i guess its been awhile
Life is strange, but when you're actually living it, the bumps are more tolerable. I had a miscarriage. Not scary. Not really sad. Not in denial. The worst part was yesterday.....having everyone in my mom's family coming up to me with congratulations and having to break the news.... I felt more sorry for them, and their awkwardness than for myself. Mourning, for me has always been something I cannot share with people. Its private. In reality, I'm a little relieved. Its not that another child wouldn't fit in my life (or my car), its more like I have so much going for me, that its really not a setback. I cry sometimes. Mostly when Lukas holds me. Probably because I feel safe enough to be vulnerable, maybe because its his loss too and I know we're going through it together. Mostly I am just so happy that he loves me and that we understand each other. No words required between us.
I'm getting impatient. I want it all now! (I've now shifted to the career + home subject) I guess that's a good thing. I've seriously outgrown my apartment. I have to force myself to even care about making it feel like a home. Its messy and so disorganized. I can't even breathe in there. This is the longest we've ever lived in one place, it's beyond rearranging... and its too late to paint. I'm just holding on until November.
I started the first pattern making class last wednesday. I enjoy drawing and problem solving and using my giant old stapler! I am afraid of the computer classes (pure ignorance) but one step at a time, right?
The one thing that is really getting to me, is that I miss my kids! We're always on the run, and Jett's in school full time now, so I rarely get to have our one on one time. I guess summer will be here soon enough! That's right, only two months left of school, and here I am getting all weepy.
I'm getting impatient. I want it all now! (I've now shifted to the career + home subject) I guess that's a good thing. I've seriously outgrown my apartment. I have to force myself to even care about making it feel like a home. Its messy and so disorganized. I can't even breathe in there. This is the longest we've ever lived in one place, it's beyond rearranging... and its too late to paint. I'm just holding on until November.
I started the first pattern making class last wednesday. I enjoy drawing and problem solving and using my giant old stapler! I am afraid of the computer classes (pure ignorance) but one step at a time, right?
The one thing that is really getting to me, is that I miss my kids! We're always on the run, and Jett's in school full time now, so I rarely get to have our one on one time. I guess summer will be here soon enough! That's right, only two months left of school, and here I am getting all weepy.