mulling over his words, and the fact she had never been plain with him about herself. It was a difficult thing, to be honest about how she felt. It always ended in suffering where she had done it before. In death and pain and blood.] I need you too. More than I want to admit. Sometimes waking up to you makes me smile so much, I feel like an idiot but I simply cannot stop. Other days... I ache for you, till my bones hurt and I fear my chest will break open with the force of it. Like I am sick and desperate for some cure that only comes in the form of seeing you again. Like I had thought I could no longer care for anyone, like I had long stopped dreaming anyone would care for me. So you're wrong again, you could break me if you wished it so, and I swear you do it every time you kiss me. I know I am not forth coming as to that fact -- but it's true. God help me, because I cannot help myself; I would give you everything if you asked it of me. [it's a subconscious action, but her hand ran across her stomach briefly. Everything, what did everything mean here? She didn't know, but it felt true all the same.]

[trickster_mk2]

It's not just warmer weather they're looking for. They're also running away from the gods that hide in the trees. [He grins at her then, wide and bright but he manages to keep the glint of mischievousness away] And lovely rich monasteries that are worth robbing too, of course. Well, before. [No mention of her father, nope.]

[He's still smiling slightly, as she goes on, after first not sure if he should take all her words seriously, but then it becomes more and more obvious that she means every word and Gabriel can't brush it off or laugh at it, at the sappiness of the words or their out-pouring because, well, because everything she says strikes a cord]

Oh Lizzie, you're far stronger than any of that. [He reaches out then, giving in and gently rests his forehead against hers] You're too classy to need me. But I'm not about to go, and I'm not about to break you, 'kay? I think you and me are in this for the long haul, so you better get used to me being here.

And all this about giving me everything? You already have, and there's nothing I would ask you for, you know that.

[risegloriana]

You make my nurses look awful right sometimes. [she's still not quite up to laughing, but the smile stays put.] Those too. Funny that, you'd of through France would be better for that. But they all wanted England.

Sometimes I like to think I am. [As soon as he touched her, it was a relief and she moved closer again, half wanting to be in his lap. To curl against him. Hardly worked so easily but she nodded at his words all the same.

Closing her eyes to just breath and enjoy hearing that again.] I don't want you too, to leave or go. I couldn't stand this place without... [she bit her lip. Because she wanted to hear him say it over and over again, because it calmed so much to hear him say so. As much as she might know it in her mind, it was a relief to have it said out loud] I know. I don't care if no one else thinks or knows, but I know you never would... do those things to me as yourself.

[But it didn't make the words easier to come, what was weighing in the back of her mind.] ... Gabriel... would you... [she took a breath to steady herself.] ... would you still follow all your father's orders here?

[trickster_mk2]

Old wives tales are normally far more right than you think. And France, please! They were there too, although really there just wasn't any real settlement apart from in the north. England was just what they were looking for.

[He lets her shift, even if she's not crawling all over him, which would probably end up with them a tangled mess on the cobble stones, it's good to have her close again. He missed her, the part of him that was still very much himself, even while he was trying to tear the city up on the search for a brother that wasn't there. But whatever she says, he knows that she could pick up and go on. That's the sort of lady she is- get the job done because the personal stuff isn't important, you just do what you have to. Afterwards, that might be different but, well, who knows here? They get the job done, they go home, she forgets all about him. That'd probably be better for her. Whether they can make him forget though, that's a different matter all together.]

I wouldn't want to be here without you, okay? You make this place and every mutton-head in it bearable. [his fingers brush down her back, stroking gently, and the next words might be a little... well, they're hardly modest, but that's the sort of creature he is.] I know I'm the centre of your world. That's okay, I can shoulder the responsibility willingly. It's more than worth it.

[He stills then, at the unexpected question and frowns at her] Queenie, Dad hasn't given me any orders for... well, for a long, long time. I'm here on my own recognizance, Lizzie. There aren't any orders for me to follow any more.

[risegloriana]

I know my families history well. It was those men in the North that William of Normandy came from, after all. Either way, we're constantly getting invaded. [Though she's glad she will be putting a stop to that.]

[She'll find some place later, to tangle herself up with him. Probably bed again, and just not leave. Just find that place where she could count his heart beat and wait for it all to be right again. It wasn't just the last week, it was all of it. Too much time to think, again.]

[All the same, she snorts in amusement at him.] Good, don't you dare forget it, or I will never forgive you. I'm counting on your memory, though it's such a fickle thing. [Complete lies, she knew his memory was without end in it's details. But all the same she tilted her head up to kiss his forehead, her hand moving to find his, to slide her fingers between his.]

This is to do with an order he did give you... [her fingers squeezed harder for a second, not just the words, but the courage to even say it out loud. She took measure of the seconds as they passed, swallowing down as she fiddled again. Watching her thumb brush against the side of his hand, the roughness of hands, so much larger than her hands. Gotten so happily used to the feel of them on her body. Even in just the little way he tilted her head up before he kissed her.] ... I do not know for certain, at least not yet... [she bit the inside of her lip hard for a moment. Such an idiot, she really was. Utter fool.] ... But I think I may be carrying your child, my lord.

[trickster_mk2]

[Gabriel 's lips twist upwards, and as much as he'd love to say something about England being an invaders Paradise. But she doesn't need to know that.]

Well I can't help it if I start forgetting unimportant things like your name or what day it is or if we've already had lunch. You'll have to cope with all my inadequacies forever more now. [See, ego. It's terrible, but you're stuck with him Lizzie. But never mind, he's leaning in to press kisses to your jaw now.

... And the pulling away, a goofy amused face on his face because honestly, he thinks she's joking. Really. But then it becomes clear she isn't and his face freezes. It's not a smile but it's not a grimace either, but something between the two. Then he laughs, because there isn't really much he can do, and presses in close to her, almost close enough to knock her over.]

Lizzie you.... you're honestly serious? Come on! We've only.... a few times! I mean really!

[Then he falls quiet, glancing down at her, at their hands together and then at her stomach, still hidden under all those layers] I... This is a good thing, right?

[risegloriana]

[it really is, all that unprotected coast line. She's not unaware how easy it is.]

You'll not be forgetting those either if you want to share my bed. I'll kick you out and you can sleep with the tigers. [grumbling at him, but hardly meant, not when he was kissing her. Soothed her instantly really, all her fears too.

Or at least until he pulled away for a moment, and her expression doesn't change. It's the same levelled look, with so much plain fear behind it.]

... A few times? We were hardly being careful. Once is enough. Believe me, I hadn't thought it possible any more. [she shifted to rebalance, glad he hadn't shoved her away.]

It's easier now you're not... the other you. I spent hours agonizing what your other version would say. [of if he'd kill her straight out for being unfit to bear his children.] But as for good... Gabriel, children. I never counted on ever having them. This is... [her hand went to her stomach, palm pressed flat. It was terrifying.] We're not even married, I have no proper household, it's such an utter mess. [... and she didn't even mean to, but she found herself on the verge of tears all over again.] It wasn't supposed to happen like this. Not here.

[trickster_mk2]

[There's a soft chortle, and when his lips pull away from her cheek, they leave with the gentlest of nips to her ear, and continues in a slow, low murmur.] I'll let you into a secret, Lizzie. Sometimes, after sex, I do forget if we've already had lunch or not. Or what colour the first sparrow was. Or the number of stars. Just for a moment. But that's just the effect you have.

[He knows he's being treated to one of those Queenie looks she must use at court- a very controlled expression that doesn't waver, that doesn't show any of the expression or thoughts going on behind her eyes. If he wanted to press a little harder, he's pretty sure he can read minds again but he doesn't think that'd earn him any bonus points right now]

Okay, okay. We haven't been careful but! But you're you and I'm me! Come on! That's just... that's Dad messing with stuff. [Because otherwise? Really? If he'd been thinking about it he would have made sure if didn't happen but, well, it wasn't exactly on his mind. He was normally too distracted by kisses and by heat and by her being against him to really think about any possible consequences. Besides, most of his past lovers hadn't exactly been powerless when it came to controlling their own biology anyway. Even so though, to think that he'd just... forgotten all about that, well, it was sort of... selfish.]

I think it's a good idea you didn't tell him, Queenie. I don't think he would have been much impressed. [And Gabe really doesn't want to spend much time thinking about how hard it would be to pull Lizzie back together if she was smote into a billion bits. It makes his chest hurt.] Wait. Whoa. Slow down. What does being married have to... sorry. [He takes a deep breath. Her values and his don't always match up, he knows that. He's a pretty lax angel and he won't deny it but even so...]

If it's servants you're worried about, we'll get more. Easy. Who cares if we're married? You're the Queen of England and I'm an arch-angel. Where are you going to find a priest sanctioned to deal with that? [He laughs again, shaking his head and moving all the closer, pulling her in to him and stroking his hand over her own] If you don't want it, just say, okay? I'm not holding you to anything.