oh exam week.
i should be reading right now. but i needed to get some things off my chest first. i cant believe im like done w/ my first year in college. it flew by. like really. i remember the day i moved in. it doesnt seem like it was that long ago. its been a crazy year. w/ respect to everything in my life kinda. living on ur own really helps you find out who you are. that was something nice to figure out. or kind of figure out. im not completely there yet. but getting close. i have a totally new perspective on school. try as hard as you can, thats all u can do. getting all A's just wasnt gonna happen this year. and i learned to accept that early on. and that has been a great help. yes everyone is capable of doing great, but its kind of a give and take. ive learned to be a lot less stressed about things. and just kinda take things as they come. it makes life so much easier. and the thing is, i still feel smart. almost smarter in a way. i know more of my strenghts and weaknesses now. in high school i was good at everything i guess you could say, because nothing was too difficult. and maybe because i was being compared to a lot of people who didnt give a shit. but here, im not a great writer. i dont analyze literature w/ poise. oh well. i can accept that. but ive learned to think differently and realize im more capable of doing some things than i thought. so thats good. i also think this semester went more smoothly than last semester. idk. i think i did a lot of adjusting the first couple months i was here. but this semester went by fast b/c i kinda knew what to expect. i think when i was first here i was looking for something else. idk. like the whole "college experience" that everyone talks about. but that whole experience is different for different people. and for me it wasnt about making 309208 new friends and partying. it was becoming comfortable taking care of myself and doing things that i enjoy doing. like dance troupe. thank god for dance troupe. its no fyb. it has its flaws. and it was kinda hectic/annoying/hard to get used to. but im really glad i kept dancing this year. it will always be something to pull me through. and ive learned that it doesnt take great ballet training and technique to be and Amazing dancer. some of the girls here blew me away. and i was pleasently impressed. and then there's chris. thats been another good part of this year. its weird that its already been a month that we've been dating and im still getting used to the idea. idk i suppose almost 19 years w/o a boyfriend makes having one a bit strange. but its nice. nice to want to see someone. nice to want to talk to someone. and nice knowing they want the same thing. and even though we'll be kinda far away from each other this summer im sure things will work out. so yeah. all in all its been quite the year. its been fun, but im totally ready for summer. i neeeeed to find a job like yesterday cuz im running low low low on money. and im sure there are gonna be some issues moving back home and having to listen to my parents' rules instead of my own. but im in definate need of a break. not to mention i miss my family. b/c im usually so busy i dont really stop to think about how much i havent seen them lately. which is weird. and itll be nice to be surrounded by them again. and me and jen need a break for each other. i love her dearly and we have lots of fun living together. but. we need time away from each other too. so the summer will be good for that. so yeah. that was really long. but i just felt that i should somehow sum up the year in all its glory. oh yeah. and hopefully i will be getting my license sometime soon. so cross your fingers for that. now back to reality. lots to do...