open letters
Dear Adam Sandler,
hi. it's been awhile. i know that after little nicky i renounced you. and i'm not going back. we're still divorced, don't get your hopes up. we're done.
but i wanted to let you know that, um...they had this SNL in the '90's thing this weekend, and i watched it. and...well...you were so cute. and funny. remember when you were funny? god, that was great...
well, i jsut wanted to say i'm thinking of you. robert smigel called you borderline retarded in the best possible way. i echo his sentiment...be funny again...please....be funny...again...
love eve
Dear SNL in the 90's Prodcers,
i watched your show. i'm really digging these three retrospectives ya'll put out. i like background stories. of course the one about the original cast was the most interesting, but you only had to cover five years and 9, 10 players.
anyways, i wanted to thank you for focusing on the good stuff - 90 to 94. those were some really killer years. but, i thought youglossed over the really terrible stuff a little too much. i'm speaking particularly of 94 to 96. man...those were some rough years. which you acknowledged, but while you mentioned how fucking talented that cast was, you didn't really give them enough credit. i mean hyou had abuot 50 million funny peeps on there and writing for you guys and the show consistently tanked. go ahead and blame the show just not meshing. because that's what happened, it didn't mesh. which was sad.
i bet that's why you didn't focus too much on that era...it was depressing.
well, anyways...it was nice seeing mango again.
rock on, eve
Dear My Vacation,
man you started out so good! i mean, i was a little down about being landlocked on monday, but then got all drunk and happy monday night, and tuesday was just a solid good day, and then...then i had to have a 4 hour allergy attack, throw my back out, and run into the co-worker that annoys me on wednesday.
wtf vacation?
i'm still sorry you're gone...
missing you, eve
Dear My Back,
i don't know how you missed this...but we're only 25. Twenty...five. not 55. not even 35. you're too young to just decide to up and go out on me periodically. so i'm going to the chiropractor. i know....it's a little quacky...and i know we'll be going there for probably the next year.
but honestly, if you weren't such a stress sponge, we wouldn't have these problems, now would we?
please stop hurting me, eve
Dear Writer's Block,
you suck.
fuck off, eve
Dear Michael Jackson's Thriller,
i had forgotten how much i love you. i'm so glad you're back in my life. human nature...beat it...wanna get something started...billie jean...my heart soars. Soars.
i'm even more glad that it's not jsut me...you really do repeat the words 'you're a vegetable' over and over again in wanna get something started.
man, michael jackson really was the king of pop.
i still can't watch the thriller video or listen to the song by myself at night. but that's me...that's not you.
loving you, eve