(no subject)
" I don't want to be left with all this, I plan to be there right by your side".
-Stay in my memory by Bim.
Anyways, The weekend was good.
Friday was even more crying but since it's sunk in a little more. I'm feeling really excited for us. The 6 weeks he is at basic training is going to be hard but it will be good. I will have more time to myself. Which I have not had in a long time, by choice really. I think it's a good time to try concentrating on me. We talked a while about me going to Job Corp now to fill up some time when he's gone but I don't think i want to do that anymore.
I still have the picture of Thomas sobbing in my head. It really was so horrible. As glad as I am that it's over, I'm kind of glad it happened too. I was questioning us a lot lately. He had been very distant but I guess he had a lot on his mind. I've had so many what-ifs put into my head and all these horrible scenerios in my head. I haven't had my period in months, since September (which really is NOT that weird for me, I've gone a year without it once. My Gyno told me a few months ago when I went in for new b.c. that I was not pregnant and just to come back when it does...) and I'm worried the moment he leaves i'm going to be pregant. Which I don't REALLY think will happen when I stop to rationally think about it because my doctor says they don't even know if I can have children (which at my age is not really a very acurate thing to say), but it's just scary. It feels like the moment he leaves my world may just crumble. I know it won't though, I need a little more faith in myself.
When I got back to my mom's tonight the house was empty which was weird and my mom called me and told Stacey (her gf) is in the hospital for being "sick". I knew right away something was weird and I asked what kind of sick and she told me she tried to hang herself. I really don't like the woman, I don't but that was so horrible to hear that someone living under my own roof was feeling so horrible and lonely. I mean I know I was not home and I could really do nothing and we don't talk anyways but it was really horrible to hear. I felt really weird coming into the house and I wish Thomas would have stayed because I got really creeped out. It's a good thing I didn't know where she tried or else I probably would have thrown up.
I am trying to stay up so I can wait for Jesse to get online. I don't know what time it is in Germany but I really want to ask him a few things about basic training and how often I can get ahold of Thomas. I know his schedule will be jam packed, I guess I'm just hoping I can text him. I also want to know where his base is going to be. I am PRAYING for some place in the U.S. but we will see.
I mid as well stay up all night and sleep all day tomorrow! I have nothing goin on at all.
Thomas has a full scheduled ahead of him so I will probably not see him untill he comes home from his test and physical in Niagara Falls on Friday :(
Phoo-ey.
-Stay in my memory by Bim.
Anyways, The weekend was good.
Friday was even more crying but since it's sunk in a little more. I'm feeling really excited for us. The 6 weeks he is at basic training is going to be hard but it will be good. I will have more time to myself. Which I have not had in a long time, by choice really. I think it's a good time to try concentrating on me. We talked a while about me going to Job Corp now to fill up some time when he's gone but I don't think i want to do that anymore.
I still have the picture of Thomas sobbing in my head. It really was so horrible. As glad as I am that it's over, I'm kind of glad it happened too. I was questioning us a lot lately. He had been very distant but I guess he had a lot on his mind. I've had so many what-ifs put into my head and all these horrible scenerios in my head. I haven't had my period in months, since September (which really is NOT that weird for me, I've gone a year without it once. My Gyno told me a few months ago when I went in for new b.c. that I was not pregnant and just to come back when it does...) and I'm worried the moment he leaves i'm going to be pregant. Which I don't REALLY think will happen when I stop to rationally think about it because my doctor says they don't even know if I can have children (which at my age is not really a very acurate thing to say), but it's just scary. It feels like the moment he leaves my world may just crumble. I know it won't though, I need a little more faith in myself.
When I got back to my mom's tonight the house was empty which was weird and my mom called me and told Stacey (her gf) is in the hospital for being "sick". I knew right away something was weird and I asked what kind of sick and she told me she tried to hang herself. I really don't like the woman, I don't but that was so horrible to hear that someone living under my own roof was feeling so horrible and lonely. I mean I know I was not home and I could really do nothing and we don't talk anyways but it was really horrible to hear. I felt really weird coming into the house and I wish Thomas would have stayed because I got really creeped out. It's a good thing I didn't know where she tried or else I probably would have thrown up.
I am trying to stay up so I can wait for Jesse to get online. I don't know what time it is in Germany but I really want to ask him a few things about basic training and how often I can get ahold of Thomas. I know his schedule will be jam packed, I guess I'm just hoping I can text him. I also want to know where his base is going to be. I am PRAYING for some place in the U.S. but we will see.
I mid as well stay up all night and sleep all day tomorrow! I have nothing goin on at all.
Thomas has a full scheduled ahead of him so I will probably not see him untill he comes home from his test and physical in Niagara Falls on Friday :(
Phoo-ey.