Guess What Day It Is!
That's right! It's MY BIRTHDAY!! It's already starting off with a pile of FB messages, and I got two birthday cards on Saturday. My best friend Wendi is taking me out for lunch at Whiskey Cakes, since I've been DYING to go there since it opened. I may head up to Edmond to Cupcakes to Go Go to use my free cupcake card, and I plan to stop at B&N to use a gift card from a penpal to get a fountain pen. Still, with all that happiness and excitement, I have a sad.
Usually for my birthday, I take the day off of work, and I have a Day Out. Last year I had Ethiopian and pedicures with Wendi, then we painted pottery with 4 other friends and had dinner and drinks before heading to see Oz the Great and Powerful with their families. This year I'm working, mostly on a case that is so full of nastiness it makes my stomach churn, and I'm penniless (have been for 2 weeks now), and don't get paid until Friday, when all the money is spoken for anyway. So I can't even afford to have a belated birthday celebration. I thought about just doing a low-key dinner party, but I can't even swing ingredients to cook myself a nice meal (or even regular groceries for that matter...). I'm so damn tired of being so damn poor!
Last night I was doing the ground work for my taxes this year. In 2013, I made $15,800, and half of that was since my first paycheck with DHS on Sept. 23rd. I traveled over 6,000 miles for work in my car. I paid over $5,200 in student loan payments. I paid over $1300 in phone bills (it's fucking expensive to have a phone as a single person). I paid over $2000 in medical expenses. And people wonder why I have to borrow a little from my dad to get by most months. It's overwhelming, but it's validating to see the numbers, to see that I'm not exaggerating or being ridiculous.
On top of those numbers, in 2013 I also had to buy my books for my last semester of college (nearly $400), I moved three times (twice over an hour away involving MULTIPLE loaded down truck and SUV trips, so lots of gas money there), my car died right after I had put brand new $350 tires on it (still haven't been able to sell it), and I had to buy a new car ($3200). I feel quite justified for being overwhelmed by $$ this last year. There have been many days I've not eaten, simply because I had no food, and that one week I had only 1 cup of rice and a sweet potato each day is still playing havoc on my digestive system.
I'm posting this as a reminder to future me of how far we've come and how much we will overcome and get past. I'm not there yet. I still don't know what I'll be eating on Wednesday or Thursday. I am a food insecure adult (i.e. a person who doesn't necessarily know where their next meal is coming from). But I won't always be this way. And a day will come when I don't remember the last time I didn't have enough food to eat or sturdy shoes to wear, or appropriate clothing to put on my back, or fuel for my car. A day will come when I own my own home instead of wondering every day if I will have enough money for rent. I believe it.
Usually for my birthday, I take the day off of work, and I have a Day Out. Last year I had Ethiopian and pedicures with Wendi, then we painted pottery with 4 other friends and had dinner and drinks before heading to see Oz the Great and Powerful with their families. This year I'm working, mostly on a case that is so full of nastiness it makes my stomach churn, and I'm penniless (have been for 2 weeks now), and don't get paid until Friday, when all the money is spoken for anyway. So I can't even afford to have a belated birthday celebration. I thought about just doing a low-key dinner party, but I can't even swing ingredients to cook myself a nice meal (or even regular groceries for that matter...). I'm so damn tired of being so damn poor!
Last night I was doing the ground work for my taxes this year. In 2013, I made $15,800, and half of that was since my first paycheck with DHS on Sept. 23rd. I traveled over 6,000 miles for work in my car. I paid over $5,200 in student loan payments. I paid over $1300 in phone bills (it's fucking expensive to have a phone as a single person). I paid over $2000 in medical expenses. And people wonder why I have to borrow a little from my dad to get by most months. It's overwhelming, but it's validating to see the numbers, to see that I'm not exaggerating or being ridiculous.
On top of those numbers, in 2013 I also had to buy my books for my last semester of college (nearly $400), I moved three times (twice over an hour away involving MULTIPLE loaded down truck and SUV trips, so lots of gas money there), my car died right after I had put brand new $350 tires on it (still haven't been able to sell it), and I had to buy a new car ($3200). I feel quite justified for being overwhelmed by $$ this last year. There have been many days I've not eaten, simply because I had no food, and that one week I had only 1 cup of rice and a sweet potato each day is still playing havoc on my digestive system.
I'm posting this as a reminder to future me of how far we've come and how much we will overcome and get past. I'm not there yet. I still don't know what I'll be eating on Wednesday or Thursday. I am a food insecure adult (i.e. a person who doesn't necessarily know where their next meal is coming from). But I won't always be this way. And a day will come when I don't remember the last time I didn't have enough food to eat or sturdy shoes to wear, or appropriate clothing to put on my back, or fuel for my car. A day will come when I own my own home instead of wondering every day if I will have enough money for rent. I believe it.