Christina Victoria
I don't know how to talk about everything that has been going on with us. I'm so bad at talking and I hate it. I love you. I hate this friend thing. I don't want us to be over. I want to not hurt. I never should have said I think we should be done. Ever. Some of me wants to just get over to move the fuck on. Because we just keep stringing this out like there won't be an end. We just keep hurting eachother back and forth. And that's what I'm tired of, not you. I should've told you that to begin with. How do you tell the girl you love more than yourself that you try so hard to talk to other girls and just be fucking over her already? you can't. there's not a way. How can I just tell you I'm tired of being hurt? That i want to be in a serious relationship or just be done? because all that is happening is I say I'm done with you and talk to other people, and then miss the fuck out of you. Or I talk to you and you make me fall in love with you all over again. My heart hurts. I just want to fix everything. I know. It's really fucked up for me to turn to Nich about how I'm depressed and don't wanna be here. About how you hurt me so much. I shouldn't have kissed her good-bye. Cheek kiss or not. It's still fucked up. I shouldn't have done it. Really. You mean more to me then you'd ever know and even if I want to be with someone and be over you- it wouldn't be right toward you for it to be her. Popular to contrary belief I'm not "with" her. As much as she's there for me, I'm not over you and don't wanna jump into another relationship. Carrie and I talked about you. about why I'm not with you and I think about being with other people. I think that talk must've seemed different from my end- because I never said I'm dating Nich, Only that I'm not with you.
I've loved you since the first time we hung out Chris. And that won't stop. Ever. We can be done, you can tell me there's never a chance for an "us" again, but I won't stop loving you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Ever. I won't stop fighting for you. I won't. This is probably more than what you're going to get out of me in words because you know I just can't talk. But I just want you to know that I love you. You're the only one I love. I'm going to prove to you that I'm worth staying with. That I'm worth trying again with. I just can't let you go. I know I need to not be a fuck up and get my shit together personally. I know this school is mind-fucking me. But really, I would do fucking anything for you. ANYTHING. And whatever it takes, I will.
I've loved you since the first time we hung out Chris. And that won't stop. Ever. We can be done, you can tell me there's never a chance for an "us" again, but I won't stop loving you. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. Ever. I won't stop fighting for you. I won't. This is probably more than what you're going to get out of me in words because you know I just can't talk. But I just want you to know that I love you. You're the only one I love. I'm going to prove to you that I'm worth staying with. That I'm worth trying again with. I just can't let you go. I know I need to not be a fuck up and get my shit together personally. I know this school is mind-fucking me. But really, I would do fucking anything for you. ANYTHING. And whatever it takes, I will.