reason #268
to get a boyfriend...
in college i took a self-defense for women class. it was taught by a woman who refused to even read the vagina monologues because 'women shouldn't talk abuot such things' *i'm almost positive i wrote an entry about that whole thing...enh... the class was mostly common sense stuff with a little bit of really important good stuff thrown in, like how to change a flat tire and check your car battery for corrosion. actually the car care thing was the best part * actually, i'm pretty sure i've written about this whole class thing/the girl scout badge incident that this reminds me of before...i don't remember... and since i have a lot, lot, lot of common sense and a healthy amount of paranoia, the class was pretty boring for me. until i realized how sheltered many of my classmates were. that was a horrifying realization. anyways...
the first rule of self-defense: don't put yourself in a situation where you have to defend yourself.
this is why i ask for people to walk me to my car late at night. and why i don't go out by myself past like 11pm (i mean to the grocery store, or whatever. if i'm going out and meeting people or have a specific late night safe task it's different). and why i prefer to carpool if i know that it's going to be late and people will probably all leave around the same time.
on friday, after we all went out after brawl, i got home at like 3:15, 3:30ish.
the way my apartment is, is there's a 'driveway' that the residents park in right in front of the building that meets up with the 'driveway' that the condo people park in, the condo that my building faces (scenic, indeed). at the non-street end of the driveway, there's a big open dumpster for the apartment. we get lots of dumpster divers, mostly during the day. i know this because i work close to home and usually run home and give the cat a treat (shut-up) on my lunch break. at least once a week there's someone in the dumpster.
it's always weird, dumpster peeps vs non-dumpster peeps. because, most of the time, you nkow that dumpster guy is homeless. and most of the time my instinct is to ask them if they need food. and of course, i don't. because i'm all alone and they may not be looking for food. i hope they're not looking for food. but it's awkward and people, being people, tend to mutually ignore each other in such situations.
so, 3+ in the morning, i get home. and parking is tight (both my landlord who lives on site and the people who most recently moved in have two people and two cars in their apartment, so spaces are increasingly rare). and the only spot left is the one right next to the dumpster (can you see where i'm going with this?). right next to the dumpster with the dude in it and his bike on the ground next to it.
nothing bad happened. the guy ignored me, i ignored-ish him. and i was very careful not to run over his bike or the other stuff lying next to the dumpster.
but, this was a little...disarming. and once again, it makes little feminist eve a bit miffed at herself that her first thought wasn't 'i'll be fine, i could take that guy', it was 'oh shit, do i wish i had a boyfriend'.
incidentally, i also think this everytime i ask someone to walk me to my car.
it's not that i don't know how to take care of myself. in fact, i very much believe that if it got right down to it, i could defend myself against anyone and fare pretty damn well. i just don't want to have to or to feel like i should be ready to. i hate that. and what i hate more than that is having the completely nonsense feeling that somehow i'd be safe if i had some dude around (statistically speaking, though, there is a safety in numbers thing...unless you're attacked by a gang or mob or zombies..then you're jsut fucked). i hate the feeling that things are less safe simply because i'm a girl. i hate mistrusting the world like that.
so, yeah. sometimes things are weird.
fucking vaginas...